Anyone with siblings will tell you that, while they may be related to their sibling, and even close in age, they don’t necessarily have a lot in common with them.
Not only are they their own people, but they’ll also lead their own lives, which can lead to serious sibling rivalry, pointed out the “Am I the A**hole?” (AITA) subReddit.
Redditor Fickle_Spinach_3415 noticed how her twin sister appeared to become increasingly critical of her life choices, seemingly because her life wasn’t like hers.
But when her sister stopped talking to her, the Original Poster (OP) wondered if she was wrong to point out that everyone has a choice in the life they lead.
She asked the sub:
“AITA for telling my sister that she should have gone to college if she wanted a life like mine?”
The OP and her sister chose different career paths after high school.
“My sister and I are twins (33 Female). We come from a culture where arranged marriages are an option (not India).”
“Mostly, they are blind dates set by a matchmaker. And if you are compatible, you marry.”
“When we both graduated from high school, my sister (who was valedictorian, by the way) chose not to attend college.”
“She asked for an arranged marriage since all she wanted to be was a wife and mother (nothing wrong with that).”
“My parents (who are a love match) tried to convince her to at least get her bachelor’s. She refused.”
“I, on the other hand, started attending an engineering college (computer engineering).”
“A year later, she married a man that she met through the matchmaker. He is a very nice man, a teacher, and treats my sister like a queen.”
“The thing is, he was just a freshly hired teacher. My sister went from living in a double-income house with parents both being high earners (a doctor and a lawyer) to a single-income house on a teacher’s salary.”
The OP had a different experience when she got married.
“I graduated at 23, and started working as a cyber security personnel for a big bank. After 2 years of dating around, I too asked for an arranged marriage.”
“My husband is a business owner (real estate developer) and he makes a lot more than I do. He also comes from money.”
“My sister didn’t like him from the get-go. She even threw a tantrum (thankfully in private) at my wedding.”
“According to her, the bridal gifts he brought were tacky (more like very expensive, more than what her husband could get her).”
“The problem is that my first child is now at the age where she will be starting pre-school. We signed her up for a private school, and the monthly tuition is more than what her husband makes.”
“They own their home, her kids go to private school too, he got her her own car, they travel too. It’s not the same as what my husband and I can afford, but it sure is great and the dream life for a lot of people.”
The OP’s sister lashed out at the news.
“When she heard this, she just exploded.”
“She ranted about how it’s not fair that our kids will not have equal opportunities.”
“She also said the only reason I could live the way I do was that my parents chose a better husband for me.”
“I became angry, for how she treated me, and for how unfair she was to her husband and my parents, so I laid the truth on her.”
The OP called her sister out.
“I told her I got matched with a better husband because I am a college-educated woman with a respectable job.”
“I pointed out that wealthy men using matchmakers don’t want 19-year-old high school graduates, because their standards are higher.”
“I told her that her husband is a wonderful man who loves her, but if all she wanted was a wealthy man, she should have gone to college.”
“Now she is NC (no-contact) with me, and she says that I am an elitist AH.”
Fellow Redditors weighed in:
- NTA: Not the A**hole
- YTA: You’re the A**hole
- ESH: Everybody Sucks Here
- NAH: No A**holes Here
Some thought the sister was definitely jealous of the OP’s life.
“She’s jealous/envious of your life because you decided to go through college and became successful.”
“Also, how horrible she is to be talking about someone she presumably loves. Sounds like she was only marrying for money, not for love.”
“You told her point-blank what it is. If she wanted a wealthy husband, she should’ve gone to college. Her decisions/choices are the reason why her life is the way it is. Also, it’s her fault that her children won’t have the same opportunities as yours.” – ElevatorOk8601
“She can’t stand that she’s “less than” because you’ve always been equals before. This sounds like a her problem.” – Nietzsche-Is-Peachy8
“Before you married a wealthy man, she felt she could just equate herself to the success of her twin, who was educated and made a good income, that she could have done the same.”
“Once her twin married a wealthy man, it became clear that her twin was not just doing what she could have done, because while she could say she would have been just as successful if she got a degree, she cannot deny that her husband makes far less money than her twin’s husband.”
“I think it also is affecting her that she and her husband can’t afford the same life she grew up with, whereas her twin sister can.” – MallyOhMy
“Seeing how sister was valedictorian and OP wasn’t, it seems maybe sister felt superior before and now she doesn’t. Sounds like someone who peaked in grade school but stopped there and is now regretting the choices.”
“Rather than being grateful for the love and family and things she DOES have, she is rude and bitter about what she could have been.” – MSarahD86
“She’s complaining because while she lives an average income life, secure and solid but not luxury, OP is living in real wealth.”
“There’s a difference between the middle upper class and swimming in diamonds, and she’s burning with jealousy because she thought she was cheating the system by getting married so young.” – Opposite-Strategy-28
“Sigh, this is hard. I really feel for your sister. Really important decisions get made when people are far too young to understand how much money matters. And that even if you want a simple life, money will mean way more than your teenage self could ever imagine.”
“That said, no OP, you’re not an a**hole. But neither is your sister.”
“Also, I think you may be overestimating how much of your financial well-being was good luck vs. hard work. Not to say you didn’t work hard. But so do a lot of people.”
“And I think you are also overestimating how much of your sister’s situation is due to poor choices. Even if she did what you did it could have ended up very differently.”
“Jealousy and regret are horrible emotions and I’m sure your sister is swamped with both. While her behavior is not great, compassion may have been a better option than telling her, essentially, that you are doing better because you are better.” – trap_shut
Others felt terrible for the sister’s husband.
“I’m sorry for the guy, to be honest. He loves his wife and is doing good in life, providing for his family a comfortable life, but his wife doesn’t think he’s good enough…” – GaleZero
“If OP’s twin waited until she got her degree, she wouldn’t have been matched with her current husband. With a degree and career of her own, she would have been matched with someone more successful.”
“I feel terrible for OP’s twin’s husband, his wife is a major AH.” – Affectionate_Meat360
“I feel sorry for her sister’s spouse. I’m sure there were many young women just out of high school who COULDN’T go to college and needed to marry young. Any of them might have been content or considered themselves lucky to have such a nice husband.”
“Instead, OP’s twin may not even appreciate her husband and the life he gives her.” – Lets-B-Lets-B-Jolly
“Her competitiveness blinded her. Wealthy guys will have high standards for a partner. She thought not going to college would make things faster but it didn’t work.”
“I feel bad for her husband, he seems to love her a lot and care about his family but all her sister can appreciate is money and luxury life. That guy deserves better.” – AngelicalGirl
“She’s jealous of you and your husband’s success. I don’t really know how matchmaking works, but if I were to use one as a university-educated woman, I would want an equally educated partner, as we would be more compatible, especially in terms of life goals. My husband agrees, so I trust you that education plays a big role in matchmaking.”
“And it sounds like her husband is a sweetheart, so she’s being an AH to him too.” – Katie00pupz
The subReddit struggled with this one, as they didn’t especially love what the OP had said to her sister, but they also felt the sister was being petty toward her sister and ungrateful for her husband.
From the outside, it seems their relationship could be remedied if the sister reevaluated what she had to be grateful for, and if the OP calmed down on the comments about her finances and education.