Piercing is a tradition in many cultures around the world. In some cultures a child receives their first piercings as an infant.
Other people simply choose piercings because they like the aesthetic. But what happens when parents clash over getting a child’s ears pierced?
A 23-year-old mother had that conflict with her husband. So she turned to the “Am I The A**hole” (AITA) subReddit for perspective.
Redditor PixelRoommate246 asked:
“AITA For cussing out my husband after he got our daughters ears pierced?”
The Original Poster (OP) explained:
“So me and my husband (26) have been together for over 3 years and we have a 1-year-old daughter together. When our daughter was about 6 months old, my husband started saying that he really wanted to get her ears pierced.”
“I disagreed, I’m personally against babies getting their ears pierced for a variety of different reasons. It causes pain for no reason, you have to take care of it to avoid infection, the ears are still growing, etc…”
“My husband said he thought it would be cute because his sisters had their ears pierced as babies and he thought it would be the perfect accessory. I told him no, and I gave him my reasons for why I’m not going to agree to it.”
“He kept trying to convince me over the next few months, but eventually he stopped asking, so I figured he finally got the message.”
“About a week ago, I had to go stay with my Dad for a few days to help him with something. My husband works from home, so he stayed with our daughter until I got back.”
“Yesterday I came home, and when I went to go give my daughter a hug, I saw that she had 2 big studs in her ears. I flipped out, put her in her playpen, went downstairs, and demanded to know what the hell did he do.”
“He said he thought I would change my mind once I saw how pretty the earrings were. I cussed him out and told him that he had no right to go against me like that.”
“He got mad and said that she’s his daughter too, that I need to be more open minded and stop being such a prude. I took out the earrings and now neither of us are speaking to each other.”
Redditors weighed in by declaring:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
Redditors decided the OP was not the a**hole.
“NTA. Pierced ears are a one-parent automatic veto deal: if one of you doesn’t want to make alterations to your kid’s body, even relatively benign and/or reversible ones, then it shouldn’t be happening.”
“The fact he went behind your back is very not okay, and I think you two need to get to counseling to sort out why he thought it would be.”
“Also, who’s going to be scheduling the doctor’s appointments and trying to calm down a fussy toddler enough to give her treatments when they get infected? Not him, I bet.” ~ mm172
“NTA! If two parents don’t agree to make an unnecessary change to their child’s body, they should always default to NOT doing it.”
“I’m going to take a guess here that your husband’s motivation was not ‘because it’s cute’. I’d bet $100 that hubby thinks it’s not obvious enough that your daughter is a girl.”
“Does she have lots of hair yet? Sounds like he is trying to cement her appearance as a girly girl and make her ‘pretty’ because maybe he doesn’t understand what 1 year olds normally look like.”
“I mean absolutely no offense to you or your daughter- I bet she’s beautiful! But perhaps hubby thinks little girls are supposed to have long flowing locks and soft features by now even though your daughter looks exactly how 1 year olds are supposed to look.” ~ ifimhereimrealbored
“NTA…He put holes in your daughter’s ears because he thought it would be the perfect accessory?”
“You should pierce one of his body parts and see if he changes his mind when he sees how pretty it is.” ~ RoyallyOakie
“NTA. She is a literal infant.”
“This is not an accessory. This is HER body and should be HER choice.”
“She is too young to even voice an opinion on this. He did a painful and permanent modification of her body when she could not consent to it.” ~ i_am_nobody_who_ru
“NTA. My take on this is a bit different. I was raised by my grandma though she’s by no means old fashioned lol I didn’t get my ears done until I was around 10 years old when I asked her if I could because I noticed other girls had it done as infants or whatever….”
“She was all about it! I did ask why I didn’t have them done as a baby and her response was in my opinion very sweet!”
“She said she wanted it to be what I wanted if I chose to get them great! She had a plan ( which I loved!) of going out to lunch and shopping then the last stop to get them pierced before going home.”
“Had I decided I didn’t want them done at all for whatever reason like being a tomboy or growing up with a different gender identity she wanted to be sure to support that. I love the fact she put that much thought into my personal wellbeing over something as simple as pierced ears!”
“My choices mattered to her in a time (20 years ago) no one gave much thought to a babies future gender identity or personality! Plus that day was wonderful!”
“She made it so special and I’ll never forget that. I am also doing the same for my daughter (though she is very girly). My husband agrees that it is a wonderful idea and our daughter having a choice is important even if it seems small it can mean the world to her like it did for me.” ~ bwilson42
While Redditors reasons for objecting to the husband’s actions varied, they agreed OP was not the a**hole.