When entering a marriage, as the saying goes, “what’s mine is yours and what’s yours is mine.”
One does have to wonder if that includes each other’s friends.
Sadly, spouses and significant others don’t always hit it off with each other’s besties.
Most of the time, they can at least force themselves to enjoy each other’s company.
In some cases, however, their animosity is too strong to even share a room for an extended period of time.
Redditor LostinLies1 did not hit it off with his wife’s best friend.
So much so, that the original poster (OP) even blamed him for ruining their wedding.
So when it was his wife’s BFF’s turn to get married, the OP had no intention of attending the wedding.
Wondering if his reasons were justified, the OP took to the subReddit “Am I The A**Hole” (AITA), where he asked fellow Redditors:
“AITA for refusing to attend my wife’s BF’s wedding?”
The OP explained how after he felt that his wife’s best friend ruined his wedding night, he was less than inclined to join his wife at his wedding.
“My wife ‘Jennifer’ has a best friend, ‘Scott’.”
“They’ve been best friends for over 30 years.”
“He’s always been a gossip, talking sh*t about their various acquaintances whenever they hung out.”
“I told her, ‘If he’s talking that way about your homies, makes you wonder what he says about you, huh?'”
“Anyway, before our wedding 15 years ago, I was under a lot of stress, and I started smoking again.”
“My wife (then fiancee) was really upset and asked me to stop.”
“I said I would try. I was doing my best, using patches, gum, etc, but I would still slip up on occasion.”
“A few weeks before our wedding, I was driving down the road, and my phone rang.”
“It was my wife, and she was livid.”
“Her friend ‘Scott’ was driving behind me and noticed that I was smoking.”
“He called my wife immediately to rat me out.”
“Jennifer wouldn’t talk to me for two days.”
“Fast forward to the wedding day.”
“Everything went fantastic! “
“We had a great time.”
“A lot of the attendees were staying at the same hotel.”
“After my wife and I returned to the hotel, I ducked outside to sneak a cigarette.”
“As I was standing there, who should sneak up… but Scott.”
“‘I see you’, he sing-songed at me, presenting me with a sh*t-eating grin.”
“I pretended not to hear him, put out my cigarette, and went back to my room.”
“By the time I got there (2 minutes) my wife was furious.”
“Scott had called her immediately to let her know that he had seen me smoking and she was waiting for me at the door when I returned.”
‘She yelled at me for an hour and wouldn’t speak to me afterward, telling me I had ruined our wedding night.”
“Flash forward 15 years.”
“Scott is marrying his partner, and my wife wants me to go to his wedding with her.”
“I absolutely refuse.’
“It’s burned me for years that his need for drama ruined our wedding night.”
“He could have easily held onto his ‘dirt’ until the next day, but he couldn’t wait to spread the news, upsetting his BFF.”
‘I have no desire to attend this guy’s wedding.”
“All I can think about is his need to rat me out to my wife on our first night as husband and wife.”
“It still pisses me off.”
“My wife is upset at me and says that since I was the one lying (about my smoking), I had no right to be upset with Scott and that I need to get over it.”
“My argument back is I was addicted to cigarettes, and I was doing my best to stop.”
“Her friend took great glee in creating drama on her wedding night and relished the fact that he was creating trouble for me.”
“I am holding firm.”
“AITA for refusing to attend the wedding of this person?”
Fellow Redditors weighed in on where they believed the OP fell in this particular situation, by declaring:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
While the Reddit community was somewhat divided, they generally agreed that the OP was not the a**hole for refusing to attend Scott’s wedding, even if some felt that the OP was still wrong for lying to his wife about smoking.
Most agreed that Scott’s behavior more than justified the OP’s resistance to attending his wedding, with many feeling that Scott was deliberately trying to plant a wedge between the OP and his wife.
“I doubt this will be the majority opinion, but I f*cking despise people like Scott.”
“Intentionally starting sh*t, sh*t-talking, etc is such a huge character flaw compared to being stressed and sneaking off for a cigarette on your wedding.”
“Even if you classified it as lying.”
“Also your wife seems overly dramatic (which is why she and Scott are best friends I bet).”
“You smoking a cigarette ruined the wedding?!?”- TheExistential_Bread
“NTA, and I’m disturbed by this dynamic he and your wife have going on.”
“He rats you out, and she chews your @ss for an hour?”
“I’m sorry, but you’re an adult, and quitting smoking is hard.”
“No one deserves to have to sit there for an hour and be chewed out or to get the SILENT TREATMENT for two days.”
“I don’t know if your wife treats you that way without him, but I for sure would not like her when he is around!”- Lynda73
“Strictly on the question you asked, NTA.”
“If you don’t want to go you don’t have to.”
“But lying and sneaking cigarettes is entirely on you, not him.”
“Obviously it’s a huge deal to her.”
“If my partner was sneaking around doing something I considered nearly a deal breaker, I’d want my friends to tell me.”
“His loyalty as a friend was to her, not to you or your secrecy.”- oodlesofschmoodles
“NTA. Gossip’s rarely reform.”
“Perhaps suddenly change your mind with your wife.”
“Get super excited about a chance to ‘even the score’.”
“Make sure your wife gets good and worried.”
“I bet she’ll let it slip to Scott If you have to go to the wedding, you can make sure Scott is worried about you the entire time.”- OverRice2524
“He’s a pot-stirring a**hole.”
“There’s no reason why you want to celebrate any good thing happening in his life.”
“Your wife can have a great time by herself.”- dublos
“NTA but honestly wouldn’t your wife notice the stink from a quick smoke?”- suckerfishbeaut
“I’m going to say NTA (but you skated really close to the E S H line, especially smoking on your wedding night).”
“Scott sounds like a drama king, and he just couldn’t wait to disrupt your wife’s happiness on her wedding day.”
“What kind of BFF does that?”
“A toxic one.”
“Your wife also kinda sucks here for screaming at you every time he tattled.”
“I could understand her wanting a strong discussion, but yelling for an hour on your wedding night?”
“What she should have done is tell Scott to mind his own business.”
“I don’t blame you for not wanting to go to his wedding.”
“You and your wife are going to have to come to some type of understanding about it.”
“Best of luck.”- columbospeugeot
Others however, had more trouble sympathizing with the OP, unable to ignore that he lied to his wife about smoking, and others found his not wanting to go to Scott’s wedding on the petty side, even if they still didn’t approve of Scott’s behavior.
“You’re an a**hole for lying to your wife (saying you’ll stop smoking, and still continuing to smoke) and that dude is a massive a**hole for relishing in the drama of others.”
“Not going to the wedding is pretty petty so yeah you’re an a**hole for that, after all, it is still your wife’s BFF.”- Deadly9750
“Can I just say, your wife wouldn’t have needed Scott to phone her to tell her.”
“She would have been able to smell it on you the moment you walked into the room.”
“Yeah, sure the bloke’s a pain in the arse.”
“Sure, he shouldn’t have done what he did, sure, I wouldn’t have him as a friend.”
“Go to the wedding and just see it as a free feed, free plonk, and a day out.”
“No need to talk to him on the day.”- DiamondHeist1970
One could argue that Scott was being a good loyal friend to the OP’s wife, by making sure she knew the OP wasn’t being 100% honest with her.
That being said, anyone who has tried to quit smoking knows that it isn’t easy, and is much harder for some than it is for others.
Leading one to agree with those who wondered if Scott’s intentions were quite as pure as they seemed. Or, for that matter, if he would be particularly disappointed by the OP’s absence at his wedding himself.