It’s always a terrible feeling when there’s an event approaching that’s an important milestone for us, only for us to realize that one of our loved ones doesn’t really care about it.
It can really ruin the excitement, agreed the “Am I the A**hole?” (AITA) subReddit
Redditor floralbored was hurt by her mother’s wish for her to move her twenty-first birthday celebration to a different date because she had other plans she preferred to go to.
But when she found out her mom just wanted to go to a concert, the Original Poster (OP) was furious.
She asked the sub:
“AITA for not canceling my birthday plans so my mom can see a concert?”
The OP was going to celebrate her 21st birthday soon.
“My (20 Female) 21st birthday is very soon.”
“Recently, my mother (50s Female) contacted me and asked me to cancel my already paid-for, out-of-state plans.”
“She wanted me to cancel them, so she could see a concert, also out of state, with the guy who refuses to date her.”
The OP then shared some details about her mother’s “not-boyfriend.”
“The not-boyfriend owns a cleaning company where he is the soul employee/owner, so he technically has no one to cover for him.”
“My fiancé works ‘part-time’ for him to get days off sometimes. So the not-boyfriend expects my fiancé to come in on his day off and work so he can go to a concert with my mom!”
“The not-boyfriend is also exactly that. He refuses to commit to my mother.”
“For a year now, she’s been trying to get him to date her, but he won’t budge. He has straight-up told her that he’s not attracted to her and that he doesn’t like her like that.”
“She sleeps over at his house more than she does at her own house. They sleep in the same bed but NOTHING happens.”
“How do I know this? She vents to me that nothing happens. She cries about how this guy who clearly DOES NOT WANT HER, won’t have sex with her.”
“My dad died in 2019, so my mom has gone off the deep end since then.”
Needless to say, the OP didn’t like her mother’s plan at all.
“My fiancé and I have very close birthdays and we’re the same age, so this trip is like a 21st birthday trip for both of us.”
“The worst part is, the day she’s telling us to come home is on my 21st birthday. She wants us to do a 5-hour drive back home, and then have my fiancé cover her not-boyfriend’s shift at work, during my birthday.”
“I’m a bit of a night owl so that would give me a whole 2 hours of time spent with my fiancé on my birthday that isn’t in a car, or at the not-boyfriend’s workplace.”
“Just so she can see a concert.”
“My mom thinks I’m being TA because I ‘won’t do her this favor because it’s the only day she can see the concert with him.'”
The OP was surprised when her family lashed out at her.
“I personally, being selfish, think my 21st birthday is more important than a concert for a band she’s seen multiple times before. And with a guy who does not want her. Crazy!”
“I, to be honest, do not care at all. But I do have family members calling me TA for being rude and selfish.”
“So Reddit, AITA?”
Fellow Redditors weighed in:
- NTA: Not the A**hole
- YTA: You’re the A**hole
- ESH: Everybody Sucks Here
- NAH: No A**holes Here
Some said it was not the OP’s and her boyfriend’s responsibility to do someone else’s job.
“NTA. Since other family members are nagging you, do this:”
“Send them a text: ‘Thank you for caring about my mother and her plans to see [band name]. I am turning 21 that same day and have already made plans with my boyfriend and will be out of town. Please coordinate with my mother and her boyfriend to help cover the boyfriend’s job. Thank you again for contacting me and I’m really interested in what everyone did for their 21st birthdays!'”
“Everyone’s 21st birthday is always known 22 years in advance. You’re NTA.”
“Mom, the sorry-a** business owner/not-boyfriend, and your too d**n involved relatives who d**n well won’t take the not-boyfriend’s shift have entirely too many opinions and are all a-holes.”
“Go have fun with your boyfriend. Take lots of pictures. Anyone gives you s**t, ask them what they’d cancel their 21st birthdays for.” – benfranklin-katniss
“Not to mention as the owner, the not-boyfriend could try to reschedule with the customer.”
“Also, is this an all-day concert? He could also schedule the cleanings earlier in the day, etc. Mom needs to take it up within him, not you. Not to mention that him being busy doesn’t stop your mom from going to this concert.”
“It sounds like your boyfriend should quit this casual job if it’s going to cause this much trouble.” – asecretnarwhal
“Please don’t entertain any of this nonsense. Go on your trip.”
“Your fiancé also needs to stop subbing at the other guy’s job. Your fiancé doesn’t even work for the company.”
