Money and death… can be a toxic mix.
When someone dies, everyone wants to know what happens next.
The answer can be… A LOT!
Squabbling over money and property is never fun.
But it happens all of the time.
Redditor NotWillingToShare wanted to discuss her experience and get some feedback, so naturally, she came to the “Am I The A**hole” (AITA) subreddit.
She asked:
“AITA for kicking out my Mom’s B[oy]F[riend]?”
The Original Poster (OP) explained:
“When I was 17 my mom came into money.”
“She tried to keep it quiet but she paid off my dad’s debts, bought him a small house, paid off her debts and paid for my sister’s college, and set up funds for mine.”
“She had a boyfriend at the time and shortly after he and his son who was 7 moved into our new house.”
“Over the next few years, mom bought my sister a house after she graduated college.”
“Her boyfriend lived with us and didn’t pay anything, but he did work.”
“When I was 21, mom got diagnosed with cancer.”
“It wasn’t good.”
“She sat me and my sister down and went over exactly how much money there was.”
“She intended to give her current house to me and both me and my sister were left with a large sum at the end of it.”
“She asked if I would allow her boyfriend to stay in the house with his son until he got his own place.”
“I agreed.”
“Before she died, she told her boyfriend he would need to look for his own place but had time to save more for that journey.”
“For the last 4 years, he has continued to reside in the house with his son.”
“I haven’t minded because we get along okay.”
“I pay all the bills but he does buy food for him and his kid.”
“He has dated off and on and mostly kept the women out of this house, which I respected him for, until his current partner.”
“She’s been in my house 3 times, and at first, besides feeling a little uncomfortable, I was okay with her.”
“The last time this past weekend was the point where I lost my sh*t.”
“I was making myself some lunch when she came walking downstairs.”
“She grabbed a plate and went to grab food out of my pan.”
‘I asked her what she thought was doing.”
“She started telling me how I should look for somewhere else to live, and leeching off my dead mom’s past relationship as an adult was pathetic.”
“I hollered for my Mom’s old boyfriend. He came down, and I told him I didn’t know what his current thing thought, but I wasn’t going to be disrespected in MY house.”
“He wouldn’t even look me in the eyes as he mumbled something about my mom promising him the house, and he was just ‘being kind’ letting me stay.”
“First, that isn’t remotely true.”
“Mom pulled him and me together after she asked if he could stay to set expectations.”
“My mom met him shortly before she won the money and told him and us girls that she had no intention of leaving him money.”
“She did set aside funds for his son for college when he gets there but he cannot touch it, only his son can.”
He has lived in this house for almost 8 years without paying a dime. He should have plenty of money, and if he doesn’t, that’s on him.”
“I told him he had 30 days to leave.”
“I wasn’t going to house someone who would lie and disrespect me in my house.”
“He left that night with his son, but his ex-wife called to tell me I am cruel and an AH for her son losing his house (he is here every other week).”
“I really feel like my mom didn’t expect him to still be here, but my sister said she feels like I am breaking my promise to my mom, and that made me feel like maybe I am the AH.”
The OP was left to wonder:
“So AITA?”
Redditors shared their thoughts on this matter and weighed some options to the question AITA:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
Many Redditors declared OP was NOT the A**hole.
“NTA. The critical part here is that your mom asked you to let him stay until he got his own place and to give him time to find one.”
“In that time, instead of looking to move somewhere else, he continued to settle into life in the house, to the point where he even started bringing a new girlfriend along–he moved on but didn’t move out.”
“Him lying to her and telling her this was his house tells you everything you need to know about his actual intentions to leave.”
“You kicking him out wasn’t abrupt–the clock had run out on your mother’s kindness and your obligation to her a long time ago, and he was living there on generously borrowed time.” ~ GoodAdviceGay
“Drugs or gambling is my guess.”
“Or maybe living a lavish life when not at home.”
“But that doesn’t even really matter.”
“What matters is he lied to his girlfriend so that he wouldn’t look like a mooch.”
“He lied so much that the girlfriend was comfortable enough with taking food out of the HOMEOWNERS pan, and calling HER out on being a mooch!”
“Honestly, if I was in this situation, I would have set him down within a week of my mother’s passing and given him a six-month deadline to find a place and get out.”
“The free ride would have been over.” ~ ElectriHolstein
“Exactly this.”
“Dude had years to figure out his own place and just got comfortable mooching.”
“The second he tried to rewrite history and claim the house was his, any goodwill he had left was gone.”
“OP didn’t break any promise if anything, they gave him way more time than was ever expected.”
“He wasn’t gonna leave on his own, so this was way overdue.” ~ vtheottergangxx
“Sweetheart – You are NTA!!”
“First, I am so sorry 😇🙏😢”
“I’m 63 years old and lost my Mom two years ago and my Dad eight years ago!”
“I am not dealing with it well at all!!”
“You are the only one who knows if you’re telling the truth.”
“It seems very plausible to me.”
“But, if he was already saving money for a house when he met your Mom, then lived Four Years with her and another Four Years with you, that man is just a loser!!”
“Is there any way your Dad could come stay with you the week he moves out?”
“The first thing you need to do is change ALL of the locks and get yourself some sort of security system.”
“Please don’t feel bad for making him leave! It seems to me that your Mom was really smart and planned things out very carefully!”
