There are still far too many husbands with antiquated views and expectations of the role their wives play when it comes to maintaining their home.
They tend to believe that they live in a 1950s sitcom, where a wife can clean the house, have dinner ready and put the children to sleep in a seeming blink of an eye.
Redditor and new mom Dinner101____ found herself quite surprised when her husband expected her to cook dinner for his parents after they showed up unnannounced.
And when she put the food she prepared on the table, neither they nor her husband were the least bit pleased.
Wondering if her choice of food was really that offensive, the original poster (OP) took to the subReddit “Am I The A**Hole” (AITA), where she asked fellow Redditors:
“AITA for serving my husband’s family Mac N Cheese for dinner?”
The OP shared how an unexpected visit from her in-laws was a somewhat unwelcome surprise.
“My husband (Asian) and I (American) welcomed our first born 4 weeks ago.”
“The baby is healthy (thank God) but I’m exhausted.”
“Haven’t fixed my hair, barely able to shower and can not sleep.”
“My husband’s family had been pressuring us to visit to meet the baby. “
“I tried to hold them off as much as I could but yesterday, I was surprised to find them standing on the porch.”
“tTurns out hubby invited them for dinner.”
“I was embarrassed and felt like I wasn’t ready for visitors (judgemental ones at that), cause the house was a M.E.S.S y’all.”
The OP was greeted to yet another unwelcome surprise, upon discovering that her husband also expected to cook his parents dinner.
“Anyways, my husband sat with them while I fed my son.
“Then later, I asked my husband if we should order take out for dinner.”
“He said ‘NO’ because his parents would find this rude and unwelcoming.”
“He suggested that I go inside the kitchen and prepare something, anything long as it’s ‘homemade’.”
“I said fine ,then went and made some Mac N cheese.”
“The reason I prepared this meal is because of how easy it is.”
But the OP’s husband and in-laws were anything but grateful when dinner was served.
“Once I served the family, my husband’s mom looked at me and was appalled.”
“I noticed something was wrong.”
“She asked if I really found it ‘appropriate’ to serve her and the family Mac N cheese.”
“I asked why not and she went on a rant about how disrespectful this was and that I clearly have no experience in what is right and wrong when it comes to hosting.”
“I said excuse me?”
“Who said I signed up to host an unexpected visit from them and she took it as in I didn’t want them there.”
“Her husband said they were just there to finally see the baby that I kept them from seeing for an entire month.”
“that’s a whole month of his life they ‘missed’ out on.”
“We had an argument and they decided to go home.”
“My husband said that deciding to serve his family Mac N cheese was more offensive than serving them nothing at all.”
“I told him I was too exhausted to cook their ‘traditional feasts’ that I was forced to learn from his mom.”
“He took offense and said that I was being mean and disrespectful towards not only his family but his culture.”
“I went inside the bedroom to stay with my son.”
“My husband stayed on the phone with his family for an hour then kept giving me the cold shoulder and refused to eat what I cook in support of his family.”
“I understand how some guests might find it offensive especially his family.”
“But I was just trying to make a quick homemade meal like my husband wanted.”
“What’s wrong with Mac N cheese?”
Fellow Redditors weighed in on where they believed the OP fell in this particular situation by declaring:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
The Reddit community unanimously agreed that the OP was in no way the a**hole for serving her in-laws mac and cheese.
Everyone agreed that the OP had every right to be angry, with many pointing out how if the OP’s in-laws had any manners, they would have been the ones to take care of dinner.
“I am firmly of the opinion that if someone is coming to visit a newborn, they bring the food to ensure they’re not a burden to the new parents.”
“If your husband wanted them specific food, he is perfectly capable of getting off his a** and cooking it himself.”-janewilson90.
“Tell them it’s customary for THEM to bring YOU food.”
“That’s the unspoken tradition.”
“Someone has a baby or someone dies, you bring the family food, or order them food, or give them gift cards for food.”
“The last thing you should be worried about is cooking dinner!”- Nervous_af35.
“Why on earth would your husband not tell you??”
“Also, does he need a map to the kitchen?”
“Also…traditionally family bring food TO the new mom, not the other way around.”-Missicat.
