Every child is different, and behind every child is a parent who also has their own personality, preferences, and comfort zones.
Parents have to remember to not allow their personal comforts impact their children’s lives and developments, however, stressed the “Am I the A**hole?” (AITA) subReddit.
Redditor dvthrjtjbrbtht wasn’t sure what to do next, as his wife continued to insist that she didn’t trust him to parent their child well and withheld their child’s information from him.
When she had no choice but to leave their child in his care, the Original Poster (OP) began to investigate.
He asked the sub:
“AITA for feeding my son curry rice?”
The OP’s wife was reluctant to leave their son in the OP’s care.
“My wife and I have been married for 5 years. We have a 3-year-old son.”
“Yesterday, my wife had to go to meet her mom immediately because her mom had fallen from the stairs and was admitted to the ER.”
“My wife called a babysitter but our usual babysitter was busy so she couldn’t come.”
“I told my wife I had a day off from work and I’d take a sick leave as well so I didn’t have a problem taking care of our son, but my wife said that I wouldn’t possibly be able to take care of my son all by myself.”
“She has a history of not trusting me with our son ever since he was born. She thinks I can’t possibly take care of a child on my own because I’m a man.”
“Her father didn’t know to take care of her and her siblings so she thinks even I’ll not be able to take care of our son properly.”
“That’s why she even became a SAHM after our son was born.”
The OP ended up deviating from his wife’s instructions.
“So she prepared some food for our son and told me to not feed him anything else apart from what she had prepared because she doesn’t trust me not to burn down the kitchen.”
“I’m actually a very good cook so I was pretty offended but agreed to do what she said because she was already stressed.”
“At around lunchtime, when I tried feeding my son the porridge, he spat it out and wasn’t eating it.”
“So I tasted the porridge myself and found that it had too much salt in it.”
“My wife hadn’t prepared anything else apart from porridge so I fed him the curry rice I had prepared for myself. I mashed the rice well and added just the curry without any beans to prevent choking.”
“He ate it without complaint. For dinner, I fed him rice with curd.”
His wife was furious.
“When my wife called me this morning, she asked me if everything was fine.”
“I told her that the porridge she prepared had too much salt in it so I fed our son curry rice and curd rice.”
“She blew up, saying that I must’ve lost my mind to have fed our son despite her repeatedly telling me not to cook for him.”
“I got mad at her and asked her what I was supposed to do if our son didn’t want to eat the porridge. I couldn’t have let him starve all day obviously, so I fed him what was there at home.”
“She said that I’m very irresponsible and that she should’ve just taken our son with her to meet her mom.”
The OP’s wife gave him the cold shoulder after the call.
“She cut the call abruptly in my face and had been ignoring me since then.”
“She texted me a while ago, saying that her friend would come to take our son and that her friend would be babysitting our son until she comes home.”
“I told her immediately that she’s delusional if she thinks I will let a stranger take my son.”
“She said I’m being a jerk to her when she’s already stressed about her mom.”
“AITA?”
The OP also shared in a comment his wife’s withholding of medical records.
“I am not aware of his medical history and my wife refused to let me accompany her on his doctor visits.”
“I once tried to talk to the pediatrician behind her back and she just switched doctors after that. She didn’t tell me who the new doctor was either.”
“She locked up all my son’s medical reports in her locker.”
Fellow Redditors weighed in:
- NTA: Not the A**hole
- YTA: You’re the A**hole
- ESH: Everybody Sucks Here
- NAH: No A**holes Here
Some were incredibly concerned by the wife’s behavior.
“You don’t need your wife’s permission to attend your son’s appointments and you need to stop enabling her, frankly bizarre, behavior.”
“She is controlling, abusive, and cruel. She clearly can’t feed your son properly if she’s still giving him baby foods and she shouldn’t be adding salt at all!”
“This is a hill to die on, buddy. Stand up for yourself and for your kid. NTA yet but you will be if you don’t address this nonsense.” – Fit-Bear
“Your wife is insane. I don’t know what she has (mental health diagnosis) but something is seriously wrong with her.”
“Your son is already way behind his peers. She is actively ruining your son’s future. She knows this; that’s why she tries to hide it.”
“It seems that your wife thinks he is still a newborn or something. You really need to step in and hard for the sake of your son.” – ReasonableFront2513
“My daughter is 3. She helps me cook. What your wife is feeding your son is not normal for his age. He should be eating well-rounded meals at this point (protein, veggie, and carb). Exactly what you eat, just cut up.”
“By 3 they’re little people, not infants. He should be learning how to be more independent, potty trained/training, getting dressed on his own, brushing his teeth, etc.”
“NTA, but you will be if you do not step up now for the sake of your son’s development.” – theVICTRAtheymade
Others agreed and said the porridge and likely diet were disadvantageous for the child.
