Strange as it may sound, there is very little that is harder to come by than a good night’s sleep.
Falling asleep can be an insurmountable challenge for some people, that no amount of sheep counted can help.
While others have no trouble falling asleep, but are met with several obstacles, up to and including construction, children, or snoring partners, which make getting an undisturbed rest untenable.
Redditor throwaway12232963 found themselves unable to sleep through the night owing to their husband.
Namely, his expectation for the original poster (OP) to be at his beck and call when he had trouble falling asleep.
When the OP expressed their annoyance with this, their husband claimed it was only fair owing to all he does for them.
Wondering if their anger and frustration were justified, the OP took to the subReddit “Am I The A**hole” (AITA), where they asked fellow Redditors:
“AITA for not wanting to be woke up in the middle of the night to make my husband food or rub him?”
The OP explained how their husband was making getting a good night’s sleep all but impossible.
“Lately, my husband has been waking me up between 1 am. and 3 am. because he is hungry or wants a rub (Back or arm).”
“I hate being woken up when I am sleeping.”
“Last time, he woke me up by poking me until I woke up.”
“It’s not hard, just insistent.”
“I hate being woken up when I am deep asleep.”
“I told him he needs not to make a habit of it because if he wants a snack in the middle of the night, he can get it himself, and if he wanted a rub, he should have asked before we went to bed.”
“He thinks I am the a**hole because l don’t drive, and he has to wake up to bring me to work every day, Monday through Friday, at around 7:15 am.”
“I tried to say waking up after eight full hours is different than being woke up in the middle of the night.”
“I can usually fall back asleep fast after, but sometimes, like tonight, I have trouble.”
“He said it’s because his back hurts etc.”
“He wants a rub to fall back asleep but didn’t tell me that until tonight.”
“I also sometimes wake him up snoring.”
“I feel like I am the a**hole because I didn’t know it was because his back hurt and to help him fall back asleep.”
“But at the same time, he is a grown man and can get his own midnight snack.”
“AITA for not wanting to wake up in the middle of the night to make him a snack or give him a rub when he has to wake up to take me to work in the morning?”
Fellow Redditors weighed in on where they believed the OP fell in this particular situation by declaring:
- NTA: Not the A**hole
- YTA: You’re the A**hole
- ESH: Everybody Sucks Here
- NAH: No A**holes Here
The Reddit community unanimously agreed that the OP was in no way the a**hole for being annoyed by their husband waking them up in the middle of the night.
Everyone agreed that the OP’s husband was indeed behaving in a childish manner, and the OP had every right to be annoyed and should not oblige his requests.
“NTA.”
“He can take a painkiller and leave you to sleep.”
“I’d be furious if I were woken up for such ridiculous reasons.”- CrystalQueen3000
“NTA.”
“Any grown man that literally bothers you in the middle of the night for food or a rub down needs to figure it out.”
“He’s not a baby.”
“I feel details are being left out, tbh, but from the post alone, no OP, you are NTA.”- MT3-7-77
“It sounds as if you’re married to a cat?”
“Sorry.”
‘My cats wake me up in the middle of the night for food or petting (I refuse, obviously).”
“This is not a normal behavior for an adult human being.”
“You need your sleep, and he can take care of himself.”- BismuthPyramide
“NTA.”
“If my husband did this, I’d be rolling over, giving him divorce papers, and then rolling back and going back to sleep.”
“If he wants midnight snacks, he can make something before bed and leave it in the fridge to heat up.”
“OP, he will keep doing this as long as he gets his way.”
“IF it keeps happening, it will be habit forming.”- Inallea
“NTA.”
“Why can’t your adult husband get his own snack?”
“And once in a while is fine if it hurts really bad, but making a habit of it would be infuriating for you.”
“Tell him to see a doctor if the pain continues, but don’t enable this behavior for longer.”-Even_Supermarket_629
“NTA.”
“Your husband can get his own food in the middle of the night.”
“And while he’s up, he can get a heating pad or whatever he needs for his back.”
“It’s completely unreasonable that he thinks it’s your responsibility to wake up in the middle of the night to care for him.”
“Waking up earlier to drive you to work is not the same as disturbing your night’s sleep.”- ilp456
“NTA.”
“I don’t like being wakened by my SO at night either, and that’s always because a child is crying.”
“Have you tried divorcing him and seeing if that works?”- JimmiRustle
“I, too, have a man in my life who wakes me up in the middle of the night for a snack and a cuddle.”
“He’s 14 months old and a BABY.”
“That’s the only circumstance where it’s acceptable imo.”
“NTA.”- literate_giraffe
“NTA.”
“If he wants to be babied, he can go call his mommy.”- Lurkedylurker
“NTA.”
“Your husband does not respect you.”
“Full stop.”
“Calling you an a**hole for not driving and holding these disrespectful, flippant midnight requests as the ‘great equalizer’ is just gross.”
“I’m not going to lie, your wording, empathy, and concern for his ‘requests’ sounds like you have a very subordinate role in this relationship.”
“This is beyond a reasonable expectation.”
“And he should know that.”
“I feel like there will be many more requests like this throughout your marriage.”
“If the clap back to your refusal or discontentment in these moments is to talk about you not driving-you are being manipulated.”
“One does not equal the other.”
“And he will keep adding to his list of things that you need to do to make it ‘equal’.”
“If you are physically/mentally able to, get your license and remove this from the list of what he justifies as having one over on you.”
“I helped a coworker get her license at age 35 for this EXACT reason.”
“Her husband essentially had her as a trapped on-call personal assistant and used her lack of driving as his excuse for every disrespectful action and request.”
“She would need to work harder and do things before he would drive to the grocery store-where she did the shopping alone while he sat in the car playing on his phone.”
“She then got to unpack, cook, clean it all, then get kids and herself and him ready for work the next day.”
“And his role in life was to….drive the car.”- holdingmytongue
“NTA this man doesn’t want a wife. He wants a servant.”- bluemercutio
“You don’t/can’t drive.”
“He certainly can get up and get himself a snack.”
“Big difference.”
“You are not his servant.”
“And you’re NTA.”- Dittoheadforever
The OP later returned with an update, sharing how they intended to respond to their husband going forward while also clarifying a bit more about their relationship, including whether or not they were married to a cat.
“Thanks, everyone.”
“I am going to keep telling him no.”
“This just started about a week ago, and I didn’t do it every time. last night, he wanted me to microwave his leftovers at 3 am, and I did it just so he would stop saying he was hungry.”
“I’m going to stick to telling him no and not do it.”
“I get panic attacks when I drive.”
“I am thinking of getting lessons at a driving school, but it’s hard when they are so expensive, and I am not sure how they would deal with the panic attacks.”
“He is not a cat.”
“Thanks, everyone.”
“I was standing my ground about not doing it, and I wanted to make sure I was right.”
“It’s good to know so many agree with me.”
“Chances are he will try again, and when I say no, he will stop.”
“Or will stop now that we had the argument about it.”
“I don’t plan on giving in to him being childish about this.”
It’s understandable that the OP’s husband would be annoyed at having to get up early in the morning to drive the OP to work in the morning.
How they think that is at all the same thing as waking the OP up in the middle of the night to wait on him, however, is less understandable.
One hopes the difference becomes clearer soon. Otherwise, the OP’s husband might find themself without anyone to wake up in their bed.