“Kids will be kids”.
A fairly common turn of phrase that might be too liberally used.
Of course, children should by all means enjoy their childhood, and not be too beholden to responsibilities and commitments they will one day have to endure in adulthood.
That being said, being a child is not an excuse to misbehave, nor should it excuse children from all consequences for their actions.
The best friend (BFF) of Redditor Ok_Worldliness3239 only decided to invite children to her wedding thanks to the urging of the original poster (OP).
When her big day finally arrived, the OP’s BFF eventually came to regret her decision, all owing to the behavior of the OP’s son.
Resulting in the OP getting very publicly kicked out of her best friend’s wedding.
While the bride’s sisters tried to convince the OP to apologize, the OP adamantly felt that she was owed and apology, an wasn’t obligated to give one.
Wondering if she was wrong about this, the OP took to the subReddit “Am I The A**hole” (AITA), where she asked fellow Redditors:
“AITA for not apologizing to my friend after she screamed at me and my kid at her wedding?”
The OP explained why she found herself kicked out of her BFF’s wedding, and why she was loathe to apologize:
“Two weeks ago, I (29 F[emale]), Hubby (31 M[ale]), and Son (4 M) attended my BFF’s (28 F) wedding.”
“It was a beautiful ceremony, and everything was going great, until BFF and her husband cut the cake.”
“Important context, BFF did speak to me during her wedding planning about being unsure on whether or not to allow kids at her wedding.”
“Her 2 sisters both have kids around son’s age, and she sees him as her nephew, too.”
“But, she wanted to be able to let loose and enjoy her wedding without worrying about any kids messing things up.”
“I gave her my opinion, saying hubby and I allowed kids at our wedding and wouldn’t have it any other way.”
“The kids were still family and deserved to be included.”
“After that, and speaking with her sisters, she and her husband OKed kids for the wedding.”
“Now, the ceremony went swimmingly.”
“BFF’s nieces sat with me, hubby, and son, as her sisters were in the bridal party.”
“I brought quiet activities to keep them entertained, and everybody behaved.”
“I even cried from how lovely it was.”
“When we got to the reception, nieces were returned to their parents, so it was now just me, Hubby, and Son.”
“Dinner went fine, and then the couple took to the dance floor for their first dance.”
“Afterwards, everybody was welcomed to the floor to dance for a bit before cake cutting.”
“At this point, the kids were running around and playing with each other, and it was a fairly secure space, and I knew almost everybody there, so I felt comfortable with Son playing with the other kids while Hubby and I had fun dancing.”
“Important to mention now, Hubby offered to DD so I could enjoy myself, so I had had a couple glasses of wine at this point.”
“BFF had also been drinking and celebrating.”
“BFF and her husband go to do cake cutting, and hubby and I are a little slow getting there, so there was a crowd blocking our view.”
“Suddenly, I hear BFF SCREAM Son’s name.”
“Hubby and I push forward to see what’s wrong.”
“I see my son with frosting around his mouth and on his fingers.”
“The cake had a small chunk taken out of it.”
“I try to apologize, but BFF turns around and yells, ‘This is YOUR FAULT’.”
“‘Your son RUINED my cake’.”
“‘He’s only here because YOU told me it would be worth it to include the kids!'”
“I yelled back, telling her that it was just an accident and the rest of the cake was still edible.”
“That this was her nephew she was screaming about.”
“She told me I was no friend of hers and he wasn’t her nephew in front of everyone.”
“She told me to leave, or she’d call security.”
“Son and I were crying at that point, and the 3 of us left.”
“One of the bride’s sisters reached out to me after and apologized for her sister’s reaction but said I needed to apologize.”
“I think I’m sorries are out the window now after her outburst.”
“I told her sister so and said I expect an apology first before I’d say anything to her.”
“Not only did she blow up at me in front of everyone, but at my son.”
“I’m humiliated but even more angry on his behalf.”
“So, AITA if I refuse to apologize first?”
Fellow Redditors weighed in on where they believed the OP fell in this particular situation, by declaring:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
- NAH – No A**holes Here
The OP found little to no sympathy from the Reddit community, who all but unanimously agreed that the OP was, indeed, the a**hole for refusing to apologize to her friend.
