Making a choice on where to eat dinner can be a very stressful decision.
It can be especially daunting when planning for an event dinner, such as a birthday.
Not everyone may be able to get onboard with the popular choice.
That can cause some friction.
Case in point…
Redditor EstablishmentOk1304 wanted to discuss his experience and get some feedback. So naturally, he came to visit the “Am I The A**hole” (AITA) subReddit.
He asked:
“AITA for putting my pregnant wife ahead of my mom when it is my mom’s birthday?”
The Original Poster (OP) explained:
“My wife is currently seven months pregnant and has been having a rough pregnancy.”
“She is also pretty emotional right now, which is as to be expected.”
“My mom has a birthday coming up and i wanted to take her to dinner.”
“My mom loves seafood and picked a restaurant which is about 40 minutes away.”
“My wife is uncomfortable being in the car for long stretches of time, and there isn’t much on the menu she could eat as she can’t have shellfish.”
“I explained this to my mom and she said my wife can stay home.”
“I told her my wife is particularly sensitive right now and that would make her feel bad.”
“My mom got annoyed and asked if she really had to pick something else because a grown woman ‘couldn’t be left home alone.'”
“I told her pregnancy isn’t forever and please just work with us.”
“She said to forget it.”
“She wants seafood and all of the good seafood restaurants are that far away.”
“I asked her to pick another type of cuisine though.”
“She loves Mexican and hibachi, both of which we have local.”
“But she yelled at me that her birthday isn’t about my wife.”
“I accused her of being selfish and childish and said my wife comes first, so she hung up.”
“Now everyone is telling me that I am an a**hole, and my wife is in tears as the whole family is mad at her.”
“So AITA?”
Redditors shared their thoughts on this matter and weighed some options to the question AITA:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
Many Redditors declared OP was NOT the A**hole.
“My mother in law did almost the same exact thing to me when I was 6 days away from having my child.”
“She purposely invited my husband out to dinner at a seafood restaurant 10 minutes from my house.”
“I really love seafood and would have enjoyed going.”
“And told my husband to ‘leave her home because this is the last birthday I’m going to have with just my kids’ and her own husband.”
“My relationship with her has gone downhill ever since then, for various self-centered reasons on her part.”
“I WISH my husband would have stuck up for me like you did your wife.” ~ Known_Smoke4421
“I had a hard pregnancy.”
“40 minutes in a car (and another 40 back) would have been literally torture at seven months.”
“Like, stabbing constant pain and misery.”
“No big deal, just suck it up for the birthday girl, right?”
“Pregnancy isn’t a free pass, it’s a medical condition that is frequently painful and sometimes dangerous.”
“Reasonable, empathic people understand that.”
“The rest whine about not going to their preferred restaurant or tell women it’s ‘not really a long drive.'” ~ Trilobyte141
“OP should just express sorrow at having to miss this one event, but he and his wife are staying close to home because of their child.”
“Period. Let mom feel however she wants to feel.”
“If they want to reach out, they can offer another day to celebrate somewhere near home.”
“Maybe even home.”
“Just coffee and cake.” ~ karenosmile
“You are NTA.”
“Your Mother should know how your Wife is feeling at this time, and you said it, pregnancy is not forever.”
“She should be happy and proud because you make all to get your wife happy.” ~ DerJoj04
“NTA. My mom’s M{other] I[n] L[aw] guilted her into going on a similar longish car ride to visit relatives, at five months pregnant.”
“Mom miscarried a day later, doctor said likely due to the car ride.”
“Their relationship never really recovered.”
“Your mom needs to step back.” ~ NefariousnessNeat679
“Obviously NTA. And your wife will appreciate that you stood up for her, even if the whole situation upsets her now.”
“Just reassure her right now and tell her that she isn’t the one who did anything wrong.”
“It is hard to accurately judge such situation when you’re in a vulnerable and/or emotional state, so some reassurance goes a long way.” ~ Firefly_96
“NTA. Your wife DOES come first!”
“Especially when she is carrying your child.”
“Your mother is acting like a spoiled teenager.”
