We’ve likely all been invited to an event at some point that others actively pressured us to go to.
Family events can be some of the worst examples, cringed the “Am I the A**hole?” (AITA) subReddit.
So while her twin NICU babies were only four weeks old, Redditor random-characters- made the decision to attend her older sister’s wedding ceremony with her babies in tow.
But when her sister criticized her for what the twin babies were wearing and accused her of turning her wedding into a laughing stock, the Original Poster (OP) wondered if she should have attended at all.
She asked the sub:
“AITA for not dressing my sons in wedding-appropriate clothing?”
The OP agreed to take her twins to a wedding.
“I have twin 4-week-old sons. As of Saturday, they were out of the NICU for just over a week.”
“Taking many precautions, my sister still wanted our family to attend her wedding.”
“I agreed so long as many boundaries were in place, as the boys don’t have great immune systems yet.”
She put both of them in cute outfits for the wedding.
“They were originally dressed in nice-ish baby clothes. I found some onesies that looked like button-up shirts and then paired them with leggings that looked like jeans.”
“I called it good enough, as they are literally babies and my options were limited.”
“Halfway through the ceremony, Baby A pooped up his back.”
“My husband and I switched babies, and he went with the diaper bag to tend to Baby A.”
The OP only had one nice outfit per child.
“We didn’t have backup nice clothes, at this point just sleepers.”
“The sleepers we had looked like a tuxedo printed on them (think of those cheesy shirts).”
“My sister expressed her dismay at their outfits.”
“So we found two more sleepers in the diaper bag that were more baby-looking, one with stripes and one with turtles.”
“We left not long after as this was my first time out of the house since having the boys, and I felt overwhelmed and the boys were getting cranky.”
The OP’s sister remained critical of her fashion choices.
“My sister has sent me a long-winded text that had she known I was going to make a joke of her wedding, she would not have asked me to come.”
“My sister is 20 years older than me and has 4 daughters. She has told me a handful of times how easy boys are in comparison to girls, so I shouldn’t be struggling and should’ve just gotten more nice clothes packed for them.”
“AITA?”
Fellow Redditors weighed in:
- NTA: Not the A**hole
- YTA: You’re the A**hole
- ESH: Everybody Sucks Here
- NAH: No A**holes Here
Some didn’t see any issue with what the twins were wearing.
“Let’s not be too harsh. Sounds like a lot for OP and her partner are dealing with, on top of what sounds like a really entitled and horrible demanding sister.”
“It can be hard at the best of times to stand up to a family narcissist but if you are also dealing with sleep deprivation and everything else that comes with not just newborns but NICU twins.”
“Yes, a gentle, YTA should be given, but it should be gentle. OP you need to shine up that backbone. Protect your babies!” – Mybeautifulballoon
“OP, I’m so sorry. Newborns are exhausting under the best of circumstances but twins and NICU twins at that are a whole different level. The boys are easier than girls business is BS. A newborn is a newborn is a newborn. They are at the same level of work (said as a Mom of 2 boys and 2 girls).”
“And, having been to formal-ish events multiple times with newborns, one a seriously formal event, your sister is WAY out of line. Literally, no one cares if a newborn is dressed up or not. And everyone knows how quickly that cute little dressy outfit can be soiled.”
“Quite honestly, you even BEING THERE was a gift to her. I mean, what were you supposed to do, buy a bunch of super dressy outfits they would wear once? Ridiculous. Her attitude is ridiculous.”
This is a her problem. Not a you problem. If she continues to give you a hard time, tell her that, but in the mean time just let it go. If that is what she complains to people about, any human being who has ever been around a single newborn, let alone 2 will roll their eyes at her and tell her to get over herself.
“NTA.”
“Also, I actually love the little tux sleeper idea – that is ridiculously adorable and soft enough to not irritate delicate skin.” – thingsarelookingup2
“In Switzerland, we are far more relaxed about that, and our health system is quite good. Can we just let parents breathe (live) however they can?”
