Some people will go to great lengths to impress others... or simply to gain attention.
Some might suggest that they are more accomplished in a skill or area than they actually are, crossing their fingers that this is never put to the test.
Others might need to literally show off by either dressing or presenting themselves in a manner that is not at all reflective of who they actually are.
Redditor AusAccentThrowaway was excited to see his sister again after living in another country and to meet her boyfriend.
However, the original poster (OP) was a bit surprised by how his sister was presenting herself, eventually calling her out in front of her boyfriend.
Resulting in the OP's sister effectively cutting off contact with him.
Wondering if they were out of line, the OP took to the subReddit "Am I The A**hole" (AITA), where he asked fellow Redditors:
"AITA for revealing my sister was faking her accent?"
The OP explained why his sister was so angry when he exposed the truth about her in front of her boyfriend:
"I (23 M[ale]) am from Canada."
"I lived in Newfoundland until I was about 5, and then my family moved to Alberta."
"My sister (now 21 F[emale]) was 3 when we moved."
"Newfoundland has a lot of variation in accents, but where my dad was from in particular has a very distinct, pretty difficult to understand accent."
"A lot of people would assume he's Irish when first meeting him."
"Alberta, in comparison, is pretty much identical to a General American accent except for a few tells if you know what to look for."
"My sister and I both sound like any other Albertan, although we can both imitate our dad's accent really well."
"Through our mother, my sister and I both have Australian citizenship."
"My sister moved there to be with her long-distance boyfriend two years ago, while I stayed in Canada."
"Last month, I decided to fly over and visit family and wanted to come see her in the process."
"She seemed hesitant and tried to discourage me initially but eventually agreed."
"When I went up to her apartment to visit her, she greeted me in a Newfoundland accent."
"I laughed and asked her why she was using that voice, thinking she was just joking."
"Her boyfriend was standing behind her and looked confused, and she got upset and told me to go away, still in the accent."
"I had no clue what was going on at this point, so I just left and went to my car."
"30 minutes later, I got a text from her."
"She said she had spoken in this accent for as long as she had been in Australia because she was tired of having to correct people assuming she was American, and her friends and boyfriend all didn't know it wasn't her natural accent (this is confusing to me because I'm certain she called her boyfriend before going to Australia, so she'd presumably been lying about the accent before anyone would ask her if she was American?)"
"She said her boyfriend was pissed about her lying and I should have just gone along with it."
"I asked how I was supposed to know what she wanted from me and wouldn't he be confused as to why we have two different accents anyways, and she just blocked me."
"We haven't talked since. I'm so confused and I've been feeling awful about potentially breaking up her relationship, but I don't know how else I should have responded to her randomly talking to me in that accent."
"AITA?"
Fellow Redditors weighed in on where they believed the OP fell in this particular situation by declaring:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You're The A**hole
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
- NAH – No A**holes Here
The Reddit community unanimously agreed that the OP was not the a**hole for exposing that his sister was speaking with a fake accent.
Everyone agreed that the OP's sister was being naive if she thought the truth wouldn't get out, and also shouldn't have been so surprised by the OP's reaction to her speaking in an accent that he'd never heard her speak in before, with many pointing out that if anyone ruined this relationship, it was her:
"NTA."
"She should've clued you in before you even visited, and then you could've had the discussion privately instead of being confronted with the fake accent at her door."
"Without being forewarned, how could you have possibly known what she wanted you to do?"
"This is all on her."- wordsmythy
"NTA."
"Your sister made an a** out of herself faking an accent."
"I live in the northern US. I don't mimic a southern accent."
"Your sister tried to 'reinvent' herself in Australia and failed spectacularly."
"If it was one of my siblings, I would laugh too and ask what they were playing at by changing their accent."- Peony-Pony
"NTA."
"She said her boyfriend was pissed about her lying'."
"Write that sentence down and ask her to circle the part of the sentence that involves you."
"Why is it your responsibility to take accountability for the words that come out of her mouth?"
"Is she an infant?"
"Does she need constant supervision?"