While some felt that the reaction of the OP’s BFF was somewhat out of line, just about everyone else agreed that the OP should have kept a closer eye on her son and shouldn’t have risen to her BFF’s level at her wedding. She was the main reason any children were there, making it clear she should be the first one to apologize.
“YTA.”
“The convo about kids earlier?”
“She wanted her nieces there all along-she was trying to tell you that she was worried your kid wouldn’t be supervised and would cause problems.”
“You didn’t get it then because you are that parent that ruins it for everyone else.”
“Then when your kid shoved his filthy hands in the cake (which was not edible afterwards, gross), her frustration boiled over because she had tried to warn you and thought she’d gotten your assurance.”
“And you think you need an apology?”
“Obviously people need to be really direct with you.”
“YTA.”
“You didn’t watch your kid.”
“You should apologize and beg for forgiveness, and pay for the cake.”- ScarletSolicitor-
“YTA.”
“She allowed kids based on your assurance that having kids at the wedding would be okay.”
“It’s most especially egregious when the one person who said kids deserved to be included to be the one whose kid f*cked over her wedding celebration.”
“It is a big deal.”
“It is a once-in-a-lifetime event.”
“Hopefully, she is not getting a second wedding.”
“You’re an a**hole for not watching your kids after blabbering about how they should have kids at the wedding.”
“And doubly so for not apologizing.”- zzWoWzz
“YTA.”
“Watch.”
“Your.”
“Kids.”
“She didn’t want kids at her wedding, but you convinced her it would be ok.”
“Then let your kid take a chunk out of her wedding cake.”
“You do owe her an apology.”
“Maybe next time, let people have events the way they want them.”- GuinevereMorgann
“YTA.”
“Your son taking a big bite out of the wedding cake wasn’t an accident.”
“He did it because he wanted some cake and didn’t want to wait.”
“He’s 4, but you could have told him not to touch the cake.”
“This would have been avoided if you’d been supervising him properly.”
“You do need to apologize to your friend for being neglectful to the point where your son ruined the wedding cake.”
“Parents like you who let their kids run rampant then don’t take real responsibility are the reason so many people don’t want kids at events like this.”- AllAFantasy30
“YTA.”
“You need to feel humiliated and angry that your son did this and apologize profusely.”
“If your kid can’t control himself then he needs to either stay home or you need to be near him, fully present and sober, all night.”
“And I hate to break it to you but the majority of people at that wedding are judging you for your parenting and your reaction to your son’s behavior.”
“I doubt your kid will be allowed near any of their weddings.”
“OP claims that she felt comfortable dancing while all the kids were playing because she knew everyone there.”
“As a person with a big family, let me read between the lines.”
“OP left her kid unattended and expected others around her to keep an eye on her kid.”
“This is, by far, my biggest pet peeve with family events.”
“So many people with kids will show up and just act like they aren’t parents.”
“They seem to think the rest of us showed up to help babysit and that their kid‘s welfare is a group issue and others are expected to help watch the kid, keep them out of trouble, feed them, take the to the restroom.”
“These people kill me!”
“OP, you really took advantage, and your outrage doesn’t reflect well on you.”- saintandvillian
“YTA.”
“To a raging degree, and surely you know that.”
“Not because you advocated having kids at the wedding but because you weren’t even vaguely aware of what your son was doing.”
“Your son did ruin their cake.”
“How you responded made you double TA, and then refusing to apologize made you triple TA.”
“I’m so sorry your son has a parent as irresponsible and such a bad role model as you.”-hubertburnette
No one likes to be yelled at, that’s for sure.
That being said, no bride is in complete control of their emotions on their wedding day, hence why the OP’s BFF had the reaction she did upon discovering her wedding cake had been “sampled”.
The OP had a bit less justification for yelling back at her, especially when it was her son who did the “sampling”.
Especially since the OP doesn’t really seem to think her son did anything wrong.
If the OP is content with never speaking with her BFF again, then she needn’t muster up the courage to apologize.
But she shouldn’t expect much, if any, support for this decision.