The ability to focus is an often-overlooked gift.
Indeed, sustaining attention is far more challenging for some than it is for others.
As a result, these same people often need to find ways to remain attentive and focused when necessary.
Unfortunately, these methods sometimes distract others.
Redditor Tapzdeazz was among those who needed to stay attentive during meetings and conferences.
Luckily, the original poster (OP) found a hobby that helped them do just that.
Things took an unexpected turn, however, when a colleague called the OP “unprofessional” for doing so.
Wondering if this was the case, the OP took to the subReddit “Am I The A**hole” (AITA), where they asked fellow Redditors:
“AITA for crafting during meetings?”
The OP explained why they rubbed a colleague the wrong way during a recent meeting at work:
“So I work in a mainly office setting, and we have a lot of meetings, video conferences and online training which is primarily in video format.”
“I’ve always needed something to do with my hands, thanks to ADHD and if I don’t then I cannot focus on things that isn’t reading properly.”
“Which is ironic bc i also have dyselxia.”
“I’ve also been crocheting and knitting since I was little and its something I do a lot while at home watching tv and movies bc it helps me focus.”
“In Uni i used to crochet and knit in lectures because it helped and no one seemed to have a problem with it – the lecturers actually encouraged it when I asked and said as long as it helped me focus i could do whatever I wanted.”
“So I decided I was going to take it into work with me to see of that would help me focus more in meetings and not get distracted during them (they’re very long meeting, going up to 4 hours sometimes, and usually I mentally clock out within the first half hour).”
“Side note: I had brought up in supervision that I had trouble focusing and my manager was actually the one that recommended I find something to do with my hands and okayed it.”
“It worked, I was able to focus a lot better and be more involved in the meetings because I wasn’t drifting away.”
“But recently a colleague came up to me and told me to stop.”
“He said that it was rude and disrespectful towards everyone in the meeting and our service users whom the meetings are generally about.”
“I tried to explain that it actually helped me in staying on track and remembering more of the information about our service users but he held his stance firmly.”
“And it’s not like I’m not participating at all, I don’t need to look down at my knitting or crochet because I’ve been doing it so long, and I bring in pieces that are simple and mindless to do.”
“I also will put it down to write/type up notes, and if I’m talking.”
“Anyway, my colleague said he was going to bring this to higherups if i continued, even though I had already cleared it with my manager before I started doing so, and its gotten me a bit worried so I need your opinions.”
“I just want to preface that the meetings I take part in aren’t massive company meetings, usually there are about 6 -15 of us, and it’s generally group discussions.”
“Also where i work is quite relaxed and generally a casual setting (like, we wear smart casual as well) so its not super formal.”
“To clear up about the service users – they are NOT in the meeting with us, it’s only us as professionals in these meetings.”
“We are discussing them and what we are going to do / our plans, but they are not present for them.”
“We work with their mental health and im a part of a Therapy team, so I am well aware that it would be unprofessional to do so in the presence of service users.”
“Additionally, the people within these meetings are generally people I see every day, so they’re not all strangers.”
“ALSO, I keep the crafting on my lap, and the projects are relatively small and in one color (like socks, hats, squares etc… not big projects like blankets and sweaters), I have a notebook or laptop on the table, so I’m not taking up a bunch of space on the table and it is generally quite hidden.”
“When in the in-person meetings, I crochet so there are no needles clacking as crochet only uses 1 hook, the knitting is done when I’m online, as knitting is a bit more of a hassle than crochet.”
“I am not medicated for my ADHD, but that has a reason.”
“I have trialed a lot.”
“I get bad side effects from medication even in general, such as extreme drowsiness and nausea (or some of them just don’t even work for me), and these side affect mean I cannot work a full time job which I LOVE, so I’d rather be unmedicated and have to deal with it myself then be ill and not working.”
“So should I stop? is what I’m doing disrespectful?”
Fellow Redditors weighed in on where they believed the OP fell in this particular situation, by declaring:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
The Reddit community generally stood behind the OP, agreeing that they were not the a**hole for knitting and crocheting during meetings.
Just about everyone agreed that as the OP got the all clear from their manager, then they were doing nothing wrong, even if some felt that they should probably have another discussion with their manager, if only so they don’t get confronted by colleagues again:
“You literally cleared this with your manager, it wasn’t a surprise to them, and as long as you’re focused and participating, that’s all that should matter.”
“NTA.”- Otakraft
“NTA.”
“Because it was cleared with your manager, but you may want to take the extra step to get documented accommodations in place with HR.”
“You also may want to report your colleague’s interaction with you to your manager and HR.”-sun_and_stars8
“NTA.”
“But your manager needs to clarify this with the people in the meeting.”
“Otherwise, why should you be able to do this and that same opportunity not be given to others attending the meetings?”
“If I were sitting beside you during a meeting, you might be able to focus better, but to me it would be a distraction, so I wouldn’t be able to focus as well.”- houseonpost
“NTA with caveats, and I really empathize!”
“I also have ADH,D and this is something I’ve really struggled with.”
“I play D&D over Zoom with friends, and I would be sooooo much more engaged in the D&D session if I could bring my laptop into the kitchen and do basic rote tasks like chopping vegetables while we play.”
“My friends don’t mind in principle, but in practice they find it really distracting to see me moving around doing other things on screen (even if I’m muted when it’s not my turn).”
“It just sucks because there’s no hard feelings involved in either direction, but by definition, either I’m distracted, or I’m distracting everybody else.”
“The caveat being: I think you should go back to your manager and bring up that a colleague has raised the concern that your knitting/crocheting is coming across as disrespectful.”
“Maybe there will be some circumstances where a meeting involves higher-ups or external partners or users/clients or whomever else, and in those circumstances it would be better for you not to knit/crochet during the meetings because it’s unfortunately true that people who don’t know you might find it distracting or disrespectful, even though you know it is not either of those things.”
“But there’s no reason you shouldn’t be able to knit/crochet during internal meetings with only members of your own team, especially given that you’d already cleared it with your manager; and it should be up to your manager to decide when a meeting involves stakeholders who might get the wrong impression from your knitting/crocheting, not up to a peer colleague.”- onsereverra
“NTA.”
“I have been in a day-long seminar with mostly medical people where one of the delegates was knitting.”
“She was paying attention and asking relevant questions.”
“Recently, I got chatting to a woman who was knitting on the train.”
“She was a professor at a nearby university and told me she knits during meetings at work.”
“She told me they recently had someone new join, so she thought she would ask them if they would mind if she knitted during the meeting.”
“All her other colleagues immediately said ‘please continue to knit in meetings, you are much more involved with us when you knit’.”
“In neither case did anyone suggest it was unprofessional.”- MolassesInevitable53
The OP later returned with an update, sharing how they planned on proceeding at work, and also clarifying a few things about their condition:
“Thank you for all the responses so far, I’ll take what’s been said into consideration.”
“I’m going to speak with my manager on Monday and ask if we can talk about it at the beginning of the next meeting to get input from everyone else.”
“I just want to say quickly to people saying I should just focus and stop being unprofessional by fidgeting in any capacity: ADHD and other disabilities do NOT work like that.”
“I can’t just focus, I can’t just ‘grow up’, that is NOT how it works.”
“If you can come up with a way to miraculously make me focus without fidgeting, I’m all ears.”
If the OP’s colleague found their crocheting distracting, they might want to consider how distracting they would find their fidgeting without having something to do with their hands to sharpen their focus.
One also can’t help but wonder why the OP’s manager didn’t alert others to this, so that situations like this could be avoided.
Hopefully, if the OP does have another discussion with their manager, there will be less confusion surrounding this issue going forward.