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Mom Called Out For Asking Teen Daughter If She Was ‘Sure’ After She Came Out As A Lesbian

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Coming out to your family can still be a difficult ordeal even in this modern age. If things go well, they’ll love and accept you, as a family should.

Redditor Ok_Refrigerator_2954’s daughter came out to her. She still loves and accepts her, but thinks she may have done something wrong.

The original poster (OP) decided to ask the “Am I the A**hole” (AITA) subReddit about her reaction.

She asks:

“AITA for asking my daughter if she is sure about being a lesbian?”

OP just isn’t sure if her daughter is sure.

“My daughter came out to me last week. She told me that she is a lesbian.”

“I told her that it was fine and it didn’t matter at all. she was telling me about how she figured out she is a lesbian and she said she just had a crush on a girl.”

“I asked her if she was sure if she a lesbian and she got upset and stormed out to her room. She has been cold to me for a few days. I apologized to her.”

“She is just 15, didn’t know what I wanted when I was 15 I had crushes on girls at that age too. they don’t mean anything at all.”

“I don’t get why she has to decide who she is at such a young age.”

“I think it is pretty normal for women to think other women are attractive. It is just a result of how women are objectified in media that everything thinks of women as being really attractive.”

“My son thinks I am an idiot and he said that it was the worst think I could say. I feel bad, I didn’t mean to hurt her. I don’t care if she is lesbian.”

“I just want her to be happy and I feel like I f***ed up here. I didn’t mean anything by it but I still hurt her.”

On the AITA subReddit, people are judged for their decisions in their story. OP thinks she just asked her daughter a question, but was it too much?

Commenters judged OP on this topic.

They did this by including one of the following in their response:

  • NTA – Not the A**hole
  • YTA – You’re the A**hole
  • NAH – No A**holes Here
  • ESH – Everybody Sucks Here

It’s already difficult for some people to come out to their family. OP’s daughter did something brave, and in return, her mother questioned her.

It’s easy enough to accept she is who she says she is without question.


“First things first, there’s zero chance if your daughter had come up to you and told you about a crush on a boy at school that you’d have responded by asking if she’s sure she’s straight, cause lots of people have crushes on boys at that age.”

“Then, perhaps even more crucially, why does it matter to you? Your daughter has more knowledge than anyone else as to how she’d label her sexual orientation, and she has told you, in no uncertain terms that she identifies as a lesbian.”

“You’re right, a lot of girls do have crushes on girls at that age, and there’s a chance that in a few years she realises lesbian doesn’t fit her sexual orientation, perhaps she may realise she is bisexual, or pan sexual but, and brace yourself for this one, there’s every chance that a 15 year old girl being attracted to girls and telling people they’re a lesbian, means that they’re a lesbian.”

“That’s how she identifies right now, it doesn’t matter at all if she eventually changes that label, what she needs from you is acceptance, not second guessing.”redditor191389


“At 14 I knew I was bi and attracted to boys and girls. You just know.”

“Even if she didn’t (and that’s a big IF) it’s up to her to figure out, you as a parent need to accept that she’s a lesbian unless she says otherwise.”

“Besides shes 15, she’s hardly going to explain sexual attraction to her parents and probably doesn’t want to explain that it’s more that just ‘oh she’s cute’.”Auroraburst

“YTA As a lesbian myself, I went through several years of my mom telling me you don’t know for sure until you’re 22/23, and when I finally did come out, she spent a year asking me if I was sure. I’m still angry at her for it.”

“Coming out is a big deal, regardless of how supportive you believe your family will be, and to have those feelings dismissed hurts.”

“There’s generally a whole host of things behind ‘I have a crush on a girl’ that’s led to someone deciding they’re a lesbian, whether they feel comfortable talking to their parents about those things or not. You were dismissive of something that’s a big deal for your daughter, whether you meant to be or not.”Mist2393

Others tried to debate whether or not OP’s experience is justifiable to question her daughter’s sexuality.

“YTA. ‘I had crushes on girls at that age too’ sounds like you have some self reflection to do as well OP lol”dogluver_99

“I mean not necessarily. It’s not uncommon for people to have crushes on genders that don’t match their sexual orientation when they’re still discovering what romantic love is and what separates it from platonic love.”

“It doesn’t automatically mean you’re actually attracted to that gender.”redditor191389

“They just said OP has self-reflection to do, they didn’t say anything about OP’s orientation… no harm in self-reflection.”felixkahns

“Sounds like OP did the self reflection and realized she did have girl crushes but she may be taking her daughter’s interests in mind that ‘coming out’ publicly and then reneging and dating a male may come with some strings she may or may not foresee.”

“The mom seems to be pretty good about it, especially if her daughter didn’t hesitate in telling her, it seems she’s fostered a good and open relationship with her children.”

“Maybe she could have used a little more tact to explain what she was getting at but it wasn’t out of malice but love she just wants to help shield her daughter from any uncomfortable situations.”LFIF4

“Or sexuality is a spectrum and also bi people exist 🧐”SoSayWeAllx


“Interesting that you’ve made this all about you and not your daughter, who is showing incredible self awareness for her age.”

“You should read up on compulsory heterosexuality – there’s a lot you could learn about your daughter and about yourself.”

“Clue: straight women are not attracted to women, and if you are or have been attracted to women then you’re not straight.”Ok-Prompt-9107

Is OP not fully straight? Who knows?

But if she’s judging her daughter’s experience on how she experienced things growing up, she’s going to be making assumptions. The only thing she can assume is that her daughter has a better idea of how she feels than OP does.

Written by Ben Acosta

Ben Acosta is an Arizona-based fiction author and freelance writer. In his free time, he critiques media and acts in local stage productions.