Content Warning: IUD Insertion and Discussions of Domestic Abuse
Though couples vow to take care of each other and love each other “in sickness and in health,” an alarming number of people do not follow through.
Quite frankly, it seems like they don’t really know what they were signing up for, cringed the “Am I the A**hole?” (AITAH) subReddit.
Redditor Single-Bus-4025 agreed to get an IUD implanted after her husband repeatedly asked her to consider it, and she prepared everything she would need for the recovery ahead of time.
When she came home after the surgery, only to discover that her husband had put away everything she’d prepared, the Original Poster (OP) was livid.
She asked the sub:
“AITAH for being mad at my husband for his behavior after I got an IUD inserted?”
The OP changed her birth control while getting married.
“Okay so, this happened last week, and honestly, I’m still kind of holding a grudge over it, and I need to know if I was and am being too dramatic.”
“My husband (31 Male) and I (25 Female) have been married for only about six months.”
“Prior to getting married, like when we were dating and such, I was on the pill. Due to stress during the wedding planning and some other health things, I stopped taking it, and we were strictly using condoms.”
“My husband complained about this, and honestly, I could understand why. We chanced it a few times (especially during the honeymoon), but obviously, that is not safe, nor do we want kids right now, so I said I was going to get back on the pill.”
Then the OP’s husband suggested she got an IUD implant instead.
“My husband, for some reason, got it in his head that he wanted me to have an IUD. I don’t know why he was so adamant about this, but he said it about 10 times before my appointment, in which I was just going to get back on the pill.”
“Eventually, he asked me enough times to think about it that it forced me to Google it and consider it. The only problem is it’s technically a procedure, and I am horrible with medical stuff, doctors, and pain. My blood pressure is high just sitting in the waiting room, and I cannot take pain.”
“I broke my foot last year, and my husband said it was the most dramatic he’s ever seen someone with a broken bone, lol (laughing out loud). But still, I considered it for him.”
The OP decided to discuss the option with her doctor.
“So I talked to my doctor about the IUD, and she told me it was a good birth control option if I wanted to do it.”
“I told her honestly that I am not good with pain or doctors (which she knows, I’ve been seeing her since I was a teenager), but she was very kind about it. We talked a lot at the appointment and I was comfortable to come back for it.”
“She told me the whole ordeal: that she would give me meds to take one to two hours before, she personally gives her patients a local med to reduce pain, and then she doesn’t suggest driving yourself home.”
“She also told me to expect cramping for a few hours after, but she said in her opinion, if you’re able to fall asleep at home, you can sleep through the worst of it. She really reassured me so I went through with it.”
The OP prepared everything she would need at home.
“So the day of, I did everything I was supposed to do, and I prepared what I needed for after.”
“Before my husband and I left, I set myself up a nap area in our living room where I like to lay. I had my water, heating pad, the meds she suggested, and even a snack, all of it set all up. I put my PJs on the bed in our bedroom.”
“I was really trying to make myself calm, lol (laughing out loud).”
“Then I went and got the IUD and it went well. It wasn’t bad at all.”
But then the OP’s husband made the situation significantly harder for her.
“When I came out, my husband was there looking very impatient. We left, and he was huffing and puffing the whole time about ‘how long’ it took. I was like, okay buddy, whatever.”
“When we got home, I walked in ready to get into my PJs and nap, and literally everything I had set up for myself was put away.”
“My PJs were in the dirty laundry even though they were clean. The water was poured out in the sink. The meds were put back away in the mess of a medicine cabinet. The snack had been thrown away. He even folded up my blanket and put it away.”
“I was so aggravated with him, and he didn’t even help me set back up. He apologized and said he thought I left it all out from the night before.”
“I didn’t even know he left while I was in the appointment. I thought he was waiting there the whole time for me. But no, he went home just to touch all my stuff.”
“It made me so bad. I just got it all back out and took my nap. Again, he didn’t even help just said, ‘Oh, sorry.'”
As if that weren’t inconsiderate enough, the OP’s husband kept bothering her.
“Then maybe an hour later, right in the prime of the cramping, he woke me up to ask me what I wanted for dinner. I was livid. I could not get back to sleep in that pain anymore, even though like my doctor said, I probably would have slept through it.”
“I ended up snapping and yelling at him to leave me alone, to which he responded by giving me the ‘Okay, stop being crazy’ look.”
“And then he proceeded to order dinner from a place I don’t f**king like. That excuse was, ‘Oh, well, I thought you weren’t gonna eat because you were so mad and yelled.’ Like oh my f**king god?”
The OP was furious about how her husband behaved.
“I am still literally holding a grudge about all of this, mostly because I feel like he did not take into account my discomfort or pain when he was literally the one who begged me to go through with this.”
“I know that he didn’t technically do anything wrong. He tried to clean because he thought it was a mess I left out from the night before, and he tried to order dinner because he knew I wouldn’t make it, but he did it all in the worst ways possible.”
“AITAH for being mad?”
Fellow Redditors weighed in:
- NTA: Not the A**hole
- YTA: You’re the A**hole
- ESH: Everybody Sucks Here
- NAH: No A**holes Here
In the comments, the OP revealed something that suggested this was a recurring pattern.
A fellow Redditor inquired if something like this had ever happened before.
“…is this the first time he has coerced you into doing something you didn’t want to and then blamed you for the very clear outcome of said thing you were coerced into?”
