It’s a very lucky feeling to have parents who are always there for you.
Particularly after you start having a family of your own.
Potentially complicating matters, however, is when one’s parents think they know more about running a household than you do.
Sometimes even taking matters into their own hands.
Redditor rapqmobile was initially grateful when their mother temporarily moved in with them and his wife after welcoming their first child.
But after their mother made a dangerous call regarding their wife’s help, the original poster (OP) felt that kicking her out of his home was the only appropriate consequence for her actions.
Wondering if they were too severe towards their mother, the OP took to the subReddit “Am I The A**hole” (AITA), where they asked fellow Redditors:
“AITA for kicking my mom out after she stole my wife’s meds?”
The OP first shared how they were initially grateful to have their mother’s help, owing both to the arrival of their first child, and their wife’s medical condition.
“I have a little one, 1 year old with my wife.”
“My mom has been living with us for about a month now and has helped with the baby.”
“Note my wife has severe anxiety and she needs her pills.”
“It’s not an option or ‘oh I’ll skip a day and be fine type’ of thing.”
“She will end up breaking down in the middle of the store, she won’t sleep, she’ll forget things easily, she won’t get anything done, she’ll get overwhelmed that she didn’t get anything done, then start crying.”
“This is talked about by her doctor.”
“She has to have her pills every day.”
“Bottom line she needs her medication.”
The OP then found themselves surprised that despite the diligence of both of them, the OP’s wife somehow forgot to take her medication one day.
“I set my alarm clock every morning at 10:30 for her to take her pills, two days ago I didn’t get that alarm my wife has that alarm set also, she didn’t get that alarm.”
“I got a call two days ago from my wife who was crying and saying she couldn’t focus on her work and she was stressing out.”
“Then It clicked, I never got that alarm.”
“I asked her if she took her meds and she says she forgot if she did or didn’t, (she didn’t).”
“My wife can’t get out of work as easily as I can, but my boss is quite understanding so I left real quick to go pick up her meds.”
“They aren’t there.”
“I turned the house upside down looking for them but nothing.”
The OP was horrified to learn that their mother was complicit in the disappearance of their wife’s pills.
“My mom was with the baby when I got home.”
“I asked her if she has any Idea where they are and she said she has them.”
“So. Damn. Calmly.”
“I w as enraged.”
“This is a HEALTH RISK.”
“What if she had a panic attack?”
“What if she passed out from that?”
“I can’t explain how badly this could have turned out.”
“I asked why she would have them and she said that she relies on the meds top much, and she shouldn’t be using them so she took them.”
“Is she a doctor?”
“No.”
“Does she have anxiety?”
“No.”
“This is what her doctor a professional told her to do.”
“I told her that she’s not her doctor she’s not her therapist she’s not anything when it comes to my wife’s illness.”
“Without a word I grabbed my baby and left. I brought my wife the meds and told her what happened.”
“After discussion.”
“We said that she shouldn’t have access to our home if this is going to happen and it’s just too serious to take a risk of it happening again.”
“When I got back we talked to my mom and said that she has three days to move back in with my dad and leave her key here.”
“My mom started crying and saying that she was helping her and that medication isn’t doing her good, but all I said was she wouldn’t know because she hasn’t done research.”
“I told her that we aren’t going to feel nervous about what else is going to go missing we appreciate her help with the baby but she needs to leave.”
“Now I have my immediate family messaging me saying I’m an AH and saying that she meant well and I’m being disrespectful to her after she’s helping us.”
“But This cannot happen.”
“This will affect me my wife and my baby, and she didn’t even say she was wrong.”
“If I let her stay how do I know she won’t do it again?”
“No those alarms weren’t a coincidence, she turned them off.”
“My wife has no password on her phone because she will lock herself out and my alarm clock is an actual clock, both are easy to get to.”
Fellow Redditors weighed in on where they believed the OP fell in this particular situation by declaring:
- NTA – Not the A**hole
- YTA – You’re the A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everybody Sucks Here
The Reddit community wholeheartedly agreed that the OP was not the a**hole for kicking their mother out of their home.
Everyone agreed that what the OP’s mother did was reckless and dangerous, putting everyone’s health and safety at risk.
“NTA.”
“Your mother compromised the health and safety of your wife and your child.”
“Good on you for taking a stand.”
“To anyone who gives you grief over kicking her out, I’d be telling them that she stole crucial medication that put your wife and child’s health & safety at risk.”
“She was not ‘well meaning’.”
“She was irresponsible, uninformed & reckless, and that could have had serious implications.”-floppybunny86
“NTA.”
“Many psychiatric meds can have serious side effects if they are stopped abruptly.”
“Your mom put your wife at risk.”
“Your wife is taking meds under the supervision of a physician.”
“Your mom isn’t more qualified than a doctor.”
“She overstepped in a huge and potentially dangerous way.”
“She can’t be trusted in your home.”- joanclaytonesq
“Massive NTA.”
“Your mother willingly endangered your wife’s health because she thinks she knows better than your wife’s doctor.”
“Does she do this medicine stealing sh*t with others?”
“I would let this woman in my house only under strict surveillance.”-11point5characters
“NTA.”
“She’ll do it again cause she thinks momma knows best.”
“Your wife’s health is at stake and who knows what could happen without those.”
“You said it yourself, your mom is not a licensed doctor or therapist and has never done research or experienced this level of anxiety.”
“Tell your immediate family to bug off and that your mom does not get to play doctor with your wife’s life, ‘well intentioned’ or not.”
“I wonder if she has done this to any other family members besides you.”- Blonde-Engineer-3
“NTA.”
“Good for you, OP.”
“Your mom, and anyone else contacting you defending her, is an AH.”
“Your mom is lucky you gave her 3 days, that’s way more generous than I would have been.”- cece8873
“NTA.”
“A sudden withdrawal of certain meds can cause a seizure.”
“Your mom was so wrong.”
“If she was concerned she could have spoken to you.”
“I am so sorry this is happening to you and your wife.”- ParticularReview4129
“NTA.”
“She overstepped a major boundary and is not apologizing or taking responsibility for it.”-throwawayylmao69429
“NTA, she’s gotta go.”
“She’s still standing by what she did and why.”
“She put your wife’s health at risk.”
“Not good.”
“Think about what whacky decisions she could start making for the baby too.”
“Absolutely not.”- Aggravating_Art_4809
“What is it with people?”
“My youngest was born with severe asthma.”
“She is steroid dependent and takes 10 medications plus injections that barely manage to keep her asthma in check.”
“She looks healthy and is a happy kid.”
“She knows her routine and you wouldn’t know we’ve had some close calls.”
“I have a few relatives that see her on her good days and ask why we just don’t have her stop all the medications completely.”
“I’ve literally been told to stop her medication to see how she does.”
“I’ve even been accused of exaggerating and just wanting to find something wrong, that she doesn’t look sick and couldn’t possibly be that bad.”
“I have been afraid to let her go visit these relatives because I worry that they would encourage her to not take meds, toss her meds or ‘forget’ to get refills during the summer visit.”
“So of course I’m the bad guy for not allowing visits.”
“You mom is never going to take your wife’s need for the medication seriously.”
“You will have to set some boundaries if she or others want to visit.”
“I know this seems like you shouldn’t have to in your home, but you probably should lock up the medication when you have guests to keep someone trying to help your wife by taking the pills again.”- rowanspride
This was one occasion where mother certainly did not know best.
Maybe some time at home, away from her daughter-in-law and grandson will be just the time the OP’s mother needs to reflect on her behavior.
Which might hopefully make her welcome in their home once again in the future.