The following story will make you want to stay vigilant with your spending and checking your credit card statements occasionally.
A Redditor noticed what they thought was a discrepancy in their bank statements after seeing charges they didn't recognize or recall making.
When they got confirmation on where the mystery charges were coming from, they confronted the issue and got pushback.
So they sought judgment by visiting the "Am I the A**hole?" (AITA) subReddit after causing awkward tensions.
There, Redditor Potential_Pie_7714 asked:
"AITA for blaming my nephew for using my credit card without my permission?"
The Original Poster (OP) explained:
"So let me start off with I'm pretty bad at checking the details on my bank statements, but recently something wasn't right. So I went through every single one for the past year, and there were over 100 charges from PlayStation."
"I only had 4 purchases on my 2 PS accounts in a single year, so I panicked as someone had my cc info."
"In all, the total charges were around $1,500. I contacted both of my siblings who's kids also have accounts and asked nicely if their kids may have purchased anything using my bank account before i make a dispute."
"Both said no, so I went ahead and called both PS and my bank. The bank was able to charge back the past few months, and the rest is under investigation."
The OP continued:
"Well, a few days later, I get a frantic call from my teenage nephew who says his PS account was permanently banned. I asked him if he was sure he didn't buy anything with a cc after I gave him a several hundred dollars PS gift card for his birthday this summer to spend on stuff, but he again denied it."
"So I have his email logins and sure enough, it was purchases he made to his account. All the stuff he plays. Then he starts to say maybe he bought a few items here and there."
"Now my sister is pissed at me. She says I must have added my cc info to buy him something at some point in time, and it was all my fault he was making purchases from my card. If it were her cc, she'd get an alert."
"Never that he may have taken my cc info, no. She doesn't want him to lose his account, and said she'll call PS to pay for it all. She said he always asks and she gets alerts and doesn't understand that I didn't, so I shouldn't blame him."
"I said well he knew he was spending someone else's money, so why is it my fault? And that he stopped asking her for permission to make purchases because no one stopped him. After that she said I was blaming her kid for everything. So AITA here?"
Anonymous strangers weighed in by declaring:
- NTA - Not The A**hole
- YTA - You're The A**hole
- ESH - Everyone Sucks Here
- NAH - No A**holes Here
Many Redditors thought the OP was not the a**hole (NTA) here.
"NTA."
"If your sister comes back at you, tell her you /specifically/ asked the family if any of them were the ones who made the charges before you disputed them."
"No one admitted to it, so your only conclusion was that someone stole your CC information and racked up the charges, so you had no choice but to dispute the charges."
"Your nephew is not only a thief, but a liar too."
"It is now up to your sister and nephew to resolve the issue with PS by repaying the disputed charges along with any fees that they are going to get hit with for the disputes."
"Your sister is right about one thing, though, YOU need to lock down your activity. Most CC's and banks have options to add notifications of charges so that you get an alert whenever there are charges made."
"You need to go enable that option on every card you have and account that you have."
"You should also probably review your credit reports as well and then lock those also as preventative measures." – JessieColt
"You are NTA and I am really worried for your nephew. His mother is completely incompetent and she seems determined to send her boy out into the world without even the most basic ethics and standards."
"You are not going to change her. She just doesn't have the intelligence and morals to make reasonable choices or to treat people with the most basic respect. I would not interact with her." – EmceeSuzy
"Your sister thinks it's okay for her son to steal, and her major concern is that her son doesn't lose his PlayStation account? I can see jail in this one's future. I don't think they have a PlayStation in jail though. NTA. " – Canadian987
"I ordered something for my grandma from Sam's club on my account but using her card (she wanted something specific, but she didn't want to figure out how to pay me back). About a month later, I noticed that I hadn't been getting credit card alerts for my Sam's purchases."
"I went through my history and realized I'd be paying for my stuff with her card for the last month. I immediately called her, added up everything, and sent her a check the next day. It's one thing to make a mistake, own up to it, and rectify it. It's another thing to enable the behavior and expect happy outcomes."
"NTA." – abbeysahm
"NTA - nephew shouldn't have been making purchases with cc that wasn't his. It was financially risky to use your cc one time without making sure that the data was not saved but that doesn't make you the AH. When you asked if they made purchases- that was the time for him to fess up."
"He didn't and these are the consequences. The support article says that the ban on the debt should be lifted once they pay off the balance. I don't know if a charge back is different but this support article might be helpful." – Snoo90169
"All your sister took away from this is that she doesn't want her dumb teen to lose his PlayStation account??? Good grief. He's doomed if he doesn't learn consequences but clearly she won't be the one to teach him."
"Who's to say whether the kid really knew who's card he was using (though it seems like maybe he did if your sister was allegedly letting him make purchases on her card too) but regardless, you're not in the wrong here. The purchases were from his account and you weren't okay with it. End of discussion. That doesn't make you the bad guy."
