Relations with one’s mother-in-law can frequently be fraught, but for one woman on Reddit the conflict went to a whole new level.
She and her future mother-in-law, who is also engaged, were having a great time planning both of their weddings simultaneously.
Until the mother-in-law wanted to combine their weddings into one big wedding.
The Original Poster (OP), who goes by the name skinnybowser1 on the site, wasn’t sure about how she responded, so she went to the AITA (Am I The A**hole) subReddit for perspective.
The OP asked:
“AITA for refusing to let my MIL combine my wedding with hers?”
She explained:
“I (25 F[emale]) have been engaged to my lovely fiance (27 M[ale]) for a few months now, everything has been perfect, my family absolutely adores him and his family is just the kindest.”
“They are so comforting to be around and they welcome me with open arms.”
“But here’s the problem, aside from me and my fiance getting married so is his (56 F[emale]) mother which I have never had a problem with.”
“In fact, I’m very happy for her, we have been planning our weddings together and it’s just been such a delight.”
“We have bonded so much from these meetups and I’ve learned so much about her.”
“At one of our meetups, she brings up having our weddings combined together and states ‘so we can experience the same love’.”
“I say no to this because I am not comfortable with sharing my wedding with someone else due to the fact my wedding is supposed to be about me and my fiance ONLY.”
“I tell her that I am not comfortable with that thought and it would just be better if our weddings stayed separate, she said she understands but keeps on pushing with the matter to the point where I burst and tell her that I am not comfortable with sharing my wedding with someone who is 21 years older than me and on their 3rd marriage.”
“She began uncontrollably sobbing telling me I’m a nasty b*tch that can’t take care of myself.”
“She informs her and my family about what happened and also posted about the issue on Facebook saying how I’m gonna be a sh*tty wife to my husband and an even sh*ttier mom to his kids.”
“My husband and his family are absolutely outraged with me meanwhile some people are on my side. So Am I the A**hole?”
People on Reddit were then asked to judge who was in the wrong in this situation based on the following categories:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
- NAH – No A**holes Here
And most agreed that OP’s mother-in-law’s suggestion was strange and presumptuous, though many also thought OP’s delivery could have been kinder.
“NTA and frankly it’s quite weird your husband isn’t backing you on this.” –BazTheBaptist
“Come on- yes YTA. Not because you don’t want a joint wedding, of course that’s not the issue.”
“The issue is that you wrecked her confidence and were unnecessarily horrible. She’s going to be feeling awful now.”
“She thought she had a lovely relationship with you and you were happy for her. Instead you showed her that you think she’s worth less than you because she’s older, and you don’t respect her upcoming marriage because it’s her 3rd.”
“You made her feel small and dirty.” –OHP123456789
“NTA. However. Your soon to be husband is outraged at you also?”
“That would be a deal breaker for me, not saying it should be for you but if he doesn’t have your back now he never will.” –cknwingz
“Also, 2 weddings combined?”
“Weddings are already tremendously stressful on families. Smashing 2 of them together makes it far more likely something will go calamitously wrong.”
“That’s 2 potential bridezillas. Even if you eliminate the OP as a potential bridezilla… that means OP might have to deal with another bride being bridezilla at her wedding.”
“It also means massively more complicated wedding party politics… which are already a huge disaster in the brewing. Do you have 2 Maids of Honor?”
“2 whole wedding parties? What if someone wants the same groomsman? Do they dice for the rights to use the son/ brother as a groomsman?”
“Gah… this all makes my head explode.”
“NTA…. For gods sake, make this monstrosity stop.” –Dennis_Ogre
“Yeah, I can’t believe I had to scroll down this far to find a comment on OP’s fiancé’s reaction.”
“The fact that he has sided with his MIL on one of his and his fiancee’s most important days in their lives doesn’t bode well for their upcoming marriage.”
“Total deal breaker for me. If it were me, I’d tell him that the double wedding can go ahead, but he’d have to find another partner.” –newleaf123456
“NTA The fact that she took it to Facebook is ominous to me. She’s 51 publicly dumping on her future daughter-in-law because she would not take NO as your answer.”
