It’s no secret that the United States’ work system cannot compete with other countries’ approaches, especially when it comes to benefits, maternity leave, and more.
But even in the United States, there are some companies who still have a lot of growing to do, especially when it comes to employees experiencing pregnancy and chronic illnesses, pointed out the “Am I the A**hole?” (AITAH) subReddit.
Redditor IllSituation6855 thought that she loved her job until she went through her first childbirth and maternity leave while employed by them. She was shocked when she was forced to stay at work, even when she thought she was in active labor.
She later reported her boss for making her stay at work, but the Original Poster (OP) felt much worse off when the entire company began to retaliate against her as a result.
She asked the sub:
“AITAH for reporting my boss after he forced me to attend a meeting despite knowing I was in labor?”
The OP’s workplace did not take a professional approach when she was pregnant.
“I (28 Female) have been working at my company for five years, and until recently, I loved my job.”
“I was eight months pregnant when this happened (about a month ago). I started having contractions while at work. Since I was not due yet, I thought it was just Braxton Hicks because they weren’t that intense.”
“Just a week before that, I had experienced Braxton Hicks and went to the hospital, but it was a false alarm.”
“This time, I was still working when the contractions started in the morning, and I again thought it was Braxton Hicks.”
“I didn’t want to cause a scene, so I tried to keep working.”
“Last time I went to the hospital, my boss, John (45 Male), made sarcastic comments about me being overly dramatic and joked about how I should ‘schedule’ my labor around important meetings.”
“I have social anxiety and tend to take people’s crap without pushing back, so I just took it.”
Then the OP realized that she wasn’t experiencing Braxton Hicks contractions.
“By noon, the contractions were getting stronger and closer together, and I knew it was real labor. I needed to go to the hospital.”
“I informed John that I was in labor and needed to leave.”
“He rolled his eyes and said, ‘Just stay for the meeting at 1:00 PM. It’s crucial, and we need you there.'”
“I was stunned. I reiterated that I was in active labor and needed to go to the hospital immediately.”
“John snapped back, ‘It’s just a meeting. Sit through it, and then you can go. It’s not like the baby is going to pop out right now.'”
“Feeling pressured and scared for my job, I reluctantly stayed.”
“The meeting lasted an excruciating two hours. By the end of it, I was in so much pain that I could barely walk. I finally left and drove myself to the hospital, where I was admitted immediately.”
“My husband reached me 30 to 40 minutes later because he was on the other side of town for a meeting. My daughter was born later that evening, thankfully healthy despite the delay.”
The OP’s husband encouraged her to report John to Human Resources (HR).
“When I told my husband what had happened, he was furious and insisted we report John to HR.”
“I was hesitant because I didn’t want to jeopardize my job, but I agreed it was the right thing to do.”
“HR was appalled and assured me they would handle the situation. John has since been suspended pending an investigation.”
“The real kicker? During the investigation, it came out that John had emailed the entire office while I was in labor, complaining about my ‘lack of commitment’ and making fun of me for ‘overreacting.’ He even implied that I was using my pregnancy as an excuse to get out of work.”
“Now, my coworkers are p**sed at me, saying I overreacted and that I should have just sucked it up for the sake of the company. I’ve even received messages and emails from a few colleagues saying that I’ve ‘ruined’ John’s career and that he was just doing his job under pressure.”
“One even said that I should have ‘toughed it out’ like their wife did during her pregnancy.”
“The stress from this whole ordeal has made it difficult to enjoy my first few days with my newborn. I’m constantly second-guessing myself and feeling guilty, despite knowing I did what was best for my baby and me.”
But the situation continued to escalate from there.
“To make matters worse, the interim manager who took over from John is even worse. He’s made it clear to everyone that he resents my actions and has made my return to work unbearable.”
“Now that my maternity leave is over, I find myself isolated at work. People give me side-eyes and whisper about me. During lunch, I’m alone because no one wants to sit with the ‘troublemaker.'”
“It feels like high school all over again. I dread going into work each day and facing hostility and judgment.”
