Having a baby can feel like its own full-time job.
Every day, every hour, there are challenges and chores related to the baby.
One big issue is childcare.
Not every parent has constant available childcare at the ready.
This can hinder a lot of social situations, gatherings, and relationships.
Some people may feel that babies aren’t meant to be at every event…
Redditor Quiet_Mulberry5400 wanted to discuss her experience and get some feedback, so naturally, she came to the “Am I The A**hole” (AITA) subreddit.
She asked:
“AITA for asking my friend to leave my birthday party because she brought her crying baby?”
The Original Poster (OP) explained:
“I (27 F[emale]) recently threw a birthday party at my apartment.”
“It was a pretty low-key gathering with about 10 friends, lots of snacks, a couple of drinks, and just a fun night hanging out.”
“Everything was going fine until my friend, Sarah (28 F), showed up with her 7-month-old baby.”
“Now, I love Sarah, and I know she’s a mom, but I wasn’t expecting her to bring the baby to a party, especially since we had planned to play games, drink, and chat.”
“The baby started crying almost immediately when they walked in, and Sarah tried to calm her down, but she was clearly struggling.”
“At first, I thought it was just a momentary thing, but the crying continued for almost an hour**…….**super loud and non-stop.’
“It was hard to hear anything over the noise, and some of the other guests were getting visibly uncomfortable.”
“I eventually pulled Sarah aside and asked her if she could maybe step outside with the baby or take a break in the other room until the baby calmed down.”
“I explained that it was just hard to enjoy the party with the crying.”
“She was clearly upset and told me that I ‘should be more understanding’ since she can’t just leave the baby at home, and she was doing her best to keep her calm.”
“She ended up leaving shortly after, and now she’s not speaking to me.”
“I feel bad because I know being a mom is hard, but I also feel like it was my birthday, and I wanted to have a good time without the crying baby.”
“Some people think I was rude for asking her to leave, while others think I was just trying to protect the vibe of the party.”
The OP was left to wonder:
“AITA?”
Redditors shared their thoughts on this matter and weighed some options to the question AITA:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
Many Redditors declared OP was NOT the A**hole.
“NTA. Her child is not your responsibility.”
“And her inability to find child care so she can attend an adult function is not your problem to solve.”
“Her giving you the silent treatment is called ’emotional blackmail.'”
“When it starts, it never ends.”
“Hold firm and don’t give in.”
“She’s the one who decided to bring the baby.”
“She’s the one who decided to leave.”
“She’s the one who is trying to punish you by using the silent treatment.”
“She can be the one to reconnect and apologize.”
“Anything short of that is unacceptable.”
“She’s beyond rude.” ~ Sharontoo
“You’re 100% NTA.”
“I’m a mom, and I can’t imagine bringing my baby to a party and then letting them cry for that long.”
“It’s incredibly rude and entitled.”
“Do you really value her friendship?”
“If so, is this pretty typical of her character, or is she normally very considerate?”
“I’m only asking because if this is someone you really love, and this isn’t normal for her, you may consider making an exception.”
“Difficult babies are truly terrible, and she may be struggling.”
‘Which doesn’t make this okay, but may change how you respond.” ~ mrsgrabs
“Mom of four here.”
“My husband and I started having children a bit earlier than some of our friends.”
“We would still get invited to get togethers, but more often than not, we had to say no, simply because if we tried to bring our less than a year old baby to said events past a certain timeline, it would have been a disaster.”
‘Our friends were always very, very understanding when we said no and never made us feel guilty.”
“I strongly suspect their response would have been different if we showed up with a crying, inconsolable baby. NTA.” ~ themermaidssinging
“And might I add, not only doesn’t she think about the adults not being comfortable with her crying baby, she also didn’t think about her baby’s comfort.”
“Obviously, the baby needs something.”
“The baby might be hungry, soiled, sleepy, or had an upset stomach.”
“She should’ve gone to the room OP graciously offered and attended to her baby’s needs. NTA.” ~Normal_Grand_4702
“Also, she never asked Sarah to leave.”
“She gave her options of taking a break outside (I don’t know the weather, but I assume it was acceptable) or in another room of the apartment.”
“She was never told ‘you need to leave.'”
