For most people, having a healthy baby is the number one priority.
However, Redditor Classic-Rhubarb-5158 recently learned his in-laws were a potential exception to that rule.
The Original Poster’s (OP’s) in-laws were dead set on having a grandson, but recently, they learned they were having a granddaughter. And their disappointment was palpable.
This led the OP to subReddit “Am I the A**hole?” (AITA).
He asked:
“AITA for not comforting my in laws”
He went on to explain:
“My wife [29-year-old Female] and I [30-year-old Male] held a gender reveal for our first child yesterday.”
“It was my wife’s idea since her, her parents, and a few other people wanted to know the gender. I don’t really care what gender it is as long as it’s healthy.”
“My MIL [mother-in-law] and FIL [father-in-law] wanted it to be a boy because they always wanted a son but had two daughters instead…”
“…my wife also wanted it to be a boy, but only because of her parents. She didn’t really care much either way.”
“It was a very small gathering with just a few friends and close family members. After it was revealed that the baby is a girl my MIL walked away and got very upset and my FIL looked disappointed.”
“After around ten minutes, I went into the garden to see my MIL crying I asked her what’s wrong, and she said that she really wanted a grandson.”
“I told her that I’m sorry she’s disappointed, but it doesn’t really matter that much, and she got really annoyed at me at this point, my FIL had joined us and heard what I said to her.”
“He told me I should be sad too since I won’t be able to teach the baby about cars (I’m a mechanic, and I joked a few times about getting the baby to follow in my footsteps)…”
“…I told him that she might be interested in cars when she’s older, so I don’t really understand how that’s relevant.”
“They were saying a bunch of things about what they can’t do now because she’s a girl, like taking her to sport games and teaching her about sports.”
“They said that I’ll be missing out on giving a son ‘the talk and girls’ I don’t really care that much about that but what if the baby likes girls, so their argument is pretty weak.”
“They said a few other things about why they wanted her to be a boy, but I just walked away and went back inside.”
“My MIL and FIL explained the whole argument with my wife and she got really pissed at me. She said that I should’ve comforted them and had at least a bit of sympathy.”
“I just don’t understand why the gender is such a big deal. Shouldn’t they just be happy they’re getting a grandchild?”
“AITA?”
Redditors weighed in by declaring:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
Redditors decided:
“She won’t like cars or sports? 😂 I’m a flaming cis girl and love Nascar, rugby, baseball, even collegiate bowling on the Ocho. Your in-laws are nutter-butters about gender.” – TheDuh345
“NTA at all. Fun fact I have two boys and a girl. One of my sons acts and does art.”
“My daughter plays football with BOYS and rocks at soccer. She is also her dad’s best friend. Neither boy wants anything to do with sports.”
“It’s fair to hope for a certain gender, sure. But not fair of them to expect you to comfort them or show any kind of compassion when they are upset that your baby is a girl.”
“That’s insulting.” – anbon24
“NTA. Comforted them for what? It’s a baby, and it’s yours and their daughters. They should be delighted. If they wanted a boy, they should at most be slightly disappointed.”
“They’re instead assigning gender roles and moaning because ‘girls can’t do X, girls can’t do Y’, etc. They don’t deserve comfort or sympathy for placing imaginary limits on your daughter.”
“This implies they did the same to your wife.” – extinct_diplodocus
“It doesn’t sound as though there are any intelligent reasons for them preferring the boy they’re not going to get, so you won’t be able to logic them out of their position. Just ignore the whole thing.”
“They’ll fall in love with the new grandbaby, or they won’t. Your own attitude is exactly as it should be, so I wish you and your wife all the best with your new tiny person.”
“I think it’s beyond rude to go to a gender reveal when you *care* so desperately about the outcome. Stay away, and keep your triumph or disappointment out of the parents’ view.”
“Anyway. NTA” – YourLittleRuth
“NTA. I am disgusted by your IL’s and your wife. The sexism is appalling.”
“Girls play sports. Girls can be mechanics. Girls can do anything a boy can do.”
“The ignorance is real with these people. They should be ashamed of themselves. I hope you only have girls.”
“Can you imagine the favoritism that a son/grandson would get.”
“I would really think about having more children with a woman who got mad at me for not comforting her a**hole parents because they didn’t get to live their boy fantasies through your child.”
“Your wife is awful.” – Banana_Puddin11
“NTA. You can’t comfort them – they want what they want, and they are not going to get it.”
“I concur with you that they should be happy about getting a grandchild. There is no need to sympathize with them because it’s not going to be a boy.”
“Maybe after they have some time to process this they will change their attitudes. Older people have different perspectives, and it sounds like this one is stuck in the dark ages.” – Initial728
“NTA”
“and honestly, they are going to be horrible to your child.”
“First with their gender typical expectations and their obvious disappointment…”
“…(and teach your daughter basic car care at minimum-everyone who can/will drive should know it).” – MountainMidnight9400
“NTA”
“Who is to say this will be your only child? The next may be a boy.”
“You are right they should be happy they are getting a Grandchild.”
“Sadly I suspect they will be cold towards your daughter when she is born, and if your next child is a boy watch them ignore your daughter and favor your son.”
“I expect your parents are ecstatic at a new child in the family.”
“Your MIL,FIL and wife are AH’s” – Successful_Bath1200
“NTA, and OP, tell your wife this.”
“‘Honey, I love you. And I want this baby to grow up knowing she is loved because she is family regardless of gender.’”
“‘Everything your parents said we ‘can’t’ do because we’re having a daughter is rooted in old sexist values I do not want around our daughter.’”
“‘If we do end up having a boy in the future, it is very clear your parents will favor our son over our daughter.’”
“‘I refuse to raise my children to believe that one is superior to the other just because one is a boy and the other is a girl. I need you to stand by our children with me.’”
“‘If we cannot stand up for them before they are even born, then we will have failed them as parents. Will you stand by my side as an equal parent doing what’s best for our child?’”
“If she agrees, her parents will need to start attending therapy for this issue they have regarding baby boys…”
“…as well as only have supervised visits with the kids until they have proven themselves to treat the children equally.”
“You both should also seek couples counseling so that she can grow more of a backbone against her parents and you both can establish better communication.”
“If she refuses or doesn’t give you a straight answer, get whatever ducks in a row you need to and prepare to do whatever you can to ensure your daughter is in a happy home…”
“…where she is always wanted regardless of what’s in the diaper.” – Fluid_Response_6062
“Comfort them for what? Having a healthy beautiful baby girl? Ridiculous.”
“You have the right idea. My girls play hockey and watch with their dad. My son has little interest in hockey.”
“My younger daughter is obsessed with cars, and they bond over that, while my husband has shown all three how to change tires and do car maintenance.”
“If my son wanted to be an artist or design clothes we would support him whatever he wants. Genitals do not define likes or interests.”
“Unfortunately, your wife will pass these ideas to your daughter, which you need to combat.” – AdIndependent4134
“NTA – although gender disappointment is a real thing, for grandparents to be so self-absorbed as to not even bother trying to see some positives in the existence of their grandchild is pretty crappy.”
“Tbh I’d be more concerned with their ideas around gender roles and stereotypes. Can’t wait for their reaction when you buy your daughter her first football/toolset/toy car!” – booksandbackstitch
The sexism is appauling 😳. We hope the grandparents can come around and bond with their new grandchild.