"Maybe suggest some options for long-term care facilities that might be able to find a caretaker to speak on her behalf since she is unable to."
"Tell her you're really sorry she has this problem, as living as a person with no control over their words and actions is and will continue to be a long-term, difficult battle."- Silly-Concentrate685
"NTA."
"What a weird thing to lie about."
"She just assumed Australians would know that accent?"
"And since she had to correct people thinking she was American, that meant she had to be speaking without the accent at some point, right?"- FuzzyMom2005
"NTA."
"Your sister sounds insane."
"I have a cousin who moved to England a few years ago and now he speaks with a fake English accent."
"Not sure why people are so pitiful."- kookymungi
"NTA."
"She's been actively lying to her boyfriend for 2 years."
"Of course he's pissed."
"If she can lie about her accent for that long, he's probably wondering what else she's capable of lying about."
"Did she expect to never speak to anyone from home ever again?"
"It's not your job to perpetuate her lies."- Visual-Lobster6625
"It's not like you purposely outed her accent but reacted to it."
"How were you supposed to know?"
"NTA but this is a weird lie to keep up for 2 years."- PhilosophyMajestic28
"NTA."
"What did she expect your reaction was going to be?"
"She could have easily told you to play along."- WeirdnessWalking
"Wait, your sister is mad at you because she lied to her boyfriend?"
"NTA."- finalgirlsam
"NTA."
"Any relationship started on lies is already broken."
"That's something she did herself."- wlfwrtr
"As a Newfoundlander myself, my accent comes and goes depending on what part of the province the person I'm talking to is from."
"I wasn't aware of it myself until my mainlander bf (now husband) told me way back in the early days of our relationship that anytime we went around the bay, I got harder to understand the further from St John's I got."
"lol."
"NTA tho."
"Sis admitted to faking/embellishing her accent."
"Newfinese translation: Yes now, I 'low I'd be the arse here."- FrigOffLuh
"NTA."
"What did she expect?"
"That you would magically know she had been lying about her accent?"
"Man I mean she has some dedication in her lie if she didn't slip once in those two years especially in front of her boyfriend."
"Yeah, you don't have to feel bad about anything here. She shouldn't have lied in the first place and even then she should have warned you before you visited her."- SuperOrange2430
"NTA."
"My Newfoundland/Bay accent is stronger when I talk to my Mom/relatives than when I talk to people on the mainland now, but I lived in NL for 30+ years before I moved to the mainland."
"Adaptive speech is a lot different than putting on the accent."
"It's not your fault she made poor choices and based part of her identity on a lie."
"Also, your sister is really weird, and with the wrong person, her actions could lump her in with the group of mainlanders who still think 'Stupid Newfies' are a thing."
"Ie thinking that no one actually from there would notice."- legoladydoc
There were a select few, however, who felt that the OP's sister had every right to speak in whatever accent she wanted to, but agreed the OP did nothing wrong, as she should have given him a bit of a warning:
"NAH."
"People are allowed to change their accent for whatever reason, if she decided that she wants to speak differently that's her right."
"But she should have given you a heads up first to avoid any confusion."- tangerine_panda
One can't help but wonder how long the OP's sister really thought she would be able to get away with this ruse.
Especially when she started introducing her boyfriend to her friends and family without giving them any sort of warning.
Even so, she should have known that relationships built on lies and deceit seldom, if ever, work out.
Not to mention, if a fake accent is all it would take for this guy to dump her, then she might want to keep looking...
Woman Asks If It's Wrong To Hold Grudge After Mom Told Her When She 8 Years Old That She Wished She'd Aborted Her
While some people view having and raising children as the greatest blessing, some parents hold their children's existence against them for their entire lives.
And when they feel that way about their children, they're unfortunately typically pretty honest about it, cringed the members of the "Am I Overreacting?" (AIO) subReddit.
Redditor heavelymango knew from the time she was young that her mother did not really like her and significantly favored her sister.
But when her mother told her at the age of eight that she wished she had aborted her, the Original Poster (OP) held on to that grudge for years after the fact.