“And your fiancé is angry with you? He should be livid that his mother would go to this kind of extreme.”
“What kind of premarital counseling do you have set up? Your fiancé’s relationship with his mother needs to be discussed with an objective 3rd party.” –5115E
“Yeah, she seems to have gone scorched earth over one comment. I can understand it was probably hurtful, but the reaction was relationship ending.”
“It’s going to be really hard to patch things up after saying she’s going to be a bad wife and mother.”
“Also, I can bet that MIL would not have wanted to share her first wedding day with a 3 times married bride either. It’s OP’s first wedding and it’s her time to shine.”
“As for the fiancé. Ugh, just yuck.”
“OP, RUN from this family!!! 🏃♀️ 🏃♀️ 🏃♀️” –kill4kandy
“NTA. But if your fiancé isn’t taking your side, I’d reconsider the engagement.” –CourtGuilty1551
“Screw dying on that hill and start pitching people off the cliff. This is a ridiculous ask to begin with.”
“MIL is being a sh*te and I almost wonder if she’s speeding up her own nuptials to coincide with OP and her son.”
“NTA.” –BrownSugarBare
“NTA. Kinda weird she wants to have her wedding with her son.”
“Is she planning on being at the honeymoon to make sure you have the kids you’re gonna be a sh*tty parent to also?”
“Maybe get a two bedroom suite!”
“If she’s getting this worked up now, do you think it will be better after your wedding?”
“WAIT WHERE IS HUBBY TO BE IN ALL THIS is she’s posting stuff about his soon to be wife and mother of his kids?” –stilljenni
“NTa of course – your wedding SHOULD be your own but wow…that took a turn really sharply and quickly! everything was sunshine and roses then BAM!”
“NTA of course but your fiancee should have taken up the argument against the same-day wedding once you said your initial ‘no’.”
“You went a little overboard wtih throwig in her age and that it’s her 3rd marriage..that gives the implication there is something wrong with HER and not just that you didn’t want to share a wedding with ANYONE.”
“Your ‘husband’ (did you already get married?) is right to be outraged at the insult but should have your back with the no joint wedding thing.”
“That your future MIL trashed you all over facebook is so crappy. You need a heart to heart with your fiance. Quickly.” –tinny36
“NTA”
“This is just weird and NOT a good idea because I picture in my head her suddenly wanting to control the entire thing ….I mean what next wedding photos of all 4 of you????”
“I suggest you stop planning with her and create your own day”
“If she can’t accept the two of you want a day focused on yourselves and not her and her fiancé then that’s on HER” –ColdstreamCapple
“NTA”
“Frankly, I’m getting a creepy Jocasta vibe from the fact that she wants to get married with her son. And your fiance is choosing his mother’s side.”
“Think about putting wedding planning on hold for a while. Just don’t talk about wedding plans, don’t look at dresses or venues, and don’t book anything. Set it all aside.”
“Ask your fiance to go to couple’s counseling with you. The two of you have some stuff you should work through before marriage.”
“And when you are ready to resume wedding planning, don’t discuss any of your plans with fMIL. Don’t offer suggestions, don’t compare notes, don’t tell her any details of your plans at all.”
“And also, set passwords with every vendor. Don’t tell your fiance the passwords. Just set passwords. And make sure all of the contracts are only in your name, so no one else can cancel or alter your arrangements.” –teresajs
“ESH”
“She sucks more because she shouldn’t have been pushing it and shouldn’t have gone off talking sh*t on Facebook, but you shouldn’t have brought her age and number of marriages into it.” –CuriousInsanity413
“NTA. Read what you wrote. Everything was fine as long as you did what she agreed to.”
“As soon as you went a different way, you were insulted and harassed. And your fiance isn’t on your side.”
“Why do you want to be part of this family? They just showed you their true colors.” –CatJudgement
Hopefully OP and her mother-in-law can get past this.