“To be honest… his behavior is quite concerning. It reads like he wanted to punish you for doing the thing he made you do. It reads like he wanted you to suffer.” – Temporary_Analysis55
The OP offered an alarming response but didn’t see the correlation between the two.
“Actually, when I broke my foot, it was kinda his fault.”
“We were working out together at home, and I was done and waiting for him. I was being dumb and was standing on a dumbbell, and I kept trying to jump on and off of it.”
“My husband was annoyed with me, but I wouldn’t stop, so he kicked the dumbbell as I went to land.”
“He definitely didn’t mean to make me break my foot, but I sure did. And then he called me dramatic for saying it hurt.”
Referring back to the original post, some couldn’t fathom how this was unintentional.
“Regarding the stuff you left out for your procedure: I don’t really know how he wouldn’t connect the dots there that those things he left out were for today. Your clothing was folded, so why put it in the dirty laundry? Why throw away the snack and not just put it away?”
“He really thought that those meds were for last night and not the procedure today? And why go home and clean, of all things?”
“AND he complains about how you react to a medical procedure on your body for a medical procedure he specifically wanted you to do. He’s definitely TA.” – Reden233
“The meds being moved is so strange and concerning. If he’s willing to tamper with something like that, it’s not that difficult of a jump for him to actually tamper with the meds.”
“Probably a good thing she is on an IUD now versus birth control he could possibly mess with.” – Business_Station_161
“None of this was an accident. These are microaggressions to show his anger.”
“He’s mad he had to drive her there and drive her home. He also woke her up with the expectation that she would cook him dinner. He’s mad that she didn’t come skipping out of the appointment ready to bang.”
“And he’s punishing her for it.” – strega42
“He also INTENTIONALLY took apart her cozy spots. He most definitely knew she had done those things intentionally and I guarantee you the reason he went home was to destroy her cozy areas.”
“Or! Maybe he did go home for a different reason, but he saw her cozy spots and got mad that she planned on resting after her medical procedure instead of providing him the only reason she has the IUD in his mind: to give him sex how he wants it.”
“This is what made him mad between dropping her off and picking her up; he learned she wasn’t going to give him sex when she got home.”
“He’s a terrible human but unfortunately, OP will likely excuse it or gaslight herself (with his help, of course) into thinking that he didn’t do it intentionally and that ‘other than that’ he’s a ‘great guy.'”
“He 100% did all that on purpose.” – ohmarlasinger
“It actually irks me (not irked at OP; irked that she’s been made to feel this way!) that OP is being like, ‘I guess I’m wrong to be annoyed because he was just trying to ‘help;’ it’s not his fault he got all confused and did everything wrong.'”
“Like, girl, what? He’s not your preschooler who tried to make Mommy breakfast and burnt the toast. He’s a grown-a** man.”
“He knew perfectly well why the pajamas and water and snack were set out. He didn’t get all confused and think he was helping by ‘cleaning up a mess.’ He knows perfectly well that you don’t like that restaurant; he ordered from it to punish you, not because he got confused and thought he was ‘helping’ by not getting you anything to eat.”
“If your husband were actually so incapable of basic adult functionality, he would have some kind of deep cognitive disability. But he doesn’t, because this isn’t about him ‘getting confused’ like a toddler; it’s about him being an emotionally bullying a**hole.” – boudicas_shield
Others agreed and reassured the OP that she had every right to be angry.
“NTA.”
“OP, I had an IUD put in. I love it and the benefits of it, but getting my IUD was PAINFUL. PAIN. FUL.”
“And that’s coming from someone who handled 24 hours of labor, had a hip-to-hip emergency c-section, had a complication from an epidural that caused a spinal fluid leak, and has a variety of chronic illnesses that can cause some pretty intense pain.”
“You’re NOT overreacting and HE is being an awful partner.” – tinyrage90
“You say you don’t want children yet, which means you’re thinking about having children with this man at some point. Do you understand what pregnancy, childbirth, and recovery entail? He can’t support you for one godd**n day. What do you see your future looking like here?” – Fleetdancer
“He couldn’t get through a couple of hours to have the procedure and get through the cramping, after he is the one to push for the procedure.”
“OP, you got a medical procedure that you were extremely reluctant to get that caused you pain. You did it on his request to enhance his pleasure during sex.”
“Not only was he not grateful, but he actively sabotaged your efforts to care for yourself. This is supposed to be the newlywed phase where he is doing the most he will ever do. Yikes.” – Forsaken_Dig1277
“This is too much for it not to be deliberate. Like sir, you couldn’t sit in your car for an hour and watch TikTok videos or scroll through Facebook or read a book or something? Why rush back home to put everything away? He must’ve seen her set it out the first time, too.”
“I couldn’t imagine leaving the clinic/hospital while my loved one is having any procedure done, let alone something so invasive and possibly painful to the point of being traumatic.”
“The fact that he rushed home, f**ked up her carefully-prepared things, and then woke her up 100% screams that it’s on purpose. Throw the whole-a** man away.” – GuiltyEidolon
The subReddit was endlessly angry about how the OP had been treated, especially when it was after a procedure her husband had demanded she consider, repeatedly.
If he didn’t do the research himself to see what the recovery time was like, he shouldn’t have expected his wife to go through with it, or at the very, very least, he should have respected the things she got out for herself to make the recovery time easier.