Everybody wishes they could be famous and sing.
Singing is a gift, or a very well learned passion.
And not everyone can do it.
The sooner you know the better.
Case in point…
Redditor aitapoorsinger to discuss her story for some feedback. So naturally she came to visit the “Am I The A**hole” (AITA) subReddit.
She asked:
“AITA for telling my daughter she is a bad singer and won’t let her be in a singing competition?”
The Original Poster (OP) explained:
“I know how this looks but please hear me out.”
“Also this is a throwaway.”
“My daughter Lailah is going to be a junior next year, and ever since she was little she LOVED watching shows like American Idol, the Voice etc, and dreams or being a famous singer.”
“While I think it’s all well and good to sing as a hobby, she is simply not good at music.”
“Lailah has a rather high pitched voice, kind of like a cartoon or young toddler.”
“And when she sings it sounds like nails on a chalkboard.”
“And I’m certain she’s tone deaf because she insists her voice is not high at all.”
“I know that’s awful as a mom to say but it’s true.”
“We even hired a vocal coach before COVID and the lady outright told me she felt guilty about taking my money because she ‘simply has no musical talent’ in her words.”
“She loves to sing at family events and it always results in chuckles at best, or insults, at worst from younger kids.”
“She’s always kept her head up though and never let these comments get to her.”
“Which I admire a lot, but I wish she had more realistic adult plans by now.”
“Lailah’s grades have been struggling for years (mostly D’s) and we argue about it all the time.”
“Her excuse is always ‘I don’t need to learn this because I will be a famous singer!'”
“This obsession has become a legitimate problem because she shoots down anything unrelated to singing when it comes to thinking about college or a job.”
“Which she also insists she will never need because she will one day become a world famous singer.”
“Today I told her she should be looking for a summer job and she again refused.”
“And said now that she’s old enough she wants to audition for a singing competition, undecided on which.”
“I know these shows, most of them will have a poor singer audition only to mock them on TV.”
“I’m not letting that happen to Lailah and told her I am no longer tolerating this obsession.”
“And that she needs to apply herself in other areas soon if she hopes to get any sort of career because she simply is not a good singer.”
“She started bawling and called me an abusive mother.”
“I feel like an ass now and am not sure if I should have handled this differently.”
“Am I the asshole?”
Redditors shared their thoughts on this matter and weighed some options to the question AITA?:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
Redditors declared our OP was NOT the A**hole.
It’s a tricky situation.
Let’s hear some thoughts…
“Well, you would be the a**hole, if your daughter wasn’t so delusional.”
“But if she still insists on auditioning for competitions, let her.”
“She has to smell the coffee somehow. NTA.” ~ deny_pentagram
“If she won’t listen to her mother or her vocal teachers or the ruthless honestly of the family kids, maybe she’ll listen if Simon Cowell tells her she’s delusional.” ~ Flaky_Tip
“No coffee please.”
“When my mom told me this at 5 years old I cried a whole day.”
“Until at 10 years old when I really scream/howl at my school show.”
“So sad and embarrassing.”
“I’m 30+ and still remember. NTA!!”
“You did good but insist and talk with someone she trust and respect to talk her out before she go up the stage.” ~ dreadfulstoryteller
“I always felt bad for those poor bad audition people that didn’t have anyone in their life that cared enough and had the b**ls to tell them they sucked before they embarrassed themselves on national TV.”
“I guess maybe some of them did and carried on anyways.”
“That bit of those shows always struck me as a bit cruel.”
“Especially knowing they do a ton of pre-screening before you ever make it in front of the main judges.” ~ KickballWh**e
“Has she ever posted a video of her singing on YouTube or Tik tok, whatever kids use these days?”
“Somewhere with an audience?”
“Maybe she can do that and there will be feedback that can penetrate and perhaps be less upsetting than getting all excited for an audition for something BIG?”
“And being used as mockery material on National tv or something?”
“Either way, the comedown is going to be hard when reality finally sets in.”
“I don’t think you have much of a choice but to let her learn the hard way.”
“I would do as others suggested and set conditions.”
“’Get a summer job and I’ll pay for more lessons’”
“’Pick a back up career for college WHILE you work on singing.’”
“That way you are still supporting her but also helping set up her life based in reality for when she realizes that’s where she is.”
“Therapy is probably a good idea.”
“I’m guessing that with her level of obsession, in her mind, all the rejections from you, professional voice coaches etc this is the beginning of her hard and wonderful journey to stardom.”
“And one day she will be on stage or in front of an interviewer telling them all how she defeated the odds and proved all those naysayers wrong.”
“They were the ones who motivated her to work harder than ever.”
“It will be a tragically wonderful comeuppance about how she defied the odds.”
“I hope she gets the reality check she needs but it’s unlikely to come from you and unlikely to be gentle.”
“She’s going to need something hard to shake her out and as much as it pains you, you’ll have to let it happen.” ~ ambamshazam
“NTA. When I was young (5-6) I wanted to be a singer but my mother told me honestly that it would never happen since I couldn’t carry a tune in a bucket.”
“No hard feelings, it saved me from embarrassment at best and heartbreak at worst if I had kept at it.”
“Even today I know I’m tone deaf, but I still sing in the car and stuff.”
“There’s nothing bad about a mother being honest about her child’s talents.”
Sevenfieldsatnight
“NTA. She needs to learn that she can’t always get what she wants.”
“The fact that she went as far to call you abusive over her love of singing is just baffling.”
“I would suggest recording her singing, and then play the recording back to her.”
“If she heard her own voice maybe she’ll start to get that she’s not cut out for that kind of career.”
“I’ve been in choirs all my life and have heard many horrible voices over the years.”
“It’s those terrible ones or ungodly beautiful ones that tend to stick with you.”
“Good luck with trying to get your daughter to come back to reality.”
“I hope playing her own voice back to her will help her realize she’s indeed terrible.” ~ Melty_Berry_Ashley
OP came back to discuss…
“Oh, I’ve done that. She still thought she sounded just like Carrie Underwood.”
“I have given that some thought.”
“I have seen auditions where even after being told by professionals some of them get furious and argue with the judges.”
“And Lailah has argued with vocal coaches in the past.”
“Perhaps it may do her some good.”
“But I’m terrified that she will end up becoming another one of those contestants who makes a complete fool or a** of themselves if they choose to air her audition.”
Reddit continued…
“NTA OP.”
“My dad is a professional singer. Has been for 55 years.”
“He’s worked with everyone from Sting to Sinead O’Connor.”
“And despite my aspirations, he kindly sat me down one day and just gently said that if I really wanted to be a singer too, it would be much more difficult for me because although I had the lungs and good vibrato, I had trouble with range and depth.”
“The issue wasn’t the notes I nailed.”
“It was everything else.”
“I was devastated, not just because I’d so desperately wanted to be like him, but because I knew he was telling me out of love and kindness.”
“It hurt, I was heartbroken.”
“But I got over it because I realized that even though I can’t really sing like him.”
“I can sing for the love of it.”
“And I adore singing still because of him and I’m genuinely glad it was he who said it to me, gently and with love, rather than somebody who would be more blunt and hurt me.” ~ PotatoPixie90210
“NTA. Even if she was a great singer breaking into the entertainment industry is very hard and everybody needs a backup plan.” ~ touchmydingus
OP, Reddit supports your ways.
Sometimes, most times, the truth hurts.
Also sometimes, people have to learnt through a little suffering.
So it may take your daughter a little learning through trial and error.
But keep being a good mom.