Someone’s appearance is none of your business. Even if that person is your child, your parent, your spouse, or your friend.
But unfortunately, some people make your appearance their personal vendetta.
Reddit user StrawberryPeachCake was at the mercy of her overbearing mom, who insisted that her hair was too long and needed a haircut, but she did not want to give her daughter the room to have a dissenting opinion about it.
After reacting to her mom and standing up for herself, our long-haired friend went to the popular subReddit “Am I The A**hole?” or “AITA” for a second opinion.
“Aita for not wanting my mom to cut my hair?”
Our original poster, or OP, gave us the low-down on her hair.
“So I, (15F[emale]) have what I consider long hair. It goes a little past my armpits when it is flat down.”
“I have been told that it is very thick and that it is a nice shade of brown, both of which I get from my mother.”
“Anyways so here’s the problem: I don’t really do anything with it. I don’t curl or flatiron it, I either brush it out or put it in a ponytail. My mom does not like this.”
OP’s mom wants something to happen with OP’s hair.
“She always wants to do something fancy with my hair that she sees on pinterest or Facebook. And honestly, I really don’t like sitting on a stool for an hour while she does something with my hair.”
“So one night me and my parents were sitting outside because the weather was quite nice and we got on the topic of my hair.”
“Both if them kept insisting that I should get it cut into a bob or a pixie cut. There’s nothing wrong with women who have those hair styles, it’s just that I don’t like them very much.”
“I repeated that I would not be cutting it and then my mom says that she would take me to her hair dresser and have my hair cut off into a bob.”
OP does not want that.
“I told that if she did that, I’d shave my head. I believe in the extremes. If my mom wants me to cut my hair so badly, then I’ll just shave it all off.”
“That upset her and she said that I’m being a bitch and that I’m just lazy and don’t take good care of my hair.”
“I replied that I take care of my hair just fine and that if she really wants someone hair to do, then maybe she should get a doll or go work at salon.”
“I admit I was a little harsh but it really hurt hearing then talk to me like that. Afterwards, we all went to bed.”
After feeling a little guilty, she has just one question.
“So Reddit, am I the a**hole? I can see where my parents are coming from but I like my long hair. I was willing to cut it up to my shoulders but my mom wants it up to my chin or higher.”
Anonymous strangers weighed in by declaring:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
- NAH – No A**holes Here
Redditors agree that OP was right to set her boundaries.
“NTA it’s not like you’re doing crazy things with it or being lazy and not washing it.”
“This is just weird, what’s her obsession with your hair all about? Is she all into appearances or a former beauty Queen or something?”~scrappy8350
“In my mother’s case, she thought that my appearance, or everything I said and did reflected on her.”
“Of course she wanted excellence in every aspect, so that she could brag to her friends what a good mom she was.”
“NTA, OP. Stand your ground and keep your beautiful hair.”~Swedishpunsch
“NTA it’s your hair.”
“My daughter is 15 and her hair is nearly waist length and I put it into 2 long plaits for her each day (at her request) to keep it out the way.”
“I wouldn’t dream of telling her she has to get a radical new hair style. And believe me when I say I am done with the plaiting 😂”~No_Elephant3224
“My mom lived vicariously through my hair my entire childhood. I have dirty blonde hair and my mom would force me to get blonde highlights to ‘bring out my natural ones.'”
“This went on throughout middle and high school. I absolutely hated it.”
“I remember my freshman year, I told her that I would keep getting the highlights if she got me a laptop for Christmas. She agreed.”
“Turns out, she had already bought me a laptop for my birthday in November and so, not only did I have to keep getting highlights, I had to wait an extra month for a computer that I needed for school.”
“By my senior year, I resented her for making me keep my hair blonde. I love my natural color. So I told her that as soon as I turn 18, I wouldn’t get them done anymore.”
“She scheduled my haircut for four days before my birthday. I had to get the highlights, but I decided to cut all my hair off.”
“I’ve had short hair ever since and it’s been 7 years. I don’t go to the salon anymore, I go to a barber. I now hate the idea of dyeing my hair, no matter the color.”
“She and I still have a good relationship, but she gets no say about my hair anymore.”~creamoe14
“NTA it’s hard for me to tell just from the context in your post but it’s possible that your hair could be a more wavy texture that easily frizzes up.”
“My sisters and I had the same problem of being told we need to flat iron or cut it because it gets too frizzy as well as our mom wanting to constantly do our hair (but making it worse because she had no idea how to deal with our hair types).”