“Good luck with that.”
“You said and did exactly what a good husband would.”
“Mom could suck it up and go to dinner with you both, somewhere closer.”
“She is acting spoiled and entitled.” ~ Danielboone48
“NTA. How shellfish of your mom.”
“But in all honesty it sounds like your mom really has issues with your wife for this to be her reaction to her pregnant daughter-in-law.”
“This woman is carrying her grandchild and she would rather stress her out, which is not good for the baby, rather than pick another equally liked food.” ~ Top_Detective9184
“When you’re pregnant 40 minutes isn’t short.”
“Gosh I remember my fiancé was moving out of his apartment to move in with me. I went to help him pack and he lived an hour away.”
“I was 5 months pregnant and barely showing but the pain from my ribs expanding was excruciating and the car seat intensified that.”
“My sciatic nerve was pinched because of the way my son was positioned so that was also unbearable for an hour there and an hour back.”
“Plus dear God my bladder had to pee every 5 minutes and he liked to be right on my bladder too.” ~ southernmomma99
“NTA… When u are married, in most circumstances, your spouse should come first.”
“I’m sure your mum is lovely but she sounds like an entitled brat who thinks the world revolves around her.”
“She knows what it’s like to be pregnant so I don’t understand why she’s kicking up a fuss.
“I hope your wife is feeling ok.” ~ Organic_Inspector_63
“NTA and I’m glad you are making a stand when it comes to your pregnant wife.”
“I’m sorry to say that your mum sounds awful.”
“Does she often behave like this when it comes to your wife?” ~ Hot-Currency-1881
OP responded…
“Yes and most people.”
“Pushing people away seems to make her feel safe.”
“It’s pretty sad to watch.”
“But she only has a few safe people and can’t deal with anyone else.”
“Her fiancée already said he would take her there instead though he already had all of her birthday stuff planned, so unfortunately he just enables her.”
Reddit continued with some differing opinions…
“As a formerly pregnant person, I would have just told my husband to take his mom out for her birthday and stop at McDonald’s for me on the way home.”
“I get that she’s sensitive or however he said it, but if she can’t handle a few hours at home without him, I have a feeling motherhood is going to be rough for her.”
“She also could have used that time to have a friend over and have a girl’s night with pizza or something.”
“Gonna go with ESH.”
“OP for trying to dictate mom’s birthday, mom for not taking it well, and wife for not being able to handle her sh*t for one evening.”
“I bet Christmas is fun with y’all.” ~ her42311
“Your mother wants to go to her favorite restaurant on her birthday and eat what she wants.”
“You decided your wife was the priority, your mother’s fiancée decided his future spouse was his priority and not you or your wife.”
“Your compromise was all about what your wife would want.”
“Your wife doesn’t want to go on a relatively short drive so the restaurant is a no.”
“Your wife doesn’t eat seafood so your mom’s choice is a no etc.”
“Seafood restaurants serve fish and typically chicken, pasta, and beef dishes as well.”
“Shellfish isn’t the only seafood and seafood restaurants don’t serve only shellfish or even seafood.”
“He isn’t protecting his wife and unborn child by not entering the restaurant.” ~ sheramom4
But others still gathered in the end…
“NTA… your mother was a pregnant woman herself at some point, she knows she can’t have shellfish, she knows that long journeys are uncomfortable, she knows this.”
“She has absolutely made a decision for seafood to exclude your wife.”
“She has done this to be mean with her birthday being a cover knowing that no matter what your wife chose to do she’d be made to look bad.”
‘If your wife chose to stay home she’d be rude for not going along, if your wife went along but didn’t eat that would be rude to.”
“She intentionally put your wife in a position where she couldn’t win.” ~ HollyGoLately
“NTA. Your wife is a lucky woman who married a man who has his priorities straight!”
“You did exactly the right thing.”
“Your family now starts with your wife, kids (even those on the way), then everybody else.” ~ UnicornFarts1111
Well OP, sounds like Reddit is with you.
Hopefully, mom can pick somewhere closer for now and everyone can go to this other restaurant in a few months.
Happy dining.