Making friends isn’t always easy.
For some, that part of life has gotten even more difficult post-pandemic.
So it’s exciting for parents when they think their child has bonded with another.
But no parent can force a friendship.
Redditor AwareBalance8868 wanted to discuss their experience and get some feedback. So naturally, they came to visit the “Am I The A**hole” (AITA) subReddit.
They asked:
“AITA for telling a parent that their kid is weird when she pushed as to why my kid didn’t want to be her friend?”
The Original Poster (OP) explained:
“My family and I have moved states.”
“It has been a hard move, especially for my oldest daughter, Katty.”
“She is in 6th grade.”
“The area school district has a Facebook account that parents are a part of.”
“I introduced myself on there a while ago.”
“We put Katty on the cross-country team, and she has been making friends over the summer.”
“I got a message from a parent last week, asking to meet up and let the kids meet.”
“They would be in the same grade, and I thought it would be a good opportunity.”
“We went yesterday to the local pool.”
“I met Melanie and she wouldn’t make eye contact, was very soft-spoken, and overall didn’t seem to be paying attention.”
“The kids were playing while I talked to the mom.”
“She has always been in the area and was excited her kid was getting a friend.”
“Katty came up to me asking to leave since she wasn’t feeling well.”
“We left early and in the car, she admitted to just wanting to get away from Melanie.”
“She explained that Melanie freaked her out.”
“She was very touchy, kept pushing her in the water, was whispering (saying things under her breath), would stare at people and make comments (comparing people to bugs? I am still confused on what that means).”
“Katty told me she was uncomfortable and didn’t want to hang out with her again.”
“The parent messaged me and asked when they could do it again.”
“I told her the girls didn’t mesh well and that we will have to decline.”
“She then called me asking what I meant.”
“I told her that Katty wasn’t interested in hanging out since they don’t mesh together.”
“I was trying to be polite about it.”
“This went on for a while and she told me that the kids just needed to be around each other more.”
“I told her no to that.”
“It went on for a while.”
“Then she asked to talk to my husband which is when I snapped.”
“I told her no and that I was trying to be polite, but your kid is weird.”
“Melanie makes my kid uncomfortable, and I don’t know what the hell is up with her, but we will not have another play date.”
“She went on Facebook, and now it’s going around about how the new family are jerks.”
“It seems to not be going anywhere, but I am wondering if I was a d**k.”
The OP was left to wonder:
“AITA?”
Redditors shared their thoughts on this matter and weighed some options to the question AITA:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
Many Redditors declared OP was NOT the A**hole.
“She asked to speak to your husband?”
“As in, she thought that was the social equivalent of asking for the manager?”
“‘Let me speak to the person in charge of you,’ basically?”
“Nope. Absolutely not. NTA.”
“My guess would be that there’s a reason why her daughter evidently doesn’t have any friends and at least some of it originates with the mother.” ~ FloatingPencil
“The mom doesn’t respect boundaries, so it’s not surprising that her daughter doesn’t either.”
“But all the same, part of me wonders what the Hell is going on in her life to make her behave that way.”
“Not to armchair diagnose someone third-hand over the internet, (…here comes the but…) but it doesn’t sound like typical spectrum/A[ttention]-D[eficit/H[yperactivity] D[isorder] kind of behavior.”
“Autism and ADHD run in both my family and my friend group, so when I hear someone called ‘weird’ this is what I initially suspect… but I have never met a person with autism who was physically touchy, or who stared at others like that.”
“This kind of inappropriate creepy boundary-crossing behavior seems more like a trauma-induced response.”
“Comparing people to insects?”
“Way too touchy?”
“Repeatedly dunking her underwater?”
“Constantly whispering?”
“There may indeed be an innocent enough reason, but all this stuff sends up red flags for me.”
“I would legit be worried for this girl.” ~ Eclectix
“Given the mom’s smear campaign isn’t going anywhere, I have a hunch the rest of the school parents know the kid’s mom is a big part of the problem.” ~ Professional_Ruin953
“Honestly, the kid’s mom is the bigger issue here and is probably the biggest reason this kid is lacking good social skills.”
“While I would not force my kid to have one on one’s with someone who made them feel uncomfortable, I would still talk about being kind and inclusive when appropriate (class and group parties and situations).”
“But having an invasive, pushy parent like that on top of everything would probably make me run to the hills.” ~ No_Hat_1864
“NTA. You tried to let her down lightly, and she pushed it further.”
