A person’s home is their sanctuary.
That is a mantra everyone tries to live by.
This is why when the sanctuary is disturbed, it can be devastating.
It’s especially difficult when loved ones cause the trouble.
After all, home decor can be expensive.
Redditor Anniestonks wanted to discuss his experience and get feedback, so he naturally joined the “Am I The A**hole” (AITA) subreddit.
He asked:
“AITA for forbidding my parents of bringing my little brother (10) and sister (7) when coming to my (24 M[ale]) place?”
The Original Poster (OP) explained:
“I moved out as soon as I got into college, and from that shared college apartment, I moved straight into my own place.”
“I got a nice downtown loft for myself in the same city I went to college.”
“This is about 7 hours from my hometown, so as you can imagine, I was barely home over the last 6 years.”
“My dad (45) really misses me a lot.”
“He raised me as a single parent after my biomom abandoned me postpartum, and my stepmom (39) has also missed me a lot and was a fantastic parent to me throughout the years.”
“I miss them both a lot, and we never had much conflict, up until now.”
“Our main problem is my siblings.”
“As you can probably imagine from the timeline I described, I had little to no contact with them, but the times I do see them, they’re a nightmare.”
“For example, this year, I stayed in my parents’ home from Christmas Eve to New Year’s, and in that short time period, they managed to break my Nintendo Switch and shatter my phone screen.”
“Both times, neither object was left unattended near them.”
“My Switch they swiped from my room by going through my things while I was away and broke it. “
“My phone. They kicked a ball at me while I was texting, causing me to drop it, which shattered the screen.”
“This is just the most recent example of them being like this.”
“My place is essentially one big open space.”
“It’s a big loft; the only door is to the bathroom (obviously), just one big space.”
“And it’s mostly occupied by my music gear, thousands and thousands of dollars worth of it; it’s more of an ‘I live in my studio’ situation than an ‘I have a studio at home’ situation.”
“I don’t even own a bed.”
“I sleep on a futon.”
“So whenever they want to visit, I just tell them no.”
‘That I’ll go to them instead.”
“I only ever host them at my place whenever my grandparents have my siblings, but this is starting to annoy them, and they wanted to know why.”
“So I told them that I don’t host them at my place because I don’t want my siblings in here because they will break things, and I don’t want to deal with that.”
“My parents are hurt saying that my brother and sister should be more important than money/possessions and that I moved away from home without ever making an effort to be in the lives of my siblings.”
“Which I won’t deny.”
“They also say my siblings are hurt from me not putting any effort into being in their lives, especially since the family talks a lot about me near them.”
“I love my parents, but I think they’re being unreasonable, expecting me to allow my siblings here where they will be surrounded by thousands of dollars of sensitive gear when they have a track record of breaking things.”
The OP was left to wonder:
“So… AITA?”
Redditors shared their thoughts on this matter and weighed some options to the question AITA:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
Many Redditors declared OP was NOT the a**hole.
“NTA. If your parents won’t parent and won’t promise to replace your broken items, you CANNOT AFFORD to let the unruly kids visit.” ~ eowynsheiress
“My parents are hurt saying that my brother and sister should be more important than money/possessions.”
“Aka… Your parents will make no effort to keep your siblings from breaking your things.”
“Nor will they make an effort to replace said broken things.”
“I don’t see anything about your parents reprimanding them or replacing your Nintendo Switch or phone screen.”
“Chances are your parents want to know where you live so they can drop by whenever they want, kids in tow.”
“You’re an adult, and you don’t have to host them if you don’t want to, plain and simple. NTA.” ~ _A-Q
“To be honest, the ugly truth is that my money and possessions are more important to me than a lot of people.”
“Not all people.”
“But disrespectful people who ruin my things do not get the benefit of the doubt.”
“Sorry, not sorry.”
“I realize this isn’t super helpful because you can’t actually say this to them; I just wanted to give you some validation.”
“I think I’m extra bothered because their actions don’t feel accidental.”
“But even if they were accidents, you are not obligated to continue allowing your stuff to be broken. NTA.” ~ Feeling-Visit1472
“You’re totally NTA.”
“7 and 10 is too old for this nonsense.”
“You’re also NTA for not having much in common with elementary children at 24.”
“Could be you’ll find things in common in a decade?”
“Let it be. “
“Dad and step-mom should not be guilting you.”
“Go live your awesome life!” ~ SophisticatedScreams
“NTA – Your parents are the AHs because your siblings should NOT behave that way, and your parents are the ones who let them run wild.”
“Your parents need to step up and actually parent their younger children, that’s all there is to it.”
“Since your parents have shown themselves to be unable to supervise their own children, they can’t bring the kids with them.”
“It’s really that simple.”
“Don’t blame the kids; blame your parents.” ~ NomadicusRex
“NTA. Family is welcome to visit and stay in a hotel, and all meetups will be in public places.”
“Or when you visit, you get a hotel room, too, to keep the feral little kids from getting into your stuff.”
“Dad and StepMom can visit the studio any time they want, as presumably they know how not to wreck things.” ~ Travelgrrl
“NTA. This is your home.”
“Your rules.”
“Your parents’ desire for you to be closer to your half-siblings is extremely premature given the age difference.”
“Stand strong.” ~ Odd-End-1405
“NTA. Agree 💯.”
“Your parents must respect the rules of your home.”
“You have expensive equipment in your home that would cost a fortune to replace, right?”
“It’s understandable not to invite over rambunctious kids prone to breaking things!”
“You’d be inviting trouble, literally.”
“As for being ‘closer’ to your siblings, the age difference speaks volumes.”
“At 24, how do your parents expect you to interact with seven and 10-year-old siblings?”
