Planning a vacation can be stressful.
Crazy isn’t it?
The most blissful thing a person can do can be the most difficult thing to plan.
This is why people always need vacations because of their vacations.
One of the biggest hurdles is planning it around the schedules of co-workers.
Redditor DoodlerArt wanted to discuss her experience and get some feedback, so naturally, she came to the “Am I The A**hole” (AITA) subreddit.
She asked:
“AITA for telling my co-worker her kids are none of my business?”
The Original Poster (OP) explained:
“School holidays are coming up and I have a co-worker panicking, as she left it too late to book vacation slots.”
“My company had a rule where no more than 3 workers can leave at the same time for vacation.”
“I already filled in my vacation slot months ago as I haven’t taken any in nearly a year.”
“I’m single and unmarried and in my 30s.”
“Company H[uman] R[esources] told my co-worker that her only way to get her vacation is to get one of us who already had our vacation time approved to ‘trade with her.'”
“And considering out of the three of us whose vacations were approved, I am the only female, guess who my co-worker approached for the trade?”
“She tried explaining (gently at first) that her kids (6 and 4 years of age apparently) were really looking forward to going to Disneyland and that everything was already booked, and asked if I could give up my vacation spot to her.”
“I told her no, as I too already had my vacation booked (it’s a solo vacation but I’m not about to tell her that).”
“She got really pushy and kept on trying to insist I give her my vacation spot, saying that ‘My kids would be so disappointed.'”
“I blew up at her after the fourth or fifth time, telling her that her ‘kids being disappointed’ is none of my business.”
“I didn’t exactly keep my voice down so at least half the office heard, and my co-worker turned red and left.”
“One of my co-workers (25 M[ale]) who sat by my side and had heard the entire conversation later told me that while he got where I’m coming from, I could be a lot gentler, and ‘I didn’t get how hard mothers get it.'”
The OP was left to wonder:
“AITA?”
Redditors shared their thoughts on this matter and weighed some options to the question AITA:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
Many Redditors declared that OP was NOT the A**hole.
“NTA, I am also child-free by choice and arrange my vacations very early to make sure they are approved.”
“Her inability to manage her life is not your problem to fix.”
“Also, who makes reservations for a vacation before they have the time off approved?”
“Coworker sucks, enjoy your vacation.”
“Solo travel is just as valid as family travel and supports local economies in ways that family business does not.”
“As someone whose work depends on travel and hospitality, this is a huge thing, actually.”
“Are you comfortable sharing any exciting plans for YOUR vacation?”
“Don’t let the haters get you down.” ~ Altruistic-Fail6534
“Honestly though, even if you were just staying home doing nothing your whole vacation, it still wouldn’t have meant you’d need to trade your vacation time with her.”
“She can ask, sure, (not something a person who respects fair play would do…) but her choice to have kids doesn’t mean she can make up the rules at your expense.”
“Honestly, you should feel proud you validated your existence.”
“Unfortunately standing up for yourself always upsets someone else.” ~ composmentis8
“Your HR is the real a**hole here, they should be the ones asking y’all to switch.”
“They should be smart enough to realize that your coworker is desperate to take her vacation, and it’s not good for company morale to send her around badgering people about their vacation.”
“They should have told her that they would ask y’all to switch, and if everyone said no, then she would have to adjust her vacation dates.”
“Your coworker is also kind of dumb for booking a vacation without making sure those days are available, but you have to look at it from her perspective, too; HR gave her hope that she could have those days, so she will try her hardest to get those days.”
“HR didn’t feel like doing their job, so now the employees suffer.” ~ Ok_Salamander8850
“NTA. You did everything right and would lose a ton of money backing out.” ~ Solanadelfina
“I guess the other 2 coworkers also told her ‘no’, and she took that as their final answer.”
“She needs to give you the same respect. NTA.” ~ hospicedoc
“NTA. She can take her kids to Disney next year.”
“I’m annoyed that HR told her it was OK to ask coworkers to change their scheduled and approved time off.” ~ DirectAntique
“NTA. Your coworkers obviously ‘don’t get’ what it’s like to be the childfree woman and thus be expected to alter your plans and twist yourself into a pretzel to please kids you’ve never met and adults who can’t plan ahead.”
“I wonder why your 25 M[ale] coworker didn’t volunteer to give her HIS vacation spot… 🤔” ~l ibrary_wench
“NTA. But you need to get ahead of this.”
“Go to HR.”
“Moms have it hard. Single females have it hard, fathers have it hard.”
“Life is hard.”
“No is a complete sentence.”
“These are common sense things.”
“But using it to guilt and shame you to give up a spot is a bully tactic.”
