While parenting is a two-person job, few would argue that at the end of the day, mother knows best.
Closed minded as that sounds, most mother’s simply have a unique quality when it comes to parenting that very few fathers have.
Which isn’t to say that there aren’t devoted, loving fathers out there who are always there for their wives and children.
Sadly, there are also still plenty of dads out there who don’t.
Redditor BeholdenToLife recently found herself taking over for her husband after he backed out of handling an all too common situation with their infant.
While the original poster (OP)’s husband didn’t think much of this, the OP was more than a little concerned by his backing away without even so much as a second thought.
Even going on to tell her husband that she didn’t trust him with their children.
Wondering if she was being too harsh, the OP took to the subReddit “Am I The A**hole” (AITA), where she asked fellow Redditors:
“AITA for telling my husband that I can’t trust him with my children?”
The OP explained why a recent diaper change episode saw her all but completely loose trust in her husband.
“I (32 F[emale]) was cooking dinner and feeding the baby when my husband (33 M[ale]) came home with the toddler after picking him up from childcare and noticed he needed a nappy [diaper] change.”
“He is a decent, modern-day dad who happily changes nappies so he went to do it as usual.”
“I was finishing loading the dishwasher while still boiling water on the stove and watching the baby in his high chair when my husband called out because the toddler is crying due to severe nappy rash.”
“I was hoping he could deal with it but he seemed to panic and just said he would stop.”
“I went in and saw him closing a fresh nappy without having cleaned the toddler.”
“I took over.”
“Sure enough the nappy rash was bad – which is all the more reason to clean it properly and you can lather on the cream for healing.”
“Once done, I went back to cooking the dinner while my husband sat on the couch with the toddler.”
“I said I wasn’t happy that he didn’t handle that situation because it worries me if I am ever not here.”
“What if I die?”
“What if I went out for a night?”
“How can I trust him to look after the kids if he can’t even deal with such a basic task?”
“He then started saying, ‘yeah well if I was a normal husband I wouldn’t even be home from work yet and you would’ve had to do it anyway’ then said something about it being a woman’s job.”
“Whilst I was offended by his comments, I said it was irrelevant because we weren’t talking about gender roles, we were talking about whether he is capable of caring for the children if I’m not around.”
“He brushed it off completely as not a big deal.”
“I said that I found it horrible that he can’t see that this is an issue or admit he was wrong.”
“He then said “what I find horrible is that not 5 minutes after coming home I get yelled at and abused when all I was trying to do was help’.”
“Am I the a**hole for thinking he should have been able to handle the situation? Or should I have been more supportive and helped without commenting?”
Fellow Redditors weighed in on where they believed the OP fell in this particular situation, by declaring:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
The Reddit community overwhelmingly agreed that the OP was not the a**hole for telling her husband she didn’t trust him with her children.
Everyone agreed that if it wasn’t already concerning enough that the OP refused to handle their child’s diaper rash, his bemoaning that he wasn’t a “normal husband” bordered on grounds for divorce:
“NTA.”
“Dude really said ‘if I was a normal husband, I wouldn’t even be here’ like that was some kind of flex.”
“Sir, what?”
“You weren’t yelling at him for needing help; you were concerned that he straight-up gave up mid-wipe and was about to leave your toddler marinating in their own disaster.”
“That’s a parenting red flag, not a ‘husband getting nagged’ moment.”
“He doesn’t have to be perfect, but at the bare minimum, he should be able to handle basic hygiene without tapping out like it’s a UFC match.”- eva_dreamer
“NTA.”
“He hasn’t been watching ‘red pill’ videos, has he?”
“Because he sounds like an AH.”- rigbysgirl13
“NTA.”
“If he’s been a parent living with his kids since the older one was born, he should know by now how important getting the little one fully clean after a poop is.”
“It becomes more important to get properly clean with active diaper rash, unpleasant though it may be for all involved.”
“Instead of doing what is necessary, he tried to punt and leave the mess there for the next time you changed the toddler’s diaper, either not knowing or not caring that he was allowing the rash to worsen by doing so.”
“Both options (not knowing or not caring) are major problems.”
“If he doesn’t know, he’s been willfully oblivious and chosen not to learn how to care for his own children.”
“If he doesn’t care, then he’s choosing ease/convenience over meeting his child’s basic physical needs.”- KaliTheBlaze
“NTA.”
“‘He is a decent, modern-day dad who happily changes nappies so he went to do it as usual’.”
“I don’t think he is.”
“I think he was masking as one to baby trap you.”
“And now he is using weaponized incompetence to have you take over the gendered roles.”
“Masking is unfortunately way too common this last decade.”
“He then started saying, ‘yeah well if I was a normal husband I wouldn’t even be home from work yet and you would’ve had to do it anyway’ then said something about it being a woman’s job.”
“This is his mask slipping.”
“He wants special praise just for doing the basis stuff badly.”- zgrssd
“Is it possible this is why the toddler has diaper rash?”
“If he’s too lazy to properly clean the toddler WITH diaper rash- do you think he’s done this before or gotten comfortable doing it when he’s ‘just trying to help’ and doesn’t think properly cleaning is necessary and just throws a new diaper on?”
“NTA.”- Flashy_Anything_8596
“What I find horrible is that not 5 minutes after coming home, I get yelled at and abused when all I was trying to do was help.”
“The word that stood out to me there is ‘help’.”
“He is not ‘helping’ you with your kids any more than you are ‘helping’ him with his kids.”
“It’s not helping you do your job – it’s literally him doing his job as a dad.”
“When dads describe themselves as ‘helping” their wife when what they are actually doing is ‘parenting’ – it honestly makes me furious.”
“NTA.”
“But your misogynist husband sure is.”- amymae
“NTA.”
“‘What I find horrible is that not 5 minutes after coming home I get yelled at and abused when all I was trying to do was help’.”
“It’s not help, because they are his children, therefore his responsibility as well.”
“Others have said it already: he isn’t modern, he pretty much seems to be stuck with old gender roles and not seeing his children as his responsibility.”
“Fingers crossed his attitude and level of care will change.”- oxytocinated
“NTA.”
“Read your husband the riot act.”
“Be clear to him, that you will not tolerate weaponized incompetence.”
“He is their parent too.”
“He needs to know how to take care of them.”
“Period.”
“This is not about your genders.”
“Have him read You Should’ve Asked, a web comic about the mental load.”
“Make sure the understands.”- GreekAmericanDom
“Sounds to me like he doesn’t ‘happily’ do any of this stuff… that he actually resents having to do what he thinks of as ‘women’s work’ but he hides that most of the time.”
“Which is pretty messed up in 2025.”
“NTA.”
“Dad needs to get his head right.”
“He wasn’t ‘helping’ – it’s his damn job, and if he can’t change a diaper properly he’d better learn, because parenting only gets harder from here.”- Remarkable_Inchworm
“NTA.”
“This is a toddler.”
“You can not know how to change a nappy when your kids are newborn.”
“Lots of people don’t.”
“Still not knowing what to do when they’re toddlers is inexcusable.”
“Seeing and hearing your child in distress and not caring enough to accept that you’re wrong and wanting to learn what to do going forward is also inexcusable.”
“Your husband sounds like a huge AH and a terrible husband and father.”- Outrageous_Shirt_737
One can only wonder what the OP’s husband meant by “normal husband”.
From the sounds of it, it means the sort of husband who leaves for work, comes home, and expects his wife to wait on him hand and foot.
What might surprise the OP’s husband and his antiquated beliefs, however, is that most “normal husbands” don’t behave that way!