One of the best parts of a wedding is the reception.
That’s when the real celebrating gets underway.
Music, dancing, and food are what a lot of people think about during the ceremony.
Sometimes, guests get up and sing a song or two.
This is where things can start to get a touch dramatic.
Redditor ScienceFormal8172 wanted to discuss her experience and get some feedback, so naturally, she came to the “Am I The A**hole” (AITA) subreddit.
She asked:
“AITA for singing at my sister’s wedding?”
The Original Poster (OP) explained:
“I (F[emale] 17) have an older sister (F 23) who got married last weekend.”
“The wedding had all of the extended family from her side and the groom’s, and we both have big families, so the wedding was pretty big.”
“During the reception, my aunt had requested a song from the DJ, went up to the microphone by the dance floor, and started singing along to a Katy Perry song.”
“I assumed she just spontaneously did this and that this wasn’t preplanned.”
“I just assumed this was something any guests could do, as a bit later, my other sister did the same thing with a different song.”
“Afterwards, I requested a song (Yellow by Coldplay, if that makes a difference) and sang it.”
“My sister (the bride) was giving me a weird look with her hands on her hips the whole time.”
“Towards the end of the reception, when most of the guests were leaving, my sister called me embarrassing and asked why I got up and sang at her wedding.”
“I said that I didn’t understand the problem and pointed out that our aunt and other sister also sang.”
“She explained they were preplanned ‘as a surprise’ and songs that she wanted them to sing.”
“She said that I ‘sing really badly’ and she hadn’t asked me to sing, and that I should’ve checked with her.”
“I was really taken aback because no one mentioned to me they were planning to sing, how was I supposed to know?”
“I felt really embarrassed and apologized (although I didn’t really mean it, I just wanted the conversation to be over), and she said that her wedding isn’t about me.”
The OP was left to wonder:
“I think she’ll get over it, but AITA?”
Redditors shared their thoughts on this matter and weighed in on some options to the question, AITA:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
Many Redditors declared that OP WAS the A**hole.
“Gentle YTA because you’re 17 and probably still learning social norms about weddings and life lessons about making assumptions.”
“It’s generally a bad idea to do something attention-seeking at someone’s wedding – other people doing it doesn’t mean you can without permission from the bride and groom.”
“If your aunt and sister had sung without permission, they would have also been exhibiting ahole behavior, and that wouldn’t have made your choices okay.”
“A sincere apology is what really makes the difference here.”
“It may be helpful to acknowledge that you actually hurt your sister’s feelings and treat her like her feelings matter to you in this situation.” ~ Remarkable-Buy4220
“YTA, this wasn’t a random karaoke party; even if you thought it was, you could have simply checked with either your sister or either singer first.”
“Also, as a fellow terrible singer, why would you subject them to it, especially something like Coldplay?” ~ Urbanyeti0
“She didn’t know.”
“She thought it was a thing they were doing, and when the DJ gave her the mic, why would she question it?”
“Besides, at 17, how many weddings has she been to, and how can she actually compare it to anything.’
“You only really know norms through exposure.”
“You’re being way too harsh on the OP.” ~ inturnaround
“Look, everyone knows a wedding reception isn’t spontaneous karaoke, so yeah, YTA for not reading the room and just grabbing the mic.” ~ LasagnaLANl
“Apparently, OP’s sister does plan with spontaneity.”
“OP was unplanned spontaneity, and should have intuitively known exactly what the planned spontaneous moments she was not made aware of were.”
“So. The aunt singing and the right sister singing, totally fine.”
“But OP singing a single song, thinking she is following the two examples of appropriate spontaneity, singing a wedding-appropriate song, is making the wedding all about herself?”
“Oh, wow, OP must have some background issues with her sibling.”
“There’s some tea there!” ~ kalixanthippe
“YTA. You’re the AH for doing it in the first place and the AH for not being sincere in your apology.”
“You’re young, we get it.”
“You assumed, you felt embarrassed… not everything is about you.”
“You owe your sister a sincere apology.” ~ Spiritual_Truth_5152
“YTA. This is a wedding, not karaoke.”
“Stay in your guest lane.” ~ Packwood88
Many others on Reddit had a different take on the matter…
“NTA for being young and making a mistake.”
“A little bit of a YTA for the insincere apology, though.”
“It can be an honest mistake and yet still be worth apologizing and meaning it.”
“Now you know that it wasn’t karaoke, but don’t beat yourself up about it.”
“The DJ could have done better, honestly (and told you those were planned and this wasn’t for all of the guests to do).”
“And I wish your sister hadn’t spoken unkindly.”
