When medical conditions result in the need for a loved one to make significant lifestyle changes, one wants to stand in solidarity with them.
But having to make these changes doesn’t come easy.
Particularly if it means having to stop eating your favorite foods.
Redditor throwawaycrohnhusba made an effort to join her husband when he was forced into a rather restrictive diet, but found herself simply unable to stick with it, eventually reverting to some of her favorite foods.
Her husband wasn’t thrilled by this, resulting in things taking an unfortunate turn for their marriage, as well as his health.
After reflecting on her behavior, the original poster (OP), took to the subReddit “Am I The A**Hole” (AITA), where she asked fellow Redditors:
“AITA for telling my husband that I no longer care if he gets hospitalized, I’m not going to eat the same food he does anymore?”
The OP first shared how her husband’s recent diagnosis meant he needed to make a sizable change in his diet.
“My husband was diagnosed with Crohn’s disease 2 months ago, which means he has a very restricted diet (at least in the beginning) that is mostly chicken, fish, red meat, plain rice, pork, soup, eggs, no fried stuff, almost no vegetables, no fast food, no milk, no drinks, no seasoning or spice, no juice, no snacks whatsoever, only bananas for fruits and that’s about it.”
Aware of the sacrifice he was making, the OP decided the only right thing was to go on her husband’s diet as well, which proved to be more challenging than she expected.
“It’s been a very hard diet for him, and to be supportive, I started eating with him this stuff and only those in front of him and inside the house until he gets much better.”
“It’s exhausting eating the same food every day but we have been experimenting, sometimes roasted chicken, boiled chicken, roasted fish, carrot soup…etc”
“And here is the problem, although he was getting much better, I was getting much worse because I can’t handle it anymore.”
“No french fries, no hamburgers, no takeouts, no salad, no lettuce, no tomatoes…etc and I just can’t.”
“It’s too suffocating for me.”
“It’s almost the same food every day.”
“Every time I sit at the dinner table with him, I force myself to go through it, he asks me if everything’s okay and I tell him there’s nothing wrong.”
When things finally got to be too much, the OP decided to stop following the diet, unaware of how it might affect her husband.
“I then started slowly giving up and preparing some side meals only for me.”
“He gets really upset and jealous and can’t resist when he saw me eating them so he tried to get his hand on them, multiple times.”
“I pushed away his hand and stopped him, reminding him that it’s for me, not for him and he has to follow his diet for a few more months.”
“2 days ago, I completely gave up and entirely ate nothing of his food, only stuff like fries with sauce…etc.”
“There were leftovers in the fridge and I caught him eating them.”
“He ate like 2 dishes!”
“I yelled at him, and he said it’s fine nothing was going to happen.”
“5 hours later, he got explosive diarrhea and constant vomiting and pain.”
“He went to the hospital, the next day morning the doctor gave him new additional medicine, immuno-suppressants Solupred.”
“When we were back home, he was very mad at me and said that it was partially my fault for not being supportive enough and for doing what I did in front of him knowing his condition.”
“I told him that I’m not the one with Crohn’s disease, he is an adult and he should control himself.”
“I also told him that I don’t care if he gets hospitalized anymore it will be his fault.”
“He is very upset now and is claiming that he would have done the same for me if it was the other way around, I don’t believe him.”
“AITA?”
“I also want to say that we both cook in the house, the problem isn’t ‘WHO cooks?’, the problem is ‘WHAT do we cook and what food can we have/keep inside the house?'”.
Fellow Redditors weighed in on where they believed the OP fell in this particular situation by declaring:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
The Reddit community largely agreed that that OP was not the a**hole in this particular situation.
Most agreed that the OP’s husband shouldn’t have expected her to stick with his diet when she didn’t have to, and his ending up in the hospital was no one’s fault but his own.
“I have Crohn’s disease and would never expect anyone to eat my restricted diet.”
“I’ve had to do 12 weeks liquid only diet before.”
“Would he expect you to do that too?”
“NTA.”- h_pur.
“You have provided him with the food he can eat.”