“My suggestion would be to explain exactly what you did in this post about Melanie’s specific behavior and not just call her weird.”
“Having specifics might help her mom understand why she made Katty uncomfortable.”
“Or she’ll make excuses for it, but at least you tried.”
“I have a feeling others have been through this before, and that’s probably why the post isn’t doing as much damage as it would have otherwise.” ~ Nobody_asked_me1990
“NTA… you respected your daughter’s wishes and defended her.”
“A child should not be forced to play with someone she doesn’t like.”
“You tried being polite, but the mom wouldn’t let it go and tried going over your head by wanting to talk with your husband.”
“And now she is bashing you on Facebook.”
“I would block her. Life’s too short to deal with that.” ~ sinaice98
“NTA. It’s bad when a person doesn’t understand the word ‘no.'”
“Your daughter’s feelings are more important.”
“And her safety.”
“If she says that this girl scared her.” ~ Janine_18
“There’s a reason she pounced on you as the new person, trying to have the kids meet before school started.”
“Honestly, I would have seen that as a red flag, but then her excitement over her kid getting a friend when they’ve been there?”
“Her kid doesn’t have friends for a reason.” ~ Interesting-Sky6313
“Yeah especially since the lady’s smear campaign against the family did not work.”
“My guess is the rest of the group knows the deal.”
“I have had to have some truthful conversations with my kids and how they might be perceived.”
“For example when one of my sons gets excited he will talk about the subject for hours and not let anyone get a word in.”
“He started throwing around ‘actually’ anytime someone said anything!”
“Talked and practiced conversation flow with him.”
“Can’t just tell kids struggling to make friends they are perfect and it’s the other kids that are the problem, sometimes it is them.”
“NTA… she pushed you.” ~ LaPakawaka
“Yes, I agree. Absolutely NTA.”
“I do feel for that kid because if she does have any official neurodivergence or mental health issues, the mother needs to be helping her cope with those instead of pushing others’ boundaries.”
“Why would you want your kid, especially one with some social issues, to be forced to hang around kids who don’t want to hang around with her? Poor child.”
“She’ll eventually find her people if the mom lets her.”
“OP can have compassion for the child and still hold her ground.”
“Also, I would never force my kid to hang around someone that made them uncomfortable.”
“I am glad this mother is listening to her kid.”
“Then the ‘husband’ comment.”
“Oof. I would have become unhinged on her.”
“I never had playdates as a kid.”
“We just met our own friends.”
“My parents and grandparents would encourage us to be kind to other kids and include them, but we didn’t have to constantly hang out with them or become best friends.” ~ RamenQueen65
“You defended your daughter.”
“You are a good mom.”
“She pushed after you tried to be polite and let her down gently. NTA.” ~ whowasthatreally
“NTA. It should’ve ended when you told her they didn’t mesh well.”
“Friendship can’t be forced.”
“They don’t need to spend more time together.”
“I wouldn’t worry about her posting you’re jerks; everyone knows what she’s like.”
“If her kud hasn’t made friends by 6th grade she isn’t going to.”
“I was particularly confused about her wanting to speak to your husband like he’s a higher authority and can overrule you to force Katty to spend time with Melanie?”
“I was raised in an Era when kids invited other kids over themselves; ask if a friend can come over after school, and a friend asks parents, it happens so was flummoxed by parents of 6th graders taking them places and sitting there when we were dropped off by one kid’s parents and picked up by the others.” ~ Clean_Factor9673
“NTA. You were polite but this other parent was not.”
“Who hell asks to talk to your husband if they don’t like your answer like he’s the manager above you in the family?!”
“She didn’t respect your no several times.”
“Not only is the child a problem, but the parents are a problem, you made the right choice deciding you don’t need them in your family’s lives.” ~ earthenlily
“NTA. The mom targeted a new family knowing you won’t know enough of their background/behavior to decline.”
“Hopefully, the other parents in the group are aware of her shenanigans and know you are being scapegoated.”
“Your daughter’s consent and comfort matter.” ~ cassowary32
“NTA. Sounds like maybe her kid is already an outcast, and she was trying to glom on to the new kid.”
“You can’t force an 11-year-old to be friends with another kid they don’t like.”
“Being kind to and being friends with are 2 different things.” ~ ncslazar7
Well, OP, you were protesting your daughter’s best interests.
Not every friendship is meant to be.
This lady wanted the truth, and she got it.
Good luck with the new neighborhood.