“My 11-month-old ate beef stew last night, I just cut the beef and potatoes a bit smaller for him. He’s having butter chicken and rice this week.”
“He’s a really advanced eater with a bunch of teeth, so we’re slowly and carefully starting to add very thinly sliced raw items.”
“I mean, just porridge? No fruit, no cinnamon? I wouldn’t expect anyone to eat it.” – the_saradoodle
“I have a 3-year-old. He eats pretty much everything we do unless it’s spicy or very hard. Beans are not a choking hazard at age 3.”
“Also, eating only porridge isn’t healthy. He needs protein, fruits, and veggies too. I would never leave only that for my kid.” – TemperatureDizzy3257
“I worked in a speech therapy field and there is significant speech impairment in children that have only eaten mush and soft things.”
“We need to chew vigorously to develop neck, jaw, tongue, and facial muscles that are necessary for speech.” – Pickingmakesitworse
“OP, you need to speak to your child’s pediatrician. Something isn’t right here. Your wife is either concealing medical issues from you, or she is withholding proper nutrition and developmentally appropriate foods from your child.”
“Three-year-olds should be eating normal foods, not soft baby food. What is your son getting in terms of protein, for example?”
“Additionally, delaying the introduction of a variety of food textures other than just soft foods can lead to food issues for your child later on.”
“You need to step up here and take some action. It sounds like you’ve been snoozing on the job for the last three years. This is your child too and you are equally responsible for his health and well-being.” – meowderina
Some recommended preparing in case the worst happened.
“Talk to a nutritionist and a therapist. My niece is 18 months old, and she eats mostly solids. A 3-year-old should not have to subsist on porridge and mashed rice.”
“Also, look up ‘Maternal Gatekeeping’ if you find the time. Your wife is unfairly cutting you out of parenting your own child because her father failed her. That’s not okay. NTA.” – HoldFastO
“You need to document all of this thoroughly and plan for the worst.”
“By all means, demand she sees a professional. But she likely won’t; don’t threaten her, just be prepared to walk away with enough documented evidence to take sole custody.” – Sad_Ring_3373
“You need to either get your wife a therapist or get yourself a divorce and a VERY good custody lawyer.”
“It sounds like your wife has absolutely no trust in you when it comes to caring for your own child. A three-year-old at that!”
“My niece is three years old and she eats literally everything (when she isn’t being super picky).”
“Your wife has some serious issues and they are going to negatively affect your relationship with your child in the future, as well as potentially affecting your child’s health, as she is the only one making decisions in that regard (as she won’t let you go to any appointments).”
“Obviously, the decisions she is making are uninformed ones, as well, considering she’s feeding a three-year-old with a full set of teeth only mashed up food and porridge.” – FryingPan1001
After reading many concerned responses, the OP shared his progress so far.
“As some commenters suggested, I called home a locksmith. He managed to open it and I found the documents.”
“One of the documents was the birth certificate and it has my name on it. I also found the medical records. He has anemia and also has had an epileptic fit before.”
“I also found the pediatrician’s details along with the medical reports and prescriptions.”
“But the thing is…… The seizure has never actually happened. Because my son never had a hospital visit that was for so long. I would know if he was hospitalized because then he’d have had to stay at the hospital for at least 2 days.”
“Also, such a hospitalization would also cost quite a bit so if my wife used our joint account to pay for it, I’d have gotten to know. This means she probably has another account with enough money to cover our son’s expenses that I do not know of.”
The OP also contacted the new pediatrician.
“I just came back from the pediatrician. I had to show a number of proofs of ID along with the birth certificate because they didn’t believe I was the father since I’d never been to the pediatrician.”
“I had taken the unmarked pills with me and asked the doc what those were. He said those are seizure medications and that my son had been prescribed those meds by the previous pediatrician but the new pediatrician (the one I went to today) had asked my wife to discontinue the meds.”
“My wife has been giving my son the meds even after the doc had asked her to stop doing so. I’m thinking about what to do next right now. I hid the prescription because I don’t want my wife to be buying any more pills and I handed over the remaining pills to the doctor.”
“I also did clarify the mashed foods diet of my son with him as well and told him that I and my wife had been giving our son only mashed foods.”
“The doctor said our son’s teeth are quite healthy than he would have expected them to be from eating just soft foods. He said to start transitioning into hard foods gradually.”
“For now, he asked me to give my son something to chew on, even if it is just semi-hard, like cooked veggies cut up into small pieces so my soon can still chew but it won’t be too hard for him all of a sudden as well.”
As the OP continued to provide more details about his marriage and living situation, the subReddit became increasingly concerned about the toddler’s development and safety.
Not providing nutritious and developmentally-appropriate food could potentially cause enough problems and delays for a child, let alone how they might be impacted by being exposed to an unhealthy relationship on a daily basis.