Content Warning: Cheating, Affair, Enabling Cheaters, Family Scapegoat
No one is perfect, and we’re all going to make mistakes and do things from time to time that will hurt other people.
But while many of us do our best not to do these hurtful things, some people are very intentional about it, pointed out the “Am I the A**hole?” (AITAH) subReddit.
Redditor gorizzardly was immediately disgusted when he overheard his sister-in-law telling his wife that she was participating in an affair, even though she and her affair partner were both married and had children.
But when the affair reached the point where she was even spending weekends away with her affair partner, the Original Poster (OP) felt it was time to tell his brother-in-law the truth.
He stated to the sub:
“My wife’s sister is cheating, and now I’m the bad guy.”
The OP was aware that his sister-in-law was cheating on her husband.
“My wife’s sister, B (30 Female), is cheating on her husband, M (32 Male).”
“B and M have a child together, but their relationship isn’t great.”
“For context, I’m not particularly close to M.”
“This all started when B began FaceTiming my wife (they live in different countries), telling her about this guy she’s been dating.”
As the cheating continued, the OP felt increasingly disgusted.
“When I first overheard this, it made me sick. From September until last month, B would call every other day to share ‘the tea’ with my wife, including what they did, their secret rendezvous, and even intimate details about their relationship.”
“To make matters worse, this guy is married with three kids.”
“I kept telling my wife to tell B to stop or to inform M, but my wife refused, and B kept cheating.”
“Eventually, when my wife visited B, she told her to stop doing what she was doing. After that, B stopped confiding in her.”
The OP couldn’t stay quiet any longer.
“Fast forward to a few weeks ago when M called my wife, asking if she had heard from B, because she had gone away for a weekend ‘girls only’ engagement party. She hadn’t picked up her phone for a day, and B had told M that the bride was one of my wife’s friends.”
“My wife covered for B while on the phone, but I knew the truth, that B was in a hotel room with her affair partner while M was at home taking care of their kid and worried about where she was.”
“At that point, I couldn’t take it anymore. I created an anonymous WhatsApp account and messaged M, giving him the basic details of what was going on.”
But the OP telling the truth brought serious consequences.
“Long story short, M found out everything. However, after being enraged for a day, instead of addressing B’s behavior, she somehow manipulated M, and now they’re both coming after me.”
“They’ve accused me of being mentally unstable, a drama-causer, and a horrible person.”
“They’ve even told my wife to ‘watch out for me’ and that she can never see B’s child (whom she adores).”
“To make matters worse, even their mother has sided with B, saying she’s disgusted with me and that my wife should leave me.”
“My wife hasn’t been the same with me since she found out I was the one who told M. Her sister is polluting her head. I can’t be trusted apparently.”
“I don’t know. Was I in the wrong? Should I have swallowed the guilt of knowing and moved on? If I was in M’s place, I would hate if someone knew and didn’t tell me.”
“AITAH?”
Fellow Redditors weighed in:
- NTA: Not the A**hole
- YTA: You’re the A**hole
- ESH: Everybody Sucks Here
- NAH: No A**holes Here
Some were immediately concerned about the OP’s wife’s morals.
“Your wife approved of and covered for someone who was cheating on her husband. That says a lot about her own moral character.”
“Ask her why she believes it is okay for her sister to have an affair. If she gives you any reasons in answer, then those are the reasons she feels justify being unfaithful to you.”
“You can no longer trust her family and she has to go a long way to show you can trust her.” – notAugustbutordinary
“It’s crazy how the whole family is like that. The mother, the sister, his wife. He picked a bad family to marry into. Sorry your wife and in-laws are toxic, OP.”
“The more I think about it, they are probably ALL cheaters. That’s why she is different to him now, knowing he won’t tolerate that behavior and she endorses and approves of cheating.” – prisonbiscuit
“If your wife is THAT okay with cheating, then I would be worried that she has also cheated or that she will see no issue in doing so when the opportunity arises.”
“I’m sorry you married a woman and into a family with such low character.”
“NTA.” – Character-Tell4893
“The mother, father, and daughters all are aware of the cheating and Neither of them did anything and now they’re making OP as the bad guy. Neither of them is a decent human being who has the audacity to speak the truth.”
“I’ll say OP should be careful about his wife’s Girl’s Night out and Business Trips.”