“The only recommendation I’d give is to just try out a moisturizing hair product to help keep it from frizzing so you can avoid any heat damage from straightening irons.”
“At the end of the day the hair on your head is yours and nobody else’s and on top of that you are 15 years old you are past the age where your mom should be trying to make fashion or hair decisions for you.”~versaut_sauerkraut
Everybody had the same thought: your body, your hair.
“NTA- I’m sure other people have said this, but if you have frizzy hair it might actually just be wavy and want slightly different care.”
“One super low effort thing I did for my (similar sounding) hair as a teen with few f**ks to give was stop brushing it dry.”
“I would just take a comb into the shower with me and only comb it when it had a bunch of conditioner in it, rinse out conditioner, air dry like normal and bam, my hair was wavier and smoother and easier to manage.”
“At the end of the day though, it’s your body and your hair.”
“You’re not risking your health and your mom is imparting some weird insecurities on you by focusing so much on matching your appearance to how she thinks you should present.”
“Be yourself, take care of yourself in ways that work for you.”~littlebirdgone
“NTA. Hair is hair. My parents never let me cut my hair short and would always make me get highlights to make me look fashionable.”
“When I was 16 my mom left me at the hairdressers with a blank check and told me to do whatever I wanted.”
“I was in an emo phase so I cut it to my chin, got the back half dyed black, bleached two stripes to frame my face, and got raccoon stripes throughout the rest.”
“When my mom came back she started sobbing and told me I used to look beautiful but now I was so ugly. I rocked that hairstyle. It was just as atrocious as it sounds.”
“But after bucking the system she never forced me to do anything with my hair. I think it’s a right of passage almost to do what you want with your hair when your parents are that controlling.”~[username deleted]
“NTA. Keep your hair as natural for as long as you can. I wish I did. Even my sister who owns her own salon didn’t want to mess with my hair.”
“After all the crap I did to it, I’m now in my middle age. I wish I had just left it alone except for some trims. Now it will barely reach my shoulders.”
“Good luck. Maybe say Mom, I know you want me to experiment with my hair but I’m happy with it right now.”
“It being so long and healthy gives me confidence. Please let’s not talk about cutting my hair. When I’m ready we will talk.”~MissMurderpants
“NTA. Do your parents not believe in body autonomy?! I don’t get the impression you’re a child, therefore they need to get that they have no bearing on you present yourself to the world.”
“’Oh I will just take you to the hairstylist and have it cut into a Bob’ – absolutely ridiculous and completely bull.”~g1rlfr1day
OP had a follow-up encounter with her mom, which she posted about.
“Hey everyone. Through out the day I’ve been reading your comments and I appreciate all the support and suggestions that you guys have given me. ☺”
“Anyways, on to the part most probably care about lol. So after me and my parents finished dinner I was chilling in my mom’s room watching a movie.”
“As the commercials came on, one for shampoo appeared and I figured that now was a good time to talk about my hair.”
“I asked at first if she considered it bonding time but she just shook her head. She said she felt like it was something she should do for me.”
“Me: So why do you want to style my hair so much?”
“Mom: I just don’t want people to get the wrong idea of you based on your hair.”
“Me: I don’t understand.”
“Mom: People might think that due to your hair not being kept up that you’re lazy or messy. If you’d at least flat ironed it so it wasn’t so frizzy.”
“Me: Oh. I don’t think people think like that ma.”
“Mom: You might not think that, but trust me, they do.”
“Me: Ok, well then why do you want me to get a hair cut?”
“Mom: If you’re gonna leave it a frizzy mess and not do anything with it, then what’s to point have having it around?”
“Me: Well you never taught me how to use a flat iron or curling iron.”
“Mom: I didn’t think I need to. I thought you’d be like older sister and learn to do it by yourself. That’s what I also did when I was your age.”
“It was pretty much like that. I tried to offer (again) to cut it to my shoulders but she shrugged it off. The movie began again and I just left after that. It didn’t go as horribly as I thought it would, but it didn’t go great either.”
“I’m not sure of I made any real progress with her but I didn’t feel like pushing my luck and getting my cell phone taken away. Talking with my mom is like talking to a brick wall, as my dad always says.”
“Again, thanks for all the comments and the few who threw out suggestions. I think I’m gone go take a shower now and maybe rethink some things.”
Sometimes things are just not that deep, and OP’s relationship with her mom, and her mom’s relationship with her hair, might end up being a blip on the radar of the past.
Let’s hope hair won’t define a parent and child relationship.