Most Dads want to make their son’s dreams come true for their birthday.
Redditor CompleteJelly7368 was aiming to do just that for his son’s 8th birthday party.
He set up a party at a trampoline park.
What a dream, right?
Wrong.
The Original Poster’s (OP’s) best friend can’t attend the party, so the OP’s wife wanted to completely cancel.
The OP disagreed, leading him to subReddit, “Am I the A**hole?” (AITA).
He asked:
“AITA for ‘excluding’ my son’s best friend from his birthday party?”
He went on to explain.
“My son [age 7] has a close friend [age 7] who is wheelchair-bound. We will call this boy, Parker.”
“My son is turning 8 this coming week and we scheduled a birthday party for him at the local trampoline park.”
“We spoke to Parker’s parents about this, and they do not feel comfortable letting him attend due to his disability.”
“My wife wants to cancel the whole party and figure something else out that everyone can attend, but the invites have already been sent, and it would be a hassle for everyone and potentially cause fewer kids to be able to attend.”
“She says Parker will feel excluded and no longer want to hang out with our son.”
“She spoke to our son, convinced him against the party, and he wants to cancel the party too, saying that ‘(he) doesn’t want to do it without Parker’”
“But she has only frightened him about losing his friend. He definitely still wants to go to the trampoline park.”
“So I have not canceled the party, and I plan on taking him regardless.”
“My wife is angry with me about it. So”
“Am I the a**hole for not canceling his party over one kid?”
Redditors weighed in by declaring:
-
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
Redditors decided:
“YTA”
“You knew about his friend’s disability and knew that he’d want his friend to participate, and you booked a trampoline park.”
”It’s not the refusing to cancel that’s the problem. It’s the booking it in the first place that’s the issue.” – hyzmarca
“YTA, why didnt you take his best friend into consideration when making plans? Of course, he wouldn’t be able to go.”
“You should have pointed that out to your son from the beginning and let him decide if he still wanted a party without his best friend before the invites went out”
“Take him to the trampoline park another day jc” – NationalBanjo
“YTA. Your job as a parent is to protect your child. His relationship with his friend is worth protecting.” – videogamefaith
“YTA”
“Your son said he didn’t want to do it without his friend. It’s his birthday party – listen to your son.”
“Otherwise, it sounds like you would like to go against your son’s wishes to have a noninclusive birthday party because the invites were already sent, and you can’t be bothered to update the venue.” – smokin-bear
“Sorry but I think YTA, you did know prior to scheduling that your son’s best friend was in a wheelchair, right?” “
You could take your son as a present to the trampolines and have his party somewhere more accommodating to his friend’s needs.”
“It’s always hurtful getting excluded, mostly from a dear friend or family. I personally would think they don’t care about me as much as I thought they do.” – takesato
“YTA. Peter is his best friend. Your wife is right. At this age, he will remember and pay attention mostly to his best friend being there or not.”
“Of course, he wants to go to the trampoline park, but it doesn’t have to be his birthday party.” – atealein
“YTA and just wow.”
“This is your son’s best friend, and you chose a trampoline park for your son’s birthday, which, by the way, your son doesn’t want to have without his best friend (and, presumably, best friend’s wheelchair) present.”
“How is it that you don’t understand how terrible this is?”
“On the bright side, your wife and son are good people. Listen to them. You might learn something.”
“Cancel the trampoline party. Schedule something that everyone can do.”
“Send out a group text or email that tells them the new venue and make sure they RSVP so you know they won’t show up at the trampoline park.”
“Never again schedule a group event for your son that doesn’t include his best friend due to best friend’s wheelchair.”
“Tell your son that you’re very, very sorry. You weren’t thinking, and you made a mistake, which you’ve fixed. Show him how mature people handle things when they blow it.”
“Stop making half-a**ed excuses to keep the party where it is. Admit to yourself that you’re not happy that your kid’s best friend is disabled.”
“Sit with that. Think about it. Work on it. Fix it.” – Nester1953
“YTA. It may be inconvenient to cancel, but going ahead with a party that excludes his close friend could hurt their friendship (Parker would never forget), and if your son is at all a kind and sensitive kid, he probably wouldn’t fully enjoy his party thinking about who isn’t there.”
“Think about what kind of lessons you want to model for this kid. If your son were the one in a wheelchair, you’d hope the other parents took his needs into consideration too.”
“Take him to the trampoline park, just the two of you, and replan a party that’s inclusive and accessible for all his friends.”
“Also ditch the phrase “wheelchair bound” from your vocabulary.” – courageshoulders1
“YTA. My son is small for his age.”
“When his friend wanted to have a go-kart party, the 9-year-old asked about the height requirements, figured out my son wouldn’t be able to drive a go-kart, and changed his plan.”
“The nine-year-old did that on his own. Thoughtful kid. What’s your excuse as a grown adult?”
“Go to the trampoline park with your kid literally any other day, and let your son do the most important thing on his birthday, which is celebrate with his closest family and friends.” – twomorecarrots
“You and your wife are ta in this situation. Since the kid is your son’s best friend, you both should have realized the disability.”
“When first pitching ideas about party venues, did it not cross either of your minds to think, maybe a wheelchair-bound child and trampoline park is not the best match?”
“You should have reached out to your son’s best friend’s parents then. It would have been easier to plan an alternative then.”
“Once the error was made, your wife should not have scared your son into thinking Parker would drop him as a friend.”
“It would have been better to accept you both lacked the foresight of the issue and make plans for a special birthday outing for your son and Parker.”
“Now that your wife has freaked out your son, damage control is necessary. Don’t ignore it and force your son to have the party without trying to change the venue or compromise on a special outing.”
“Esh” – nonchalantenigma
“YTA this is your son’s best friend, so you know he is wheelchair bound. Plan accordingly. Your son is going to want his best friend there” – Rainbowpride0119
“Wow if I read it correctly reading this, it sounds like your son chose the trampoline park, and after his mom threatened that he’d lose his friend is when he changed his mind.”
“That was not cool of your wife.” – jgl1313
“YTA”
“Your son is a better human being than you are.”
“My nephew uses a wheelchair. He was born with his disability.”
“You know what other parents did before they invited him to birthday parties? They called my brother and SIL and asked what activities Nephew could do, and arranged the party around those activities.”
“My brother and SIL were so grateful that Nephew’s friends wanted to include him and that their parents were willing to do the work to make that happen.”
“For a while, Nephew could go to the movies and go bowling with assistive equipment.”
“It was a big day when he figured out how to hold the laser tag gun and steer his chair at the same time and opened up another option for birthday parties.”
“Besides, he had really, really wanted to play laser tag for a long time, and his OT managed to make that happen.”
“Kids with disabilities are excluded from so much because of their disabilities. They sit on the sidelines at recess, in gym class, at parties.”
“They are constantly reminded in hundreds of little ways that they don’t fit in, that they don’t belong, that they are different. It is needlessly hurtful to exclude them from things they could be included in.”
“OP, you might still be able to include Parker this year if you try. And please use this as a learning experience for the future.”
“For all you know, this might have been the one birthday party Parker was invited to all year.” – krankykitty
Happy birthday to the OP’s son.
What a gift it is that he cares enough about his friend to want to change his party plans.