“It’s essentially like dragging a stranger off the street and telling them they have to work. Most people would laugh and tell the not-boyfriend to bog off, not step in and work. Your fiancé needs to find his voice and say no.” – IllustratorSlow1614
“No. Nope. N. O.”
“It’s that easy.”
“But can you? No.”
“But it’s the only day I can… No.”
“What is so important that you won’t… No.”
“Why won’t you… No.”
“P.S. I was a sole proprietor business owner once. Know what’s really cool about being the only employee? You decide when you work.”
“‘Sorry, something has come up and I have to cancel on ______ day, let’s rebook.’ The something that came up was mimosas with a friend, but my clients don’t need to know that.”
“Tell not-boyfriend to close the business for a day and stop being a f**king baby about it.” – microfishy
“I don’t care, but I’m just curious what is the not-boyfriend’s work orientation? If your fiancé doesn’t legally work for the business, then he’s not covered by workers comp in case of injury.”
“This needs to STOP, as he probably isn’t covered by any other insurance businesses they need to carry to cover damages that may happen, which may screw your fiancé royally. NTA.” – AA6671923
“Go enjoy your 21st bday and let her figure it out. I can bet this isn’t the first time something like this has happened, and unless and until you set boundaries, she Will continue to railroad you. Happy Birthday, and NTA.” – AssistPure
Others agreed that the mom was incredibly selfish and entitled, not the OP.
“There’s no way in hell you’re an AH. NTA. Your mom however is and she’s also extremely selfish. Your 21 is indeed more important than her concert.” – sportsphotographer84
“NTA. It’s your and your boyfriend’s 21st birthday. It seems the only thing your mom cares about is herself. You only turn 21 once, go have fun but be safe about it.”
“Unfortunately, your mom reminds me of mine. My spouse and I went and got married at the courthouse with a couple of friends. We had a small honeymoon (2 days) at a hotel.”
“The moment we got there, I got a phone call, asking if I could cut my honeymoon short and come pick up our child so she could take her boyfriend to a gun show which happens like once a month.”
“I hung up on her to get a call from her boyfriend saying don’t worry about coming home early, they can go to a gun show anytime.”
“Yes, it is my first and only marriage. People suck and most of them never change.” – Massive-Moody
“Hahahaha, no, NTA. The fact that you even have to ask if you’re NTA speaks volumes, though.”
“Stop feeling responsible for your mom’s feelings if she doesn’t give a s**t about yours. It’s a ridiculous request, and you shouldn’t even think about it for a second.”
“Enjoy your birthday trip with your fiancé, all the best!!!” – r_coefficient
“NTA. I don’t know where you live, but 21st birthdays are pretty important in America, and you’re never gonna have another one.”
“Your mom will have plenty of chances to go to concerts for the rest of her life.”
“Frankly, it’s ridiculous that she would even ask you to consider this. She’s a grown woman, it’s not your fault that she can’t plan something as simple as ‘going to a concert with a friend’ without requiring her daughter to cancel her birthday plans.”
“I wanna tell you to mock her for being upset with you, but that’s pointless so you should just ignore her or dismiss her out of hand if she tries to give you grief you about it.” – Jab2Do
“NTA. She’s trying to get you to manipulate your partner so she can try to get laid. Or because the guy she fancies asked her to and she’s a wet blanket.”
“Just no. Say you’re busy, then keep your phones off during the day and enjoy your time together. She can still go to the concert if that’s what she wants (but it’s not).” – IllustratorNew8801
“You turn 21 once and the fact that you’ll be having a dual celebration with your fiancé makes it extra special. Your mom is selfish and in need of a massive reality check.”
“My own mom ruined my 21st birthday. It was supposed to be just me, her, and my brother going to dinner at a nice restaurant.”
“What ended up happening was her abusive ex-husband (from way before I was born) contacted her. After hearing for my whole life how horrible he was, she had him come along to MY birthday dinner. I had to share a table with the man who hit my mother.”
“He paid for everything, but that didn’t score him (or her) any points. Her selfishness tainted an evening that should have been special, and it made me think less of her.”
“Don’t let your mother ruin your birthday. The world doesn’t revolve around her.” – dingleberry_mustache
The subReddit was furious on the OP’s behalf, not only because this was a milestone birthday, but because her mother had so clearly dismissed her needs as any sort of priority.
They could understand the pain of wanting someone who doesn’t want you back, but when it comes at the expense of someone else you love, it might be time to reevaluate.