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Woman Livid After Husband Tosses Out Coffee Maker So She Can’t Have Caffeine Before Bed

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All of us have likely been in the position of wanting to save a loved one from their own bad habits, but it’s easy for this type of intervention to go way overboard.

A guy on Reddit found himself in this situation when he tried to help his wife manage her coffee habit by throwing out the coffee maker. His wife’s anger made him wonder if he’d handled things poorly, so he went to the AITA (Am I The A**hole) subReddit for perspective.

The Original Poster (OP), who goes by coffeeaithrwy on the site, asked:

“AITA for ‘policing’ my wife’s caffeine intake?”

He explained:

“My wife and I: 30s, married 2 years. My wife frequently likes to have a cup of coffee in the evening >2 hours before going to bed. I have observed that this makes her settle into bed more slowly.”

“I have mentioned this to her many times. She has a chronic pain condition which is probably impacted by the caffeine intake, making it harder for her to do routine things, leaving me to pick up the slack.”

“When I’ve mentioned it, she says her doctor does not believe caffeine intake affects her condition – that’s not really my point, it’s more about her overall health being impaired by less restful sleep.”

“This week I decided our household should be coffee-free, and discarded the coffee machine and pods. I told my wife that if she’d like to drink coffee, she should get one from the cafe on the way to work (this is not a financial hardship, and I rarely drink coffee in the home anyway).”

“My wife has been very mad at me for ‘policing’ a habit she enjoys and considers harmless. I noticed she has gone to bed more smoothly since the coffee left the home, but as she continues to be angry and short with me, I’m beginning to wonder if I went overboard. AITA?”

People on Reddit were then asked to judge who was in the wrong in this conflict based on the following categories:

  • NTA – Not The A**hole
  • YTA – You’re The A**hole
  • ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
  • NAH – No A**holes Here

And perhaps unsurprisingly, OP’s fellow Redditors thought he’d gone way over the line.

“YTA. Your wife is an adult, and wasting food products is childish. I seriously hope this post is fake, because I would be pissed if my partner threw my coffee pods AND MACHINE away without asking me first.”

“‘She has a chronic pain condition which is probably impacted by the caffeine intake'”

“‘her doctor does not believe caffeine intake affects her condition'”

“According to her doctor, it’s not a problem. If you are not a doctor, you should defer to the person who is.”

“You are supposed to be a team. Making unilateral decisions and treating her like a child like this is ridiculous. Caffeine withdrawals are also sometimes painful, which could make your wife’s condition worse. Which may be why she’s settling into bed faster, btw.”

“‘I’m beginning to wonder if I went overboard. AITA?'”

“Yes, you did. And yes, you are.”sarahkazz

“Op taking his wife caffeine away definitely will make her condition worse. Caffeine is a pain reliever. It’s in almost every pain reliever. I actually knew someone whose doctor told them to take caffeine pills for her migraines.”

“So taking caffeine away cold turkey will not only give her caffeine withdrawals, but also take a source of pain relief away.”marvelgurl_88

“Yup, YTA. You can’t control another adult that way, even (especially) if they’re disabled and you think you know what’s best for them.”

“Honestly to me it sounds like OP is upset about his wife’s contribution to the household/his having to pick up slack from her chronic pain condition, and he’s decided that it’s the coffee’s fault. Sometimes it’s easier when there’s something concrete to blame—especially since the condition itself isn’t something she can help.”

“My suggestion would be to tackle the root of the problem, and find other ways to pick up slack that doesn’t fall on you (maybe hire a maid, or get a meal service) or if it’s the restlessness that bugs OP, maybe sleep separately so she doesn’t bother you (and honestly if has a pain condition and she’s slow to settle for sleep, I don’t know that it’s the coffee keeping her awake)”orangeandpinwheel

“YTA OP, to start with, and also, I think a lot of people are overlooking the part where he says that his problem with all this is that when her pain gets worse, she can’t do as much and he has to pick up the slack. I would be very curious to know what their current division of household labour looks like, and whether OP, by any chance, is expecting his chronically ill wife to do most of the housework etc…”vastaril

“Don’t forget ‘I rarely drink coffee in the home anyway’. Well that settles it then doesn’t it OP. You don’t drink it so you can throw it away regardless of what your wife and her doctor think or want because it’s alllll about you isn’t it.”

“Keep treating your wife like a child and it probably will be all about you when you’re living alone.”BrickTopsHenchman

“YTA. I have 3 chronic pain conditions. You know what makes them worse? Stress. You know what you’re doing to your partner? Stressing her out. Stop it. I’m piggybacking sorry.”sexydexy859

“Op has decided though presumably not a doctor, that no caffeine will someone how cure his wife’s chronic condition so he doesn’t ever have to help her any basically.”

“This sh*t is all about chores 🤦🏻‍♀️”

“Of course you can’t police a grown woman’s coffee intake wtf.”Creative-Training175

“Can attest, chronic pain conditions are horribly triggered by stress, they get worse for most people when stressed. And pain is exhausting, if she’s sleeping 8+ hours she’s probably dealing with flares in her chronic pain.”

“The exhaustion also travels into day to day life and I like to call it a pain brain fog, it kinda feels like your partially asleep the whole time you’re awake. The best thing for chronic pain is finding what works and helps you feel the best, and being consistent with it.”

“Op does not know her body or feel her pain and is totally an AH here for making decisions FOR her and not WITH her.”


Hopefully OP can learn a thing or two about being a more respectful partner from this.

Written by Peter Karleby

Peter Karleby is a writer, content producer and performer originally from Michigan. His writing has also appeared on YourTango, Delish and Medium, and he has produced content for NBC, The New York Times and The CW, among others. When not working, he can be found tripping over his own feet on a hiking trail while singing Madonna songs to ward off lurking bears.