“Your husband made you make dinner for your in laws visiting 4 weeks after you had a baby?”
“NTA NTA NTA NTA.”
“And his punk a** should have been making dinner.”
“Wow. Why didn’t THEY bring food?”- princesspinata.
“Ah, another post where husband is the problem.”
“And trust me, he is the problem in this story.”
“Here’s a list:”
“You’re 4 weeks post partum, so you’re still recovering from the baby.”
“He invited his family without asking.”
“He expected you to cook an elaborate meal with no warning.”
“The Mac n cheese was more than his entitled a** family deserved.”
“I would have told them to get out and went to bed.”
“And made sure dear husband went with him.”
“Since he didn’t want to eat what you made in support of his entitled family.”
“His family clearly means more to him than his post partum wife and newborn.”- Emmiburr.
“Idk what kind of Asian your hubby is but in Chinese culture moms are waited on hand and foot month 1.”
“It’s like a new mommy spa.”
“Then coming over and him expecting you to make them dinner after literally pushing a child out of your body less than a month ago is stupid and selfish.”
“Why couldn’t he make dinner?”
“Why couldn’t he order in?”
“Why doesn’t he understand that making you cook 4 weeks post trauma was a bad look?”
“Much worse than not making his family a homemade meal.”
“Show this thread to hubs and make sure he understands he is stupid.”
“Having people over is tough.”
“Having people over and acting as host is not acceptable.”-bahahaha2001.
“They should have came bearing gifts AND food!”
“This is crazy.”-Majestic-Cry-1644.
“If he wants to invite them, especially without consulting you, he needs to do the work that comes with it.”-ollygollymolly.
“NTA and your husband’s behavior is a giant red flag flapping in the wind.”
“Individual therapy for yourself now and possibly marriage counseling if the therapist thinks your husband will actually be willing to move past this.”
“He’s putting your in-laws before the mental wellbeing of his postpartum wife and that’s a huge problem.”- author124.
“Your mother in law needs to review her Emily Post.”
“You bring dinner to the household that has just welcomed a newborn, you don’t demand that they cook for you.”
“And also, the person who did the inviting is the host.”
“Why didn’t your husband cook an acceptable feast?”
“And also, your husband. Is a massive a**hole.”
“Because how very dare he.”
“How very dare he invite his parents without telling you, make no arrangements to feed them, tell you, the person who JUST GAVE BIRTH A MONTH AGO to prepare ‘anything as long as it’s homemade’.”
“Are his arms broken?”
“Can he not locate the fridge?!”
“If it was so important why didn’t he TELL YOU THEY WERE COMING?! “
“And arrange for a meal himself?”
“OR respect your very reasonable desire not to have them over since clearly THEY do not understand how to WELCOME a new baby and SUPPORT a new parent?!”
“And then have the F*CKING NERVE to tell you the homemade meal you prepared for his parents whom he invited against your wishes and without notice wasn’t good enough?!’
“To the billionth power.”- RLRicki
“This isn’t a culture clash – these people are just AHs.”
“There isn’t an asian culture I’m aware of that doesn’t practice some form of postpartum confinement where it is expected that the new mother do nothing other than rest and bond with the baby.”
“IF they were so ‘traditional’ they should have showed up with food, offered to clean the house, and run a load of laundry while they’re at it.”
“I’m Asian too, and even though I live far from home now I totally enjoyed being able to just rest up and bond with my babies in the early days post-partum.”-Zaphod_Beeblerox_.
The OP later returned to express her gratitude to all those who left comments, and saying they were welcome any time to come over for her mac and cheese.
“It’s amazing to hear that some people here would appreciate this kind of meal.”
“It kinda makes me feel relieved and reassures me that I didn’t mess this up entirely.”
“Come on in Y’all! “
“I’ll be more than happy to serve you some mac n cheese.”
“LOL would love to have y’all over some time.”
It is fairly shocking that the OP’s in-laws could accuse her of being disrespectful, after they showed up unannounced, expecting to be served.
It sounds like they, and not the OP, might be the ones who need to reevaluate their standards of “right and wrong”.