"Your nephew and/or your sister owe you the money and hopefully he learns something from this."
"NTA." – SeaThePointe0714
"NTA. Your nephew is a liar and a thief. He would have tried to lie to your face and get away with it, but he's too young or too naive to realize these things are easily traceable. Stand your ground on this one. Your sister is an enabler and sets a terrible example for her own son." –pennywhistlesmoonpie
"NTA your nephew would have known he was using your cc info, so he's a thief AND a liar. He's lucky that all that is happening is his PS acc being perma banned, he should face theft/fraud charges. Your sister and your nephew are the Ah's here."
"At the least, she should be making him do chores or extra chores to earn money to pay you back every single cent he stole from you and it wouldn't matter if his PS acc was permabanned because his PS should be taken away and if it's only his account that's banned, it should be sold to help pay you back too. (but only if the console itself isn't banned because it's a brick then)."
"If sis doesn't get on top of things with him and teach him that his actions have consequences, he'll likely end up in jail eventually." – Nanamoo2008
The OP returned with an update, writing:
"After an intense argument, she was still denying he made the charges at all. I was finally able to show her each and every transaction (before, I had only explained, and she didn't believe me). After seeing the evidence, he finally fessed up."
"He claimed he thought it was HER card 🤪. She will be paying me for all the money he used on my account and will not be getting the PS5 back, until he works to pay it off."
"Even then she may not let him have it. He insists that he will be paying us both double for our troubles. But the real damage done here is the trust I have in both of them."
Overall, Redditors thought the OP's frustrations over the matter were warranted and were concerned about the nephew's fibbing tendencies.
The thread also served as a good reminder to check your bank statements to ensure everything tracks.
Woman Asks If It's Wrong To Hold Grudge After Mom Told Her When She 8 Years Old That She Wished She'd Aborted Her
While some people view having and raising children as the greatest blessing, some parents hold their children's existence against them for their entire lives.
And when they feel that way about their children, they're unfortunately typically pretty honest about it, cringed the members of the "Am I Overreacting?" (AIO) subReddit.
Redditor heavelymango knew from the time she was young that her mother did not really like her and significantly favored her sister.
But when her mother told her at the age of eight that she wished she had aborted her, the Original Poster (OP) held on to that grudge for years after the fact.
She asked the sub:
The OP had a grudge against her mother.
"I (22 Female) have been holding onto a grudge due to something my mom told me when I was roughly eight or nine years old."
"Growing up, I was a rebellious kid and always felt as if my mom favored my older sister. My sister would always get whatever she wanted."
"I know she was born with Down syndrome and always needed more attention and care, but if my sister wanted my tablet, for example, she would have it for the whole day while mine was limited to 30 minutes so she could have it."
"As a kid, I lashed out more because of this. She could take all of my things, but I could never use hers."
During a heated moment, the OP's mother said something unforgivable.
"Eventually, this led to an argument with my mom. I don't recall the whole thing, but it was related to my sister and how I felt my mom didn't care about me or give me the same amount of attention."
"The fight got heated, and I probably told my mom that I hated my sister and her."
"I remember she said back, 'I never wanted you from the start. I knew I should've aborted you when I had the chance.'"
" I didn't know what aborted meant at the time, and I remember I looked it up, and it made me cry. I never forgot it, and it lingers in my mind whenever I am home."
The OP's mother pressured her to "let it go" and move on.
"Even growing up, I still brought it up, and she would get mad, saying I need to let it go and how I'm stubborn for not just forgetting what she said."
"There was even a time in high school when she took me to a therapist, and she complained about how I never dropped what she said."
"She says I need to move on from it because it has affected my relationship with her, and she wants to fix it."
"I know I'm older now and it was so long ago, but it still hurts, and I feel like it's made me not want to have her in my life in the future, and I have told this to her."
"How I don't want her in my life once I move out, get married, or have my own kids."
Fellow Redditors weighed in:
Some reassured the OP that this sounded like a core memory more than a grudge.
"The axe forgets. The tree remembers."
"It sounds less like you're holding a grudge and more that this is a formative, core memory for you."
"It won't stop being a core memory (unless maybe with the help of a lot of therapy). Has your mom ever apologized for saying that? Because you don't have to forget to forgive, but if she's not remorseful for saying that terrible thing to her young child (not just remorseful that you remember it), then she probably needs therapy (or is a narcissist/sociopath/similar)."
"You are certainly not obligated to 'get over it.'" - Hot-Can3615
"This is not a 'grudge'; it is pain that is still felt to such a degree. If she said it, then she was thinking it. She'll probably never apologize, but that doesn't mean your pain is or was invalid." - Fast_Register_9480
"NOR. This kind of thing needs a real apology. Like she needs to acknowledge the damage and genuinely care about it. Brushing it off won’t make it go away." - TentacleWolverine
"NOR. Did she really want to fix things? She basically just told you to get over it from the start instead of giving you a sincere apology."