“If OP’s wife is not saying anything to her parents to stop harassing OP or does not own up to OP about her doing wrong to side with her cheating sister, then OP should reevaluate the relationship as it’s not going to work in the long run and that’s for sure.” – lonewolf369963
“If they’re all good with helping cover up a cheating scandal, who knows what else they’d consider ‘no big deal.’ Lucky for OP, he got a front-row seat to their true ethics now.” – Beckyharped
“I can’t imagine anyone being “gaslighted” into believing that cheating is okay and to side with the cheater, whilst ganging up on the one who had the decency to reveal said affair. Unless… they think cheating is normal.”
“And I’m guessing your wife and her family do, which also means watch out OP. It can (or maybe already has) been done to you.”
“I still can’t imagine M being angry at you, OP. What kind of toxicity did you marry into?! Seriously leave if possible. None of these people are worth your peace.” – RecommendationNo3942
Others reassured the OP that he did the right thing, despite the unexpected consequences.
“If you hadn’t told M, you’d have been living with the weight of that secret and feeling complicit.”
“Your actions were based on a sense of moral duty, and you didn’t deserve to be vilified for it. It’s not your fault that B’s actions are coming to light in such a way. NTA.” – Radept109a
“NTA. You did what you thought was right by telling M, and honestly, I’d want to know if I were in his shoes, too. B’s behavior is toxic, and the fact that she’s cheating with a married man makes it even worse, it’s affecting two families, not just hers.”
“Your wife and her family siding with B is a classic case of ‘shooting the messenger.’ It’s easier for them to defame you than to deal with the truth about B’s actions. It’s especially disappointing that your wife hasn’t supported you, especially since you urged her to address this first.”
“You’re not wrong for struggling to sit silently while someone’s life gets destroyed by lies. Sure, anonymity can muddy things, but the core issue is B’s cheating, not how M found out.”
“Stay true to your values, and if your wife’s trust in you is shaken, maybe it’s time for a deeper conversation about honesty and accountability in your relationship. You don’t deserve to be the scapegoat for someone else’s mess.” – Wei_Ku
“NTA.”
“Fruit does not fall far from the tree, this whole thing has exposed your wife for what she too thinks.”
“They are all, mother and both daughters, telling you that you are wrong for exposing the affair. That means that if your wife had an affair they would all support this.”
“What would they do to you if you had an affair? I am sure they would keep your secret and be your sounding block… h**l no!”
“I was cheated on and I definitely wished I had been told. Coincidentally, just this past weekend I met with friends from a distant city and they too confessed that, years ago, my ex-wife actually surprise kissed one of them in an attempt to break the ice and get intimate (why did they never tell me!).”
“You did the right thing, you absolutely did the right thing.”
“Their reaction, mother and both daughters, shows their guilt and attitude.”
“The reaction of the husband being cheated on shows how good these women are at manipulating the men in their lives… THAT INCLUDES YOU!!”
“You are being manipulated by people who do not share your fundamental values in a marriage, the foundation of marriage. Your wife might have even cheated on you either before or during marriage… who knows?”
“You can never trust your wife again, this whole event will always be at the back of your mind.” – Throw_a_viral_email
“Instead of worrying about what they might think of you, you should worry about your wife covering for her sister. Your wife knows that her sister was cheating, but she prefers to support and cover up for her sister and not stay by your side.” – YouAccording3896
“OP, the only thing you did wrong was attempt to be sneaky with a fake account. Be proud of your decision. Don’t be afraid or hide the fact you are disgusted by your sister-in-law’s behavior.”
“As for your wife helping her cover up the affair, basically, she is no better than her sister. Your wife’s behavior should tell you all you need to know.”
“Sounds like you need to get yourself away from the whole toxic family.” – MembershipImpossible
“NTA, and if it were me, I would tell my wife, ‘You can go ahead and divorce me over this as I am wondering who I married. If it is this easy for you to cover for your sister and take her side, why would you not do it to me? So let’s get a divorce since your morals are not where mine are.” – ifIwerenyourshoes
The subReddit was proud of the OP for telling the truth, and while his being blamed by the entire family for causing drama was not on the subReddit’s Bingo card for 2024, they hoped that this experience would help him make the right decisions for himself and his child going forward.