Being a heavy sleeper is often an enviable quality.
Not everyone can sleep through anything.
For some people, even the tiniest sound can disrupt their sleep for an entire evening.
Redditor gr1nreaper was among those for whom an uninterrupted night's sleep was challenging.
Something that wasn't helped by an ongoing situation the original poster (OP) was experiencing in her bedroom.
When the OP offered her husband a possible solution, he dismissed her as "cruel".
Wondering if this was the case, the OP took to the subReddit "Am I The A**Hole" (AITA), where she asked fellow Redditors:
"AITA for wanting to move our anxious senior cat to our heated garage room at night? My husband says it's cruel."
The OP explained how a recent suggestion was anything but "the cat's meow" to her husband:
"I (44 F[emale]) am severely sleep-deprived, and it’s causing a massive crisis with my husband."
"Our senior male cat has age-related cognitive decline and extreme anxiety."
"Every night, he paces for hours, forcefully picks at his claws, and howls—often waking me up multiple times a night."
"We've tried everything: standard medications failed (or had paradoxical aggressive effects), behavioral tests yielded nothing, and he bypasses automatic slow feeders instantly."
"My husband sleeps through all of this, while my health is completely destroyed."
"For months, I’ve begged him for help, and tried everything short of prescription sleep meds to get by."
"His response?"
"Since it doesn’t bother him, it’s 'my problem'."
"Our house is too small to isolate the cat indoors."
"However, we have a connected garage with an attached storage room."
"It’s entirely safe, free of fumes, and we can easily heat it to a comfortable 70°F."
"I proposed setting it up with a bed, food, water, a nightlight, and a litter box, and conditioning him to stay there only at night so I can finally sleep."
"When I suggested this, my husband lashed out."
"He claims putting the cat out there is cruel because the cat 'likes being with humans'."
"He accused me of hating him and the pet."
"Driven to absolute exhaustion from being ignored for months, I snapped and said some unkind things about the cat that I didn't mean."
"My husband immediately weaponized my outburst to attack my character and deflect from the issue."
"As 'proof' of working with me, he bought the cat a new bed—which changes nothing about the behavior—and calls me delusional for pointing out that an unneeded bed isn't a solution."
"I feel like my health and physical well-being are being treated as disposable just to satisfy the cat's nighttime preference to wander."
"AITA?"
Fellow Reditors weighed in on where they believed the OP fell in this particular situation, by declaring:
- NTA - Not The A**hole
- YTA - You're The A**hole
- NAH - No A**holes Here
- ESH - Everyone Sucks Here
The Reddit community was in agreement that the OP was not the a**hole for wanting the cat to sleep in the garage.
However, many agreed that it wasn't the cat the OP should expel from her bedroom, but rather her husband:
"NTA."
"Sounds like your cat’s quality of life has declined and is worth a convo with your vet for the humane options."
"Maybe it’s a nightly anxiety med, maybe it’s something else."
"On top of that, and much bigger, you’ve got a husband issue."
"He’s TA."
"There is a reason why sleep deprivation is a torture tactic."- Kreativecolors
"Total cat lady here!"
"My comment history will support this."
"You offered the cat overnights in a perfectly acceptable accommodation, and your thoughtless husband would rather you suffer."
"You are sleep-deprived and spoke poorly about the wrong demented animal… the cat isn’t trying to harm you, but your husband sure is."
"He’s a major AH."
"I have a feeling that this is hardly the only issue in your marriage where your husband is so callous towards your needs."
"NTA."- LunasFavorite
"NTA."
"But it sounds like the cat needs to be evaluated for quality of life."
"Without knowing specifics it might be time to put him down."
"Putting the cat in the garage will likely make it worse."
"You also need to evaluate your relationship with your husband."
"Letting a situation get this bad is not normal, and it sounds abusive."- Sea-Raspberry1210
"Definitely NTA, but I am VERY concerned about your AH husband."