“Apartments are small; 10 people in the living room plus a crying baby is going to make anyone uncomfortable. NTA.” ~ anxietygirl1905
“NTA. I’m a parent, and I wouldn’t bring a baby to a party.”
“Sometimes being a parent fu*king sucks and you have to miss out on things but it’s what you signed up for.” ~ Neutral_Guy_9
“NTA, I can’t stand parents who think everyone should have to listen to their kids cry.”
“Babies cry, yes.”
“But when they can’t be calmed down, you remove them from the situation.”
“You don’t torture them and everyone else by staying with a crying child.”
“When my kids did this while we were out, I would take them to the car or the bathroom until they settled down. “
“If they didn’t settle down, we left. Period.”
“Kids need to learn how to behave and have manners.”
“And it’s our job to teach them these things.” ~ Economy-Cod310
“NTA. Sarah should have had the consideration to remove the baby from the room herself before having to be asked.” ~ Regular_Boot_3540
“And, if a baby is actually crying for a full hour, that is a pretty clear sign that the baby is very unhappy to be there as well.”
“My guess is that she brought this baby out past its bedtime, and the poor thing was trying to communicate that it was not ok with the change in routine.”
“If my kid was fussing for more than a few minutes, I would have stepped out, and if they didn’t calm down outside, I’d have taken them home.”
“(Not that I would have brought a kid to an adult event without clarifying whether kids are invited anyway!)” ~ nola_t
“This is exactly right.”
“Even if the baby had been fine at other events, something was going on with that poor baby that day.”
“No parent should not let their child cry like that for the baby’s sake.”
“And they absolutely should not subject anyone else to continuing crying.”
“Sarah needs some parenting classes and some actual help because it sounds like she has no idea how to read her baby’s cues or how to respond to her baby’s needs.”
“OP is definitely NTA.” ~ Ok_Expression7723
“You asked her to step outside.”
“The baby cried nonstop for an hour.”
“You did what any gracious host would’ve done.”
“Thank your lucky 🍀 stars ⭐️ she’s mad at you and not talking to you.”
“Just keep doing what you’re doing and DO NOT APOLOGIZE!!!”
“She should’ve apologized to you for her crying baby and the damper it put on the party.”
“If she does contact you, remind her that NO ONE enjoyed hearing her baby cry for an hour and that you only asked her to step outside until she could calm her baby.”
“Do not apologize.”
“You did the right thing.” ~ CarrotofInsanity
“It’s one thing if she was hoping that the baby would be asleep, and she would keep the baby in a room at OP’s house.”
“But when the baby is crying, you absolutely go to another room.”
“I suspect she expected someone from the party group to step up and help her with the baby.”
“That way, she gets to relax.”
“And I think no one helped her, and OP should have loudly said before everyone that she can use that room for her baby to pacify.”
“And immediately get back to the conversation.” ~ Extreme_Teaching_697
“NTA. I’m a mother, and I know how hard it can be to try and get out with the baby.”
“That said, if the baby is seriously going off and will not settle, the only option is to leave.”
“She shouldn’t have waited for so long before doing that.”
“Still… if you care about this friendship, I’d reach out to her.’
“She’s probably struggling right now.” ~ Sweeper1985
“NTA. It’s an adult party.”
“With drinks.”
“I’m a parent.”
“I’ve brought my baby to an adult birthday party before.”
“Only because the birthday person told me to.”
“I walked away each time my child cried.”
“We sat outside until baby calmed down.”
“When my kid got to the point that there was no calming, I told the birthday person I was leaving so as to not disturb the other guests.”
“She insisted I stay. I left.”
“It’s common courtesy to not disturb an adult party with a baby.”
“Her getting upset at you shows she doesn’t care about your feelings.”
“As parents of young kids, we miss things.”
“It happens.”
“Friends either forgive, or they aren’t worth our time.”
“It sounds like you would’ve understood if she left or just didn’t come.” ~ iwishyouwereabeer
“I’m a mom.”
“You’re NTA.”
“She made a bad decision and then reacted horribly to being very kindly called out on it.”
