Redditor AITA_nopestuff is a 25-year-old female whose family emigrated from Mexico to the US where she eventually met her husband.
Her relationship with her sister-in-law (SIL) “changed” when the SIL met and eventually married a White man who is “extremely xenophobic.”
The Original Poster (OP) let the brother-in-law’s (BIL) past indiscretions slide, but when things recently reached a boiling point, drama ensued.
She visited the “Am I the A**hole?” (AITA) subReddit and asked:
“AITA for telling my BIL that my ”mexican a**” can fix the roof before he says another xenophobic joke?”
The OP explained:
“My (25F) family moved to the US when I was 10 and I met my husband (25M) five years after that on our sophomore year.”
“It was really fun back then because we live in a small town and thus our houses were pretty close so when we always carpooled on our ride to school and back home and spent a lot of time at each others house.”
“My husband has an older sister (27 Female) with whom I used to be close but since she began to date and then marry her current husband ‘J’ (30 Male) her behavior towards me and my family has changed.”
“J is extremely xenophobic and I’m obviously Mexican, so this mix has created some bitterness whenever my husband’s family gets together to celebrate.”
“His comments towards me began being small; ‘are you here to steal my gf too?’, ‘everyone don’t tell OP where you work, she might get hungry’ and things like that while my SIL looked at me from the back, ashamed.”
“To be honest I never pay attention to him, I was there to enjoy with my husband and our family, not to fight with a small minded man.”
“My husband is a great man, very intelligent and a great cook, but he doesn’t know how to fix things around the house and I take great pride at doing it.”
“My dad is a plumber so he taught me some things and is the person we call when we need something like that.”
“Yesterday was my MIL’s [mother-in-law] birthday and we went to her house to do a small celebration.”
“My SIL mentioned that she needed someone to fix the roof since she told BIL about two or three months ago and he hasn’t done anything about it yet.”
“He laughed and then looked at me saying ‘ I bet your husband is happy, he has your Mexican a** doing all the work around the house.'”
“I said what’s in the title and he tried to argue back but I added ‘Save it, I might as well do your nails when I’m done’ and smiled back at him.”
“He obviously lost his sh*t and it’s demanding that I apologize for embarrassing him in front of his wife and his family, I said no. My husband’s family isn’t even mad at me, just him and my SIL.”
Strangers on the internet were asked to declare one of the following:
- NTA – Not the A**hole
- YTA – You’re the A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everybody Sucks Here
A majority of Redditors thought the OP was not the a**hole in the situation.
“NTA. He’s just butthurt because you called him out and made him look like the AH he is.”
“HE owes YOU an apology. You don’t owe him squat.” – HoneyBadgerMarmalade
“This was the ultimate judo move. Used his own position against him while emasculating him in front of his wife. Kudos! I bet he is more careful with the xenophobic wise cracks from now on.”
“My first thought when I started to read this was that maybe he wants you to banter with him. So like if he said he was going to a public place you could say something like ‘Let’s all wear our bulletproof vests!'”
“But by his reaction, clearly he was only coming from a place of insecurity. Now you’ve exposed his smallness and he knows that everyone can see it.” – human8ure
“NTA for sure. Also for future get togethers : I understand you don’t like to get into a fight and ruin yours and everyone else’s mood but this man has taken advantage of your graciousness too long!!”
“I’m very non confrontational myself and was taught below trick by a mentor at work ( to handle sexism not racism I should clarify)”
“If you don’t want to get aggressive and call out, but still not laugh along there is a middle route.”
“Don’t laugh and calmly ask him to explain. In case he says something ask more questions. Like what do you mean? Why Mexicans?”
“A lot of this kind of racism stems from stereotypes about people; pretend you are not aware of those stereotypes. Your husband should join you too.”
“BIL should feel uncomfortable in this situation not you. Don’t let it slide.” – Admirable-Marsupial6
“OP, this is an amazing strategy, I use it too, I call it the why game, and it’s so great!”
“Play dumb, watch him devolve into a puddle of umcomfortableness, and watch him expose himself as the racist he is.” – Coxal_anomaly
“NTA, these people always mask this behaviour behind ‘it’s a joke’. A joke it’s not a joke if everybody isn’t having fun.”
“He sounds like the kind of person who actively refuses to understand that.” – fotli3146
“Frankly your entire family should make it clear that his BS is not okay. You’re NTA BUT this needs to get SHUT DOWN.” – la_mujer_roja47
“NTA, but in reality the entire family needs to shut it down. First off I am not sure ‘xenophobic’ is really the right word to be using here to describe your BIL.”
“Second, he sees you as ‘less than,’ ‘below him,’ or not even really human than so you arguing with him will amount to basically him thinking that you don’t know your place or you are ‘too sensitive.’”
“It would be best to get your entire family to get on him. Him seeing that other White people are upset enough to confront him would probably stop him from feeling comfortable enough to say these racist things to you.”
“It’s not right, but that’s the way people like him operate. At least make him uncomfortable enough to not want to show up anymore.”
“Everyone else being silent shows him that he has their blessing to continue with this kind of behavior.”
When asked why her husband wasn’t defending her, the OP replied:
“He used to but I told him to let me deal with this joker myself because I really don’t care if he says something to me, being Mexican it’s not something I should be ashamed of.”
Overall, Redditors continued slamming J for his xenophobic comments and they thought the OP’s family needs to let him know his behavior is inexcusable.