We all have one of those people in our lives who loves to make their opinions, both positive and negative, known.
What’s funny is that they expect their opinions to sway us, even when the subject is important to us, side-eyed the members of the “Am I Overreacting?” (AIO) subReddit.
Redditor OkRecommendation1244 was working her way through nursing school and was proud of being able to help people.
When her boyfriend’s mother kept making degrading comments about her career, the Original Poster (OP) wasn’t convinced she could bring herself to continue to attend family gatherings.
She asked the sub:
“Am I overreacting for snapping at my boyfriend’s mom after she mocked my career choice?”
The OP was diligently working her way through nursing school.
“I (26 Female) have been dating my boyfriend (28 Male) for about two years.”
“Things are mostly good, except for his mom. She is very polite on the surface, but loves little comments that feel like compliments until you think about them for a second.”
“I am in nursing school, and I will work as a CNA (Certified Nursing Assistant) while I finish. I am really proud of this. It took me a while to figure out what I wanted to do. I am paying for most of it myself, and I genuinely love patient care.”
“My boyfriend has always said he is proud of me, too. His mom, on the other hand, has Opinions.”
The boyfriend’s mother’s comments were becoming increasingly degrading.
“She is very big on status and prestige. She loves to talk about how my boyfriend’s sister is an attorney and how hard law school was, how impressive it is, etc. Cool, great for her.”
“But whenever my career comes up, his mom makes these little digs.”
“She’s said things like, ‘Oh, nursing is such a sweet job, you must be very nurturing,’ and, ‘I could never deal with bedpans all day, bless you,’ and, ‘At least you’ll always have a job; hospitals are always hiring.'”
But the OP drew the line at a recent family gathering.
“Last weekend, we were at a family dinner, and someone asked how school was going.”
“Before I could even answer, his mom laughed and said, ‘Well, it’s not exactly rocket science, but I’m sure it keeps her busy.'”
“I kind of froze and then said something like, ‘It’s actually pretty intense and competitive, but yeah, I stay busy.'”
“She rolled her eyes and said, ‘I just think it’s funny how girls these days aim so low when they have potential.'”
“That is when I snapped. I told her, calmly but very directly, that nursing is not ‘aiming low,’ that it is a licensed medical profession, and that it is weird and rude to keep belittling someone who is working hard at a career that helps people.”
“I also said that if she keeps making comments like that, I will stop coming to family events.”
“The table went silent. My boyfriend’s dad suddenly needed more water. His sister stared at her plate.”
“His mom looked shocked and said that I was being overly sensitive and disrespectful in her home.”
The OP felt conflicted about how she reacted.
“On the drive home, my boyfriend said he understands why I was upset but thinks I ‘could have handled it better,’ and that his mom is ‘just old-fashioned.'”
“Now I am second-guessing myself. I do not think standing up for myself is overreacting, but maybe threatening to stop coming to family events was too much?”
“AIO?”
Fellow Redditors weighed in:
- NOR: Not Overreacting
- YOR: You’re Overreacting
Some rooted for the OP, sharing their personal experiences.
“Anyone who has ever received healthcare, or been with someone who received healthcare, knows that nurses are the backbone of it all!” – ImprovementSweaty188
“NOR!”
“When I was hospitalized, the nurses were hardworking professionals who cared for me with great attitudes (I’m sure my condition was tedious to deal with), and I know they were running on fumes by the end of their shifts. I thanked them every time any of them did anything for me. Afterward, I sent a thank-you card to the unit expressing my appreciation for them.”
“OP’s boyfriend’s mom is a jacka**. Should she ever need medical care, she will realize her attitude needs readjusting.”
“Nurses keep everything going!” – Specialist-Jello7544
“NOR.”
“The nurse, when I was delivering my oldest and labor went way faster than anyone expected (start of transition to birth was 20 minutes), almost had to deliver him because the resident panicked and froze.”
“My doctor didn’t make it until five to ten minutes after the birth. The nurse basically yelled at him, ‘This baby is coming NOW. Are you catching him or am I?'”
“One of my best friends is an ER nurse. She did her RN and then her BSN, and she said her RN was exponentially more intense than her doctoral program in organic chemistry (career switcher). All the respect to nurses here!” – settledownbessye
“I pointed out recently about aged care being referred to as ‘wiping a**.’ It’s incredibly disrespectful to reduce these jobs to one part of it. It’s also disrespectful imo to the elderly in this case, as if the only thing they need support with in old age is personal care? Reducing people to that is a huge display of disrespect.”
“The same thing with nursing. Nurses do so much and any caring job, disability, aged care, nursing deserve to be at the very top, respect-wise. These are the people who are looking after vulnerable people in times of need. These are jobs that have and will always be needed by everyone at some point in their lives.”
