People can be especially nosy at work.
Sometimes, it’s just a compulsion.
There may not be any malice in the intent.
But oftentimes that’s not how it comes off.
Redditor Careful_Candy_9320 wanted to discuss their experience and get some feedback, so naturally, they came to the “Am I The A**hole” (AITA) subreddit.
They asked:
“AITA for responding with annoyance to a colleague questioning my going out to grab lunch?”
The Original Poster (OP) explained:
“A colleague started asking me about my lunch today (she fairly often asks me what I’m eating, asks me about eating rice cakes for snacks, and why I don’t put them with anything, and it’s a little intrusive).”
“I said I’d forgotten my lunch, so I’d have to go out and grab something.”
“Usually I bring lunch.”
“She made a shocked expression and said I wasn’t allowed to do that (I work in a school and there are no rules about not leaving the building at lunch; I’m also not paid at lunch).”
“I said I had to because I didn’t have any food.”
“She looked shocked again and asked if I was going to tell the front desk.”
“I said no, and she looked shocked again.”
“I felt she was being so intrusive that I said, ‘Why are you asking me all these questions if you’re just going to suspect what the answer is going to be and make faces at me?'”
“She said I was being mean, so I repeated that I didn’t like her questioning and her making faces at me.”
“She said, ‘You’re in a bad way today and I won’t converse with you again.'”
“I followed up with a short email saying I didn’t like her volunteering her opinion about my decisions.”
“Basically, I spoke out of annoyance because I don’t like being questioned about my decisions and being told I’m doing something wrong when…”
“A) It hasn’t got anything to do with her, and…”
“B) It’s not actually against the rules.”
“But she obviously took offense and is making out like I was ‘in a bad way.'”
The OP was left to wonder:
“AITA because I don’t think I am, but I also feel like our work acquaintance is now jeopardized, which is a bit awkward?”
Redditors shared their thoughts on this matter and weighed in on some options to the question AITA:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
Many Redditors declared that OP was NOT the A**hole.
“NTA. I’d reply, ‘Are you kidding me?’ and leave without further words.” ~ Redbeetleborg
“I had someone do something similar.”
“Always asking what I was doing and where I was going.”
“I would usually ignore them or be childish and say I was going to Nonya.”
“The last time they questioned me (I had been off work for a couple of days and they asked why I was off), I said ‘Oh, congratulations on your promotion!'”
“They said, ‘What? I haven’t been promoted.'”
“I said, ‘Oh, I’m sorry, I thought you had become my manager and that’s why you were questioning me.'”
“They kept everything strictly professional after that exchange.”
“NTA. Feel free to use the above promotion question next time she questions your actions.”
“And ask her where she qualified as a dietitian next time she questions you about your food.”
“Then let her know you’ll be in touch when you require her dietary expertise.” ~ Uubilicious_The_Wise
“You might have to tell the main office you’re leaving the building.”
“This is in case of emergency, so they aren’t counting you as missing.”
“Otherwise, you owe no one any explanation about your whereabouts.” ~ Standard-Jaguar-8793
“Depends on the contract.”
“It should be covered because I cannot imagine OP is the only person to use their lunchtime to leave the building and run errands (and getting yourself lunch counts as an errand, as does going to the bank, dry cleaner, pharmacy, or other stops off campus).”
“Oh, and I am a foodie and totally love talking about meals, but it comes from a place of loving food, not being nosy per se.”
“If someone was uncomfortable, I wouldn’t ask again.”
“The judgment was totally out of line.” ~ 2dogslife
“OP made it clear that it is not the policy at this school. It’s the same where I work, and not even just at lunch.”
“If it’s not due to a meeting or teaching period, you can just zip out as long as you come back in time for those things.”
“We’re all connected to department heads and administration through line, so we can notify them if we’re delayed.” ~ HuntMiserable5351
“NTA and I guarantee you there are no rules against leaving campus to get lunch, that would be illegal.”
“She was simply forcing her opinions on you and the unnecessary shock and awe at you doing something she apparently doesn’t approve of… just silly.”
“She’s the type of person who, back in high school, told on all the students for talking while the teacher was out of the classroom.” ~ Impossible_Donut2631
“NTA. She is bizarrely interested in your food consumption.”
