When someone else thinks they know best for you, it can be frustrating to deal with. But what is an appropriate response in that situation?
Redditor J_M461 can’t stand the way her mother-in-law is treating her. The original poster (OP) finally had enough and snapped at her MIL and her husband.
Now OP is second guessing herself and asking the “Am I the A**hole” (AITA) subReddit if she did the wrong thing.
While she’s confident she’s right, there’s a nagging feeling in her mind.
“AITA For Telling My MIL To Go F*ck Herself”
That may seem harsh, but what happened?
“Hey, so am I (F[emale]27) the a**hole for telling my MIL (F57) to go f*ck herself.”
“So my husband (M[ale]31) has a really close relationship with his Mom. It never really bothered me, I thought it was sweet.”
“He has sisters but when I first met his family it became clear to me that my husband was his mothers favourite. She showered him with love and attention, his sisters didn’t really get that.”
“When we first met should look at me up and down saying, ‘yes I know all about you’. I thought nothing of it.”
“It’s been like this for a few years, snide comment after snide comment. When I told my husband about it he shook it off telling me it was in my head and I was just feeling insecure.”
“We got married a year ago. His mother wore white to our wedding, it was kind of weird but I decided not to ruin the day.
“After we were married my MIL started sending me links to websites about trying for babies, and ways to keep husbands satisfied in a relationship.”
“I let her know now was not the time for a baby but when it was she would be the first to know. At Christmas she bought the topic of babies at the dinner table in front of the family. ‘Have you guys been trying?’ , ‘How frequently?’, ‘I have a few websites you can read’.”
“I calmly shut it down, my husband said nothing. When we got home I asked my husband why he didn’t say anything.”
“He told me maybe it would be good for me to take the advice and instead of blaming his mother, take a harsh look at myself in the mirror. I was hurt but he apologised and everything went back to normal.”
“Fast forward to Wednesday, my husband and I were dropping off some baskets for the easter egg hunt my in-law has for my nieces and nephews every year. My mother in law said ‘you look like you’ve gained a bit, are you pregnant yet’”
“I was floored, again my husband was silent. I told her no and she frowned, ‘from what you need to work a little bit harder in the bedroom, then it might work’.”
“I looked at her and straight out told her to to go f*ck herself and mind her business.”
“She told me that I was being too sensitive and I needed to show her a little more respect, she was just looking out for her baby. I left immediately and went to the car.”
“My husband followed me and asked what the f*ck was wrong with me, I told him straight out that she has no place in my sex life and I wanted to know what he had been telling her.”
“He told me to suck it up, I need to respect his mother and that she means well.”
“I was done, I wouldn’t even get in the car, I stood there yelling back and forth with him until my Uber came. It’s been a few days and I’m staying at my sister’s house.”
“My family have said I was right but I have received multiple calls from my husband’s family calling me a b*tch and that I should be ashamed of myself, and I should apologise to my mother in law.”
“Fat chance, I just need to know if I am in the wrong, I feel like I’m being made to feel crazy. I’m slowly getting there. So AITA for telling my MIL to go f*ck herself?”
While OP may have used harsh language against her MIL, the situation was getting really bad. But was the MIL’s actions enough to warrant OP’s response?
On Reddit, the users of the board judged OP for snapping at her MIL by including one of the following in their response:
- NTA – Not the A**hole
- YTA – You’re the A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everybody Sucks Here
The MIL is not just being invasive, she’s being overbearing. Her obsession with OP getting pregnant has pushed the boundaries between concern and control.
On top of that, OP’s husband seems to be unable or unwilling to stand up for OP’s personal space.
The commenters agreed, if there’s an AH here, it isn’t OP.
“NTA. If you happen to interact with her again before your divorce, ask her how you were supposed to conceive when she clearly keeps your husband’s balls in her purse.” – heyaelle
“You may be my new hero. Telling my MIL to go f*ck herself is a dream of mine.”
“It’s super weird to have any opinions on someone else’s sex life, especially your own child. That’s just gross.”
“I’d tell your husband that if he’s okay with his mother having opinions in his sex life then he can go have sex with her instead of you.” – Cows-go-moo-
“Get a pregnancy test. Get a divorce, if you’re pregnant I’d suggest considering termination although I understand that’s very personal.”
“BUT Run run run. 100% he is using reproductive coercion/abuse to baby trap you – I’d be suprised if he actually had a latex allergy but regardless there are condoms for that anyway (source: I have a latex…intolerance) but get the f*ck outta this relationship”
“these people are not safe people and I have never been more sure that someone was tampering with someone’s birth control.”
“NTA” – Bulky_Reflection6570
“NTA your MIL is way out of line and is literally harassing you to have a kid and your husband is backing her and attempting to manipulate you. They are both a**holes.”
“Next time your husband is at work rent a truck and go pack your things…all of them. (Clothes Knick knacks pics kitchen items whatever is yours even furniture that is yours) When your husband gets home it will be a good surprise for him.”
“Then block them all on every platform. If necessary you can rent a storage unit for a month or 2 until you find a place to live.”
“Stay with your sister if you can while looking or a hotel if necessary. Never go back to him.” – Morrigan2022
“NTA. She has been disrespecful to you since the beginning and you apparently tried to keep a questionable peace already beyond what should be expected, it was obvious that it will eventually escalate like this, and it is understandable.”
“It is not that unusual for mothers to wish for a grandchild and I know they can be annoying about it, but in the end it is only you and your husbands decision and she has no right to act like this.”
“Does your husband even want a child himself or is he just so under his mothers thumb that he just agrees with his mothers advice because of her pressure? In any case his behaviour is awful as well based on what you wrote.” – gokkel
Many of the comments were worried for OP’s safety. It looked to them like the husband may be lying about certain things to try and get OP pregnant sooner than she wanted.
OP came back with an update about what was going on.
“Edit: I’ve seen a couple people mention and I thought I would add, we don’t use condoms because my husband said he was allergic to latex so we never used them.”
“However I was always on birth control, and I have notice recently that my pills have been going missing and magically reapearing so I havent been able to take the regularly.”
Later, another update showed that OP might have good reason to be worried.
“Edit 2: Hey I’ve been reading your comments for the last few hours and I’m not gonna lie I’m super freaked out. I’m going to stay at my sister’s for tonight, tomorrow my brother is going to get my important belongings from our place.”
“I’m gonna take a pregnancy test tomorrow just in case and look into getting a lawyer. I’m avoiding my husbands calls and eating pizza with my sister, fingers crossed all goes well. Thanks everyone for the advice. I will update soon.”
With everything that’s happened, and how she’s been pressured, OP is doing her best to get out.
To the relief of many commenters.
“NTA. Thank the goddess you’re not pregnant. Don’t go back, block their numbers, red flags are blocking out the sun.”
“Marriage counselling is a must before you even consider going back, but I wouldn’t even do that, I’d just divorce this mother/son combo!” – Hob-Nob1974
OP has promised to write an update. At the moment, she’s looking at options for separation.
The MIL’s actions are beyond overbearing, and have people genuinely worried. If she just wanted grandchildren, there were easier ways top talk with OP about it.