“You were supportive at the start, which was very helpful, I am sure.”
“But you don’t have Crohn’s, he does.”
“My husband is diabetic and I have modified our diets accordingly.”
“However, I still eat other food too.”
“My husband, actually, doesn’t want to limit what I can eat because he loves me.”
“It is unreasonable for your husband to demand that you stay on such a severe diet when it is unnecessary.”
“Also, he’s a frigging adult and ate TWO PLATES of the food he knows is bad for him?”
“Not your fault.”
“He did it to himself.”
“NTA.”-BengalBBQ.
“NTA.”
“I have a very limited diet but I certainly don’t expect my partners to hold off on eating food because I can’t control myself.”-Chrysania83.
“NTA.”
“Like he’s a full grown adult.”
“It sucks that he has to restrict his diet but that doesn’t mean you have to too.”
“You’re not sick and have been so supportive preparing his meals and eating what he eats for two whole months.”
“He’s acting like a 5yo.”
“My dad has diabetes and cannot eat certain foods but that doesn’t mean we don’t have those foods in the house.”
“The rest of us can and want to eat them.”
“It was probably hard for him at first, seeing us eat foods that he loved but couldn’t eat anymore, but he never even said anything and behaved like an adult should, and understood that just because HE can’t eat certain foods anymore doesn’t mean WE can’t or won’t.”
“It’s your husband’s responsibility to make sure he follows his restrictive diet and he needs to respect that you can eat whatever you want because you’re not sick, he is.”-Prestigious_Post_302.
“The issue I see is that your husband has not yet come to terms with his condition.”
“Instead of facing the reality of what his life will be now, he has decided to play the victim.”
“As such, he is attempting to force you to eat the same bland diet as him.”
“That way, he has zero temptation and doesn’t need to take any responsibility for his actions.”
“Because if you bring food he can’t eat into the house, he can eat them and then blame you for making him sick.”
“Instead of blaming himself for not having any self control.”
“Your husband needs therapy or nothing will ever change.”
“NTA.”- The__Riker__Maneuver.
“NTA.”
“Him having no self control is not your fault.”
“My brother has Chron’s.”
“And when we lived at home when we were young, he was diagnosed at a young age, my mom made sure he had what he needed to eat and what the rest of the family needed.”
“At the tender age of 10 my brother understood self control and what he can and can’t have.”
“Now that he’s in his 20s and been living on his own, he has complete control over his eating habits and doesn’t suffer from as many flare ups because he knows how to control his Chron’s.”
“Your husband is being a baby with this.”
“You should be able to eat what you like while your husband manages his Chron’s.”-Emmiburr.
Upon reading the comments, the OP thanked those going through similar situations who offered their support, while acknowledging that if she could go back in time, she might have handled things a bit differently.
“From what I understand, he should resist the temptation more than this, and I’m still mad that he did what he did, but I’m not excusing myself from the situation.”
“It was my fault for putting dishes, one of them was his favorite, in front of him like that.”
“It was my fault for poor communication when I kept pushing his hands off the plates instead of actually talking to him.”
“It was wrong to say that cruel line about me not caring if he ends in the hospital.”
“It’s not easy being sick with Crohn’s disease and being on a restrictive diet like this after you used to eat all that you want.”
“I’m going to apologize, we are both AHs in different ways.”
“The truth is that this diagnosis was hard on both of us, especially him, he has to adjust to this new whole lifestyle for a while and he doesn’t even do his favorite things anymore, like working out, as an example, due to a bland diet and exhaustion.”
“But this is not going to divorce us, we are going to work it out no matter what.”
“We still love each other, our relationship has been perfect otherwise and we are going to continue supporting each other even in the face of these challenges.”
“To the people who sent me encouraging messages about joining groups for Crohn’s and your different experiences dealing with IBDs and IBS – Thank you so much.”
“We are going to see into that, I wish you luck in your journey with these diseases.”
Here’s hoping the OP and her husband can find a pathway forward which doesn’t take a toll on either of their physical, or mental, health.