"That isn't working on anything. She wants you to get over it so she can pretend that she never said it, so she doesn't have to feel bad about what she did. It doesn't sound like she cares much about how you feel."
"She just doesn't want to deal with it. For that reason, I would still have issues with what she said." - Chemical-Ad6809
"If your relationship with your mother is being affected by the actions of your mother, your mother is responsible for fixing it."
"You should know you probably aren't ever going to get closure, but you don't have to swallow it down. It helps to be the person you needed when you were younger out loud to yourself, but especially to others."
"For example: My name is Liz, and my mom told me to go ahead and do it already and save us all the heartache when I finally had the courage to tell her about how much I've been struggling with self-harm and suicidal ideation. I'm never going to forgive her for that, and we have never been close as a result of her actions."
"You aren't holding onto a grudge; you have a core memory of your mother distilling her feelings into a world-shattering sentence."
"You did not have a secure attachment before and can't have one now because of the deep trauma. You do not apologize for being stabbed."
"Find another therapist. I mean it. Someone who cares about your well-being wouldn't force you to apologize for being verbally abused as a child. I'm 29 now, and I lived through it. I still struggle with suicidal ideation daily, but once I stopped relying on my mom and unstable sources for support, my life got better immediately."
"You want things for comfort and familiarity. Don't let your mom or your therapist gaslight you into crossing a boundary."
"It might help to ask for a written five-part apology from your mom. 1. Acknowledge what you did 2. Say why it was wrong 3. Promise not to do it again 4. Ask how to make amends. 5. Share your feelings at this time if there's anything you'd like to say."
"My mom can be a good person and a bad mom and role model. Being in your own company is so much better than poor company." - PotLuckyPodcast
Others hoped the OP would go no contact with her mother sooner rather than later.
"NOR. It’s emotional abuse. And you do not owe her closeness after that, especially as she refuses to be accountable for that and try to make it up to you."
"She knows you have her number, and she can’t forgive you for knowing what a colloidal b***h she is."
"It’s unlikely that will change; it will at least be turned back on you with her the victim."
"Stop expecting her to apologize. If she doesn’t pay your bills, ghost her." - SnooCheesecakes2723
"My mom said something similar. My brother and I were adopted, and when I was a teen, in front of a church lady, she said, 'We didn't even really want you, but the people didn't want to split y'all up, so we just took you, too.'"
"Me and the church lady were shook. When I say my falbbers were ghasted. Like huh? She didn't remember saying that when I brought it up years after the fact."
"I also got grounded two times for two separate nine weeks (for C's on my report card) and a three and a half to four months (for smoking at 16 and getting caught because she liked to just pop up out of nowhere), and we just had a talk about that, and she didn't even remember."
"She said, 'No, I didn't. I never grounded you for that long,' and when I gave my rebuttal, she said, 'Well, if I did, it definitely wasn't for no nine weeks or months,' and this started because she was praising me for reading so much and liking books. I said, 'Well, when you were grounded like me, that's all I could do (no TV, no friends outside of school, no music, nothing but my room and books)."
"There's a reason I only call or answer her calls once or twice every few weeks. And I only call to get food, really..." - ManicalMoe
"‘Fine, I'm sorry’ is not an apology."
"Whilst I’m sure it was said in anger, most things said in anger have a grain of truth. There are also some things that no half-decent parent ever says to their children, no matter how angry they are, and this is one of them! It also sounds like she has made repeated similar comments of not wanting you as her child."
"I understand her eldest had a disability, but this is no excuse for neglecting and emotionally abusing her younger child. Lots of families deal with a child with additional needs whilst still managing to prioritise their other kids. Children with Down syndrome are capable of understanding ‘that’s your sister's, not yours; give it back’ !! It sounds like your mum has mental health issues?"
"Do you have a present father or other family you can turn to?"
"Protect your peace. Your mum has hurt you time and time again, honestly, for no real gain other than momentarily satisfying her anger. You owe this woman nothing." - Background_Term9810
"I went through something similar. When I was a little girl, my mother used to make comments that implied she didn't want me, though it was never that explicit. 'I only had you because your brother wanted a sister,' and 'My figure never recovered after you; after your brother, it did.'"
"Each comment stayed with me, but I never addressed it with her. I tried to move on and leave it in the past. She did a lot of horrible things throughout my life, but her behavior was always ignored because that's the precedent my dad set, where she can do essentially whatever she wants."
"A few months ago, she came to see me because I was desperate for help and sick. Instead of helping, she made my life so much worse. I won't go into details. At one point, I could no longer keep it inside, and I told her that she is a narcissist, to which she responded with, 'It would have been better if I had never had you.'"