“If it were just bedpans, you wouldn’t be studying.”
“I’d be telling her, ‘I didn’t study for however-long to learn how to collect bedpans. If you’d like to have a respectful and curious conversation about what nursing entails, let’s do it! But I will not tolerate disrespect for the job that I am proud of, and that is vital for us all.'”
“Stand up for yourself, OP. Keep making a difference.” – lifeinwentworth
“When my wife was in the ICU (for what ended up being the last time), the nurses were better at keeping me informed than the doctors were; they translated the ‘doctor speak’ so I understood what was really going on. They treated my wife like the special person she was.”
“Shame on her for denigrating the profession that keeps the medical profession running smoothly. Nurses are highly educated professionals who give more of themselves than they even know they have to give.” – wistfulee
“We included the CNAs and nurses who took care of my grandma in her final years in her obituary because they were phenomenal and loved her so much. She was in a memory care unit, and I genuinely believe their care is why we got another four years with her.”
“The last couple of weeks were harrowing, and I’ll never forget that every single one of them spent time with her to say goodbye, and two who were off when she passed immediately came back so they could prepare her for the funeral home. This is not an easy career, and nurses deal with people in some of their most vulnerable moments.” – yuzuruzsanyu
“You absolutely have a boyfriend problem. He should be sticking up for you, not berating you for sticking up for yourself. This is a HUGE red flag. Think long and hard about your relationship with this mummy’s boy. NOR. Or maybe even underreacting (to the boyfriend problem!).” – Maud999
Others pointed out that there were plenty of “old-fashioned” practices in the world, but the boyfriend’s mother’s beliefs were not.
“That’s not old-fashioned. It’s completely rude. Old-fashioned would include being polite to guests. That’s Manners 101.”
“You apparently also have a boyfriend problem. Ugh!” – pegwins
“Would she diminish that profession when she needs medical care? I just lost both my parents a month apart. The nurses were incredible and kind, and compassionate. Thank you for going into this career!” – Open-Trouble-7264
“A dinner party (traditionally) means the host is responsible for conversation and what we would call the vibes. Meaning, even if you do think someone’s profession is stupid, you fake being interested anyway.” – NewDramaLlama
“My grandma would have clutched her pearls if anyone treated her guests like that. She would have considered that the height of rudeness. But then again, my grandma had manners unlike this MIL.” – Warm-Day8313
“This is one of my least favourite things that people do: try to pretend that the snippy little digs that they do are just harmless, when you know in your gut that they are not.” – T-Wrox
“If she were truly ‘old-fashioned,’ she’d be chastising you for even having a career instead of planning to stay at home, pop out babies, and cook and clean for her son and all her grandkids all day.”
“Be sure to clarify that definition of old-fashioned for him, and tell him you expect his support going forward, or he can find a new gf, one with a job his dear mommy won’t run down.”
“And tell bf and his mom that she’s the one who is disrespectful, and seriously, since when is nursing not a respectable profession? I’m not seeing how her lawyer daughter, whose ‘prestige’ she’s so high on, is out there saving lives and providing care and comfort to people who are sick and vulnerable.”
“Whatever you do, do NOT apologize to that woman. Just avoid his family until your boyfriend gets his mom in line and stops being an apologist for her. She’s the one who owes you an apology, and a commitment to lay tf off with her comments. Or her, the boyfriend, and the whole family can go in the trash.” – whatthewhat3214
“What I hate is how OP’s boyfriend is saying she should handle it differently vs stepping up to stand up for OP. HE should be putting his mom in her place instead of making excuses about her being old-fashioned. I can’t stand the ‘suck it up to keep the peace’ attitude that OP’s boyfriend has.”
“You need to consider that if he won’t stand up for you now, will he ever? Or will he continue to expect you to just roll over, because it makes things easier for him since he won’t have to deal with his mom?”
“I’d also like to know, what does OP’s boyfriend do? Does she diminish him, too, if he’s not a lawyer? What does SHE do that gives her the ‘right’ to have such opinions?” – trvllvr
“NOR. Nursing is a highly skilled job that requires being present, unlike a lot of other corporate jobs. Plus, the pay is good. Not something to throw in their faces just to give you some affirmation.”
“The mom is maybe taking out her own lackluster life on you. I’d have a serious chat with your boyfriend, and if you see this progressing, point out how he needs to stand up for you too.” – EmbarassedOnion9
The subReddit reassured the OP that, not only was her boyfriend’s mother completely out of line, but if there were people who deserved as little criticism as possible, it was medical professionals, who were out there learning hard facts, working long hours, and doing everything in their power to help people and to save lives.
While this wouldn’t be true for all, far fewer lawyers could say the same.