Vices are bad enough when the only impact the person committing them.
But things become a whole lot more serious when friends and family are roped into the carnage.
A recent post on the “Am I the A**hole (AITA)” subReddit illustrated that in spades.
The Original Poster (OP), aptly titled CasinoMom12 on the site, shared the vice in question right in the title.
“AITA for telling my husband to go live in the bookies if he’s going to keep gambling all the money away?”
OP began with some key facts.
“I’m [21-year-old female], my husband is [24-year-old male]. We have a 7 week old son together.”
I stay at home and he works during the week.”
“He spends a lot of time in betting shops, betting on horses or whatever.”
“Normally he doesn’t go completely overboard and he Normally doesn’t go until everything that’s needed is bought.”
“Normally,” being the operative word there.
“This week was different, normally I do the grocery shopping on a Friday but didn’t get a chance and wouldn’t until Monday.”
“Husband went out with some friends on Friday evening for a few drinks and to bet on some horses.”
“That wasn’t too much of an issue to me because that’s what he Normally does on a non lockdown Friday night.”
“It wasn’t until this morning when I was down to one nappy and had to run to the petrol station to get some that I realised he had drained our bank account.”
OP was stunned.
“My card declined and I tried again before checking the balance and there was absolutely nothing there.”
“I went home and asked my husband how much he lost and he gave me the real story. I was livid.”
Then came the confrontation.
“I began shouting at him, I told him that were low on just about everything the baby needs and he’s not paid again for another 2 weeks.”
“I said our baby needs to eat and have a clean bum and asked him how he could be so stupid and irresponsible when he’s got a kid and a wife to feed.”
“He started with, ‘I can explain,’ and I cut him off and said, ‘No, you can’t f**king explain, you can go live in the bookies if you’re going to keep gambling every penny we have to feed our child with away.'”
Her husband didn’t love that.
“He stormed out, said he was going to stay with a friend and called me all sorts, a**hole being one of them.”
“I’m starting to feel really guilty about not approaching this calmly and one of my friends also thinks I’m the a**hole in the situation for exploding on him. AITA?”
Anonymous strangers weighed in by declaring:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
- NAH – No A**holes Here
Redditors were completely on OP’s side. To them, the situation was very clear.
“So NTA. He gambles your money and you’re the a**hole !?! Get a divorce and do not put money on the account until you’re officially divorced.” — Organic_Extension750
“NTA. He’s putting his addiction before you and your child.”
“There’s always going to be an excuse if he doesn’t get help with his gambling. If you have to worry about how your child is going to eat or be clothed, that’s an issue.”
“He called you an a**hole?! No, he’s the real a**hole here for putting this above you and your family.” — thiccerthanasnicker_
Some had advice.
“NTA leave him, stay with your family if you can, get a lawyer to get child support out of him.”
“Your child is barely 2 months old, he shouldn’t be out gambling with the boys, he should be home helping you with the baby and housework and making sure you’re doing ok when he isn’t at work… that is called parenting and being a good partner.”
“You deserve to be supported and loved, if he won’t change his ways leave and eventually you’ll meet someone else who will treat you with respect” — Working_Ad4014
“Hell no you are NTA. He has a child. Everything else comes after that…..EVERYTHING!”
“Even if he didn’t have a kid, it would be enormously stupid to drain your bank account gambling with two weeks to go before the next check. So you were right, he can’t explain.”
“This is right up there with deal breaker material. Either this gets fixed, like immediately, or you need to put your child’s welfare first and consider other options, like leaving him and having child maintenance taken out of his pay before he has time to piss it away irresponsibly.” — Chef73
“WOW. In a perfect world, you could initiate that conversation calmly and productively.”
“In the real world, you’re 7 weeks postpartum and the primary caregiver for your infant while your husband works and entertains himself elsewhere, and your husband just basically stole all the money for your baby’s essential supplies to spend on his gambling addiction.”
“If you want to repair this relationship your husband f**ked up, you may need to summon superheroic calm to deal with his emotional immaturity. If you don’t want to be your baby’s mum and your husband’s mum, nobody could blame you. NTA” — MollyVigo
A couple shared their own relevant anecdotes.
“NTA my uncle had a serious gambling problem, and when my grandparents died took all the money they left and gambled it all away.”
“They’ll always have an excuse for how/why it happened and how they’ll get it back but it’s all bs.”
“Leave now before you have people knocking on you doors looking for him and threatening you and your sons life. Get the f**k out ASAP.” — snorlaxusdsleep
“NTA he’s got a serious problem. People with addictions always try and deflect onto others. It’s only going to get worse.”
“I know a man who works in a 24 hr casino/slots and he regularly sees patrons put all their rent/benefits in the machines. I think you need to cut loose before your family ends up in serious debt. Good luck.” — jolovesmustard
With no update posted, only OP knows exactly what feels like the right next move.