Everyone deserves the right to privacy.
An expectant mother who was ailing in the hospital wanted to fly under the radar, but unfortunately, she didn’t have control over the matter.
When she confronted the issue, family tensions arose and caused her to visit the “Am I the A**hole?” (AITA) subReddit.
There, Redittor nipplepizzaz asked:
“AITA for asking my parents to stop telling people I am in hospital?”
The original poster (OP) explained:
Hi all. I (25 f[female]) am currently pregnant and have been admitted to hospital a few days ago for a suspected clot in my lung following severe chest pain. I am still in hospital right now.”
“A few weeks ago, my wonderful maternal grandfather passed from cancer and we are obviously as a family still upset.”
The OP had a backstory to share for context.
“2.5 years ago I was in a car accident. I broke my back in 3 places, my pelvis, and 3 ribs. It was during COVID so I was admitted to hospital and had loads of scans all through the day/night. Once they figured that I didn’t need corrective surgery they discharged me the following morning with morphine tablets and a wheelchair.”
“I came out of hospital to around 100 messages from people I barely knew wishing me well. My mum and stepdad had posted pictures of my wrecked car on Facebook and told everyone they knew about the accident and specifics about my injuries.”
“At the time I asked them to take down the posts as I did not want people knowing all about my personal life. They never took the posts down.”
The OP continued:
“Today my friend told me that my mum has been sending messages into group chats telling people that I am pregnant and in hospital. My stepdad told his family the same.”
“I have told them that my husband and I want to share the news ourselves. I told them that I was so hurt and disappointed that they have told people and also lied to me about it. I pointed out the lie and told them that I had again, received messages from others proving that they lied.”
“My mum then sent me a voice note of her crying saying ‘sorry I don’t know what I have done but I am sorry. I must be the worst mother in the world. I am just so upset about Pappa too.’ It was hard to hear her so upset by I just reiterated that asking for privacy was not too much to ask.”
Tension was further exacerbated with an additional message.
“My stepdad who I have been very close to also sent me a voice note telling me that ‘they don’t need this stress’ and to stop being so hateful over something so ‘trivial’. He told me that I was clearly hormonal but that he’ll ‘let it slide this time’ because I am pregnant.”
“He told me that my mum has cried for over 30 mins and it’s all my fault and that it’s all over nothing. Also, that they told other people because they are worried about me. He said they will never apologise as they haven’t done anything wrong.”
“He also said that I am the daughter he never had and that he loves me but that he is so disappointed in my behaviour.”
The OP then shared what she told her mother upon learning about the dishonesty.
The original message that started this sent to my mum:
“Sorry it’s just I’ve had messages from people today wishing me well in hospital so I know you lied about who you have told about me being here. I am just hurt and disappointed as I would have much preferred privacy.”
“I don’t feel like sharing any more because I don’t know who you are both sharing it with and it has actually made me being in hospital much more stressful.”
“I might be TA because we are all grieving and emotions are running high. I also don’t feel like they told other people in a malicious way, just thoughtless. So, AITA?”
Anonymous strangers weighed in by declaring:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
- NAH – No A**holes Here
Many Redditors thought the OP was not the a**hole (NTA) here.
“NTA. THEY don’t need the stress?!? Give me a break! Perhaps the person hospitalized doesn’t need the stress! You’re pregnant, so it’s two lives on the line here.”
“How can they possibly believe their ‘stress’ of you being upset at them could possibly compare to the actual stress you’re under? They are selfish attention seekers.” – TitaniaT-Rex
“Don’t tell them anything. My mom was like that, had to over share EVERYTHING. When I was diagnosed with breast cancer, I didn’t tell her for over a year. I didn’t need her daily drama, and I didn’t want her telling people I had never met. And she didn’t have social media.”
“Information diet until they learn to keep your news private.” – RepublicTop1690
“This is heartbreaking you should be able to rest and recover and share what’s going on with YOU when YOU want! Not to add to this but from personal experience maybe cut them off for the short term till you are better healed. Stress could really worsen your condition and put you and your baby at risk.”
“If they can’t respect your wishes and what they are doing is only stressing you don’t allow it to continue and say something like ‘I love you guys but till I’m home and in better health you really need to respect my wish for privacy or ill have to keep some distance from you while I heal.'”
“From the bottom of my heart I wish you nothing but positivity, understanding, and good health!” – PeacheePanda
“Let your nurses know, too, that you don’t want any updates given over the phone to family members. They’ve dealt with situations like this before and they’ll put a note on your chart.”
“Your mom seems like the kind of mom who will call the ward demanding information/pretending to be someone else/etc when you won’t give her your private medical info.” – whofilets
“NTA. Basically don’t tell them anything you don’t want spread around everyone you know. You’ve now had 2 instances where they have proven they can’t respect your privacy and they will tell everyone everything that’s going on with you. They’ve stolen your opportunity to announce your own pregnancy.”
“If you find out the gender, do not tell them as everyone will be told. If you have a name you like, do not tell them, as everyone will know and have an opinion on it. If you don’t want people to know your medical condition…do not tell them anything.”
“Also, they are gaslighting you into feeling guilty because you’ve called them out on their bullsh*t. They know they’ve been disrespectful sharing your pregnancy, and your health condition, but they don’t care. I think they actually enjoy the attention they are getting, messages of concern and sympathy etc.”
“They don’t care they’ve upset you, so they are trying to make you feel guilty for calling them out on it making it seem like it’s due to concern, but it’s not. It’s selfishness and disrespectful and attention seeking.”
“Do not tell them anything you don’t want spread round online to everyone.” – Poppypie77
“NTA. They overstepped your reasonable boundaries and are using your misfortune for personal attention. Then playing victim when you call them out.”
“You really should read Adult Children Of Emotionally Immature Parents.” – OlympiaShannon
“NTA.”
“They weren’t just being thoughtless. You said they didn’t take the posts down after you said you didn’t like it the first time. Your mom is manipulative — instead of simply apologizing like a nice person would, she jumps to the ‘oh-poor-terrible-me-ploy.’ And it IS a ploy to distract.”
“Stepdad is being an AH. You should tell him you’re disappointed in HIM.”
“They didn’t advertise what happened to you to help YOU — they advertised it for support because they were feeling highly stressed over it: a pregnant daughter/stepdaughter hospitalized for a possible blood clot in her chest is frightening.”
“That piece is kind of understandable. BUT tell them to share for support with only a close friend/family member, not on social media with the world.”
“Also, point out if they’re going to lie to you without even an apology, you can’t trust them, so they will get minimal private information in the future.”
“And if anything else stressful does happen, remind them quickly it’s not for social media consumption.”
“edit: Or even to share in general until you do.” – rootveggiesbaby
Overall, Redditors thought the OP’s request for her mother not to let people know about her current situation was warranted and that the stepfather wasn’t being helpful by reprimanding her for upsetting her mother.
Hopefully, the OP’s mom will eventually understand how much stress she is causing and will respect her daughter’s wishes.
Redditors also suggested that the OP not divulge any substantive information to the family in the future, given the mother’s history of oversharing.