In an effort to make a good impression, many people will “dress for success”.
Donning clothing they otherwise wouldn’t normally wear, in an effort to make themselves look glamorous or sophisticated.
Even it the clothing in question isn’t particularly comfortable.
Redditor wtfthesehighheels4 did just this while attending a party thrown by her fiancé’s family, as his own request.
But as the night wore on, so did the original poster (OP)’s discomfort, resulting in a minor wardrobe change.
But this minor change was enough to make her fiancé very angry.
Alarmed by his reaction, the OP took to the subReddit “Am I The A**Hole” (AITA), where she asked fellow Redditors:
“AITA for embarrassing my fiancé and taking my heels off at our engagement party?”
The OP first explained how her fiancé’s family wanted to celebrate their engagement, and he made a request in an effort to handle a noticeable physical disparity between the two of them.
“My fiancé (m[ale] 31) and I (f[emale] 26) got engaged several days ago.”
“This is relevant, he’s tall and I’m in the 5’s category.”
“Pretty small compared to him and his family.”
“He asked that I wear high heels at our engagement party since there was going to be photos.”
“Although I wasn’t comfortable (not a fan either) with high heels, I decided to wear them just for his sake since he begged and pleaded.”
“And also since he promised I would be sitting most of the time.”
However, the OP quickly learned this was not to be the case, as did her feet.
“But at the party he had me stand for hours to welcome the guests (there were like 20 guests) with him.”
“I got so tired of standing and my feet and legs were on fire.”
“I asked if I could sit but his mom said I’m the fiancee and should stand next to my partner not just sit like the party had nothing to do with me.”
But when the pain became unbearable, the OP found a quick solution, much to the horror of her fiancé.
“I told my fiancé again that I was in so much pain but he said ‘suck it up, it’s almost over’.”
“I had enough of it, I took my heels off and let my feet and legs cool off.”
“He and his mom looked at me in utter confusion.”
“Several of his family and guests saw me barefoot as well.”
“He freaked out asking what I was doing.”
“His mom asked that I put my heels on but I said my feet were done and I couldn’t do it anymore.”
“My fiancé begged me but I stood there til it was over like he wanted.”
“The minute I got in the car he flipped out, saying I embarrassed him in front of family and friends by standing there barefoot and refusing to put my heels back on even after his mom repeatedly asked.”
“I reminded him that he said I wouldn’t be standing but turns out it wasn’t true.”
“He argued that for someone with a height like mine, then I should wear high heels more often, and said should’ve sucked it up for his sake.”
“He went upstairs and turned his phone off and refused to speak to me.”
“I had no intentions of embarrassing him and I do feel I should’ve sucked it up.”
“But I think that he wasn’t truthful about how long I was expected to stand.”
“He doesn’t usually care if I wear high heels, and said I should start considering wearing them from now on out because most women wear heels at big occasions like weddings and engagement parties.”
Fellow Redditors weighed in on where they believed the OP fell in this particular situation by declaring:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
The Reddit community agreed that the OP had every right to take off her shoes to ease her aching feet, and was not the a**hole for doing so.
Everyone agreed that the OP’s fiancé was being insensitive to her plight, with many finding the behavior of the OP’s fiancé was more than enough to justify her ending this engagement.
“Make him stand in heels for half the time.”
“He wouldn’t make it.”– Luna23.
“As a short Asian girl I’ve found that the best way to make myself taller is to get rid of everyone who ever made me feel small.”
“And this is coming from someone who does enjoy wearing heels.”-fakingandnotmakingit.
“Think twice before marrying this man.”
“He freaked out on you for flipping shoes.”
“He does not dictate what you wear and you shouldn’t take this from him.”
“His mom is just as bad.”
“This is a spotlight on how your marriage is going to be.”
“He seems just a tad fucking controlling…”
“Run, OP, run.”- Dounesky.
“This is your future.”
“Do you want a husband who puts his concern of ‘what will people think’, aka, a non-problem, above your physical discomfort?”
“If the answer is no then you can’t marry him in good faith.”
“When people show you who they are, BELIEVE THEM.”- aspertame_blood.
“Like…he knows he’s marrying someone shorter than him, right?”
“And that you’ll be shorter than him in EVERY PHOTO OF YOU TWO EVER TAKEN, right?”
“Sounds like dude would ask you to get a height augmentation surgery if that was even a thing…like, holy f*ck that is toxic.”
“You didn’t embarrass him, his stupid ideals lead him to embarrass himself.”