"In some ways, it felt really good to hear her come out and say it. It felt good to hear the truth I've always known."
"I don't know what you should do, but I've chosen to not forgive."
"Every time I forgave, I just let her know that she can get away with whatever horrible things she had done. Her apologies were never real apologies. She always found ways to blame me or others for whatever she had done."
"And I'm truly just done with it. As sad as it is to not have a mom, it's sadder to pretend that you have one when in reality you don't... quite the opposite, if anything." - Neos_Mom
"So, OP, what will hurt more: keeping her and the grudge in your life or making a break and going low or no contact with her?"
"Frankly, we've no idea of what she might have been dealing with at the time, but regardless, what she said was said only to cause pain and suffering. 'Sorry' doesn't magic that intent away."
"Me, I think spending time alone or with friends or in therapy away from her might be what you need here. You might come to some sort of acceptance, but if this is something that's just going to keep coming between you, then stop trying to have that relationship." - Tal_Tos_72
After the OP received feedback, she shared a few clarifications from her original post.
"I wanted to clear some things up, take accountability where it's due, and provide some much-needed context from many people commenting the same questions."
"I want to be completely honest. We had many arguments, and I was a rebellious kid. I acted out and argued with my mom."
"I don't want to give off the impression that I was an entirely innocent kid who never did anything wrong and my mom just snapped out of nowhere. We both said hateful and hurtful things to each other during our fights."
"Growing up, the only way she would accept an apology was if I got on my knees and begged her for forgiveness. If I ever asked her to apologize to me, she would say, 'I have nothing to apologize for; you should be the one begging for my forgiveness.'"
The OP had a lot of physical memories, too.
"Things also would turn into physical arguments, not just verbal ones."
"There were times when she would get so angry she would get physical. Like yanking me by my hair, twisting my arms, or throwing things at me (like remotes, a bug spray can, or a radio)."
"When she yanked my hair, I would fight back just to get her to let me go, and she would scream that I was trying to kill her and she would get me arrested. When she twisted my arm, and I begged her to stop because it felt like it was going to break, she would say she hoped it did."
"When she threw objects at me, she would say she wished they would hit my face."
"I remember in middle school, during an argument, she said she wished she could break my face and that she hated it because I look like my dad. I won’t lie, whenever she said things like that, I would say nasty comments about how she chose to have him put us in her."
While the OP wasn't financially ready to move out yet, she hoped to as soon as possible.
"Why haven't I moved out yet? The main reason I haven't been able to move out is financial."
"I wasn't making enough to support myself without worrying about whether I’d end up having to crawl back home."
"Thankfully, I have recently found a better-paying job. My plan is to move out between mid-to-late October, or early November at the latest."
"The only reason I can't leave this exact second is because I have a few legal/administrative things to get cleared up so I’m completely untied from my mom, which will take a few weeks."
The OP also had proof that her mother liked her sister better.
"Has my mom ever admitted to favoring my sister? Yes."
"In arguments, she has explicitly told me that she doesn't see me as her legitimate daughter, and that she adored my sister more and forever will. She has also called me a 'monster,' told me there is a certain type of evil inside of me, and said she was afraid I would be just like my dad and try to harm them."
"She would even tell me that she was telling family and friends these things about me, but then later claim she 'just said it in the moment' and wouldn't be crazy enough to actually tell people that."
"Because I was so confused growing up and didn't know if she was lying or telling the truth, I started avoiding our family when they came over."
"Naturally, that just made things worse because she would get mad at me for avoiding them (even now as an adult), completely ignoring the fact that she was the one who lied about what she told them."
Unfortunately, the OP didn't have support from her father.
"What about my dad? My dad is not in my life."
"He was around sporadically, but never as a stable parent. My parents separated before I was born and divorced when I was two or three."
"Growing up, it was just constant back-and-forth toxicity, with him telling me how toxic my mother was, and her telling me the same about him."
"He would mostly only come over to see my sister, and often used me to care for her if he wanted to take her out to eat. Ultimately, my dad didn't care about anyone else other than my sister (and his drugs)."
"I hope this can clear some questions on the original post. I know I didn't provide many details as I originally should have. I honestly didn't want to post something too long, and I honestly did not expect it to be noticed."
"Thank you all for taking time to talk to me and share your thoughts."
The subReddit fully sided with the OP, pointing out that no matter how heated the moment was, it would never excuse the terrible things the OP's mother had said to her.
If the OP's mother really wanted a relationship with her, she'd drop the defensiveness and demands, offer a genuine apology, and work hard to be better for both of her children.
That takes a very rare kind of person to pull off, and it didn't sound like the OP's mother had that in her.
If you or someone you know is struggling, you can contact the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 988.
To find help outside the United States, the International Association for Suicide Prevention has resources available at https://findahelpline.com/i/iasp