One of the biggest joys of becoming an independent adult is that we are finally not beholden to others and can make our own decisions.
Including making changes to several decisions our parents had been making in our lives as children.
Including our name.
An acquaintance of Redditor achucs decided to change her name.
Pointedly choosing a name she felt was reflective of her personality.
Put off by this choice of name, the original poster (OP) was reluctant to address their friend by their new name. Wondering if they were being unfair for doing so, the OP took to the subReddit “Am I The A**hole” (AITA), where they asked fellow Redditors:
“AITA for refusing to call me friend by her new name, ‘Queen’?”
The OP explained why they were less than eager to address their friend by their new, chosen name:
“My partner’s friend (25 F[emale]) socially changed her name from the name her mom gave her, to a name she chose for herself.”
“She is cisgender, btw.”
“Her name change is due to her wanting to reinvent herself.”
“And her new name, Queen, reflects how she thinks of herself and how she wants others to see her.”
“Her social media usernames and profiles reflect her new name, and people she’s met in the past few years call her by the name she’s introduced herself as.”
“I’d be glad to support her in the autonomy she seeks by naming herself.”
“But my issue is that she wants everyone to call her Queen.”
“Within the friend group, I notice that sometimes her old friends slip up and call her by her given name.”
“But you can see that it doesn’t sit well with her and that being deadnamed bothers her.”
“Sometimes she’ll politely correct, but not within larger groups.”
“Sometimes her friends self-correct and call her Queen.”
“Since, ‘Queen’ and ‘King’ are used as terms of praise, reverence, and endearment, I am very hesitant to call this person ‘Queen’.”
“I simply don’t feel that way about her.”
“That says, if she tells a funny joke, or I’m fondly greeting her, it’s easy to call her Queen.”
“It just doesn’t feel like a name to me.”
“It feels more like a title.”
“I don’t feel right calling my peer Queen.”
“If she were to change her name to a name that means queen, like Reina, I wouldn’t experience any unease with calling her such.”
“I avoid using any name to refer to her.”
“If I do use a name, I try to say Queen, but if I’m not in a good mood or if I’m annoyed with her, I don’t bring myself to say it.”
“I asked if I can call her ‘Q’ and she said no, my name is ‘Queen’.”
“Perhaps I would feel differently if it were a stage name.”
“AITA?”
Fellow Redditors weighed in on where they believed the OP fell in this particular situation, by declaring:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
- NAH – No A**holes Here
The Reddit community generally agreed that the OP was not the a**hole for refusing to address her friend as Queen.
Most understood where the OP was coming from, feeling that the fact that this new friend chose “Queen” as her new name speaks volumes about her character, even if some wondered how good a friend “Queen” was if the OP felt this way.
“NTA.”
“Changing one’s own name to ‘Queen’ (or King, or anything else that obviously signals one’s belief in their own superiority over other people) and then demanding that people address you by that name is an inherently asshole move.”
“It’s so, so gross, and absolutely reeks of narcissism.”
“If any of my friends ever did this, I would honestly be so turned off by it that I would most likely stop being friends with them.”
“Blech.”
“My own issues with valorizing the concept of royalty aside–fuck monarchs, seriously–if you want people to call you ‘Queen’,” work to earn that and let other people give you the title as a sign of respect.”- rtthrowawayyyyyyy
“NTA.”
“I’ve known several people whose legal name was Queen.”
“I have no problem calling them Queen.”
“There is no more significance attached to that name!”- PandaOk1529
“I’m going to start by saying, yes, I respect people’s gender/name/identity… but..”
“NTA, in fact, in many places, you CAN’T change your name to official titles, ranks, etc, when you don’t have an entitlement to them.”
“It would be the same as if she wanted to change her name to Doctor… nope, not happening.”- Late-Hat-9144
“NTA.”
“A friend in HS tried to get us all to call her ‘Martini’.”
“Variation of her last name.”
“We wouldn’t.”
“Some people outside of our circle would play along, but we wouldn’t.”
“It felt weird.”
“Conversely, in my 20s I met a guy, who introduced himself to me as ‘sir’,”
“I scoffed.”
“He then whipped out his DL, and it clearly said ‘Sir’ followed by his middle and last name.”
“He then told me something along the lines of: ‘my momma named me ‘Sir’ bc white people don’t like to address black people even when custom dictates they should’.”
“I never saw him again, but if I do in the future, and I recognize him, I’ll will address him as ‘Sir’.”- Ntrmttntfisting
“If she changed her name to ‘Master’,” ‘YourHighness’, or anything similar that inherently implies a power discrepancy.
“NTA, just because she sees herself as a queen doesn’t mean everyone else has to.”
“Titles that imply superiority and authority over others shouldn’t be taken as names.”- cyanderella
“Ehhh NTA.”
“But at the same time, she’s free to change her name if she wants to.”
“Unless like, the friend picks one which by law can get denied.”
“Technically…it’s not really your business what she names herself if she wants to change it.”
“I suppose the questions here really should be, how close is your friendship, and do you want to maintain it?”
“I think the fact that she changed her name to this so that people will ‘see’ her as a ‘queen’ is the main issue.”
“Which, my own opinion, just sounds narcissistic and obnoxious.”
“However, It’s still a name she has chosen.”
“So how close are the two of you?”
“Is this a friendship you want to maintain?”
“If the answer is very close, and yes, you want to maintain it, then…bite the bullet, or find a way to mentally build a bridge and get over this feeling annoyed by her name.”
“It’s not really worth losing a friendship over IF you guys are good friends and you want to maintain the friendship.”
“If the answer is, no, not really that close, and no, you’re not really bothered about maintaining it.”
“Then, well, the issue is solved, really.”
“Slowly exit from the friendship like Homer sinking away into the hedges.”
“And you won’t have to bother about calling her by that name again.”
“Good luck with whatever you decide to do.”- xzemx
“NTA.”
“Pressure her to start calling you Empress.”- krasecz
“This post is way too 2024 for me take me back in time please.”
“NTA because your friends an a**.”- DrMantisToboggan45
“NTA.”
“It is what it is.”
“Call her Q in a cute, playful way.”
“Grow apart in a calm undramatic way.”
“Anything you say against her new name will come across as a criticism of her so save your energy.”- CandlewoodLane
“NTA.”
“She sounds extremely arrogant just from that choice. Also if she didn’t legally change it, she can shut up about it.”- MaxV331
“Uhm, wtf, of course you are not in the wrong in not using a ‘socially changed’ name that’s meant to over-inflate someone’s ego.”
“NTA.”- Ferdster02
“NTA.”
“I could understand Something like Queenie, or Regina, but to sit there and demand people call you Queen is too much.”
“Not when its something you give yourself.”- Timmyisagirl
“NTA.”
“It’s weird these people think everybody around them has to play by their delusional rules.”
“She definitely needs a dose of reality.”- Tuqui77
“NTA.”
“But helpful advice, trying saying it in a scouse accent?”
“It’s a normal thing to call your mate in Liverpool UK, especially if you’re trying to hype them up.”-Annabelle_Sugarsweet
Some, however, felt that “Queen” had every right to change her name to exactly what she wanted, even if they understood why she was resistant to address her by that name.
“NAH.”
“I can see where you are coming from, but I can’t rightly call this person an AH for wanting a name they feel a connection to as a statement.”
“I also think it’s an odd choice and would have difficulty with it.”- lostalldoubt86
It’s hard to imagine someone would choose to rename themselves “Queen” without realizing the connotations that come with it. That being said, if that was their choice, it should be respected, especially if it’s a friend who made this decision.
That being said, one can’t help but wonder how good a friend this particular “Queen” actually is to the OP.