“They had rules to protect their babies, they seem reasonable enough from the way they phrased it. They didn’t throw their babies at sick-looking people… What do you expect with your ignorant judgment, to bring them over the edge of post-partum depression? Leave them be, or offer them help and LEAVE THEM BE!”
“NTA, OP, take care, you’re doing great and your babies were probably the cutest with their outfits, and comfy!” – Kiloiki
“These boys have been pampered and coddled by their parents and nurses their whole lives, being able to do as they please. The sister gave the parents weeks of time to get those twins into shape. I don’t see how it’s the sister’s fault at all. It’s her special day! (sarcastic comment)” – witcherrat
“Tripping over what two four-week-olds are wearing, like ma’am, they don’t have immune systems yet.”
“Also being annoyed that OP doesn’t have tons of outfits that are extremely dapper for two four-week-old twins to wear. like baby clothes are expensive, and babies are filthy adorable little s**tmeisters.”
“Who in their right mind is gonna go ‘yes, let me buy three (times two) pairs of slacks and button-ups for my barely functioning infant babies to wear, otherwise our family will shame them for no decorum.'” – sbgonebroke
“ESH. Her for severely overreacting and being entirely unreasonable… You for taking incredibly small babies to a public event when their immune systems can hardly protect at all.”
“Sorry, but it’s incredibly unwise to drag 4-week-old babies out for large gatherings… especially babies barely a week out of the INTENSIVE CARE UNIT.” – trinalie73
“Your sister is a moron and/or crazy for insisting 2 super young and vulnerable babies go to her wedding AND THEN making a big deal about what they are wearing??? What the f**k is wrong with her?” – Secure_Winter_3505
Others were critical of the OP’s decision to take her NICU babies out in public so soon.
“4-week-old babies who just got out of NICU, and they were brought to a wedding?”
“For the clothing, NTA. For taking them to a wedding in the first place, YTA. Harsh to hear, but so foolish.” – Beck2010
“Current BA5 variant is ‘catch it in an elevator ride’ contagious, and RSV is also surging in some areas. NICU babies are extremely vulnerable to lung infections and they can be deadly.”
“Unless you are immunocompromised or care about someone is and/or being forced by work, people are pretending the pandemic is over. 1% chance that the church had even 50% mask wearing.”
“So it’s a YTA for bringing the babies, but NTA for the outfits.” – r3adiness
“Not only do those babies have zero immune system, but having been in the NICU means they’re even more vulnerable than most.”
“There is still an ongoing pandemic with infection rates rising rapidly.”
“The degree to which people are willing to not just themselves cross a heavily trafficked road with their eyes closed, ears covered, and cars designed to hit pedestrians, but push vulnerable people right onto the road screaming, ‘IT WILL BE FINE!’ never cease to shock me.” – ElectricBlueFerret
“They’ve only been home from the NICU for a week. It’s incredibly irresponsible to bring a baby to a large event like a wedding.”
“Wedding guests sit pretty close to each other, so someone sneezing nearby could make one (or both) of the babies sick.”
“Even healthy babies are susceptible to various diseases at four weeks old, but babies that had to spend multiple weeks in the NICU have a much higher risk.” – KathrynTheGreat
“I’m a NICU nurse and completely agree. We recommend not exposing our NICU grads to large groups, but people don’t listen.”
“I wouldn’t want to expose healthy, term babies to large groups either, especially because of the pandemic. People are going to do what they want to do though, and our hospital will sadly keep getting re-admissions because of this.” – starling21
“They literally tell you to keep the baby at home for at least a few weeks and not to allow visitors, because the risks are extremely high. For something like going to a wedding, we are talking months.” – ChooseACoolName
The subReddit was unanimously furious with the OP’s sister for having such ridiculous standards for the OP’s very young children. Plus, the outfits it sounds like they were wearing, both formal and comfy, were completely adorable.
But the sub was not so one-sided about the OP’s decision to appear at the wedding with her children at all. They could understand the pressure often delivered by family to attend major events like this one, but for the sake of her children, their developing immune systems, and their time in the NICU, this was one of those instances where it would have been beyond okay to not attend.