“I would think LONG and hard about whether or not this is the kind of person you want to be married to.”
“So you want to marry a guy… That doesn’t like you being short…”
“Wants you to HURT yourself to suit his shallow preferences… “
“And doesn’t give a single ounce of sh*t about your pain cause he cares more about image…”
“Then he has a tantrum, berates you, and turns off his phone and gives you the silent treatment.”
“Like a child.”
“Mhm. Yeah. Makes sense.”
“NTA but OP, what is you doin’?”-ConferenceDecent4222.
“So, let’s just ring this up, shall we?”
“Your fiancé is so comfortable with your height, he “‘freaks’ if you’re seen in public at your natural height.”
“Your fiancé thinks he’s been embarrassed in front of his family and friends if you take your shoes off.”
“Your fiancé thinks that the fact that his mom asked is more important than the fact that you are in pain.”
“Your fiancé describes you in terms like ‘with a height like yours’, as if you’re defective.”
“Your fiancé goes off and sulks and refuses to speak to you over this.”
“Did I miss anything?”-cjack68.
“Give him a pair of heels and tell him to stand in them for hours.”
“I’d ask him to strut around and do some dancing to really get the feel for them.”
“Walk, jog and be brave and try to run..”
“Oh, he wouldn’t want that?”
“Hmm wonder why not if they’re so glorious.”
“Personally I’d be rethinking the engagement totally if he doesn’t care about your comfort and wants you to cause yourself pain because ~it looks better~ or whatever nonsense he believes.”
“There’s absolutely nothing wrong with being short, that’s ridiculous – he’s known your height since you met him.”- VixedVexen.
“This is super controlling!”
“I would never wear heels again.”
“He loves you as is or he can be free to find the giant of his dreams… geesh.”-DottedUnicorn.
“NTA – are you really sure you want to marry someone who thinks you should suffer physical pain for the sake of his vanity?”- TyrannasaurusRecked.
“Has no one told them about the existence of feet?”
“I struggle to see where exactly the problem is for him and the others.”
“Honestly this is way bigger of a problem than just what happened at the party.”
“NTA, and probably worth rethinking an engagement with a man who has so little concern for your well-being that he will give you the silent treatment for wanting to not be in pain.”- AModel3Owner.
“NTA Why is he with you if your height is embarrassing to him…”
“But more importantly why are you marrying a guy who would treat you this way???”-Embarrassed_Hat_2904.
“Your fiancé is obsessed with appearances.”
“This is a huge warning bell for what’s to come in your marriage.”
“Also, your MIL is going to make planning the wedding a living hell.”
“And if you have kids?”
“Don’t say you weren’t warned.”
“I encourage you to reflect on the fact that you had to ask permission from your fiancé and his mommy to sit down.”
“A simple ‘excuse me for a moment’ is all that is required by polite society.”
“And then they both said no!”
“They literally didn’t care that you were in pain.”-CaimansGalore.
“NTA, and I would strongly reconsider marrying this guy if I were you.”
“Just because there are already MULTIPLE worrisome behaviors of him in this story alone.”
“To point them out:”
“Him wanting you to suffer physically because he wants you to fit a certain image that HE sees fit.”
“Him tricking you into wearing something you don’t want/felt comfortable with, by giving you the wrong impression.”
“Him pushing you into something AFTER you said no already.”
“Him throwing something in your face about a thing that you physically can’t change.”
“Yes you are on the shorter side, and no that doesn’t mean you HAVE to wear heels all the time.”
“Him suggesting that is f*cked up.”
“Him putting others feelings before yours (who care what other think about bare feet, as long as you’re SO is happy!)”
“Him not supporting you when mommy dearest gave you the side eye in something A LOT OF WOMEN DO.”
“That women has ZERO say about what you do or don’t with your body since you are an adult.”
“Lack of communication by shutting you out during an argument.”
“The only way to make a longterm relationship work is honest and respectful communication.”
“Him behaving like a child and not wanting to clear the air will only create more conflict/resentment in a relationship.”
“Take a step back and reevaluate his behavior and how that makes you feel.”
“Then imagine that it’s not you, but someone you love very very much (sister, future daughter, best friend) who is in this relationship.”
“What advise would you give them, staying together or breaking up??”-These-Process-7331.
Indeed, if the OP’s fiancé finds her height to be such an issue, it does suggest this marriage might be in store for some trouble.
Assuming this marriage still happens.