“Being that he had already lived with her for Four Years, I agree with the commenters who said she was probably thinking a month or two!! Not Years!”
“If your sister makes any more comments, then you can tell her she’s welcome to let him live with her!!”
A”gain, so sorry for your loss.”
“Please make sure you’re safe and take care of yourself! 😘.” ~ LuvdNaNa
“NTA. Your Mom asked you to let the boyfriend live there until he could find a place of his own.”
“She was most likely considering that it would take a few months at most, not FOUR years.”
“You do not need to feel guilty about the son either, a place he goes every other weekend is not home.” ~ Expensive_Excuse_597
“My grandmother died last year and left her house to me and my next youngest sister.”
“My uncle was living with her at the time she died and she asked for us to allow him to stay in the house until he found something else.”
“So we had it written into her will that he had 90 days from her date of death to be out, and we enforced it.”
“He thought he was going to move into her house when she was on death’s door and sweep everything up for himself after barely seeing her for years.”
“He was all shocked Pikachu to find out he wasn’t getting a free house after all and a 1 bedroom apartment is like $1200 a month or something ridiculous here.”
“This is why estate planning is super important, like every detail of it.”
“If her mom had built in a timeline it would have saved her all this wasted money and time.” ~ VegetableLeopard1004
“AND… he has grieved and is clearly planning on moving on.”
“He told this woman it was HIS house.”
“And SHE insulted YOU!”
“He needs to stop leeching off of your mother and your inheritance.”
“He can get his own life together and get his own place to live now, as per the agreement he made with your mother.”
“NTA. You have been more than kind.” ~ BombaPlenaRumbaSalsa
“NTA. One- your mom ASKED YOU to let him stay to let him save for his own place, but he didn’t.”
“Two, dumba** lied to his girl, caught in the lie, and tried to save face.”
“Your mom chose who she wanted to give it to and he didn’t get the house.”
“You did. He can kick rocks.”
“Three- the son didn’t lose his home, his dad lost him by being a blunt tool.”
“His issue, not yours.” ~ WitchinIl
“NTA, he clearly had no intention of respecting your mom’s wishes to stay long enough to save for his own place and move out.”
“You’re respecting the spirit of your mom’s wishes by giving him time and then kicking him out when it became clear he wasn’t honoring the agreement.” ~ RivSilver
“NTA, your mum wouldn’t have wanted him to act this way after allowing him to live there.”
“You said that she tried to set expectations with him if he were to be staying there, and I would assume that what he’s doing would be breaking any agreement that they had reached.”
“Beyond that, your mum only told you to let him live there until he could get his own place, and he’s had more than enough time, especially not having to pay rent.” ~ SuspendThis_Tyrants
“NTA, first, he should have left years ago… the deal wasn’t ever for him to stay as long as he liked and he took advantage.”
“Then he lied to some woman about him owning the house; who knows what else he’d do… be at peace. You did more than you needed.” ~ windywillow584
“NTA, your mom’s BF knew what the plan was and was trying to find a way to leech off of you and your commitment to your mom.”
“He wasn’t doing what he agreed to and was lying to his prospective partners to get his way.”
“He should never have bit the hand that was housing him.” ~ giantbrownguy
“NTA… You promised your late mother to let him stay until he finds his own place.”
“It had been 4 years.”
“More than enough time for him to save and find his own place.”
“New GF overstepping boundaries, and if you let that slide, they are going to do more to ‘taste the water’ and see how much you’d tolerate.”
“Good for you to kick him out. NTA.”
“Though, I’d be very careful about tenant law.”
“Depends on what state you are living.”
“But since he’s lived there for so long, technically, you can’t just kick him out.” ~ Busy_Land_2672
“NTA. You’ve been super kind letting g him and his son stay all that time.”
“If it wasn’t going to some trailer trash now, it would be soon enough.”
“This was always going to happen.”
“You’ve done nothing wrong.”
“Cherish the memories of your mum, not some freeloader.” ~ the-shallow-blue-sea
“NTA. The boyfriend twisted everything he was told.”
“He has been living rent-free for how many years.”
‘He lied to his ex-wife, the son, and the girlfriend.”
“You have nothing to feel bad about. He should be ashamed of himself.”
“I’m sure your mom is rolling over in her grave for what he is doing to you and your sister.” ~ Nanny95421
“NTA. He’s clearly been telling his girlfriend that the house is his. It’s not.”
“Your mom was very clear that he needed to get his own place.”
“’Time to save’ is not the same as ‘until his kid is an adult!'”
“You were super gracious to let him stay for 4 years, pretty much for free.”
“Plenty of time for him to save up!!”
“Nope, kick him out, he’s outstayed his welcome and is now being a rude houseguest to boot.” ~ NopeNinjaSquirrel
“NTA. You have fulfilled your promise to your mom.”
“‘Until he got his own place’ is like a year.”
“Generously. Anyone can find a new place to live in a year.”
“He has been there 4, and you have been very kind and generous to allow that.”
“And he spit in your face.”
“It’s time for him to go.”
“Now that he has left, change the locks.” ~ MissAnth
OP… Reddit is in your corner.
It sounds like your Mom’s BF needs to go.
You need to protect your space.
Stand your ground.