Stories have the power to move us emotionally as we find ourselves getting invested in our favorite characters and outcomes.
This is especially true of games like Dungeons & Dragons, where players invest so much of themselves and their time into their characters and world.
A parent found themselves in a real-life conflict after playing D&D with their daughter.
Their campaign took a turn and introduced an emotional lesson that one mother would have preferred to avoid.
Did this parent go too far?
They wanted to discuss their experience and get some feedback, so naturally, they came to the “Am I The A**hole” (AITA) subreddit.
They asked:
“AITA? I made my daughter (11) cry during D&D. Even though everything turned out OK, my wife is still mad.
The Original Poster (OP) explained:
“Background: I have been running a 3-year-old D[ungeons] & D[ragons] game for my daughter (11).”
“I play all other characters, including her party members of 5: started out their adventure as petty thieves but are now heroes, all with their own character growth over time.”
“Her character learned early that she was the target of a Dark God that had severed her soul from her body (important context).”
“She and her band of reformed heroes have spent many sessions thwarting a Hag.”
“Finally, the hag kidnaps a young girl who is friends with the party.”
“We started our D&D session last night, and my wife is present in the room: I narrate the events in her game.”
“The party finds what they think is the hag’s lair and is prepared for an epic fight to save the child, only to find the lair abandoned with the girl in a magical prison and a letter from the hag.”
“The letter indicates that the magical trap will soon kill the girl and that she (My daughter’s character) must ‘choose her sorrow.'”
“The girl will be freed on the condition that 2 of her companions are sacrificed, or her life alone is sacrificed.”
“They attempt a variety of methods to try to break the trap.”
“Her companions range from efforts to break it to resignation to be the one to sacrifice.”
“These are characters I have been playing for my daughter for years, and she has grown to love them.”
“My daughter starts quietly sobbing as she realizes there isn’t anything her character can do.”
“My wife sees and hears all of this.”
“I let her (11) feel the range of emotions as she is in what seems to be an impossible situation.”
“I tell her that while she does have companions who said they were willing, she could decide that this is where her character’s story ends in a heroic sacrifice.”
“She starts sobbing.”
“This would mean a permanent end to a 3-year story.”
“I ask her if she wants to take a break to think.”
“She nods and goes to her room.”
“My wife then, clearly upset, tells me that I should not have done this and to present her with a solution that doesn’t have consequences.”
“I didn’t want to cheapen the gravity of the story.”
“I go to my daughter’s room and ask how she is.”
“Tearfully, she says she knows what she will do.”
“We start the game again, and she announces in character that she couldn’t live with herself if she let her friends die, and touches the hag device that will kill her.”
“I change the music to an ethereal soundtrack and narrate her seeing herself as if outside her body, and the sacrifice she was willing to make restores her shattered soul with such magnitude and force that it breaks the Hag’s trap, and her character feels an overwhelming sense of wholeness as her soul heals with this act of sacrifice.”
“I see my daughters’ visible shock, relief, and then joy as I narrate the captured girl released and her own life and soul intact, having broken the Hag’s magic.”
“She jumps from her chair and hugs me, sobbing.”
“I’m crying too.”
“I’m not sure my wife has forgiven me, though.”
“She is really mad I put our daughter through this.”
The OP was left to wonder:
“AITA?”
Redditors shared their thoughts on this matter and weighed in on some options to the question, AITA:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
Many Redditors declared that OP WAS the A**hole.
“That is a darker theme that would likely be rated PG-13 if it were in a movie.”
“And anything in a 3-year campaign carries much more impact than a movie.”
“In my opinion, the theme is too mature for an 11-year-old.”
“Maybe a 14-year-old would be ready for it.”
“Soft YTA.” ~ AintAintAW0rd
“In my opinion, this is a clear YTA, not only a soft one.”
“What was the point of this?”
“What was she supposed to learn from this?”
“To force this on someone after three years of playing as that character is cruel, especially for an 11-year-old, and on top of that, your daughter.”
“What do you think this will achieve?”
“It’s traumatic, that’s what it is.”
“And most likely your daughter will not continue playing, and even if she will, she will not be able to do it with the same sense of joy or security.”
“And your reply about wanting to cheapen the gravity of the story, what kind of BS is that?”
“For whom did you do this?”
“Not for your daughter.”