She asked the sub:
The OP had a grudge against her mother.
"I (22 Female) have been holding onto a grudge due to something my mom told me when I was roughly eight or nine years old."
"Growing up, I was a rebellious kid and always felt as if my mom favored my older sister. My sister would always get whatever she wanted."
"I know she was born with Down syndrome and always needed more attention and care, but if my sister wanted my tablet, for example, she would have it for the whole day while mine was limited to 30 minutes so she could have it."
"As a kid, I lashed out more because of this. She could take all of my things, but I could never use hers."
During a heated moment, the OP's mother said something unforgivable.
"Eventually, this led to an argument with my mom. I don't recall the whole thing, but it was related to my sister and how I felt my mom didn't care about me or give me the same amount of attention."
"The fight got heated, and I probably told my mom that I hated my sister and her."
"I remember she said back, 'I never wanted you from the start. I knew I should've aborted you when I had the chance.'"
" I didn't know what aborted meant at the time, and I remember I looked it up, and it made me cry. I never forgot it, and it lingers in my mind whenever I am home."
The OP's mother pressured her to "let it go" and move on.
"Even growing up, I still brought it up, and she would get mad, saying I need to let it go and how I'm stubborn for not just forgetting what she said."
"There was even a time in high school when she took me to a therapist, and she complained about how I never dropped what she said."
"She says I need to move on from it because it has affected my relationship with her, and she wants to fix it."
"I know I'm older now and it was so long ago, but it still hurts, and I feel like it's made me not want to have her in my life in the future, and I have told this to her."
"How I don't want her in my life once I move out, get married, or have my own kids."
Fellow Redditors weighed in:
Some reassured the OP that this sounded like a core memory more than a grudge.
"The axe forgets. The tree remembers."
"It sounds less like you're holding a grudge and more that this is a formative, core memory for you."
"It won't stop being a core memory (unless maybe with the help of a lot of therapy). Has your mom ever apologized for saying that? Because you don't have to forget to forgive, but if she's not remorseful for saying that terrible thing to her young child (not just remorseful that you remember it), then she probably needs therapy (or is a narcissist/sociopath/similar)."
"You are certainly not obligated to 'get over it.'" - Hot-Can3615
"This is not a 'grudge'; it is pain that is still felt to such a degree. If she said it, then she was thinking it. She'll probably never apologize, but that doesn't mean your pain is or was invalid." - Fast_Register_9480
"NOR. This kind of thing needs a real apology. Like she needs to acknowledge the damage and genuinely care about it. Brushing it off won’t make it go away." - TentacleWolverine
"NOR. Did she really want to fix things? She basically just told you to get over it from the start instead of giving you a sincere apology."
"That isn't working on anything. She wants you to get over it so she can pretend that she never said it, so she doesn't have to feel bad about what she did. It doesn't sound like she cares much about how you feel."
"She just doesn't want to deal with it. For that reason, I would still have issues with what she said." - Chemical-Ad6809
"If your relationship with your mother is being affected by the actions of your mother, your mother is responsible for fixing it."
"You should know you probably aren't ever going to get closure, but you don't have to swallow it down. It helps to be the person you needed when you were younger out loud to yourself, but especially to others."
"For example: My name is Liz, and my mom told me to go ahead and do it already and save us all the heartache when I finally had the courage to tell her about how much I've been struggling with self-harm and suicidal ideation. I'm never going to forgive her for that, and we have never been close as a result of her actions."
"You aren't holding onto a grudge; you have a core memory of your mother distilling her feelings into a world-shattering sentence."
"You did not have a secure attachment before and can't have one now because of the deep trauma. You do not apologize for being stabbed."
"Find another therapist. I mean it. Someone who cares about your well-being wouldn't force you to apologize for being verbally abused as a child. I'm 29 now, and I lived through it. I still struggle with suicidal ideation daily, but once I stopped relying on my mom and unstable sources for support, my life got better immediately."
"You want things for comfort and familiarity. Don't let your mom or your therapist gaslight you into crossing a boundary."
