Sometimes life's worst betrayals come from the people closest.
Family members can shatter a person's heart.
That's why many people can be fierce about boundaries.
Protecting one's own sanity is a key to a healthy life.
Redditor u/infinitenarrative wanted to share her experience and get feedback, so she came to the "Am I The A**hole" (AITA) subreddit.
She asked:
"AITA for banning my sister from babysitting my daughter after she got with my ex?"
The Original Poster (OP) explained:
"Fake names for obvious reasons: I’m Mia (27 F[emale]), my sister is Brianna (30 F), and my ex is Jake (29 M[ale]).
"I have a 2-year-old daughter with Jake. "
"We broke up for good a few months ago and have been co-parenting fine."
"Brianna has always been super involved with my daughter, babysitting, buying gifts, calling her her little best friend."
"I genuinely trusted her."
"Last weekend at a family dinner, Brianna showed up with Jake and then made some weird speech about how people need to stop being jealous when others find happiness."
"I asked what her problem was, and she basically admitted they’ve had feelings for each other for YEARS."
"Apparently, they hooked up during a month Jake and I were broken up, then kept talking behind my back after we got back together."
"She was at my baby shower, in the delivery room, and held my daughter before I did."
"All while secretly wanting my B[oy]F[riend]."
"Actually insane behavior."
"When I confronted her, she cried and said she didn’t want to lose her niece."
"My mom says I should get over it because technically Jake and I were broken up when they first hooked up."
"Now Brianna and Jake are officially together, and she still expects to babysit my daughter as if nothing happened."
"I said not until I’m comfortable with it."
"My mom says I’m using my child to punish my sister because I’m jealous."
"EDIT TO ADD: Maybe I didn't clarify correctly."
"Jake has split custody and sees our daughter on the weekends."
"This has nothing to do with him seeing our daughter; it's strictly my sister."
The OP was left to wonder:
"AITA or is my family actually insane?"
Redditors shared their thoughts on this matter and weighed in on some options to the question, AITA:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You're The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
- INFO - More Information Needed
Many Redditors declared that OP was NOT the A**hole.
"NTA. Your family is, in fact, insane."
"I’m so sorry you’re dealing with this." ~ anonstrawberry444
"The fact that her mom is defending the sister instead of acknowledging the betrayal makes it worse."
"I wouldn’t trust either of them with my child." ~ Exotic-Swordfishh
"Your sister def wants to play family with Jake and pretend she's the mama."
"I'd be super concerned about alienation, OP. NTA." ~ UptownLurker
"Yeah, they are all insane."
"Your ex is also in that club."
"Please get a lawyer and a formal custody agreement in writing that states that your sister can't be there when your ex has your daughter."
"Also, I think your parents already knew what was going on, or they would have had a really different reaction to those two showing up together."
"Good luck."
"I hope they will leave you alone and you can move on." ~ ichundmeinHolz_
"NTA, that’s a huge betrayal."
"I can’t imagine my sister dating a man I had a child with."
"Even bigger is the broken trust between you two now, that you know she’s been lying to."
"You for so long."
"I absolutely would not want someone I don’t trust watching my child."
"She ruined that relationship for herself." ~ Aphotic_art
"Exactly. She's not using her daughter as a weapon; she's deciding who she feels comfortable leaving her child with."
"Those are two very different things."
"Her sister made choices that damaged their relationship, and she doesn't get to dictate how quickly Mia should trust her again." ~ Xyntriene
"NTA. She cried because she didn't want to lose her niece, but did she cry because she didn't want to lose you?"
"I wouldn't want to be around her."
"She broke your trust."
"She isn't worried about how that affects you."
"It's about what is important to her." ~ Sufficient_Song3387
"NTA - that is a trust that can't be broken."
"Your sister is deeply in the wrong, and your mom is pulling the classic 'don't stir the pot' mode."
"How would your daughter feel when she's older?"
"Kids aren't dumb and can put two and two together." ~ black_eyed_susan
"This is a life-changing betrayal from them all."
"She can see your daughter on the father’s time; she’s not your family, just some floozy who’s eating up your sloppy seconds."
"Please make sure you have a formal custody agreement in place."
"Speak to your lawyer about what visitations look like, and I would express concern over your daughter's well-being and stability during this time."