“Since you don’t want them in your home, where would these interactions occur?”
“At your parents’ home?”
“Are they expecting you to babysit them or take them out places (spend your money on them)?”
“”What’s their motive other than guilt tripping you?
“These are reasonable questions to ask them.” ~ REDDIT
“Honestly, OP, this is so spot on.”
“My half-brother is 13 years older than me, and the last time I saw him was 14 years ago when our Mom died.”
“There’s no bad blood between us; we’re friends on social media, but the age gap just meant we’ve always kinda been worlds apart.”
“I was 5 when he went away to college and only saw him occasionally as a child after that.”
“He’s living his life, and I’m living mine.”
“You can’t force relationships because ‘family,’ they need to happen naturally or be left alone.”
“I also want to say that at 7 and 10, kids should know better than to be destructive to others’ property.”
“They aren’t toddlers. Maybe if your parents want you to be more welcoming to your siblings, they need to step up their parenting game a bit.”
“You have every right to protect your home and your expensive possessions.” ~ Dcruzen
“Absolutely NTA.”
“Did your parents pay for a new Nintendo Switch or phone when they broke yours?”
“I doubt it!”
“Until those kids are of an age where they can behave themselves, absolutely not.” ~ Queasy_Author_3810
“How many times have you heard parents say… ‘As long as you live under my roof, you will live by my rules.'”
“Well, now the shoe is on the other foot. NTA.” ~ DvlinBlooo
“NTA. They’re not promising to pay for any damage.”
“They’re just saying you should be ok with your siblings breaking your stuff.”
“Just no.”
“Your place isn’t kid-friendly.”
“This should not hurt anyone’s feelings.”
“Text your siblings sometimes.”
“Don’t invite them to ruin your stuff.” ~ pineboxwaiting
“NTA. You’re a grown-up.”
“So are your parents.”
“The basic difference is that they have two destructive kids.
“They don’t seem to have a problem with letting them destroy your things.”
‘If you’re already making the time to travel to see them, they don’t have a leg to stand on to be upset.”
“They should be grateful.” ~ Srvntgrrl_789
“You live in a loft.”
“It’s weird that they would think you could possibly host a family of four. NTA.” ~ 1568314
“I can’t imagine a scenario where a seven and 10-year-old can’t control their behavior.”
“And even if they were younger, your parents should be giving them supervision to avoid mishaps.”
“At their age, I would be embarrassed of their behavior as a parent.”
“At the very least, they should have replaced your broken items, and there should have been consequences for their destructiveness.”
“If family means more than thousands of dollars of your belongings, then they can agree to replace anything broken if they all visit.”
“I mean, it’s just money, right?”
“And get it in writing.”
“Otherwise, you are NTA.” ~ Expensive-Signal8623
“After they pay to replace the Switch and phone, have them sign a document saying they will pay for any damages caused by the kids as well as compensation for work/time lost at (whatever fee or hourly rate).”
“And get it notarized.”
“If it’s just stuff and family is more important,t they should have no issue making you whole.” ~ KittenKingdom000
“NTA. A 24-year-old’s loft is generally not a good place for kids.”
“It’s weird your parents want to hang out there instead of doing something around town, and weirder they expect you to provide bed space for an additional four people (something I couldn’t do easily as a 41-year-old in a house).” ~ SolomonDRand
“NTA. These things aren’t just possessions.’
“They are expensive items that you work hard to pay for, and in some cases tools for making your living from.”
“Just like you wouldn’t take those kids into a China shop or somewhere full of power tools, you shouldn’t have them in your apartment when they have repeatedly demonstrated that they can’t be trusted.”
“You can visit at their house, or you can all arrange to meet somewhere else.”
“Those are quite reasonable options.”
“The unreasonable, petty part of me wants you to go to their house and break some of their things and then say they’re just objects and not really important, but that is not at all a reasonable, adult response.”
“Stand firm, and don’t let those troublemakers into your home!” ~ armedwithjello
“NTA. You can meet your parents and siblings someplace other than your home.”
“Your home isn’t child-proof, nor child-friendly.”
“If your parents insist on visiting as an entire family, you can meet at a restaurant, park, museum, or their hotel room.” ~ teresajs
“NTA. If your parents are not willing to take responsibility for their kids’ actions, I see no reason for you to risk all the damage.”
“Ask your parents if they’re willing to cover the damage.”
“If they’re not willing, ask them why money is more important than your relationship with your siblings.” ~ Breaking_windows
“NTA… tell your parents your siblings will only be allowed over one they (your parents) promise to take financial responsibility for them and will cover the costs of what they (the siblings) break.”
“Starting with your switch and phone screen.” ~ littletrashpanda77
“NTA. Your place sounds awesome.”
“Protect it from the hooligans.”
“With the huge age difference, one was an infant, and the other was very young when you moved out.”
“Your folks need to be parents to their children and not let them destroy the things you have worked hard for.” ~ kittendollie13
“Jeez! OP, you’re NTA, but please don’t take the advice about demanding payment and signing contracts.”
“By your own statement, you have a great dad and a great step-mom.”
“Dumb moves like that will mess up your relationships.”
“Just rephrase and say the place is not kid-friendly.”
“Trust me, parents everywhere will get it.”
“And it won’t be perceived as a slap in the face.” ~ Mean_Armadillo_279
“NTA. Meet them for lunch at Chuck E. Cheese.” ~ GemGlamourNGlitter
Reddit is with you, OP.
Age differences between siblings can be difficult.
That is a situation for parents to fix.
You have a life, and you’ve spent a lot of money on your place and belongings.
Your parents should respect that.