"It might help to ask for a written five-part apology from your mom. 1. Acknowledge what you did 2. Say why it was wrong 3. Promise not to do it again 4. Ask how to make amends. 5. Share your feelings at this time if there's anything you'd like to say."
"My mom can be a good person and a bad mom and role model. Being in your own company is so much better than poor company." - PotLuckyPodcast
Others hoped the OP would go no contact with her mother sooner rather than later.
"NOR. It’s emotional abuse. And you do not owe her closeness after that, especially as she refuses to be accountable for that and try to make it up to you."
"She knows you have her number, and she can’t forgive you for knowing what a colloidal b***h she is."
"It’s unlikely that will change; it will at least be turned back on you with her the victim."
"Stop expecting her to apologize. If she doesn’t pay your bills, ghost her." - SnooCheesecakes2723
"My mom said something similar. My brother and I were adopted, and when I was a teen, in front of a church lady, she said, 'We didn't even really want you, but the people didn't want to split y'all up, so we just took you, too.'"
"Me and the church lady were shook. When I say my falbbers were ghasted. Like huh? She didn't remember saying that when I brought it up years after the fact."
"I also got grounded two times for two separate nine weeks (for C's on my report card) and a three and a half to four months (for smoking at 16 and getting caught because she liked to just pop up out of nowhere), and we just had a talk about that, and she didn't even remember."
"She said, 'No, I didn't. I never grounded you for that long,' and when I gave my rebuttal, she said, 'Well, if I did, it definitely wasn't for no nine weeks or months,' and this started because she was praising me for reading so much and liking books. I said, 'Well, when you were grounded like me, that's all I could do (no TV, no friends outside of school, no music, nothing but my room and books)."
"There's a reason I only call or answer her calls once or twice every few weeks. And I only call to get food, really..." - ManicalMoe
"‘Fine, I'm sorry’ is not an apology."
"Whilst I’m sure it was said in anger, most things said in anger have a grain of truth. There are also some things that no half-decent parent ever says to their children, no matter how angry they are, and this is one of them! It also sounds like she has made repeated similar comments of not wanting you as her child."
"I understand her eldest had a disability, but this is no excuse for neglecting and emotionally abusing her younger child. Lots of families deal with a child with additional needs whilst still managing to prioritise their other kids. Children with Down syndrome are capable of understanding ‘that’s your sister's, not yours; give it back’ !! It sounds like your mum has mental health issues?"
"Do you have a present father or other family you can turn to?"
"Protect your peace. Your mum has hurt you time and time again, honestly, for no real gain other than momentarily satisfying her anger. You owe this woman nothing." - Background_Term9810
"I went through something similar. When I was a little girl, my mother used to make comments that implied she didn't want me, though it was never that explicit. 'I only had you because your brother wanted a sister,' and 'My figure never recovered after you; after your brother, it did.'"
"Each comment stayed with me, but I never addressed it with her. I tried to move on and leave it in the past. She did a lot of horrible things throughout my life, but her behavior was always ignored because that's the precedent my dad set, where she can do essentially whatever she wants."
"A few months ago, she came to see me because I was desperate for help and sick. Instead of helping, she made my life so much worse. I won't go into details. At one point, I could no longer keep it inside, and I told her that she is a narcissist, to which she responded with, 'It would have been better if I had never had you.'"
"In some ways, it felt really good to hear her come out and say it. It felt good to hear the truth I've always known."
"I don't know what you should do, but I've chosen to not forgive."
"Every time I forgave, I just let her know that she can get away with whatever horrible things she had done. Her apologies were never real apologies. She always found ways to blame me or others for whatever she had done."
"And I'm truly just done with it. As sad as it is to not have a mom, it's sadder to pretend that you have one when in reality you don't... quite the opposite, if anything." - Neos_Mom
"So, OP, what will hurt more: keeping her and the grudge in your life or making a break and going low or no contact with her?"
"Frankly, we've no idea of what she might have been dealing with at the time, but regardless, what she said was said only to cause pain and suffering. 'Sorry' doesn't magic that intent away."