“Hopefully, she comes around and apologizes to you.” ~ Qtipsarenice147
“NTA. When your baby cries at an event, you remove yourself with the baby at least temporarily until it’s under control.” ~ IllustriousBag8865
“NTA. She didn’t consult ‘The Village’ about bringing the baby with her before heading over, but you’re supposed to be providing ‘Expectations’ in writing?”
“What kind of entitlement level is that? No.”
“Really tired of people who have kids just expecting everyone around them to want that in their lives.”
“My best friend has kids and she’s 100% upfront about the reality of what it would take/look like for us to go out to the crappy, local boba shop and then let’s me have input on if I can handle that or not.”
“That’s what a village looks like.”
“‘Hey, I need help. Can you?’ and then ACCEPTING the answer no matter what.”
“If you’re on the fence about having kids: Your reproductive choices do not constitute responsibility for the rest of the world.” ~ tortie_shell_meow
“If it were me, I would have declined the party invite unless you told me to bring the baby.”
“And if you did tell me to bring the baby, I would have left the minute the baby got fussy.”
“Now, I am going to assume this was a nighttime party.”
“So the baby clearly wanted to be asleep or at least in its safe space at home when they were getting sleepy.”
“She made a bad decision taking the baby.” ~ LLD615
“NTA. I totally get why she might feel upset, but sleep deprivation and the stress of a baby might be clouding her judgment there.”
“I debated saying ESH, but judging from your post, it does sound like you took her aside and didn’t go in gums blazing for a public confrontation.”
“Even if it had been a child-friendly event, I don’t think it’s unwarranted to expect a parent to step away with a child to soothe them or calm things down.”
“Y’all were kind for sitting in a room continuously crying for an hour and trying to make the best of things.”
“Hopefully, it can be a learning lesson for the both of you to clarify expectations and also ask the host ahead of time if it’s okay to bring their little one along.”
“I would for sure reach out and check in on how she’s doing and see if she’s having a rough go with things.’
“I think that would be the right thing to do for someone you care about.” ~ PintSizedKitsune
“NTA. But the real question here is if you value this friendship.”
“Sarah showing up with her baby may not have been the right move on her part, but she still made an effort to get dressed, gather all the stuff for her and baby, then come over so she could celebrate you.”
“There’s a lot there that people don’t always take into consideration.”
“Now, I think it’s appropriate to apologize to her, not because you were an AH, but because she was clearly hurt.”
“I’d recommend offering to pick up a meal and bring it over (whatever is easiest for her).”
“You can apologize and let her know your intent was never to force her to leave but that you were trying to manage a crying baby, which was making guests uncomfortable and disrupting the party.”
“It’s okay to own the fact that you and your other friends don’t have a lot of experience around crying babies that just don’t stop crying, so that’s a challenge.”
“Let her know you appreciate her coming over for your birthday and you know that it took effort on her part.”
“Apologize that the night ended that way for her.”
“See what she’s willing to accept.”
“If you don’t care enough about the friendship, make another effort or two and then cut your losses.”
“But it’s okay to acknowledge that y’all are in different stages of your lives.” ~ Night_Owl_26
“NTA. If anything, she was being pretty rude by staying at the party while her baby was crying.”
“It’s hard to stay ‘part of the crowd’ when you have little ones, but it’s really unfair to ruin someone’s party just because you want to be there.”
“My kiddo was a very difficult child 2-4, and I did the responsible thing and didn’t go to restaurants during that phase.”
“Does it suck? Yes.”
“But they’re OUR KIDS, and it’s really rude to make others suffer.” ~ JenninMiami
“NTA. Kids do not belong everywhere.” ~ Junior_Tough_79
OP had a response…
“Thanks for the replies!”
“You all make a lot of good points.”
“I agree that it’s not my responsibility to solve her childcare issue, and I shouldn’t feel guilty for wanting to enjoy my birthday without dealing with the disruption.”
“It definitely feels like emotional blackmail with the silent treatment, and I’m not about to let that continue.”
“I’ll hold firm and wait for her to come around and apologize if she feels the need to.”
“I appreciate you all helping me feel more confident in my decision!”
It sounds like you heard Reddit loud and clear!
You had every right to react the way you did.
It was your special day.
She is going to have to figure out her childcare issues and deal with what she can make work.
If the friendship is meant to be, it will be.
Good luck, and Happy Belated Birthday!!