We all have one family member whose sole mission is to make our lives more difficult. A matter made all the more complicated by the fact that no one else in our family seems to notice this.
Resulting in our needing to endure an almost endless amount of stress and anxiety.
Most of the time, the only way to make this sort of behavior stop is by giving them a taste of their own medicine.
Redditor Fun-throwaway98’s had a fraught relationship with her brother.
Further exacerbated when he nearly ruined the original poster (OP)’s wedding.
When it came time for her brother’s wedding, the OP felt there was no other choice but to try and make him feel how she felt on her wedding day.
Worried she may have gone too far, the OP took to the subReddit “Would I Be The A**hole” (WIBTA), where she asked fellow Redditors:
“WIBTA for skipping my brothers wedding after he skipped mine?”
The OP explained why she had no intention of attending her brother’s wedding:
“I (27 F[emale]) got married to my husband (28 M[ale]) last April.”
“We sent our wedding invites out a full year before our wedding and sent reminders 6 months before.”
“My brother Jacob (22 M) is the youngest of 4 kids (3 girls and one boy), and my parents have always treated him like their precious gold child who can do no wrong.”
“As adults this has caused a lot of tension between us.”
“He acts like a raging hormonal 16-year-old boy.”
“It’s definitely gotten worse with his fiancé Kelly (21 F) enabling his bad behavior.”
“Kelly is constantly telling him we don’t appreciate him and we should be grateful to have him as a sibling.”
“My parents think me and my sisters don’t ‘understand’ him and we don’t give him enough ‘grace’.”
“Jacob told me a week before my wedding he wasn’t coming because he was going to be busy with Kelly, and they were going on vacation.”
“I begged him to come and emphasized how important it was to me he came to my wedding.”
“My mom got involved at this point and assured me he would be there and not to worry.”
“I didn’t find out until an hour before I walked down the aisle he wasn’t there and didn’t intend to be.”
“I was devastated my sisters and husband had to calm me down.”
“I had my heart set on my entire family coming, and he was our ring bearer.”
“When Jacob told our family he and Kelly were engaged, I was happy for him.”
“He announced his wedding date was May 30th of this year.”
“He emphasized we all HAVE to be there.’
“His fiancé sent a text saying that our attendance was MANDATORY.”
“I’ve been debating skipping his wedding.”
“I don’t get along well with Kelly, and my brother skipped my wedding.”
“I mentioned possibly not going to my mom, and she was pissed and told everyone.”
“Now my brother, Kelly, and my parents are calling me an a**hole, brat, and petty for maybe skipping his wedding.”
“My sisters and husband agree with me I don’t have to go since they didn’t go to mine.”
“But idk, would I be the a**hole for skipping my brother’s wedding?”
Fellow Redditors weighed in on where they believed the OP fell in this particular situation, by declaring:
- NTA: Not the A**hole
- YTA: You’re the A**hole
- ESH: Everybody Sucks Here
- NAH: No A**holes Here
The Reddit community resoundingly agreed that the OP would not be the a**hole for skipping her brother’s wedding.
Everyone thought that since Jacob showed the OP no respect on her wedding day, she was not obligated to show him any on his. With many equally horrified that the OP’s parents would reprimand her like they did for even contemplating skipping Jacob’s wedding when they defended him skipping the OP’s:
“NTA.”
“They’re 22 and 21.”
“I would be honest and tell him you’ll catch his next one.”
“Why should YOU have to be the bigger person or keep the peace?”
“That’s ridiculous!”- Leviosapatronis
“NTA.”
“Sounds like your parents enable his behavior.”
“Mom said he would be at your wedding, and I bet she didn’t get mad at him when he didn’t show.”- saedgin
“NTA.”
“It’s an invitation.”
“You’re free to decline for any reason.”
“His fiancé is out of line to demand the family attend.”
“Your brother didn’t attend your wedding. He shouldn’t be upset if you don’t go to his.”
“His behavior is incredibly hypocritical.”
“Tell them all to go pound sand.”- Wild_Ticket1413
“NTA.”