“I never imagined that doing what was right for my health and my baby’s well-being would turn my colleagues against me like this. It’s gut-wrenching to feel so isolated and vilified for simply standing up for myself and my rights.”
The OP wasn’t sure what to do next.
“I cry most of the time when I come home and sometimes even in the office washroom when someone passes a comment.”
“In the worst moments, I get mad at my husband and blame him for making me tell HR, even though I know he did the right thing. He’s so sweet and never takes it to heart. I apologize soon after, but he always says he wasn’t even mad and that he understands how I’m feeling, especially since I’m just one month postpartum.”
“He says I should take action and complain, but I don’t want to make things worse.”
“He’s also saying he can’t see me like this and that I should just quit because it’s hurting him.”
“I don’t know what to do; I’m just such a sensitive and emotional person in general and now it’s been worse since giving birth.”
“AITAH for reporting my boss after he forced me to attend a meeting despite knowing I was in labor?”
Fellow Redditors weighed in:
- NTA: Not the A**hole
- YTA: You’re the A**hole
- ESH: Everybody Sucks Here
- NAH: No A**holes Here
Some reassured the OP that John needed to be reported and that she did the right thing.
“NTA. Your boss is a complete and utter disgrace. Forcing you to stay during labor is not just unethical, it’s potentially criminal.”
“You did the right thing by reporting him. Your health and your baby’s health come first. Your coworkers who are siding with him clearly have no empathy or understanding of basic human decency.”
“You deserve to work in an environment where you are respected and treated with dignity, not bullied and coerced into putting your life at risk.” – PositionSuch1097
“Jesus, I’m so p**sed off for you.”
“So not at all the same, but if a male staff member returned to work after a vasectomy, would John have treated him that way had the male employee said, ‘Oh my god, this hurts worse than I thought,’ would John have sent the emails to all staff?”
“John is an AH and every action he took was illegal. At the minimum, the office needs major training, including at the minimum courtesy to OP. Better yet, empathy.”
“Also, I know typically labor and vasectomies are drastically different in levels of pain and recovery. However, I’ve witnessed men barely able to move, they’re in so much pain. (Unless there’s a medical reason, this statement is sarcastic.) At the same time, the males are offered designer pain meds while the mom in labor is encouraged to hang in there.” – Prior_Benefit8453
“I think you should press charges against him. What he did was not only morally wrong but potentially illegal. He put both your life and your baby’s life in jeopardy. The fact that he made jokes about ‘scheduling’ your labor around meetings shows just how little he cares about you as a person.”
“This man should not only be fired but also face legal consequences for his actions. His behavior is appalling, and it’s infuriating to think that someone in his position would abuse their power in such a dangerous way.”
“He deserves to be held accountable to the fullest extent. You should sue them and make sure they learn a lesson they’ll never forget.” – PositionSuch1097
“Making you stay and then drive yourself was in fact dangerous to you and your baby.”
“We had the opposite situation at one of my workplaces, where my boss who’d had multiple kids thought my coworker was probably in labor and was begging her to go to the hospital but she didn’t want to go and waited til she couldn’t deny it was labor anymore.”
“She tried to drive herself and ended up having to pull over, call an ambulance, and abandon her car at the side of the road. She had complications that probably wouldn’t have been life-threatening if she’d been at the hospital, but she almost died and her baby didn’t live long.”
“Childbirth is dangerous for the mother and baby both, and should not be taken so lightly.” – Necessary-Love7802
“Of course, the office excuse seems to be that John was only bowing beneath pressure from above. But that means the entire company is suffused with anti-women sentiment and is not a safe place for ANY woman to work.”
“Consider that OP HAD to be back at work at one-month post-birth. That is not good for her long-term health and is yet another example of the corporate attitude.” – Purple_Joke_1118
Others agreed and urged her to report the company to an employment attorney.
“It’s far past time to stop dealing with HR and consult with an employment attorney. This is a textbook hostile workplace with the hostility being due to a protected status.”