"I am a cat lover."
"Would do anything for my babies."
"If one of mine started having extreme symptoms like that, we would be discussing options with the vet up to / including potential euthanasia."
"The cat is obviously in distress and something must be done."
"I'm not sure that putting the cat in a new area would improve much for the cat, I think it would make it worse."
"Biggest issue here though in my mind is how your husband reacted to this."
"I get loving your furry baby with all your heart but you also love your spouse, right?"
"Why would he just be fine with you AND the car suffering?"
"He sounds like a piece of work."
"You're just trying to come up with solutions."
"All he is doing is getting defensive."
"Frankly, if my husband spoke to me that way, he and the cat could both sleep in the garage, or I would be sleeping at a friend's or family member's house."
"I know that isn't an option for everyone, but he needs to have some consequences and needs to apologize."
"What an AH."- ChainmaillePrincess
"Massively NTA."
"Do you have a relative or friend who lives nearby who wouldn't mind if you started sleeping over at night?"- Lythaera
"NTA."
"Your husband has obviously made his bed."
"Now let him lie in it."
"In the garage, beside the cat."- Xtrasloppy
"I mean…moving the cat to the garage isn’t going to stop the cat from being anxious or meowing all night looking for whatever he’s looking for."
"All you’re doing is putting the problem away so it doesn’t bother you."
"I agree it would be cruel to separate the cat since it’s confused and seeking assurance."
"How about talking to your husband about staying with the cat when it wakes you up?"
"NTA but you do need to find a solution to easing your cats anxiety/confusion, even if that means having the talk with your vet after exhausting all options."- EclecticEvergreen
"NTA."
"He said it was your problem."
"So you get to come up with a solution that works for you."- BarnacleOk6561
"Sounds like the poor lil dude has dementia."
"Poor bubs."
"Talk to the vet about the baby’s quality of life."
"In the meantime, maybe try earplugs or noise-canceling sleep earbuds, or make the garage a cozy girl cave and retreat there for rest at night."
"By the way, your husband sucks, and I suggest you upgrade to a more empathetic one."
"NTA."- CanUFeelItMrKrabs
"I've read through your post and responses."
"It sounds like your cat isn't the only one having a QOL crisis."
"The way your husband treats you is not the way you treat someone you love."
"This is not normal behavior."
"I suspect that as someone in the thick of it, you don't have a good perspective on this."
"Ask yourself: what would you say if this was happening to a sister or aunt or your own mother?"
"How would you feel?"
"What advice would you give?"
"NTA in any way."- invisible-bug
"I’m probably going to get downvoted to hell for saying this, but after working as a vet tech for over 20 years, I feel like this is one of those times I need to say it."
"His quality of life is poor, and it’s making yours poor as well."
"When we consider humane euthanasia, we need to always, ALWAYS think quality over quantity."
"This is not fair to either of you."
"And I know well that it’s easier said than done."
"Truly, I get it."
"But our job as the owners is to love them, and letting them go peacefully and painlessly is a last act of love."
"Moving your cat into the garage may in fact make his anxiety and cognitive decline much worse and rapidly so."
"What I have always told clients is that it is always better to let them go on a good day rather than their worst day."
"It’s always better a week too soon than a minute too late."
"I’m so very sorry that you and your buddy are going through this."
"This part is always so painful, but all the parts before it make it so very worth it."
"Best of luck, OP."
"NTA."- MaggieMay1519
"NTA."
"Your husband is putting the cat over you."- JediLincoln14
"NTA."
"But your husband is for putting your needs secondary to the cat's."
"A cat should not be compromising your sleep to this point and you've suggested a totally reasonable compromise."- winecardi
If the OP suggested something that put the cat in danger, the OP's husband would have a right to be angry.
That wasn't the case, though; all the OP wanted was a good night's sleep.
If this is too much for her husband to handle, maybe the OP should suggest he sleep in the heated garage with the cat.