“With the update, I suggest you and your oldest sister and your respective spouses go out for a nice dinner or a holiday together and appreciate your time together.”- finallyhadtojoin
“NTA.”
“And I hope, given the update, the new info will help you get over your qualms about not going.”
“You didn’t mention what the other sister’s thoughts are, but if all three of you skipped it, it would send a message not just to your brother, but also your parents.”
“Maybe that would be the catalyst for some or all of them to seriously reevaluate their choices.”
“Or maybe it would free you and your sisters from their nonsense.”- D2theMcV
“‘His fiancé sent a text saying that our attendance was MANDATORY’.”
“NTA.”
“What’s she going to do if you don’t turn up?”
“Fine you?”
“I mean it’s an invitation to an event you don’t have to attend if you don’t want to.”
“Only thing to consider is any lasting damage to relationships you might rather not destroy by not going like your parents.”- dongporn
“YWBTA if you went.”
“Make sure and plan a vacation so you are out of the state or country at the time.”
“RSVP yes, acquiesce and say, ‘you convinced me’.”
“Then don’t show.”
“Turn your phone on airplane mode and enjoy your vacation.”- jensmith20055002
“NTA.”
“He is a Narcissistic AH, enabled by your weak parents.”
“Make a stand.”
“Don’t go.”
“Maybe he will finally learn not everything is about him.”- MerlinBiggs
“NTA.”
“I wouldn’t go to anyone’s wedding who called me an a**hole, brat, or petty.”
“You don’t feel they are invested in your relationship and what is important to you.”
“They can’t hold you to a demand they couldn’t hold themselves to for you.”
“FYI, Please be honest with yourself.”
“You aren’t happy for him.”
“No one is happy for their sibling when they are marrying someone you don’t like and who acts like this.”
“She’s a witch, and she’s going to make him miserable.”
“You would be happy for him to be with someone who makes him a better person/who brings out the best in him.”
“You also resent the fact your parents treat him as the golden child.”
“If you want to go to support him, then go.”
“Don’t go because you feel obligated to go.”
“There is nothing worse than be guilted or manipulated into doing something you really don’t want to do.”- lilolememe
“NTA.”
“He skipped your wedding, I wouldn’t have any desire to go to his.”
“I’d say ‘sorry I’ll be on vacation’, same as he did to you.”
“Is it petty?”
“Maybe but I think it’s warranted IMO.”- rosegoldblonde
The OP later returned with an update, sharing a bit more information regarding Jacob’s wedding, as well as the OP’s final decision:
“Turns out my husband isn’t invited, and my oldest sister’s wife isn’t invited either.”
“Kelly doesn’t want any spouses there since those are, in her words, ‘temporary,’, and she doesn’t want them in any pictures.”
“My oldest sister has decided not to attend because of that reason.”
“I found this out 5ish minutes after I posted.”
Reddit continued to weigh in.
“Spouses are temporary?”
“Attendance is MANDATORY, but your spouses aren’t invited?”
“You should be ‘grateful’ for having an immature younger brother who chose a vacation over his sister’s wedding, on which he was IN the bridal party?”
“Kelly is going to be an interesting addition to your family.”
“I wouldn’t go to this wedding.”
“Let them spend the entire time b*tching and moaning about how ‘horrible’ you are.”
“You should go on a weekend getaway and tell them that you are going on vacation.”
“Make your mother assure Kelly that you will be there, then go find a beach to sit on that day.”
“NTA.”- Big_Bookkeeper1678
“NTA.”
“But also why was he supposed to be the ring bearer at your wedding, isn’t that usually something done by a child?”- tcherian211
“NTA.”
“If you let your brother start ordering you around at this point, it’s not going to end.”
“Tell your mother if she thought having all of her children at each of her children’s weddings was important, she should not have lied to you about your brother’s attendance at yours.”
“And start distancing yourself from the need to have your parent’s approval.”- KrofftSurvivor
It sadly seems the OP’s parents are of the outdated mindset that the firstborn son needs to be the most revered child.
Otherwise, how else could they condone his immature, disrespectful behavior?
However, it’s hard to imagine how the OP’s parents could possibly justify Kelly’s excluding all spouses for being “temporary.”