There are some people who have this unfortunate ability to hide who they really are.
Important events like getting married or having a baby have a way of bringing the truth out, pointed out the “Am I the A**hole?” (AITA) subReddit, often when it’s too late to change course.
Redditor throwbabyshoweg was furious beyond measure when she discovered her husband had sold all of their baby’s gifts from their baby shower to buy something he wanted.
When he insisted that she was overreacting, the Original Poster (OP) began to question herself.
She asked the sub:
“AITA for telling everyone that my husband sold all of my baby shower gifts?”
The OP recently had a baby shower and received gifts for the baby.
“I’ve (27) been with my husband (32) for 3 years, and we’re expecting our first baby together.”
“Long story short, my family and friends decided to throw me a baby shower and brought me a variety of gifts which consisted mainly of baby care essentials.”
“I stored everything in the storage area but woke up the next day, and they were all gone.”
“I freaked out and called my husband. He didn’t pick up, so I waited until he got back.”
The OP was shocked by the explanation.
“He got back with money in his hands, and I told him my baby shower gifts were gone. He said he took them and sold them.”
“All of them: the baskets, books, pajamas, diaper pack, pacifiers, stuff worth 50-100s of dollars each.”
“I asked him why, and he said because he wanted to help his friend get his van fixed so they could go on a trip next week.”
“I started yelling at him, saying that I needed those things for our baby.”
“He argued that we already have a nursery full of essentials.”
“Then he said he had no choice because his friends threatened to exclude him from the trip if he didn’t help fix the van.”
The OP was furious.
“I had a fight with him and he said I was overreacting.”
“I told everyone we know what he did, and he started getting calls and texts from them, basically calling him names and shaming him.”
“He yelled at me, saying I f**ked up and acted immaturely by exposing him to everyone and sending them after him.”
“He said that is his baby too and he is entitled to half those gifts.”
“He believes I told them a sob story and ruined his reputation.”
“He left and has been staying with a friend, refusing to return my calls until I fix my mistake.”
“I was so mad and probably did the wrong thing.”
“AITA?”
Fellow Redditors weighed in:
- NTA: Not the A**hole
- YTA: You’re the A**hole
- ESH: Everybody Sucks Here
- NAH: No A**holes Here
Some insisted the husband was obviously in the wrong.
“You are deeply lost if you can entertain even more a minute that you might be the a**hole here.”
“He even knows he is the asshole here, or he wouldn’t have gone out in secret to sell his family’s goods to get parts for his buddy’s Mystery Machine. He just doesn’t care.”
“Let him stay at his friends’ indefinitely; it’s going to be easier caring for one child than two, and at least you have a chance at raising the littler one not to be an a**hole. NTA.” – JudgeJudAITA
“I must be really lucky that I don’t know anyone who would behave this way. If I did, I hope to h**l that his partner would blow him up to me and everyone else like this.”
“He would deserve it. Maybe (1% chance but it’s worth it) he would learn something about how to be human.”
“NTA obviously and… good grief.” – Sputnik918
“He needs to either buy back the presents or use the money to move his sniveling self out of OP’s life.” – star_road
“Just wait until the grandparents or other relatives open an account for the kiddo. dad will for sure take that money since the kid is half his.”
“NTA.”
“He’s showing you who he is: an inconsiderate and selfish man who cares about him, not you nor the baby.” – runningwithkimchi
“NTA. The trash took itself out, OP. Can you afford to stay where you are alone? Or do you have family to stay with?”
“I’d get a divorce lawyer and be glad he showed his true colors before the baby came.” – crystallz2000
“And for his friend’s VAN which isn’t his responsibility, unlike his CHILD, and because he wants to LEAVE HIS PREGNANT WIFE to go on a trip…. like… how do people get up the nerve to behave the way?”
“(I’m not saying a husband can’t go on a trip while the wife is pregnant but this just adds insult to injury is all.)”