‘She’s 11, way too young to be forced to do something like that with a character she built over 3 years, and others in the comments who say it was only dnd and she was not hurt for real, have you heard about psychological pain?”
“I’m an adult and would have been devastated if I had been forced to do that just so the guy who runs the game could feel important or as he taught ‘life lessons’ or whatever your bullshit reason was.”
“And to your 11-year-old daughter. Evil.”
“As the wife, there is no way whatsoever I would forgive that; it would rather push me towards really considering who I married and if I want to continue being married to someone like that.” ~ Skeppsvarv
“I’m the type who tends to miss the forest for the trees… first thing I thought was ‘Wow DM, way to railroad your player into forcing an outcome you wanted.'”
“I didn’t even think about the kid part… lol.”
“I mean, at the end of the day, OP took away her agency and made his child cry from deep emotional stress.”
“She wouldn’t have cried if he hadn’t purposefully taken something away from her. “
“If that’s his idea of bonding, I feel sorry for his kid.” ~ godihatepeople
“YTA. Even if this wasn’t about an 11-year-old, this is the worst kind of DMing because you’re forcing a tone that you want rather than what your players want.”
“If, as a DM, you see your players are getting genuinely upset, the smart thing to do is change tactics to keep the game going.”
“Your daughter was getting distressed, and you were forcing a cruel decision onto her shoulders that she clearly wasn’t ready to deal with.”
“You need to apologize to her and give some thought as to why you couldn’t change direction so that she would continue to enjoy the game.”
“From her perspective, you betrayed the social contract that your game was built on.”
“You had only one solution to a puzzle deliberately set up so that there was only one viable choice, and it was a hokey hero sacrifice decision.”
“This is bad DMing.”
“Role-playing is a collaborative experience, and a good DM rewards creativity and avoids railroading their players.”
“You are not teaching that decisions have consequences.”
“You are cheapening sacrifice by pushing the idea that trying to find other solutions is a waste of time.”
“All in all, it wasn’t a learning moment; you were just pushing a restrictive personal ideology on your daughter rather than telling a good story.”
“Just really poor form… in my honest opinion.” ~ Evinshir
“Agree. This is some serious emotional manipulation.”
“OP needs to take a hard look at himself.”
“11-year-old kids do encounter stressful and wrenching real-life situations.”
“They can cry in movies and over books.”
“But this was over the top control over her emotional landscape that borders on pathological.”
“Dad is making himself the giver and remover of pain.”
“He’s giving her a trauma bond and grooming her to expect that kind of abuse/consolation cycle from men.”
“Not not not ok.” ~ REDDIT
“Look… I see what you were trying to do.”
“I would even argue that you were successful in teaching your daughter a valuable life lesson.”
“It was a wonderful bit of storytelling that I’m sure she will remember for years to come.”
“Now. Having said that.”
“You made your daughter cry.”
“You intentionally inflicted emotional pain on her for a narrative arc.”
“You. You did that.”
“To your daughter, whom I assume you love.”
“D&D is supposed to be about having a fun narrative experience with friends and family.”
“Key word FUN.”
“Do you think she was having fun when she ran to her room crying?”
“You sound like a great DM, but I don’t know if in this instance you were a great father.”
“For that, and that alone, YTA.” ~ Avarenda
“Don’t Kobayashi Maru your own child, you a**hole.”
“This campaign is far more about how clever you are than it is about your child.”
“I’m sorry you can’t find anyone to play with you, so you have to play 5 characters and force your child to play one, but that’s your problem, not hers. YTA.” ~ DaveyDumplings
“11 seems a little young for this.”
“I would be on your side if she were 15.”
“Also, I would think it more reasonable if she had only been playing this campaign for a short time.”
“But these are characters she’s been really closely attached to since she was 8.”
“So YTA.” ~ NapalmAxolotl
“Putting an 11-year-old in a no-win scenario after she spent three years with a character seems like going a little too far.”
“It seems like this would be an amazing experience at 14, but at 11, I don’t know.”
“I vote soft YTA.”
“This entire thread is moot; convincing mom is the real challenge, one I don’t envy at all.”
“Good luck.” ~ Ut_Prosim
There is a lot to unpack here, OP.
A lot of Reddit does not agree with your actions.
This is a lot of emotional baggage to throw at an 11-year-old.
Have a serious chat with your wife and check in with your daughter.
You weren’t trying to be mean, but… it could come off as a bit traumatic.