"Also, make sure your sister can’t try and usurp your mother role, she’s going to try it all I can tell."
"NTA in the slightest."
"I’m sorry your family is so messed up that you had to question that." ~ alexlp
"NTA. Your sister came in criticizing you for no reason."
"Honestly, I’d be questioning exactly when her relationship with Jake 'officially' started."
"I wouldn’t want anyone like her around my kid either, and I kind of get weird vibes from all of this."
"Like she wants to be the real 'mommy' for your daughter and play happy family with Jake."
"However, since you’re co-parenting with Jake, it is inevitable that she’ll have access to your daughter, babysitting or not."
"So, I don’t know what you can do here beyond having someone else babysit when your daughter is staying with you." ~ Ace201613
"Your family is insane, and your sister has visions of making her own little family with Jake and your daughter."
"I would not give her any more time with your daughter, as I am sure she will be spending time with her during Jake’s custody time. NTA." ~ Helpful-Science-3937
"NTA. I’m so sorry this happened; it’s absolutely fu*king rough."
"You’ll probably need to seek legal advice, as Jake will presumably want to see his child."
"And she will presumably be there when your daughter visits."
"Not my area of expertise, but I really am sorry, and I wish you the best of luck." ~ CharieRarie
"NTA. Your sister and ex are awful; there is an unspoken rule they have broken, and sadly there isn’t much you can do about it."
"Your ex is your child’s father; he can have whoever he wants around the child during his parenting time, so banning your sister from having access to your daughter will likely not work, I would go no contact with her and limit your parents' involvement, as they were not supportive of your situation." ~ Armorer
"NTA. I'd be concerned that she wants to take your place as mom to your daughter."
"It's super creepy to me that she wanted your man and is super close to your daughter."
"What if your sister ends up having a kid with Jake?"
"That kid would be your daughter's sister/cousin."
"VERY sweet home Alabama to me." ~ Pure-Cucumber2948
"Notice she didn’t say she didn’t want to lose YOU."
"She didn’t want to lose her niece."
"Well, now she has your daughter in her clutches and will be seeing her during your filth of an ex for visitation."
"She will have your daughter calling her 'Mommy' within 6 months."
"And you can bet that within a year, she and the filth will be suing you for full physical custody, calling you an unfit mother."
"Call a lawyer NOW; do not delay."
"Cut off all but court-ordered visitation."
"Petition for supervised visits only and without your sister present."
"Make plans with your lawyer to enable you to get as far from your sister, mother, and ex as legally possible."
"Your sister is dangerous and an AH." ~ bakeacake45
"NTA. Even if Jake and Brianna first hooked up while you were broken up, the secret communication afterward and her continuing to play the role of your trusted sister are what make this betrayal so painful."
"You don't have to decide right now what your relationship with her will look like long term."
"Taking a step back from babysitting while you process everything is reasonable."
"Your daughter isn't a punishment; you're her parent, and you're allowed to decide what you're comfortable with." ~ Xyntriene
"NTA, honestly, even ignoring the betrayal of your sister sleeping with your ex, there's the whole legal thing about custody."
"Based on a comment, you said he only has weekends, but if he's around while your sister babysits during your time, he can use that in court to petition for more time."
"So, depending on your opinion of your ex as a father, that would be my biggest concern." ~ Adollfromnewalbion
"NTA. Why do I feel like it won't be long before the father tries to get full custody so your sister can try to become the 'mom' and get exactly what she wants?"
"She's a disgrace." ~ NeuroSparklyKitten
"You are experiencing the worst kind of abuse ever: mental and emotional abuse."
"Seek therapy."
"Put up boundaries to protect yourself and your baby."
"Just because they are family doesn’t mean you have to associate with them or be around them if heartbreak/belittling is all you receive."
"Protect yourself; put you and your child 1st."
"Best wishes!!" ~ Nichols1970rn
"NTA. That is some real snakey behavior."
"Is it even possible to ever feel safe with someone who is capable of doing what the sister must have done to hide it for so long?"
"Every single moment spent with her was wrapped in a lie with the joke on you." ~ groovymama98
Reddit has your back, OP.
Your sister, your mom, and your ex are treating you poorly.
You have every right to be mad and set boundaries.
You have to protect yourself and your daughter.