“If your own apology was obviously not genuine, I can imagine her reacting to that as much as anything else, but no need to insult your singing.”
“Maybe a genuine apology for your mistake without just denying it as an issue and wanting to end the conversation might be helpful.” ~ Whatnot1785
“I agree. OPs was an unintentional offense. Certainly worthy of an apology, but not done with malicious intent.”
“The sis coming at her, insulting her singing, and shaming her for being a bad guest, saying she ruined the entire wedding, was not okay.”
“I would be embarrassed enough at the faux paw without intentional shaming.” ~ HauntedMeow
“The person at fault here is the DJ.”
“At my wedding, the DJ did not take any requests that were not approved by my husband or me.”
“OP’s sister should be mad at the DJ and stop beating up on a 17-year-old.”
“I doubt one song ruined her whole ceremony!” ~ SnugglieJellyfish
“This. The DJ is the one responsible for filtering requests from guests pertaining to music and animation.”
“That’s what he’s paid for. NTA.” ~ Kethryweryn
“100%. I’m the manager of a whole department of wedding DJs, and we don’t let anyone get a hold of a live mic unless it’s part of our timeline for the night or one of the couple gives explicit permission, just so this can’t happen.”
“The DJ is to blame.” ~ MrCollywoobles
“NTA. Your sister is planning her own ‘surprise’ songs with your aunt and sister, and not thinking that that might send out a message to her other sister that it was a normal thing to do is ridiculous.”
“Yes, apologize, but this is on her and the DJ.” ~ Sabrinasockz
“This 100%.”
“This is either on the DJ or on the sister for not being clear about her preferences for the evening with the DJ.”
“It isn’t weird for things to get a bit off the rails later in the evening after formalities are over.”
“And this is not unlikely to be a fun family story/memory in a few years.”
“Those personal unplanned moments tend to be big memories after the fact.”
“We had a wedding crasher.”
“I was so annoyed that day.”
“It’s absolutely hilarious to me now… lol.”
“Don’t sweat it!”
“You don’t know what you don’t know.”
“And unfortunately, with the price of weddings and the No Kids popularity, lots of teens and young adults have not been to many weddings, and they can be very different.” ~ KickIt77
“Yes! I immediately jumped to this thought.”
“Why did the DJ allow this and not explain that they had to be pre-planned?”
“Perhaps the bride and groom failed to give the DJ proper, specific instructions.”
“Either way, OP is NTA.” ~ Jack_Stuart_M23
“I disagree, I think 17 is old enough to realize no one wants karaoke at their wedding, and that as a guest, you have no idea about the plans and intricacies of the wedding, hence why you just go where you’re told and follow along with the program.”
“Also, she completely disregarded her sister’s feelings with her false apology.”
“I agree, 1 song didn’t ruin the wedding, but OP treated it like an open mic night, so I’d be pissed.”
“Also, a lot of employees at weddings would not/do not argue with family members at the event.”
“They just give them what they want to avoid a scene and then bill them after or let the bride/groom deal with their family afterwards.”
“I worked for a banquet hall for years, the in-house DJ actually had it in the contract that managing family dynamics was not part of DJing responsibilities, no song requests or pre-approved songs, only fine, but when a drunk family member starts grabbing the mic, the family or security has to deal with it.” ~ Ok-Knowledge9154
Reddit continued with YTA answers…
“YTA, there is an excuse for you just not knowing the correct procedure, but weddings rarely turn into karaoke sessions.”
“Most things at a wedding are planned, and as a guest, you aren’t going to be notified.”
“It’s just a general rule that you’re not going to get on a mic at someone else’s event.” ~ keesouth
“I gotta say, the ones that DO turn into Karaoke are hella fun!”
“I was at a wedding once where the bride just got up partway through the dancing music and started karaoke, and the party turned up to an 11 after that.”
“But yeah, a little gauche to be jumping on the mic when it hasn’t been clearly opened up for singing.” ~ TheLinaBee
“YTA. My aunt, who categorically cannot sing, did this at my parents’ wedding, and it still irks my dad 40 years later.” ~ UndeadMurderess
“YTA. You NEVER take over someone else’s wedding reception like this.”
“It would have been super easy for you to tell anyone about this first.”~ Flat-Replacement4828
“YTA. There’s a saying: When you ASSUME, you make an A** out of U and ME!” ~ Spare-Shirt24
Reddit seems a bit all over the place with this one.
The DJ definitely played a part in this.
They should’ve cleared it first.
You didn’t have any malicious intent, but asking first on your end could’ve helped as well.
Hopefully, in the end, your sister will get past it.
Good Luck.