Being pregnant is an exciting time for many couples, but that does not mean welcoming a new member to the family comes without stresses or challenges.
Redditor TomatilloFull139 is an expectant mother who is dealing with the stress of having a husband who has a strong obsession and appears to not have an understanding of family priorities.
Struggling with how she might confront her husband, she visited the “Am I The A**hole?” (AITA) subReddit to ask a hypothetical “Would I Be The A**hole ” (WIBTA) question.
She asked:
“WIBTA if I made my husband choose between me and our children or weed?”
The Original Poster (OP) explained:
“My husband is addicted to weed and I am pretty much over it. At first it was for pain management like 1-3 times a week but now it’s 1-3 a day.”
“I have been asking him to stop or at least slow down for the passed year and a half and it has resorted to him lying about buying joints and about when he smokes.”
“When I was due to have our first child I asked him not to smoke so when I went into labour I felt safe asking him to drive the 20 minutes it takes to get to the hospital.”
“I ended up going into labour at night after he had smoked a joint so I ended up labouring at home for an entire night because I didn’t feel safe with him driving.”
“The smell of weed makes me sick to my stomach and last night when I went to go visit him outside when he said he was going out to vape, he was actually smoking weed and tried to hide it when he heard me coming.”
“I’ve told him over and over that I am tired of him smoking so much weed but I end up being the bad guy because raising a baby with a pregnant wife is very stressful for him and he needs something to take the stress away.”
“I remind him that I am also stressed but I don’t have any way to relive stress. This results in him just walking away.”
“So WIBTA if I told him I’m done with him smoking weed and to choose between it and our family?”
The OP added an update to her post.
“He’s decided to buy weed over buying any prescriptions. I lost my job due to [the virus] and can’t find another so he is the only income we have.”
“Our son has really bad reflux to the point of needing medication and he went a month without it because husband took his prescription to the pharmacy, went and bought weed, and could no longer afford our son’s medications.”
“I have been without my antidepressants for 3 months. I didn’t think to add this to the original post.”
Strangers were asked to declare if she would be one of the following:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
- NAH – No A**holes Here
Many Redditors thought she would definitely not be the a**hole with her ultimatum.
“Based on the fact that you are GIVING UP YOUR AND YOUR SON’S PRESCRIPTION MEDICATION and hes spending his money on weed, you are most definitely NTA.”
“It seems like he’s milking this to just keep smoking.”
“Im sorry you are dealing with this, your ultimatum is fair.” – anabolic_beard
“NTA. He needs to leave. Please call the health department/child services and see if there is funding available to get your kid the meds he needs.”
“Look into unemployment, call the department. Set up child support.” – Here_for_tea_
“GIVING UP YOUR PRESCRIPTION MEDICATION and your son ISN’T GETTING HIS.. for weed.”
“NTA. But your ultimatums or requests don’t work at all, he is not giving 1 f’k. I think you should change your approach and negotiate. ‘HE can smoke weed if he buys your family’s medication first’.”
“If you can tolerate, for a little bit, his smoking, maybe he can put medication over weed. Not having you nagging him is also a plus. Best of luck OP!” – Supercuate
“NTA. It’s stressful to raise a baby with a pregnant wife??? IT’S HARD TO BE PREGNANT AND RAISE A BABY.”
“Like how is YOU being pregnant hard on him? You are the one carrying the baby.”
“If it’s getting in the way of your relationship and his ability to be a good partner, then I don’t see a problem with an ultimatum at this point.”
“You warned him and mentioned that the smell makes you sick (you shouldn’t need to deal with secondhand smoke anyway) and he chose to prioritize his weed over making his wife comfortable.”
“And when you mention you are stressed too he doesn’t care and walks away? He sounds quite selfish from his actions.” – mariahhas18number1s
“Wtf. Going off antidepressants that suddenly is really dangerous.”
“You’re almost always supposed to wean yourself off because the withdrawal is so intense. I hope you’re doing okay, OP.”
“But absolutely NTA. At this point, the husband has endangered both OP and the child’s lives several times over.”
“What if OP had a problem during labor that needed immediate attention?”
“The ultimatum in my opinion is overly generous, considering he’s already proven he can’t be trusted to put anyone but himself first.” – propanemother
“NTA – the fact that he is lying about it and trying to hide it from you means he knows that he has a problem.”
“That he couldn’t even lay off of it to the extent he was unable to drive you during labor shows exactly what his priorities are, and he hasn’t changed his behavior one bit despite you being pregnant again.”
“Sure, having a pregnant wife is stressful but he has a responsibility to find some other way to manage his stress that doesn’t involve enabling his addiction. And this is all coming from someone who has been a daily toker for the last 15 years!”
“Wishing you and your babies the best of luck – personally, I would be presenting him with two envelopes, one containing the business card for an addiction treatment specialist and the other containing the business card for a divorce lawyer, it’s up to him which one he calls.” – soundlikebutactually
Overall, Redditors thought the husband was using his weed addiction to avoid his obligations which would ultimately make him the a**hole in the situation.