“Also, it is not her place to tell you what you can and can’t do, especially when there is no rule against what you are doing.” ~Donutsmell
“NTA. You should be able to eat lunch without getting the third degree.”
“How annoying.” ~ Allaboutbird
“NTA. If there are no rules against you leaving and grabbing lunch, I don’t understand what the issue is.”
“She seems way too nosy for her own good, and she needs to back off, honestly.”
“I would be pretty firm in the boundary—not hostile or anything, but I would also side eye someone who constantly questioned my eating habits like that.”
“Also, rice cakes in a toaster oven for a few minutes is the best easy snack ever.” ~ LaceyTD12
“NTA, last time I checked, it is nobody’s business what you eat and how you eat it, and the fact that she was shocked by how you talked to her leads me to think that she has done this regularly to others.” ~ Killerwolff2000
“Office coworkers are the WORST when it comes to lunches.”
“I had one who would come up to me, sniff the air, and ask what I’m eating that day.”
“One time she even asked for a nibble of my (home-cooked) lunch.”
“That office also ordered takeout occasionally for the employees, and I could hardly even enjoy it because the office manager would make comments on your order, like how she thought it sounded, and ask you later if it was ‘yummy.'”
“You’re fine.” ~ LetOrganic6796
“If she insists on being a brazen busybody, then she better be ready for the deserved backlash.”
“It seems she can sure dish it out, but she can’t take it.”
“You are probably one of the few who have ever had the backbone to stand up to her nosy, obnoxious behavior.”
“Hence, this is why, as you repeatedly noted, she was so shocked.”
“I’d wager to say, since you unambiguously called her out on her behavior and stood your ground, that you won’t have any further problems with her.”
“She’ll back off and move on to someone else who she can more easily pull her garbage on without having to contend with negative blowback.” ~ Proud-Cat-Mom-2021
“NTA, but not the smartest either for a work setting.”
“Next time, you do not need to volunteer as much information.”
“Just say you’re going out to lunch and do so.”
“If you do answer anything more, just keep the answers short and devoid of any emotion.”
“It will help you avoid any workplace drama, even if it wasn’t your fault.” ~ Live_Negotiation_470
“NTA. In the future, when they ask, just ignore them.”
“When/if they repeat the question, just look confused and look around, and ask if they are talking to you.”
“Then say a vague answer to every question, such as ‘I’m not sure, why does it matter to you?'”
“Just give this woman less information and be less nice.”
“She is being rude and invasive, and judgmental, so act like you have no interest in any conversation she tries to start.”
“If she still doesn’t get the message after a few conversations like this, you may have to say something like, ‘Your questions make me extremely uncomfortable, please stop.'”
“I have had some experience with nosy coworkers because I have dietary restrictions that I do not like to discuss.”
“Often, when seeing what I am eating or hearing about my issue, coworkers feel the need to give unwanted opinions, ask invasive questions, or question what I am eating.”
“You do not owe your coworker unlimited access to your eating habits.”
“It’s weird she cares so much, and it’s weird she feels so comfortable giving looks and telling you what to do.”
“Pointing out it’s weird can help, but sometimes hr or management needs to get involved.” ~ apprehensive814
“NTA. I would rather deal with some initial awkwardness as she punishes you by minding her own business than having some busybody annoying me with opinions and questions, and implied judgment.”
“You can be polite when necessary and take the win.” ~ redditeamos
“NTA, I don’t even think it’s the endless questions that would annoy me, it’s the stupid dramatic faces after every completely normal reply that would drive me to violence.” ~ Fiigwort
“NTA. I didn’t even have to finish (I mean I did), but there is something so familiarly antagonistic about someone who questions something about you, using shock to not so subtly mask their judgment/discontent.”
“Soooo much more annoying when it doesn’t even involve them.”
“Like if this person was your superior, and you had to clear through her first before you could leave.”
“I would still say NTA simply because I can’t stand when ppl talk this way!!”
“Feigned indignance is perhaps one of the worst looks, and one of the quickest ways to rile my feathers.” ~ FakeOrcaRape
“NTA. She was invasive, questioned you when it was none of her business, and since you were doing nothing wrong, it’s not anyone’s business at all.”
“Rudeness does not deserve a polite answer.” ~ livswhatever
Reddit has your back, OP.
You eat your lunch in freedom.
Your colleague may need to learn some manners.
Keep on eating and smiling.