If there’s one challenge everyone faces when in a relationship, it’s how well you do, or don’t, get along with your partner’s parents.
Those who are lucky get along swimmingly with their partner’s parents, finding them to be the family they never had, but always wanted.
Others are less lucky, finding the less time they spend around their partner’s families the better.
While most people keep their less-than-cordial feelings about their in-laws private, others have no trouble sharing their unfiltered opinions.
Sometimes even to their in-law’s faces.
Redditor Nonfrench_Fries3621 was a bit dismayed by some comments his girlfriend was making about his younger sister, with whom he had an incredibly close bond.
Things came to something of a head, however, when the original poster (OP)’s girlfriend made these comments directly to his sister’s face, at a family dinner no less.
Leading the OP to share some choice words with his girlfriend, who had some choice words of her own to share back.
Wondering if he was out of line, the OP took to the subReddit “Am I The A**hole” (AITA), where he asked fellow Redditors:
“AITA telling girlfriend that she gave me the ‘ick’ at a family dinner?”
The OP explained why his girlfriend left him a little steamed after a recent family dinner:
“I’m 32 M[ale] dating my girlfriend Jenny 27 F[emale] for almost a year now, and we’ve met each other’s families.”
“Jenny is an only child of an asian family while I’m half/half with one younger sister, Anna 21 F.”
“Anna and I are close despite our age gap, our parents both worked demanding jobs and I would babysit/chaperone for many of her bratty teen years.”
“In recent months I’ve noticed that whenever Anna comes up in conversation, Jenny would joke about how Anna is overly spoiled by my parents and I and how we’ve created a princess.”
“Last week at a family dinner with my parents I felt like Jenny was overly grilling Anna on school/dating/life.”
“At one point, Anna was telling a story about how a first date gave her ‘the ick’ by not pull out his wallet after their meal and let her foot the full meal.”
“Jenny laughed and said that not every man will treat her to dinner like her brother would and that ‘you need to lower your standards’.”
“I was not happy with this comment as it sounded like my sister didn’t deserve to be treated with basic respect but also didn’t want to embarrass Jenny.”
“Jennifer then went on talk about how that would’ve never happen to her as men see her as ‘high value’.”
“I don’t know what about this comment that just pissed me off but I said that she was giving ME ‘the ick’ and to stop talking to my sister like that.”
“The argument we had when we got home was massive, and Jenny told me that I was overreacting to an innocuous comment and would make a terrible father because I would always favor my sister over everyone else.”
“I’m shocked at called a ‘terrible father’ and honestly still don’t think I was wrong, but need another opinion.”
“AITA?”
Fellow Redditors weighed in on where they believed the OP fell in this particular situation, by declaring:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
- NAH – No A**holes Here
The Reddit community unanimously agreed that the OP was not the a**hole for telling Jenny she gave him “the ick”.
Everyone agreed that Jenny was way out of line by speaking to Anna in the way she did. Many found her behavior so self-centered that they urged the OP to seriously consider whether staying in this relationship was a good idea.
“Any girl that refers to herself as ‘high value’ in a conversation is an ick.”
“Doing it while letting your younger sibling know it’s because they aren’t ’high value’ is just cruel.”
“And by the way – no one of real class or substance would ever think that.”
“She’s about as valuable as the gum on the bottom of a shoe!”
“Look at the people you truly admire in life.”
“They don’t usually go around telling others they’re winner and that other people aren’t.”
“They’re worth admiring for their actions and words.”
“She doesn’t appear to have done anything that makes her someone of value.”
“NTA.”- Major_Barnacle_2212
“NTA.”
“She’s a walking red flag.”
“‘Jennifer then went on talk about how that would’ve never happen to her as men see her as ‘high value’.”
“What is this comment?”
“Ewwwwwww.”
“Her behavior with your sister is sooo uncalled for, please run, this is not someone who you should settle down with.”- Cultural-End-7074
“NTA.”
“If I heard my bf talking about being an alpha high-value man, I would run.”
“She disrespected your sister in front of you and double downed.”
“Then blamed and lashed out at you for her mistake.”
“I know people like this, they are users through and through.”
“Yes everyone has preferences, sure.”
