In a relationship, one of the most important aspects for most people is the intimacy and connection to another person.
Sometimes, those feelings diminish once the couple decides to have children.
It’s not wrong to still strive for the old days of intimacy, though, according to the “Am I the A**hole?” (AITA) subReddit.
In fact, Redditor babybumpban had to essentially require the most basic form of intimacy with her husband while she was pregnant.
When he became angry with her for asking this of him, the Original Poster (OP) wondered if she was somehow asking for too much.
She asked the sub:
“AITA for banning my husband from touching my baby bump?”
The OP felt disconnected from her husband while she was pregnant.
“My husband and I are currently expecting our first child.”
“We’re both very excited but it feels like all my husband sees is the bump and not me anymore.”
“I tried to be understanding but I finally snapped and told him he couldn’t touch the bump anymore.”
The OP felt like he was ignoring everything about her except her baby bump.
“My husband kept me standing there so he could caress, kiss, and talk to my baby bump for over 30 minutes after he finished work. In that time, he never once acknowledged me or asked me if I was okay. All he wanted to do was talk to the bump.”
“He’s been doing this a lot recently and it seems to get worse as my pregnancy progresses.”
“The longer he was doing it, the worse I felt.”
The OP established a new rule.
“I eventually snapped at him that I was here too and said until he remembered that, he couldn’t touch my bump anymore.”
“My husband got defensive and said he wasn’t ignoring me and that this was his way of bonding with the baby.”
“I refused to change my mind and now he’s upset with me.”
Fellow Redditors weighed in:
- NTA: Not the A**hole
- YTA: You’re the A**hole
- ESH: Everybody Sucks Here
- NAH: No A**holes Here
Some said the husband should not be ignoring the OP.
“I’d say NTA if he’s not acknowledging you at all during this. Some people act like pregnant women are glorified incubators who should let people only pay attention to their stomachs and touch them whenever they like even if the woman in question doesn’t want to be touched.”
“This isn’t ok even if you happen to be the guy married to the woman in question. It’s ok to want to touch sometimes but he needs to acknowledge the actual issue you expressed: he ignores you and treats you like furniture as he ‘bonds’ with your stomach for long stretches of time.” – maggienetism
“He’s not bonding with the baby, that’s nonsense, the baby doesn’t even know he is there.”
“Thirty minutes? Ok, that is really strange. I agree with you, it’s ridiculous, and he wouldn’t even let you sit down?”
“And he completely ignored you, not even worried that you need to rest? You need to get this man some help, that is not normal.” – CJSinTX
“NTA. Having someone talk to a part of your body for 30 minutes without acknowledging you as a person is weird. Your body, you control everything to do with it.”
“After you and your husband have cooled off, maybe try to have a conversation about some boundaries. Whether it’s a time limit, or maybe him only doing it when you’re relaxing together or in bed, I believe there should hopefully be a compromise somewhere.” – yokoandy
“NTA. It’s your body. You don’t need a reason to tell someone not to touch you.”
“It doesn’t matter that it’s his child as well or that he sees it as his way to bond with the baby. If you don’t want to be touched, that’s the end of it.”
“And yes, it really is as simple as that.” – Ok-Mode-2038
Others agreed and suggested how he should approach the OP instead.
“If the dude was smart, he’d know that talking to the baby does jack. The real winning move is to sit close to your wife, or lay your head in her lap, and talk to her.”
“That way the baby comes to recognize Dad’s voice and even finds it comforting, AND Dad builds a strong relationship with Mom, and I think everybody agrees that a healthy and loving relationship between the parents is beneficial to the baby.” – Justanothergamerwife
“Or, if he really wants to talk to the bump: first check-in with his wife, get her comfortable on the sofa, get her favorite snacks, and maybe put on her favorite show, and then tell the bump all about his day.”
“The important part being, he shouldn’t treat you as a walking incubator, but treat you as his wife who is probably dealing with a lot of physical discomforts and could use some love too.”
“NTA” – perkypots
“ESH. It’s fine and normal that he wants bonding time, but he should be addressing you first and not forgetting that you are a whole human being in your own right, not just a vessel for his spawn.”
“But the way you handled it was not healthy and doesn’t actually address the issue. Him touching your belly isn’t the problem and him not touching it isn’t going to solve it, either.”
“Instead of letting him fawn over your bump for 30 minutes and getting p**sed off, you should have stopped him after like 5 minutes and said something about how he was making you feel.”
“If he doesn’t understand why you’re upset, you need to sit him down and explain it to him. If he still doesn’t get it, maybe some couple’s counseling would help. You two need to make sure you’re taking care of your relationship, especially right now.” – SoMuchMoreEagle
“NAH, because honestly, it sounds like he already loves your little sweetheart and wants to spend as much time bonding as possible. That’s a good thing. You don’t want to completely ban him from it.”
“But I totally get what you’re feeling too. Try telling him he can talk to the bump for a few minutes, after greeting you and checking on your well-being.”
“Only then can he play with the baby, and if you feel like he’s been at it for too long, you can gently and kindly remind him that Mommy needs some love too.” – PrairieDogStromboli
The OP had mixed feelings after seeing her husband’s reaction to her new boundaries, but the subReddit understood where she was coming from. If the husband was really ignoring her as much as she said he did, they would need to work out a system, so OP could feel loved while her husband also could feel like he was bonding with their baby.