“They are mad that it didn’t work.” ~ ToldU2UrFace
“NTA. I get that parents are limited in when they can take their kids on holiday and have childcare, etc… to manage, but she should have been more organized and booked the dates earlier.”
“You should not be expected to cancel or rearrange your holiday because she failed to plan properly.” ~ Maleficent_Set6014
“I once asked a coworker if he would be willing to permanently switch one shift with me because I was tired of working on the weekends.”
“He told me no.”
“About a week later, I asked him again, and he calmly said, ‘Man, I really don’t know what to say because you asked me this question already, and I said no. I just don’t know what else I can do. It’s awkward to have you asking me again and again.’”
“I felt really stupid.”
“It was a real wake-up call for me.”
“It’s f**ked up to try to manipulate people through attrition, and it’s completely inappropriate in a workplace.” ~ HauntedGatorFarm
“NTA. I have kids, and if I were in this situation, I’d probably ask once, and if it was a no, I’d move on.”
“Her lack of planning is not your responsibility to fix.”
“Yes being a mother is hard, but it’s a decision we all decided to make for ourselves, and we need to deal with the consequences of our actions!”
“I also don’t think you’re the A for the way you snapped at her.”
“She deserved it, and if she’s embarrassed, that’s on her.”
“She shouldn’t have behaved the way she did.”
“Your holiday is no less important just because you don’t have kids.”
“Take the leave and enjoy it!” ~ Cold-Sector2718
“NTA you booked it, you should not have to rearrange your organization because she planned poorly.”
“You book the time off first and then the actual holiday.”
“That said as a childless woman planning a solo vacation, I have no idea why you want to go during the summer holidays.”
“One of the bonuses of not having children is being able to go on cheaper holidays when they are in school.”
“Due to other things I’m doing in the year, I have to take my holiday in the first week of the summer holidays and I am genuinely furious about it.” ~ Shanstergoodheart
“NTA. Ignore her and your co-worker.”
“Her kids are none of your business.”
“I hate parents that seem to think having kids entitles them to get whatever they want over childless people.”
“And they use their kids to try and get whatever they want but guilt-tripping people.”
“Go enjoy your vacation.”
“She can use this as a way to start teaching her kids that you don’t always get what you want in life.”
“And it’s her fault for promising the kids something before she was 100% sure she could make it happen.” ~ Chocolatelover4ever
“NTA… Her kids are 6 and 4.”
“She can take them to Disneyland anytime.”
“It is not your problem that she did not pick up her vacation when she needed to.”
“And I would ask her why she hasn’t asked the other two co-workers?”
“Why are you being singled out?”
“As for the other co-worker who said you were harsh, how does he know how hard mothers have it?”
“Are they the only ones who work hard?”
“And tell him when she comes to you for the fourth or fifth time giving you grief, then he can tell you how harsh you were.” ~ Worth-Season3645
“NTA her failure to plan is not your emergency.”
“My first thought was ‘Why in the world would she book a trip before she ensured she could get the time off at work?’”
“Chances are she is frustrated with herself and the consequences she will have to deal with.”
“That is probably why she got so pushy.”
“On the flip side, can your vacation be rescheduled for a few weeks later without an economic impact on you?”
‘It is hard to schedule things around work and school, both.”
“If you can’t, I totally understand.”
“If you can I would encourage you to consider it.”
“It never hurts to build up some good karma.” ~ Forward_Excuse_6133
“NTA. Homegirl wasn’t taking the hint.”
“Storytime: when I graduated from Navy boot camp, my family didn’t show.”
“It coincided with a religious holiday, and my mother was working.”
“Not the point, though.”
“The point is that I would be spending the rest of the day on leave alone.”
“People were scheduled to stand watch during those hours.”
“One girl knew I didn’t have family coming and asked if I would take her watch so she could be with her family.”
“I was ok with it, thinking I was doing something nice.”
“Our female Petty Officer denied the request and pulled me aside.”
“She told me it does not matter if I have family coming or not.”
“I worked hard and deserved my time.”
“Just because someone else has family, they don’t take priority over a person alone.”
“Good for you for standing up for yourself.”
“You know your worth.”
“Drop an email to HR to get ahead of how your coworker is gonna spin it.” ~ ok_chaos42
“NTA. As a woman who’s chosen to be childfree, I’ve experienced that many times.”
“Her failure to plan is NOT your responsibility.”
“Her children’s disappointment falls directly on her shoulders.” ~ Pyewacket62
Reddit is with you, OP.
Just because you’re single doesn’t mean you owe anyone your private time.
It’s great to hear you stood your ground.
This is an HR problem for your co-worker to figure out.