"Me, I think spending time alone or with friends or in therapy away from her might be what you need here. You might come to some sort of acceptance, but if this is something that's just going to keep coming between you, then stop trying to have that relationship." - Tal_Tos_72
After the OP received feedback, she shared a few clarifications from her original post.
"I wanted to clear some things up, take accountability where it's due, and provide some much-needed context from many people commenting the same questions."
"I want to be completely honest. We had many arguments, and I was a rebellious kid. I acted out and argued with my mom."
"I don't want to give off the impression that I was an entirely innocent kid who never did anything wrong and my mom just snapped out of nowhere. We both said hateful and hurtful things to each other during our fights."
"Growing up, the only way she would accept an apology was if I got on my knees and begged her for forgiveness. If I ever asked her to apologize to me, she would say, 'I have nothing to apologize for; you should be the one begging for my forgiveness.'"
The OP had a lot of physical memories, too.
"Things also would turn into physical arguments, not just verbal ones."
"There were times when she would get so angry she would get physical. Like yanking me by my hair, twisting my arms, or throwing things at me (like remotes, a bug spray can, or a radio)."
"When she yanked my hair, I would fight back just to get her to let me go, and she would scream that I was trying to kill her and she would get me arrested. When she twisted my arm, and I begged her to stop because it felt like it was going to break, she would say she hoped it did."
"When she threw objects at me, she would say she wished they would hit my face."
"I remember in middle school, during an argument, she said she wished she could break my face and that she hated it because I look like my dad. I won’t lie, whenever she said things like that, I would say nasty comments about how she chose to have him put us in her."
While the OP wasn't financially ready to move out yet, she hoped to as soon as possible.
"Why haven't I moved out yet? The main reason I haven't been able to move out is financial."
"I wasn't making enough to support myself without worrying about whether I’d end up having to crawl back home."
"Thankfully, I have recently found a better-paying job. My plan is to move out between mid-to-late October, or early November at the latest."
"The only reason I can't leave this exact second is because I have a few legal/administrative things to get cleared up so I’m completely untied from my mom, which will take a few weeks."
The OP also had proof that her mother liked her sister better.
"Has my mom ever admitted to favoring my sister? Yes."
"In arguments, she has explicitly told me that she doesn't see me as her legitimate daughter, and that she adored my sister more and forever will. She has also called me a 'monster,' told me there is a certain type of evil inside of me, and said she was afraid I would be just like my dad and try to harm them."
"She would even tell me that she was telling family and friends these things about me, but then later claim she 'just said it in the moment' and wouldn't be crazy enough to actually tell people that."
"Because I was so confused growing up and didn't know if she was lying or telling the truth, I started avoiding our family when they came over."
"Naturally, that just made things worse because she would get mad at me for avoiding them (even now as an adult), completely ignoring the fact that she was the one who lied about what she told them."
Unfortunately, the OP didn't have support from her father.
"What about my dad? My dad is not in my life."
"He was around sporadically, but never as a stable parent. My parents separated before I was born and divorced when I was two or three."
"Growing up, it was just constant back-and-forth toxicity, with him telling me how toxic my mother was, and her telling me the same about him."
"He would mostly only come over to see my sister, and often used me to care for her if he wanted to take her out to eat. Ultimately, my dad didn't care about anyone else other than my sister (and his drugs)."
"I hope this can clear some questions on the original post. I know I didn't provide many details as I originally should have. I honestly didn't want to post something too long, and I honestly did not expect it to be noticed."
"Thank you all for taking time to talk to me and share your thoughts."
The subReddit fully sided with the OP, pointing out that no matter how heated the moment was, it would never excuse the terrible things the OP's mother had said to her.
If the OP's mother really wanted a relationship with her, she'd drop the defensiveness and demands, offer a genuine apology, and work hard to be better for both of her children.
That takes a very rare kind of person to pull off, and it didn't sound like the OP's mother had that in her.
If you or someone you know is struggling, you can contact the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 988.
To find help outside the United States, the International Association for Suicide Prevention has resources available at https://findahelpline.com/i/iasp