“OP should stop dealing with this bulls**t, let a lawyer, and likely enjoy some additional time with her little one on the company’s dime for their discrimination, harassment, and toxic work culture.” – Owain-X
“You need to retain an attorney, immediately. Your attorney needs to file a claim with the DOL (Department of Labor) on your behalf (you can do this yourself, but be with your baby!)”
“The OP wrote, ‘Now, my coworkers are p**sed at me, saying I overreacted and that I should have just sucked it up for the sake of the company. I’ve even received messages and emails from a few colleagues saying that I’ve ‘ruined’ John’s career and that he was just doing his job under pressure. One even said that I should have “toughed it out” like their wife did during her pregnancy.'”
“This is evidence of a hostile work environment. Provide these to the attorney.”
“The OP also wrote, ‘The stress from this whole ordeal has made it difficult to enjoy my first few days with my newborn. I’m constantly second-guessing myself and feeling guilty, despite knowing I did what was best for my baby and me.'”
“‘To make matters worse, the interim manager who took over from John is even worse. He’s made it clear to everyone that he resents my actions and has made my return to work unbearable. Now that my maternity leave is over, I find myself isolated at work. People give me side-eyes and whisper about me. During lunch, I’m alone because no one wants to sit with the ‘troublemaker.'”
“This is grounds for a private lawsuit against the company for hostile work environment.”
“There are federal protections FOR A REASON. No one should endure this. This is why legislators were elected to write laws, and why the DOL exists.”
“Absolutely NTA.”
“PS, do NOT go to HR again. Go get a lawyer!” – Nvnv_man
“Having worked in larger corporate and academic settings, I can affirm that at the core, that the HR Department is there to protect the company, not the employee, when there’s been an actionable event. I mean, they serve lots of other purposes, like preventing s**t, but at the end, they won’t really help you with this or you wouldn’t have returned from maternity leave to this atmosphere.”
“NTA and you should not have to put up with being shunned and bullied at work.” – JustUgh2323
“Also, it is ILLEGAL to retaliate so the new manager needs to be reported, too. I would contact an excellent labor lawyer and go all in.” – CherryblockRedWine
“HR is not your friend. Stop talking to them, make a written record of any harassment, save any emails that belittle you from the new manager or coworkers. And, as others have suggested, consult an employment attorney.” – kts1207
“Now the OP has a claim of victimization to add to the list. If I were her, I would contact an employment law attorney. OP, NTA, you are just seeing the true colors of your colleagues!” – Apart_Foundation1702
“It also protects her job until she finds another one. They can’t fire her once an EEOC complaint is filed because then she will have an open and shut case for retaliation.” – JYQE
Some gave the OP advice on how to collect evidence in the meantime.
“Every single one of those colleagues was stupid enough to put something in writing… I bet the employment attorney will be very interested in those emails too.” – GingerIsTheBestSpice
“OP, get that email John let loose on the day you left and were actually in labor. Hopefully, it’s not too late to get a copy. I hope you at least talk to an attorney for guidance.” – Begs-2-Differ-7GA
“That one coworker that said she should have toughed it out like his wife is the biggest red flag of a coworker I’ve ever seen. Like, why did his wife tough it out? Makes me wonder about him.”
“Make sure to hold onto that email, OP.” – pinky2184
“I wonder if OP can sue the company for constructive dismissal. With the emails, she’s got some decent evidence for it, and unions can be pretty fierce with fighting things like this if she is part of one.” – SingleBat5604
“HR knows that if something had happened to you and your baby the company would’ve been in deep, deep trouble. Your manager could have really damaged them. That’s why he’s in trouble.”
“Now, they’re about to screw themselves over again. Not your fault. Document. Have no pity.” – robinaw
The subReddit deeply empathized with the OP and encouraged her to continue to stand up for herself, even if it felt for a while like things were getting worse.
Because the entire office seemed to be retaliating against her after she reported John to HR, it likely was time to involve an external investigator to resolve the situation.
Even if the OP didn’t want to continue at her beloved job after this, she’d at least be protecting future employees from experiencing the same thing, and it would keep her job safe while she looked for something new.