“It’s the insulting your family, doubling down, and when you tried to talk to her about it she blamed it on you.”
“Is this the first time you noticed this behavior?”- Interesting_Help_481
“NTA.”
“Its like she’s trying to compete with your sister.”
“I’d have already gotten rid of her.”- Chastity-Plants
“NTA.”
“Yuck.”
“Tell her to get out of here with that Female Dating Strategy garbage.”- SoMuchMoreEagle
“NTA.”
“Red Flag!”
“This girl has serious issues.”
“What she said to your sister was uncalled for.”
“This is NOT the girl for you.”- Global-Fact7752
“NTA.”
“Women who call themselves high value usually are more high maintenance than high value.”
“That gives me the ick too.”- DRTvL
“NTA.”
“Jenny sure is, though.”
“She was really being full of herself and talking down to your sister.”
“I don’t know where she gets that ‘out of left field’ comment about you being a bad father.”
“She barely knows you.”
“A year is nothing in the scheme of things.”
“However, we do see ‘things’ in the first year of dating that give us the ‘Ick’ and turn us off of someone we thought was interesting at first.”
“This may be the case with Jenny.”
“She just let her mask down.”- SubjectBuilder3793
“NTA.”
“It sounds like Jennifer is jealous of Anna and refuses to treat her with respect.”
“Good for you standing up for her.”- OkReward2182
“I wouldn’t date anyone who treated my siblings badly.”
“One reason I married my husband is because he treated my younger siblings like his own from day one.”
“He would move heaven and earth for them (and has multiple times) just as I would.”
“They’re loved immensely.”
“NTA.”- NotOneOfUrLilFriends
“NTA.”
“32f and I just don’t understand this ‘high value’ woman train of thought.”
“I find it so disrespectful to other women.”
“Is she so insecure that she has to bully someone younger than her for doing something we all know she does too!”
“I seriously hope we get an update that OP left her a**!”
“The gf sounds like she’s going to make a terrible mother.”
“If she’s shaming OP’s sister, I hate to think of what she’d do to her own daughter.”- Sad-Expression7697
“She has some kind of problem with your sister, almost seems like jealousy.”
“That’s not normal and she is the AH.”- Klutzy-Performance97
“NTA.”
“Your gf is competing with your sister because she’s jealous of the bond you have with her.”
“This is a huge red flag because she will do what she can to tarnish your sister’s image in your eyes, beat your sister down or worse is attempt to disrupt your bond (if not fully cut her from your life).”
“You need to nip this in the bud now or break up (unless you choose your gf over your sister).”-Lollipopwalrus
“NTA.”
“A ‘high value’ woman would NEVER disrespect another woman.”
“She craves attention, and the only way she can get it is to bring another person down.”
“She gave me the ick too.”- YourOnlyGodes
“NTA.”
“She is making herself good by lowering other people, including you.”
“Do you really need it?”- Trespassingw
“NTA.”
“WHOA!”
“RUN FOREST! RUN!”- Intelligent-Wolf-529
“As soon as people start using the whole high value talk you know they’re on the incel or femcel blogs.”
‘Big red flag and NTA.”- arm-n-hammerinmycoke
“NTA.”
“She called your sister low value.”
“She’s a nope.”- saintandvillian
“NTA.”
“Good for you for calling her out on her pink pill bullsh*t.”- 10qwertyuiop10
“NTA.”
“Your sister needs to lower her standards for dates, she’s too ‘low value’ to expect better behavior?”
“Your GF considers herself ‘high value’ and wouldn’t be treated like that?”
“‘Ick’ is appropriate, and I don’t know how you expressed your concerns about that, but those concerns are certainly not over-reacting.”
“If GF can’t get her head around how ugly those sentiments are then she should have no need to contemplate what kind of father you’d make.”- CatteNappe
From what the OP has said, Jenny seems to need to be the center of attention and isn’t happy when that isn’t the case.
Hence, she has no trouble calling Anna spoiled yet also has no trouble saying she is “high value” in the dating scene.
It will be in Jenny’s best interest to try to get on the good side of the OP’s family, specifically Anna.
As should an ultimatum arise that the OP must choose between Jenny or Anna, it seems pretty obvious what his decision will be…