A family’s spending habits are often a point of contention.
It’s not uncommon for some households to hand out money amongst the family for everyone to spend as they so choose.
But in other households, no family members are willingly given money and can only spend money that they earned themselves.
Things became tense in the household of Redditor Next-Technician5583, when he discovered that. his wife was spending money that wasn’t rightfully hers.
Having doubts about whether or not he dealt with the matter appropriately, the original poster (OP), took to the subReddit “Am I The A**Hole” (AITA), where he asked fellow Redditors:
“AITA for being angry with my wife for stealing money from our daughter?”
The OP shared that not everyone in his three member household financially contributes to the family.
“I (45 M[ale[) have a daughter” Kasey” (17 F[emale] ) with my wife(46F).”
“I work full-time during the week until the evening.”
“My wife decided that she did not want to work and stays at home doing small jobs such as cleaning and babysitting for her sister.”
“My wife blows through most of the money she makes and will try to leech off other family members.”
“Kasey has been talking about wanting a car as she recently got her permit.”
“She found a car online that she wanted and I told her that I would help pay for half of the price.”
“She has been working at a grocery store part-time after school and on the weekend.”
“She loves her job and wants to continue working after she graduates.”
“My wife thinks she should spend her high school years having fun with her friends.”
The OP shared how he wanted to help Kasey fulfill her dream of buying a car, but found themselves encountering an unfortunate bump in the road.
“This incident happened over the weekend and there is still tension in the house.”
“Kasey comes downstairs with tears in her eyes and asks if I had taken money from her.”
“I tell her no and we go to ask wife.”
“Wife admits to stealing small amounts of money from daughter as she needed it for gas, food, and some makeup.”
“Kasey starts screaming at wife and calls her a thief.”
“My wife starts crying and apologizing.”
“I get angry and tell her that she needs to get a job to pay Kasey back.”
“Kasey and wife are not speaking to each other and wife is upset with me for wanting her to get a job.”
Fellow Redditors weighed in on where they believed the OP fell in this particular situation by declaring:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
While just about everyone agreed that the OP’s wife was out of line in taking Kasey’s money, some members of the Reddit community were confused by the OP’s post, and needed more information.
Many Redditors were alarmed that the OP’s wife felt the need to steal from her daughter to buy food and gas, leaving some to wonder if the OP was unfairly withholding money from his wife.
“Does your wife not have access to your shared finances in order to buy herself gas, food and makeup?”-Temporary_Badger.
“Why does your wife not have gas money?”
“You two are splitting the “‘un money’ accounts right?”
“You haven’t cut her off from the finances, right?”
“Because if you did then that’s financial abuse and you’re the one that’s a problem.”
“Yeah an abuse victim will act out.”-Welpuhhi.
“Does your wife not have access to bank accounts?”
“You say you work, which I assume means you have a paycheck, but your wife steals money from your daughter for gas.”- Beck2010.
“Food and gas sound like household necessities.”
“Why doesn’t she have (your) money for that?”
“Your wife is TA for stealing from her own kid.”
“What are we missing about the 2 of you?”- ROZDOG69.
“Why does your wife feel the need to steal from your daughter?”
“This is, of course, wrong.”
“But what are your wife’s spending habits? “
“Has she gone over her allotted ‘fun money’, as each of you should have that in the family budget (including the money that she brings in)?”
“Also, if you had an issue with your wife not working, you’re at least 16 years too late to bring it up.”
“It sounds like you were happy with the situation, but she wasn’t.”
“She got odd jobs to get what she needed and wanted.”
“That sounds determined.”
“How about you help her with her resume and getting her some real independence?”
“Look, she took from your child and that isn’t good.”
“But either she’s a jerk stealing from your kid and needs help for that or you’re withholding finances when she’s your partner.”
“Not a clear situation for Reddit, but you know the situation.”
“So what’s up?”-Ladygytha.
“Does your wife have access to the house income???”
“There can’t be a judgement until this is answered.”-Arson_with_jesus.
“Why does your wife not have access to money for necessities like gas, and food?”
“It sounds like you refuse to give her money that is necessary but I need more info.”
“Your wife is TA either way for stealing, but depending on info it might not be just her.”- Equivalent-Okra-3396.
Others, however, didn’t have much sympathy for the OP’s wife, feeling that there was no excuse for her to steal from her daughter under any circumstances, and that the OP handled the situation just as he should have, with some even thinking she deserved worse.
“Your wife is a thief.”
“Take your daughter to the bank to open her a bank account that your wife has no access to.”
“Also I don’t like ultimatums but you might have to give her one.”
“Tell her if she doesn’t get a job and pay your daughter back in a certain amount of time that you are leaving.”
“If she’s stealing from her own child who else is she stealing from to maintain her lifestyle instead of working?”-snortsrainbows.
“NTA, your wife chose to quit her job and she chose to work small jobs for little money.”
“The people calling you TA for not giving her money are missing the point of this post – the wife made a few unilateral decisions on her own and I’m pretty sure she IS getting money for necessary things such as food and bills and even gas.”
“But the OP stated that she is burning through any money she gets quickly.”
“OP, your daughter is now suffering due to her mothers choices.”
“And your wife has now gone way too far, while this type of betrayal can be fixed and forgiven?”
“It can never be forgotten.”
“Your wife chose greed over her own child.”-dinkydish.
“NTA, your wife is clearly TA.”
“Why are you tolerating her not contributing to the household?”
“She needs a come to Jesus about alienating her daughter and extended family by being a leech.”-froot_loop_dingus.
“Good for you for standing up for your daughter, who already has a better work ethic than her mother.”
“Also, makeup is not a ‘need’- your wife has impulse issues.”- skysong5921.
“I mean, you’re NTA for being angry, but you’re a massive a**hole for staying with your wife after she pissed away your child’s hard-earned money.”
“Your wife is a bad mother, bad wife, and bad person.”
“Staying with her sends your daughter the message that you’re okay with what your wife did.”-ProfPlumDidIt.
“NTA your wife most certainly is though.”
“I cannot image stealing money from my child for makeup.”
“Not trying to talk bad about anyone but as someone who had parents who borrowed my money, I got from birthdays and working fast food, just to not pay me back I can say it HURTS. It makes you feel like even if you try to make your way and work for things you want it doesn’t matter because you’ll never get there.”
“I truly hope your daughter doesn’t get this feeling and I hope you can resolve this.”-Tiny_snails.
“Of course you’re NTA, your wife is though.”-midnattmareritt.
“Your wife is absolutely terrible.”
“She financially abused your daughter.”
It’s beyond me why she would steal off a good kid whom is going to school, working at age 17 and saving up for her half of the car. “
“Your wife absolutely needs to pay your daughter back and I agree she needs to get a job.”
“If she has time to snoop and steal off your daughter then she has time to go to work outside of the home.”
“You need to take your daughter to the bank and help her set up her own bank account and she can get her work cheques deposited straight into her own account or put them in there herself and any other money she wishes to keep safe from her thief mother.”
“I think I would also look into your own finances and examine why your wife felt the need to be a complete AH to steal that money in the first place.”
“Why was your wife claiming she needed that money for gas, food and makeup?”
“That should be coming out of your joint account or do you have a joint account?”
“Is your wife overspending?”
“Lots of questions to look into.”- cattripper.
It is indeed very hard to sympathize with a mother who feels the need to steal from their child.
But that she felt the need to do so to buy gas and food does pose a number of questions, leaving one to hope that there isn’t a darker side to this story the OP didn’t share.