Anyone who makes the decision to adopt a pet tends to love this pet, be it a dog, cat, fish, bird or any other animal, as if it were their child.
As well they should, as pets need love and attention.
However, not everyone, namely non-pet owners, always understands those who treat pets like they would children.
Namely, how many pet owners feel the need to bring their pets with them everywhere.
As not everyone will react with excitement to the presence of an animal in their home.
After a sad and unfortunate change in circumstance, Redditor Mountain-Carob-4297 purchased a house with the help of their mother, who also moved in with them.
Shortly thereafter, the original poster (OP)’s mother eventually moved out so she could live with a new love interest.
When that relationship came to an end, the OP’s mother asked to move back in with the OP.
The OP would agree, on one non-negotiable condition that involved their mother’s pets.
Wondering if they were being unreasonable, the OP took to the subReddit “Am I The A**hole” (AITA), where they asked fellow Redditors:
“AITA for telling my elderly mother she can’t bring her kittens to live with me?”
The OP explained why they lay down conditions before allowing their mother to move back in with them:
“My mother sold her home and we bought a house together so she could help care for my infant son after my wife died.”
“She brought 2 dogs and 2 cats with her.”
“They were all old and had been with her since they were kittens/puppies.”
“It was very hectic with all those animals.”
“I am also fairly allergic to cats.”
“After about 6 years of living with us, my mother met a man and moved across the country to be with him.”
“6 months ago, she started talking about getting 2 kittens and 2 puppies.”
“I told her I would never live with a cat again.”
“I’m allergic, I hate litter boxes, I can’t stand having a bunch of animals running around our small house.”
“I told her to really think hard about it and if her relationship would last because I REFUSED to live with a cat.”
“3 months ago she bought a puppy.”
“1.5 months ago, she bought two kittens.”
“2 weeks ago, her boyfriend broke up with her, said her and the puppy were too stressful for him, and said she had to leave.”
“Now she is saying she is bringing the puppy and the kittens.”
“I told her NO cats.”
“I’m allergic.”
“She has had these cats for less than two months, and she has the puppy.”
“The boyfriend would keep the cats and take good care of them.”
“My mother says she sold her house to move in with me and help me raise my son, and I’m trying to deny her what makes her happy.”
“She says she will keep the cats in her (small) room.”
“She doesn’t have money for another home.”
“So, AITA for refusing to live with these cats?”
Fellow Redditors weighed in on where they believed the OP fell in this particular situation, by declaring:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
- NAH – No A**holes Here
The Reddit community was fairly divided as to whether or not they felt the OP was the a**hole for refusing to let their mother move back in with their cats.
Some felt the OP’s ultimatum was justified, as the cats could negatively impact their health, even though they acknowledged that the fact their mother was a co-owner of the house could complicate things:
“NTA.”
“As a fellow human who is also very allergic to cats, I applaud your firmness is saying ‘no’.”
“We are talking about your health here.”
“Non-allergic people just don’t get how horrible it is to live with allergies, and have to be under the same roof with the cause of those allergies.”
“For every arguement she gives about the cats, counter with, ‘Don’t you care about me, about my health?'”
“‘How could you, you’re supposed to be my mother’.”
“You might be in legal hot water, however.”
“Does she still own half of your house?”
“If she does, she may legally have the right to move back in, bringing whatever she wants with her.”
“In which case you can get her to buy you out and move elsewhere.”
“Or you can offer to buy her half; it’ll give her money to settle elsewhere.”
“If she won’t agree on one or the other, this whole mess may need the court system to resolve.”- Much-Leek-420
“So having a pet to which her son is allergic makes your mother happy?”
“No thank you.”
“The level of selfishness and lack of normal maternal feeling here is breathtaking.”
“You and your child did fine without your mother when she was all the way across the country.”
“You’ll do fine without her now.”
“If there’s a way you can buy her out, do it.”
“If there’s a way you can force a sale of the house and live elsewhere without her, do it.”
“But I think it would be wise for you to talk with a lawyer in any case to explore your options to see if there’s a way to keep a part owner of a property from bringing in an animal to which the other part-owner is allergic.”
“If there is, I don’t think you’d be an A to drag her a** to court.”
“She’s a appalling A here; you’re NTA.”
“Please figure out a way to live somewhere without her.”- Nester1953
Others, however, felt the OP was out of line, not only ignoring the fact that their mother was a co-owner of the house, but also failing to offer any sort of compromise after the sacrifices she made for them:
“YTA.”
“She owns half the home right?”
“But also you haven’t even explored a compromise.”
“You could, for example, try building a cat enclosure outside.”
“Or changing the cats diet to food designed to minimize allergies.”
“Or buying your mother out so she has funds to buy her own home.”- whatisthismuppetry
“‘we bought a house together’.”
“YTA.”
“Under current conditions.”
“If she owns part of the house, she’s entitled to live there and bring her cats.”
“The way around this is to buy out her share so that she has no right to live there, and she has money for her own house or apartment.”- extinct_diplodocus
While a few had trouble sympathizing with either, finding both of them were behaving obstinately:
“There’s an element of ESH, sorry.”
“Although she is being irresponsible and should consider your allergies, I don’t think legally you can keep her from living in a house she part owns with her pets.”
“Could be time to consider selling and splitting the proceeds since you don’t want to live together anymore.”- theficklemermaid
The OP later returned after reading some responses, offering a bit more details about his arrangement with their mother:
“Thanks again for the responses.”
“A few things: I would be happy to give her her down payment and appreciation, but she would be very unlikely to find a place where she could live.”
“If she did, it would not be a nice place, and she is old and shouldn’t live on a bad place with no money.”
“She moved out a little over a year ago.”
“She was here with the cats for about 2-3 years.”
“She lived here without the cats for 3-4 years.”
“I told her I couldn’t live with cats again, and while she likes cats, she seemed ok with it.”
“I really don’t want to live with a puppy because she’s not a super responsible pet owner.”
“She loves her animals a lot, but she doesn’t train them very well.”
“I have not said anything about her not bringing the puppy, because I know it brings her happiness.”
“One of her cats last time had dementia or something and would literally scream all night long.”
“So on top of mild-moderate allergies, it messed with everyone’s sleep.”
“She is a deep sleeper and said it wasn’t that bad.”
“Ear plugs weren’t really an option with the baby/toddler.”
“I also didn’t beg her to move with me, and I could have purchased the house without her.”
“Before she moved in with us, she worked two jobs and lived alone.”
“She also had to take in strangers to rent a room in her home before, which she complained about a lot.”
“I know how valuable childcare is, but she made the move willingly because she wanted to be with my son and me, and I paid her ~8k per year plus all expenses other than food.”
“I’m not trying to swindle her.”
“I want her to have a nice life, but I also don’t want to suffer with these two cats for the next 20 years.”
“Thanks again for all the responses.”
“It is helpful to try to think through the situation with different points of view.”
Considering the OP’s mother sold her house to move in with them and help them raise their child, it’s hard not to think that they should be a little more open to helping her out during this vulnerable time.
That being said, the OP also has a right to live in a place where they needn’t constantly worry about their allergies acting up.
And based on their response, they do seem to want to help their mother out as best they can.
This is indeed a very complicated situation, that the OP and their mother will need to work towards a compromise to figure out.