“This is what happens when no one says no to people as they grow and they become self-centered entitled little s**ts. People act like consequences for children is traumatic or something, but detention or whatever proper consequences that match the issue teach people that behaviors have consequences and that empathy and amends are important.” – HelpStatistician
“He ruined his own reputation. There’s no way to spin this that doesn’t make him look like a major, major loser. He didn’t want to be excluded from the trip? He’s about to be excluded from his marriage and possibly his kid’s life.”
“NTA.” – TahiniInMyVeins
“NTA. I love how people want to yell at others for ‘exposing’ them. Like dude, if there’s something to ‘expose,’ then you did something wrong! There is SO much he did wrong here.”
“First, he sold items gifted to YOUR CHILD. He stole from your unborn baby. Think about that.”
“Second, he did it without consulting you because he knew it was wrong and you’d say no so he did that whole bulls**t ‘ask for forgiveness, not permission’ nonsense.”
“Third, those people bought gifts for your baby, not for him to take a trip. He basically stole from them too. Again, think about that.”
“Which brings me to the last thing. It’s one thing to sell things if you’re in need of other essentials, but to go on a trip? No. And that money was spent solely on him, no one else (like you), for his benefit and pleasure. Narcissistic selfish behavior at its absolute clearest.”
“OP, these ALL are huge red flags that show he does not respect you or the partnership your marriage is supposed to be.”
“I know it would be scary to leave your partner when you have a baby on the way but at the VERY least, you need to LAY DOWN THE LAW. Demand he apologizes to you and to all the people that bought gifts.”
“I really hope you leave him, this is NOT a small thing and reveals a LOT about his rotten character.” – SetiG
Others were appalled by him stealing from his child.
“He stole from his unborn child.” – OHiashleyy
“When grandma buys your kid an Xbox for his bday, will dad sell that too, in order to take ‘his half’?”
“This is so irresponsible and his response to you is gaslighting and abuse. If you stay with him, it will be at the expense of you and your baby.” – belladonnafromvenus
“As the child of a man who hocked everything valuable in the apartment he shared with my mom and quickly disappeared when she was 8 months pregnant, I can confirm: he didn’t get better.” – crashtesthoney
“Worse is that this man is putting a trip over maintaining essential items for child.”
“OP, by the way, his logic is flawed. Just because you already have a set of those items, doesn’t mean you have enough.”
“Babies go through things like crazy, and it’s always good to have backups for when things break, no time for laundry, etc.”
“NTA.” – Material_Cellist_4133
“He stole from his own kid! It wasn’t half his or half moms. Those were baby things.” – Nagadavida
“He’s also not very smart.”
“Maybe some things were duplicates they didn’t need so if they had discussed it, they could have decided together that selling or returning some items made sense (not to fix someone else’s vehicle, that’s a whole different level of dumb), but a lot of things like diapers and pacifiers will just have to be bought again.”
“If he sold them he didn’t get the retail price because that’s not how it works. He literally just threw away money on everything that will have to be repurchased.” – jengaj2016
Some thought the husband was paying for something other than van repairs.
“I’m willing to bet there is no van. But this is the sort of price you get if you sell things to immediately satiate your drug habit.” – kegman83
“I was thinking drugs. But that could just be because I’m an addict and I know the horrible things I did during active addiction.”
“Never stole from my child, but my (now ex) husband did. They always say, ‘we’ll pay it back,’ but they never do.” – PansexualSatan
“You’d be wrong to believe any part of his story when he’s gone so far south.”
“I’d guess what he meant is, ‘I have a huge debt to someone I shouldn’t have and if I didn’t pay them soon, they would’ve beaten the crap out of me.'” – Dammi_il_5
While the OP was starting to question herself because of how her husband blamed her for telling anyone about what he had done, the subReddit insisted she was in the right and could have done more.
Overall, they hoped his refusal to answer the phone could lead to the OP and the baby going their separate way from the husband instead.